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Terrible at Frenching: My Spicy Summer Camp Story

2012-11-06 · John, Sarah Urist Green · watch on YouTube · Personal life · comedy performance

Objecting that Hank's 'spicy' camp story was about actual spices, John tells how he learned at summer camp that he was a terrible French kisser, interrupted by an election-day guide to voting, a trip to the polls with the Yeti, and a plea to vote.

What is said

00:00:00 — Greeting and date; Hank's 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' was false advertising; Susan the zit

  • ★★ John objects that Hank cannot title a video 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' and make it about actual spices, so he will tell an actual spicy one, with Frenching. (playful) — 00:00:02

00:00:11 — Preface: 'Frenching', and young John's belief that more tongue means more romance

  • ★★ As a kid John was told the tongue is what separates kissing a friend from romantic kissing, and concluded the more tongue, the more romantic. (playful) — 00:00:17

00:00:37 — Election Day interruption: a three-part guide to voting; the school board and banning Looking for Alaska

  • ★★ John's three-part guide to voting: wake at 6:22 a.m. anxious, research your polling place and all the races (link in the doobly-doo), then go vote. (playful) — 00:00:41 · doobly-doo, United States presidential election
  • ★★ John jokes the school board election is the most important because it decides whether Looking for Alaska is banned from classrooms; there he is a one-issue voter. (playful) — 00:00:55 · Looking for Alaska

00:01:18 — At the polling station with the Yeti (not pictured); John votes; please vote, from a former non-voter

  • ★★ John goes to his polling station with notes to help him remember his choices, accompanied by the Yeti (not pictured), and votes: 'I vote, I count'. — 00:01:18 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★ At the polls John teases the Yeti that ladies couldn't vote until quite recently because 'we didn't trust you with it'. (joke) — 00:01:25 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★ The Yeti says that is why she has never wanted to live at any time but now. (playful) — 00:01:29
  • ★★★ Speaking as a former non-voter, John asks viewers to vote, promising they will never regret it. — 00:01:35

00:01:41 — The story: a nerd all year but in the middle at camp; six girls French-kissed badly; told on the last night that he is a terrible kisser

  • ★★ Forty-nine weeks a year John was a massive nerd with cooties whom nobody wanted to French, but during three weeks of summer camp he was 'in the middle' and sometimes had girlfriends. (playful) — 00:01:41
  • ★★ Over eight years of summer camp John French-kissed six girls; maximising face-licking, he was really bad at it and did not enjoy it, but thought it was expected. (playful) — 00:02:05
  • ★★★ On the last night of camp, aged about 14 or older, at a square dance, a friend asked if his kissing was a joke; his girlfriend of three days confirmed he was terrible and showed him how. (hedged) — 00:02:33

00:03:09 — The moral is vote; sign-off

  • ★★ John says the moral of his spicy summer camp story is also: vote. (playful) — 00:03:09

Humor (significant)

  • John complains about Hank's 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' being about actual spices. — 00:00:04 > «That's just false advertising!»
  • John says the school board election decides the central issue of our time. — 00:00:59 > «should my novel, 'Looking for Alaska', be banned from high school classrooms?»
  • Not to brag: over eight years of camp John kissed six girls, all of them French. — 00:02:05 > «Not the girls, the kissing.»
  • Believing that saying "I like you" meant maximising face licking, John was really bad at kissing. — 00:02:22 > «I was like a cat trying to clean the face of my beloved.»

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