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CUTE-OCALYPSE!

2012-02-24 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Internet & YouTube · comedy performance

In a mock moral-panic rant, Hank recants last week's tiny-animals video, calls the flood of internet cuteness humanity's greatest crisis and asks Congress for cute ratings, a cute tax and a cuteness czar.

What is said

00:00:00 — Hank recants last week's tiny-animals video: the escalating cute crisis, cuteness as a drug and desensitization

  • ★★★ Hank, in mock alarm, says his tiny-animals video last week fed humanity's greatest crisis: an overwhelming, dangerous amount of cute. (satire) — 00:00:00
  • ★ The description credits the Cute-ocalypse image to Vondell Swain and the sound and campaign poster to Michael Aranda. — 00:00:00 · Michael Aranda
  • ★★ Hank, in mock alarm, claims cuteness is literally a drug, with endorphins like opium, and that viewers become desensitized while craving ever cuter things. (satire) — 00:00:29

00:01:14 — Cuteness has its place, but will we still love our pets and children after internet cute (Maru, internet babies)?

  • ★★ Hank concedes cuteness has its place: it helps us love our children and pets so we don't neglect (or eat) them. (playful) — 00:01:14
  • ★★ Hank, in mock alarm, wonders whether he will still love his cat, or parents their children, once they can never be as cute as Maru or internet babies. (satire) — 00:01:14

00:01:43 — Mock call on Congress: cutologists, cute ratings, weekly quotas, a cute tax and Jack Donaghy as cuteness czar; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank mock-calls on Congress to regulate internet cuteness: a board of cutologists, a cute rating system for media and a weekly quota per American. (satire) — 00:01:43 · United States Congress
  • ★★ Hank proposes a mock cute tax on over-quota viewers, Emergency Puppy followers, Reddit subscribers and Pinterest otter searchers, to balance the national psyche and budget. (satire) — 00:02:13 · Twitter, Reddit
  • ★ Hank nominates Jack Donaghy as the new cuteness czar overseeing the system. (joke) — 00:02:13

Humor (dominant)

  • Hank concedes that cuteness is natural and has its place in how we treat children and pets. — 00:01:14 > «It helps us love our children and our pets so that we don't neglect or eat them.»
  • Hank calls on Congress to regulate internet cuteness. — 00:01:43 > «A certified board of cutologists must be employed to create a rating system for the amount of cute»
  • Hank proposes a cute tax on over-quota viewers, Emergency Puppy followers and Pinterest otter searchers. — 00:02:13 > «The cute tax will not only help balance our national psyche, it will also help balance our budget.»
  • A new cuteness czar must oversee the cute-regulation system. — 00:02:13 > «I would like to personally nominate Jack Donaghy for that position.»

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