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Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play)

2010-10-19 · John · watch on YouTube · Science & nature · explainer learning

John, plugging Hank's giraffe-love t-shirt, explains that real giraffe mating is profoundly non-romantic (promiscuity, mostly male-male sex, urine tasting, seconds-long coitus) and concludes the animal kingdom is rarely as romantic as we would like, though necking is partly hugging.

What is said

00:00:00 — The channel's most viewed videos feature giraffe sex, yet they never made a video about it

  • ★ The description says giraffe-love shirt pre-orders stay open for two more weeks and the shirts ship in the first week of November. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ John says the three most viewed Vlogbrothers videos all feature giraffe sex, yet the brothers have never actually made a video about giraffe sex, which he will now fix. (playful) — 00:00:01 · Vlogbrothers, giraffe

00:00:19 — Hank's tweeted giraffe-love image becomes a t-shirt on pre-order at DFTBA.com

00:00:38 — Giraffe mating: promiscuity, a Yahoo Answers question, bisexuality figures, flehmen, courtship, coitus and pregnancy

  • ★★★ John says Hank's illustration of giraffe love may be adorable, but it belies the truth: giraffe mating is profoundly non-romantic. — 00:00:38 · giraffe
  • ★★ John says giraffes are extremely promiscuous and rarely mate with the same partner twice. (playful) — 00:00:47 · giraffe
  • ★ John reads a Yahoo Answers question asking whether male giraffes are gay and would be interested in male humans, and despairs at the internet's disturbing questions. (playful) — 00:01:00
  • ★★★ John says almost all male giraffes are bisexual: researchers believe 90% of giraffe sex is male-male and 1% female-female, so only about 9% is heterosexual. — 00:01:23 · giraffe
  • ★★ John says giraffe mating involves flehmen: males smack females' bottoms with their faces to make them urinate, then drink the urine to tell whether they are ovulating. (playful) — 00:01:53 · giraffe
  • ★★ John says courtship is mostly the male trying to mount and the female running away; coitus lasts up to several seconds and pregnancy lasts 400 days. (playful) — 00:02:24 · giraffe

00:02:54 — Conclusion: nature is rarely romantic; necking as hugging; the shirt as an oversimplification for a child of the brothers

  • ★★★ John concludes that the animal kingdom is rarely as romantic as we would like it to be. — 00:02:54 · giraffe
  • ★★ John says giraffes neck a lot; biologists long thought it was fighting, but while it sometimes is, it is also kind of a way of hugging. (hedged) — 00:02:58 · giraffe
  • ★★ John says Hank's shirt isn't a lie, just an oversimplification, and jokes he will use it to tell a child of the brothers baby giraffes come from the heart between necking giraffes. (playful) — 00:03:09 · Hank Green

00:03:40 — Thanks and a compliment to Hank for the design; sign-off

  • ★ John thanks Hank for designing the shirt and says Hank's designs always remind him that Hank is talented, about as close as brothers get to complimenting each other. — 00:03:40

Humor (significant)

  • After reading a Yahoo Answers question about whether male giraffes would be interested in male humans, John bangs his head on the desk. — 00:01:13 > «Ohhhhhh, the internet, what disturbing question won't you ask?»
  • Having described male giraffes drinking urine, John insists he is only reporting the facts and points off-camera. — 00:02:19 > «He's the pervert!»
  • John builds suspense about how long giraffe coitus lasts. — 00:02:33 > «Until finally, coitus occurs, lasting up to... several seconds.»
  • John imagines explaining to a child of the brothers where baby giraffes come from using Hank's shirt as a 'helpful diagram'. — 00:03:24 > «there is a heart that forms in the space between their necks, and that heart is a baby giraffe.»

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