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Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories

2011-01-11 · Hank · watch on YouTube · History & curiosities · comedy performance

Lower-confidence wave

2011 videos did not pass the QA gate (17 %); their analysis is shown but less reliable.

Bored by the conspiracy theories about the mass bird deaths, Hank counts down what he calls the five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time: Phantom Time, Nazi UFOs, sterilizing KFC, Wingdings and David Icke's reptilians.

What is said

00:00:00 — Hook: the mass bird deaths and the boring conspiracy theories about them

  • ★★ Hank says he is freaked out by the dying birds: thousands of birds have died in a bizarre, seemingly unprecedented event. — 00:00:01
  • ★★ Theories that the birds were killed by secret government weapons programs (acoustic or biological) are, Hank says, almost the most boring conspiracy theories he has heard: no chutzpah, no pleasure in their own absurdity. (playful) — 00:00:09

00:00:32 — List intro: top five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time (Toby voiceover)

  • ★★★ Hank presents his list of the top five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time, meant to make the lame bird theories feel ashamed of themselves. (playful) — 00:00:32

00:00:45 — No. 1: the Phantom Time Hypothesis

  • ★★ No. 1, the Phantom Time Hypothesis, holds that the years from 614 to 900-something AD never happened and were invented with all their events and artifacts, so Charlemagne is fictional. (playful) — 00:00:45

00:01:11 — No. 2: Nazi UFOs in Antarctica

  • ★★ No. 2, Nazi UFOs: the theory that Nazis had UFOs as early as 1930 and before the end of World War II moved them to a secret base in Antarctica, whence they still roam. (playful) — 00:01:11

00:01:36 — No. 3: KFC causes sterility only in black men

  • ★★ No. 3, a rumor dating to the 1950s: Colonel Sanders, rumored to be a Klansman, put a fertility agent into KFC that sterilized only black men. (playful) — 00:01:36

00:01:57 — No. 4: Microsoft's secret Wingdings of terror

  • ★★ Fourth: typing NYC in Microsoft's Wingdings font gives a skull and crossbones, a Star of David and a thumbs-up, read as approving of killing Jews; Microsoft later put a real 'I love NY' message in Webdings. (playful) — 00:01:57

00:02:25 — No. 5: David Icke's shape-shifting reptilians

  • ★★★ Fifth and 'the winner': David Icke, a former professional soccer player and morning-show sportscaster, claims shape-shifting, blood-drinking reptilian aliens from Draco have ruled humanity since the pharaohs. (playful) — 00:02:25
  • ★★ Icke's followers include the father of 'balloon boy'; reptilians supposedly include the British royal family, most US presidents, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and feed on guilt, fear and blood. (playful) — 00:02:49
  • ★★ Hank reads a 'direct quote' from Icke's website listing Al Gore, vice president to Clinton, as Illuminati, Satanist, serious blood-drinker and reptilian shape-shifter. (playful) — 00:03:11

00:03:21 — Wrap-up (see a therapist) and sign-off

  • ★★ Hank says anyone who thought some of these theories did not seem far-fetched should go see a therapist. (playful) — 00:03:21

00:03:32 — End screen: thanks to Jesslyn and Toby; Ship Breaker wins the Printz

  • ★ Hank thanks his friend Jesslyn Shields for helping write and research the video, and Toby of Tobuscus for the voice in the intro. — 00:03:32
  • ★★ Hank says Ship Breaker, one of his favorite books of the year, has just won the Printz Award, and congratulates Paolo Bacigalupi. — 00:03:40

Humor (dominant)

  • If the years from 614 to 900-something AD never happened, then it isn't really 2011. — 00:01:07 > «it’s 1714. Makes you feel young again.»
  • Nazis hid their UFOs at a secret base in Antarctica, and ever since those UFOs have been rummaging around the earth. — 00:01:26 > «bothering country folk in their nightgowns»
  • Colonel Sanders' secret recipe supposedly included a fertility agent that only sterilized black men. — 00:01:51 > «while leaving white men as virile as the horn of an African rhino»
  • Hank introduces the reptilian theorist David Icke by name. — 00:02:42 > «Icky—icky icky ptang zoop boing»

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