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Television Crime Shows Suck

2009-09-09 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Pop culture · comedy performance

Hank's comic song claims every TV crime show, from CSI to Columbo, has the same clichéd plot; he then mocks David Caruso, lists things better than crime shows, and plugs John's 10-word contest and an end-of-show clip request.

What is said

00:00:19 — Song: the plot of every television crime show, from CSI to Columbo

  • ★★★ Hank's song claims every television crime show, from CSI to Columbo, follows the same plot, in which the guy met in the first 15 minutes did it. (playful) — 00:00:44
  • ★★ The song lists the clichés: preposterous deaths, a DNA-database hit, a final piece of evidence, and the culprit breaking down to explain exactly how it was done. (playful) — 00:01:05
  • ★★ Hank says the shows aren't even trying anymore and he is getting bored. (playful) — 00:01:35
  • ★★ By mid first season, the song says, murder is eclipsed by sexual tension between the attractive investigators, ending with a kidnapped colleague saved two seconds before death. (playful) — 00:01:43

00:02:25 — David Caruso's glasses; things better than crime shows (John Green's books, YouTube); the guitar 'pwner' joke

  • ★ Hank mocks David Caruso: it doesn't matter what he says as long as he takes off his glasses first. (playful) — 00:02:27
  • ★★ Hank lists things better than TV crime shows: John Green's books, all books, odd objects like fake hands, video games, and YouTube. (playful) — 00:02:43 · John Green, YouTube

00:03:20 — Plugs: John's 10-word Paper Towns contest; send clips for an end-of-show gesture to the new email address

  • ★★ Hank reminds viewers that leaving John's favourite 10-word comment of the day wins a free Paper Towns paperback. — 00:03:20 · John Green, Paper Towns
  • ★★ Hank asks viewers to submit clips of themselves doing a gesture he demonstrates, to be used to end the show; he will add the noise. (hedged) — 00:03:31
  • ★ Hank gives the brothers' new email address, hankandjohn at gmail.com, for the clips. — 00:03:38

Humor (dominant)

  • Hank declares he can finish the song in one take, then keeps counting up takes. — 00:00:03 > «It is now take seventeen but I will do it, I will!»
  • The song illustrates crime shows' preposterous, never-normal deaths. — 00:00:35 > «When your drug dealer's aunt killed your mom in a duel by chopping off her head with a scythe in the pool.»
  • After a garbled Caruso-style one-liner about the 'one take', Hank explains the actor's technique. — 00:02:35 > «It doesn't matter what he says as long as he takes off his glasses first»
  • Recalling that Woody Guthrie's guitar killed fascists, Hank names what his own guitar is. — 00:03:12 > «My guitar's a pwner.»

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