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How To Do Everything

2010-05-28 · John · watch on YouTube · Everyday life · comedy performance

On the Friday of How-To Week, John rushes through comic answers to the ten most-searched 'how to' queries on Google, from tying a tie to writing a resume.

What is said

00:00:00 — Friday of How-To Week, the top 10 Google 'how to' queries; how to tie a tie (Christmas tie)

  • ★★★ John says that for the Friday of How-To Week he will answer the top 10 Google search queries beginning with 'how to'. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Google
  • ★ John says he has to go to Chicago that day. — 00:00:00 · Chicago
  • ★★ John demonstrates tying a tie (small end shorter, big end over, under, around and through), after joking that one should always choose a Christmas tie. (playful) — 00:00:29 · Christmas

00:00:59 — How to kiss: the fish, the slightly stupid person and the snake

  • ★★ John says there are three approaches to kissing (the fish, the slightly stupid person, the jaw-dislocating snake) and advises being between the fish and the stupid person, never the snake. (playful) — 00:00:59

00:01:27 — Kissing advice; how to lose weight fast (John lost 30 pounds); how to get pregnant

  • ★★ John says he has lost 30 pounds in the last year on a simple colour-coded diet: less brown stuff and more green stuff. (playful) — 00:01:27
  • ★★ John says getting pregnant is hard for a lot of people, but 90% of couples conceive within their first year of trying. (playful) — 00:01:27

00:01:57 — Pregnancy pun; how to spell and solve a Rubik's Cube

  • ★★ John says the puzzle is spelled Rubik's Cube, not 'Rubix': it belongs to Ernő Rubik, the Hungarian architecture professor who invented it. — 00:01:57

00:02:26 — Getting a girl to like you, How to Make It in America, How to Train Your Dragon, making a website

  • ★ John points viewers to a YouTube video explaining how to solve the cube and to an earlier video of his own about getting girls to like you. — 00:02:26 · YouTube
  • ★★ Under How to Train Your Dragon, John says the way you imagine your enemy is often the way your enemy imagines you. (playful) — 00:02:26
  • ★★ John points to Hank's video on how to make a website, which he says led to How-To Week. — 00:02:26 · Hank Green

00:03:02 — How to write a resume; sign-off

  • ★★ John gives two resume tips: keep it to one page, and do not lie. — 00:03:02

Humor (dominant)

  • Before tying a tie you must ask yourself whether it is Christmas; if so, wear your Christmas tie. — 00:00:00 > «And if not, you're still going to want to go with your Christmas tie, because we don't actually know when Jesus was born.»
  • Demonstrating the knot, John says you have to put the big guy right there in the hole. — 00:00:29 > «I know that's what she said.»
  • The three approaches to kissing are the fish and the slightly stupid person... — 00:00:59 > «And then there's the snake that dislocates its jaw and eats its prey whole.»
  • After the 90% statistic, John advises couples trying to conceive to persist. — 00:01:57 > «So just keep banging away at it. Wait, that pronoun has an ambiguous antecedent.»

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