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Exiting the FRIENDZONE

2012-03-17 · Hank · watch on YouTube · Everyday life · advice recommendation

Hank argues that the friend zone is an unhealthy relationship for both people: trying to win someone's love by doing everything for them earns no respect, and the only exits are becoming a real friend or leaving.

What is said

00:00:00 — Hank ventures into relationship advice: millions of young people are in the friend zone; escaping it is like escaping Earth's gravity

  • ★★ Hank says millions of young people in America are in the friend zone, close to the object of their longing yet far away; he will explain the escape, though they won't manage it. (playful) — 00:00:06
  • ★★ Hank compares exiting the friend zone to escaping Earth's gravity: easy to understand, but only a handful of exceptional people have managed it. (playful) — 00:00:27

00:00:45 — What the friend zone is (buzzer lines); the unpleasant truth that both people are in an unhealthy relationship

  • ★ Hank illustrates how to know you are in the friend zone with lines like 'I like you too much to go out with you' and 'I wish I could find someone more like you'. (playful) — 00:00:49
  • ★★★ Hank says that in a friend-zone relationship neither person is in the right: both are in an unhealthy relationship. — 00:01:17
  • ★★ Hank says he has been in the friend zone himself, and teases that John, given his romantic past, has been there even more. (playful) — 00:01:26 · John Green

00:01:27 — Hank's own time in the friend zone: infatuation, endless help, no respect; trying to make someone love you is a horrible way to do it

  • ★★ Hank describes the pattern: starting from infatuation, the friend-zoned person does everything for the other, hoping they will fall for them for being so nice and nearby. (playful) — 00:01:32
  • ★★★ Hank says that when he did this, the person did not respect him: he gave all his attention and everything asked for, never what they needed, and wasn't even a good friend. — 00:02:00
  • ★★★ Hank says all he wanted was to get the person to love him, which is a really horrible way to get someone to love you. — 00:02:30

00:02:36 — The two doors out: become an actual friend, or leave

  • ★★★ Hank's first door: become the person's actual friend, supporting them only when needed and supporting other friends too; mutual-respect friends often end up hooking up. (playful) — 00:02:37
  • ★★ Hank's second door: leave; years later the person may ask why you stopped hanging out, and maybe rethink their view of the stronger person you have become. (playful) (hedged) — 00:03:04

00:03:35 — Instead, alleviate suffering through Kiva, where Nerdfighteria has the second-largest group; join it; sign-off

Humor (significant)

  • Escaping the friend zone is like escaping Earth's gravity: only a handful of fit, well-funded people have done it. — 00:00:42 > «and they were all either freaking geniuses or fighter pilots.»
  • The friend-zoned person counsels the crush on their romantic relationships in a way that is very much like... — 00:01:49 > «un-anesthetized fingernail removal.»
  • Hank says he was like a magnifying glass, his love the sun, and the person a tiny ant at the end of the beam. — 00:02:19 > «just being crushed under the tremendous power of the fire of my desire.»
  • Through the exit door, you can tell them you couldn't handle not having your tongue in their mouth all the time. — 00:03:20 > «So you had to leave and go put your tongue in someone else's mouth for a while.»

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