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What makes a good romantic relationship or friendship?

Axis: mutual understanding of a whole person ... pursuit / idealisation of a prize

John

date change position video
2008-05-21 new John says people who are mostly ideas are more attractive, but in his experience loving a person who is mostly an idea is not sustainable. Guys Love Giraffe Love 00:00:41
2009-03-11 new John advises that neediness and obsessive focus drive girls away, no person can fill the holes inside you, and girls should be treated as people. How to Get Girls to Like You 00:01:29
2009-04-22 restate John says obsession comes from fixating on one person's affection as the key to happiness, but no single person stands between you and happiness and fixation is not love. Question Tuesday 00:01:40
2009-07-29 restate John says guys who don't like smart girls are the guys you don't want to date. Love and Romance Questions ANSWERED 00:03:32
2009-11-30 restate John says Edward and Bella's dynamics are troubling and obsession shouldn't be conflated with love, while granting that everyone romanticises those they adore. John Reviews Twilight and New Moon 00:02:19
2009-12-16 restate John advises telling a friend about romantic feelings calmly, as 'I like you if you like me', without putting the friendship in jeopardy. In Which A Secret Is Revealed 00:03:18
2010-05-10 restate John says a romantic partner shouldn't only 'maybe' like you, boys who don't like smart girls aren't worth dating, and some people simply won't want to kiss you. Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More 00:01:21
2010-09-24 restate John tells 15-year-old Hank that sexuality is not that big a deal and that romantic relationships are not the only important relationships. Dumping My Girlfriend 00:02:21
2011-02-14 restate John criticises the obsession with romantic love, as if loving sustained relationships required sleeping together, and asks why Best Friends Day isn't the biggest shopping day. CHUBBY BUNNY...blergh! 00:01:07
2011-04-11 restate John holds that worries about a partner (is he gay, is he cheating) are questions for the partner, not Google: talk to each other, even if that leads to a break-up. Is My Boyfriend Gay? Is He Cheating? 00:01:57
2012-04-17 new John says the secret to a successful marriage is mutual generosity (and liking the same TV programmes). Thoughts on Romance and Sex in an Airport 00:02:22
2013-01-22 restate John argues 'more than friends' wrongly makes face-licking the step past friendship: he and the Yeti are more than friends because of shared responsibilities, and his friendship with Shannon is not 'just' anything. How to Be More Than Friends: Question Tuesday 00:01:14

Hank

date change position video
2012-03-17 new Hank holds that a friend-zone relationship is unhealthy for both people, that trying to make someone love you by doing everything for them is a horrible way to get love, and that real, mutual-respect friendship is the healthy alternative. Exiting the FRIENDZONE 00:01:17
2012-04-20 new Hank says adult friends are made as always (shared acquaintances and interests, mutual tolerance) and kept by doing things together; married people can keep opposite-sex friends unless a mutual urge to kiss arises. Thoughts on Growing up 00:02:37
2013-01-25 restate Hank says friendship means uncovering each other's brokenness and liking the person because of it; such friends are rare; spouses must be very good friends. How to Make Friends 00:00:29
2013-01-25 tension Hank takes exception to John's last video: he would not belittle the difference between friendship's emotional intimacy and romance's emotional and physical intimacy, though he agrees friendship is undervalued. How to Make Friends 00:00:58