Skip to content

17 Rants in 4 Minutes

2013-05-03 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Everyday life · comedy performance

Hank, on his once-a-year day to get furious, delivers 17 quick comic rants about everyday annoyances (American cheese, food labels, "chemicals", GIF pedants, "gay" as an insult), then warns that venting only makes you angrier.

What is said

00:00:00 — Hank's once-a-year day to get furious: 17 rants in four minutes

  • ★★ Hank says that once a year he likes to get furious, for not very good reasons, and today he will deliver 17 rants in four minutes. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Vlogbrothers
  • ★★ Hank's description says he kind of wishes he had not made the video, because he was stressed out all day after filming it. (hedged) — 00:00:00

00:00:15 — Food and chemistry rants: American cheese, "90% fat free", "everything is chemicals", "all-natural" is not "healthy"

  • ★★ Hank says Kraft should not call its American cheese slices cheese: they lack the texture, smell, taste and consistency of cheese, an insult to his country and to cheese. (playful) — 00:00:15
  • ★★ Hank says a "90% fat free" label really means the food is 10% fat, and labels should just say that. (playful) — 00:00:39
  • ★★ To people who complain about the chemicals they are exposed to, Hank says everything is chemicals: water, your body, omega-3 fatty acids, raspberries. (playful) — 00:00:47
  • ★★ Hank asks people to stop saying "all-natural" when they mean healthy: plenty of all-natural things, like eating a tub of lard, are not good for you. (playful) — 00:01:00

00:01:14 — Public restroom toilet paper, pee on the seat, fans who gatekeep novices, turn signals, GIF pronunciation pedants

  • ★ Hank tells people who pee on a public toilet seat to clean it up, since otherwise someone else must clean up their pee. (playful) — 00:01:29
  • ★★ Hank criticises fans who say not knowing all of a fandom's trivia makes you not a fan: they were once excited novices too, and should not ruin it for newcomers. (playful) — 00:01:43
  • ★ Hank complains about drivers who turn without signalling their intent. (playful) — 00:02:03
  • ★★ Hank says people should stop correcting others' pronunciation of GIF: both pronunciations are correct, so the corrector is the only one who is wrong. (playful) — 00:02:09

00:02:21 — Ketchup bottles, chair wheels, knotted cords, "gay" as an insult

  • ★★★ Hank says using "gay" as an insult is not only insulting to gay people but makes the speaker sound immature and kind of stupid, so stop. — 00:02:54

00:03:05 — Privilege disclaimer, the self-checkout club-card question, research that venting makes you angrier; sign-off

  • ★★ Anticipating complaints, Hank acknowledges he is a wealthy person in the wealthiest country at the wealthiest moment in history, yet a stubbed toe still hurts and the checkout's club-card question still annoys him. (playful) — 00:03:05
  • ★★★ Hank says that, despite advice to let anger out, research he has read shows the angrier you are the angrier you become, so this video was a bad idea and viewers should not copy it. — 00:03:40

Humor (dominant)

  • Holding a Kraft single, Hank denies it is cheese. — 00:00:30 > «Calling it American cheese is an insult to both my country and my second-favorite kind of food!»
  • A driver turns without signalling. — 00:02:03 > «Oh, if only there had been some way for you to signal your intent to do that!»
  • Hank anticipates being told to buy squeezable ketchup instead of fighting the bottle. — 00:02:28 > «Yeah, that's perfect if I want to spray some pink ketchup piss all over my fries!»
  • The self-checkout machine asks again whether he has scanned his club card. — 00:03:32 > «You know how I know? Because you're still asking me, you passive aggressive robot sack of ketchup pee.»

Threads in this video

BR2_2f98b115c7