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How to Name Your Baby Properly

2011-03-02 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Everyday life · advice recommendation

Lower-confidence wave

2011 videos did not pass the QA gate (17 %); their analysis is shown but less reliable.

Replying to John's funny-names list, Hank gives future parents seven comic rules for naming a baby, then concludes there are no rules: you are not your name. He closes by plugging his Miami show before his Haiti trip.

What is said

00:00:00 — Reply to John: parents should spare children the anguish of a bad name; Hank's guide

  • ★★ Responding to John's video on Ima Hogg, Harry Baals and Chris P Bacon, Hank says a parent's job is to help a child avoid unnecessary anguish, and a bad name can cause significant anguish. — 00:00:10

00:00:31 — Seven rules for naming a baby: say it out loud, name what you call, check the language, no cuteness, avoid top names, spell normally, use a real name

  • ★★ Rule one: say the name out loud in every possible permutation, perhaps running it past a focus group of 12-year-olds. (playful) — 00:00:31
  • ★★ Rule two: name your child what you will call your child. — 00:00:53
  • ★★ Hank's parents always called him Hank but named him William, so when asked his name at a doctor's office or airport he has to stop and think. — 00:00:58 · Hank Green
  • ★★ Rule three: if you don't speak the language where your child will grow up, get native speakers to help. — 00:01:17
  • ★★ Rule four: stop trying to be cute with names that play on the surname; Hank admits he'd love a daughter named Olive Green but says don't do it. (playful) — 00:01:32
  • ★★ Rule five: check the top baby names and avoid them, because names are a unique identifier; a name shared with 10% of a child's social group has failed. — 00:01:52
  • ★★ Hank says John and Jennifer are no longer even in the top 10; the top baby names of 2010 were Jacob and Isabella, and there were more Jaydens than Johns. — 00:02:14
  • ★★ Rule six: spell like a normal person; unusual spellings change nothing except forcing the child to spell their name every time. — 00:02:26
  • ★★ Rule seven: name your child a real name, not a comic book character, item of clothing, profession, or a virtue like Chastity they will rebel against. (playful) — 00:02:48

00:03:06 — Final rule: there are no rules; you are not your name; sign-off

  • ★★★ Hank's actual final rule: there are no rules; Harry Baals and Ima Hogg prove you are not your name and it doesn't really matter. — 00:03:06
  • ★★ A bad name probably won't lead to anything but a little extra adolescent angst, which adolescents will find somewhere anyway. (playful) (hedged) — 00:03:17

00:03:27 — End screen: Haiti immunizations; buy tickets for the Miami show in advance

  • ★★ Hank has just had his immunizations for Haiti, where he will be in about a week. — 00:03:27 · Haiti
  • ★★ Hank will be in Miami in less than a week and urges viewers to buy tickets for his show in advance, as there may be none at the door. — 00:03:33

Humor (significant)

  • Andrew Peacock's parents never tested his name out loud; Hank notices his story is turning into a limerick. — 00:00:46 > «Anyway, punchline: Droopycock.»
  • Named William but called Hank, he hesitates when an airport official asks his name. — 00:01:03 > «they're hastily adding me to the suspicious flyer list.»
  • Rule three: get native speakers to check the name. — 00:01:25 > «it probably would be a better place for those Harry Dongs.»
  • A couple named Silva think it adorable to call their kids Sterling and Hi-Ho. — 00:01:45 > «Hi-Ho Silva is going to be an adolescent and you don't want him to have another reason to hate you.»

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