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On Middle School Misery

2013-11-19 · John · watch on YouTube · Everyday life · reflection essay

Prompted by a message from a student at his old middle school, John recalls being miserable and bullied, argues his bullies were hurting kids and their cruelty was not about him, credits the kindness of others, and says those years need not be the best of your life: the only way out is through.

What is said

00:00:00 — Exhausted after nine airport visits in 100 hours; alone on a train in New York

  • ★ Because of tornadoes, broken airplanes and a complicated chain of events, John has visited airports 9 times in the past 100 hours and is very tired. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ John unexpectedly found himself alone on a train in New York, where Brotherhood 2.0 began for him and where they played a sold-out Carnegie Hall show earlier this year. — 00:00:11 · New York City, Brotherhood 2.0

00:00:28 — A Tumblr message from a student at John's old middle school: he was quiet, unique, miserable and bullied

  • ★★ A student at the middle school John attended in seventh grade wrote on Tumblr that a teacher of his remembered him as quiet, unique and miserable, bullied because of his awesomeness. — 00:00:28 · Tumblr
  • ★★ John says it didn't feel like awesomeness: he was just miserable, not a good student, and felt like a stupid nerd. — 00:00:48
  • ★ John jokes that pizza combos, not stupid nerds, are the worst kind of combo: an insult to pizza. (joke) — 00:01:03

00:01:17 — Being bullied: bullies are kids in pain, it was not about him, kindness got him through; Lord of the Flies vs Nerdfighteria; Our Pants

  • ★★ John says he often fantasized about hurting his bullies or holding a gun to their heads to make them apologize and feel as scared and powerless as he did, but that is not the way forward. — 00:01:17
  • ★★★ John now sees his bullies were not evil but kids with their own fear and pain, some facing trauma and abuse; that doesn't justify it but shows it wasn't about him. — 00:01:31 · perspective-taking
  • ★★★ John says his bullies' treatment of him was not a reflection of his value as a human being. — 00:01:45
  • ★★★ John says he survived middle school because many people were kind to him: parents, teachers, fellow nerds and popular strangers who would not stand for bullying. — 00:01:51
  • ★★★ John argues we decide collectively what behavior is acceptable; contrary to Lord of the Flies, he has found kids often capable of tremendous kindness and generosity. — 00:02:07
  • ★★ John says kindness has been the hallmark of the Nerdfighter community for more than seven years; he is proud to be a Nerdfighter and wishes he could have been one in seventh grade. — 00:02:20 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ John says there are always Nerdfighters in Our Pants (linked in the description) who will listen to you if you listen back. — 00:02:34 · Nerdfighteria

00:02:41 — John Darnielle's Carnegie Hall message to his 16-year-old self; those years needn't be the best of your life; 'the only way out is through'

  • ★★ At the Carnegie Hall soundcheck John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats told his sixteen-year-old self over the mic that he had survived and was playing piano at Carnegie Hall. — 00:02:41 · The Mountain Goats
  • ★★★ John says not everyone with a tough childhood ends up at Carnegie Hall, but the idea that those years have to be the best of your life is ridiculous. — 00:02:52
  • ★★★ To the student and to himself, stranded among airports and trains, John invokes a Robert Frost quote, 'The only way out is through': you will get through, and so will he. — 00:03:00

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