Skip to content

How To Make a Baby

2010-05-24 · John · watch on YouTube · Personal life · comedy performance

For How-to Week's most common request, John gives a comic seven-step guide to making a baby, drawn from his own new parenthood: sleepless nights, pregnancy, birth and a lot of crying.

What is said

00:00:00 — Monday of How-to Week: John answers the most common request, how to make a baby

  • ★★ John says it is Monday of How-to Week and he is fulfilling the most common request received: how to make a baby, one of his 'fields of expertise'. — 00:00:00

00:00:12 — The seven steps: meet a baby, night wakings, sex, pregnancy, birth, the baby cries, you cry

  • ★★ John jokes that making a baby is not the one-step process some people claim, particularly for a dude, but a seven-step process. (playful) — 00:00:12
  • ★★ John argues that whether you find babies cute is not necessarily relevant to whether you'll enjoy having a baby. (hedged) — 00:00:42
  • ★★ Step two, as a mock drill: wake every two hours, 24 hours a day for two weeks, to listen to a baby cry for 20 minutes, with no breaks. (playful) — 00:00:47
  • ★ Step three: there are several ways, from test tubes to turkey basters, but by far the most common is to have sex. (playful) — 00:01:06
  • ★★ Step four: a pregnant woman gives up sushi, caffeine, alcohol and go-karts and vomits all the time; John jokes the person he loves most was less cranky when she drank coffee. (playful) — 00:01:12 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★★ Step five: for the person giving birth it is the hardest-core thing they will ever do; for the other partner it's time to say 'you're doing awesome' and faint. (playful) — 00:01:39
  • ★ Steps six and seven: the baby cries, then you cry, and crying minutes in your house rise dramatically; then wearing your zombie unicorn hat becomes socially inappropriate. (playful) — 00:01:52

00:02:10 — More how-to videos this week: asks for suggestions; goes to do daddy stuff; sign-off

  • ★★ John tells Nerdfighters the brothers are doing more how-to videos this week and asks for suggestions in the comments of what to teach them. — 00:02:10 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★ John signs off because he has to go upstairs and do 'daddy stuff'. — 00:02:16

Humor (dominant)

  • Step three: there are several ways, from test tubes to turkey basters, but by far the most common is to have sex. — 00:01:12 > «Alright, so, that was fun.»
  • Step five: if you are not the person giving birth, this would be a great time to say… — 00:01:50 > «"You're doing awesome." and then, faint.»
  • Step six: the baby cries. — 00:01:52 > «Step 7: You cry»

Threads in this video

BR2_052c071cc0