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This Machine Pwns n00bs: A Song

2009-12-03 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Projects · comedy performance

Hank performs a comic song he wrote on tour, 'This Machine Pwns n00bs', about racing to shows and his guitar making him feel invincible, then shows gifts Nerdfighters gave him on the last leg of the tour, deferring the rest (including his punishment talk) to tomorrow.

What is said

00:00:00 — Intro (punishment talk, tour gifts, but first a song), then the song 'This Machine Pwns n00bs' about touring: LA, Phoenix, his guitar as a video-game power-up

  • ★★ Hank says he will talk about his punishment and show things he got on tour, but first plays a song he wrote while on tour. — 00:00:00 · Punishment
  • ★★ In the song Hank sings that he doesn't want to be a big star, but likes playing guitar and writing 'stupid songs in rental cars'. (playful) — 00:00:00
  • ★ The song tells of Hank rushing, late and needing the bathroom, to a show in Los Angeles, arriving with five minutes to spare to an indifferent crowd. (playful) — 00:00:29 · Los Angeles
  • ★★ In the chorus Hank sings that his guitar ('this machine') pwns n00bs: like a headshot, a Mario star, the Pac-Man power dot or the Konami code, it makes him feel invincible on stage. (playful) — 00:00:56 · pwned
  • ★ The song recounts losing his keys after the Phoenix, AZ show and eating pizza on the sidewalk with Nerdfighters, who wanted Yogurtland and In-N-Out, and 'First Officer Spock'. (playful) — 00:01:37 · Nerdfighteria

00:02:44 — Gifts from Nerdfighters on the final part of the tour: 3D-printed die, Kinder Eggs, cupcake donation note, duct-tape wallet, shirt, DFTBA headband, Dark Horse Comics bag

  • ★★ Hank shows gifts from the tour's final part: a 3D-printed ten-sided die, Kinder Eggs from Canada (after he complained they're unavailable in America), a duct-tape wallet, a bass-amp maker's shirt, a DFTBA headband. — 00:02:44 · Canada, United States, DFTBA
  • ★ Hank opens, on video, a note found in gift cupcakes promising a $15 donation to children in need if he opened it on his video. (playful) — 00:02:44
  • ★★ Hank calls a huge bag from Dark Horse Comics his coolest tour gift ever: a stretchy Hellboy, signed posters (Abe, Buffy) and a stack of comics and graphic novels, including the new Dr. Horrible. — 00:03:14

00:03:50 — Out of time; the rest of the tour stuff and topics tomorrow; sign-off

  • ★★ Out of time, Hank says he will show the rest of his tour gifts and talk about the rest of what he wanted to discuss in a video tomorrow. — 00:03:50

Humor (significant)

  • Hank sings about racing to his Los Angeles show, late. — 00:00:29 > «I can't stop though, I really gotta piss»
  • The chorus compares his guitar to video-game power-ups. — 00:00:56 > «It's like a headshot with a flat cannon, a star from Mario, or the big dot in Pac-Man, or the Konami code»
  • After the Phoenix show Nerdfighters wanted Yogurtland and In-N-Out, but they waited on the sidewalk. — 00:01:37 > «Eating pizza with First Officer Spock»
  • A fan's cupcake note pledges $15 to children in need if Hank opens it on video. — 00:02:44 > «It's not the first time I opened it, but I am opening it.»

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