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The Case of the Poopy Nintendo

2010-06-02 · John · watch on YouTube · Personal life · comedy performance

John reopens the case of Red Green's poop in his childhood Nintendo: a crowdsourced measurement of dachshund height and a mock experiment suggest the dog could not have done it unaided, so he insinuates that Hank did.

What is said

00:00:00 — The 20-year-old case: Red Green's poop in John's NES; Hank's motive and opportunity; Hank's denial

  • ★★★ John recalls that almost 20 years ago he went to bed without closing his Nintendo's game flap and woke to find the dog Red Green's poop inside it. — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ John names Hank the prime suspect, with motive (John hogged the Nintendo and loved it more than Hank) and opportunity. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John recalls that Hank denied putting poop in the Nintendo and blamed Red Green himself. — 00:00:00 · Hank Green

00:00:50 — Testing Hank's theory: Twitter survey of dachshund anus height; book-stack and bendy-ruler experiment on the angle of attack

  • ★★ John calls Red Green a very intelligent and bad dog but doubts that an eight-pound dog backed up to the Nintendo and pooped in it. (playful) — 00:00:50
  • ★★ To test Hank's theory, John asked on Twitter for miniature dachshund owners to measure the dogs' anus height; several dozen nerdfighters did. (playful) — 00:00:50 · Twitter, Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ John reports that a miniature dachshund's anus is on average three to five inches above the ground. (playful) (hedged) — 00:01:19
  • ★★★ With a stack of books, a bendy ruler and an open NES, John shows poop could enter only if the dog kept its back straight; at a real pooping angle it cannot. (playful) — 00:01:19
  • ★★ John says, citing the internet, that dogs poop at an angle of about 50 degrees. (playful) — 00:01:48

00:02:28 — Only projectile pooping fits; a human is more likely; John phones Dad

  • ★★★ John says only projectile pooping could have got poop into the Nintendo, and thinks it far more likely a human being did it. (playful) (hedged) — 00:02:28
  • ★★ John phones their dad and asks whether he put Red Green's poop in the Nintendo; Dad denies it. (playful) — 00:02:28

00:02:58 — Everyone denies it; three possibilities, insinuating Hank; sign-off

  • ★★★ With Mom, Dad and Hank all denying it, John says it was Red Green, a home invader, or a lying family member, and insinuates that it was Hank. (playful) — 00:02:58 · Hank Green

Humor (dominant)

  • Hank had motive: John hogged the Nintendo, which is true... — 00:00:00 > «and also I loved the Nintendo more than I loved you, which is also true.»
  • To gather data for his poop experiment, John turns to social media. — 00:00:50 > «First I used Twitter for what Twitter is designed for.»
  • A larger dog could not poop into the Nintendo because the open game flap would act... — 00:01:48 > «as a kind of spit shield at the salad bar, if you will, to any potential poop attacks.»
  • Mom, Dad and Hank all deny it; John says he is not saying it was Hank. — 00:02:58 > «I'm just saying it wasn't Mom, it wasn't Dad, it wasn't me, and there's no one else in our family.»

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