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October 10th: A Spoilerific Attack on Unicorns

2007-10-10 · John · watch on YouTube · Pop culture · comedy performance

John accepts Hank's card metaphor but adds that politicians are dishonest, so character matters too, and he is now equally for Edwards and Obama; he then argues, with Deathly Hallows spoilers, that unicorns saved Voldemort and so killed Tonks.

What is said

00:00:00 — Greeting; Hank's card metaphor works, but politicians are more dishonest than poker players

  • ★★ John says Hank's card metaphor was effective: you should not elect someone for being a good poker player, but partly for the cards they show, what they say they will do and how. — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ John says the theory assumes politicians are honest and will do what they say, when politicians as a class are slightly more dishonest than poker players. (playful) — 00:00:00

00:00:39 — King of Hearts turns out to be the Joker; 2004 Kerry cards; character matters (George Bush as Decepticon); now equally for Edwards and Obama

  • ★★★ John thinks this is why a politician's character matters: so voters can be reasonably sure they will do what they say they will. (hedged) — 00:00:39
  • ★★ John's example of a politician whose promised cards (avoid nation building, no preemptive war) turn out to be the Joker ends with George Bush as a belligerent, anti-intellectual, mean-headed Decepticon. (playful) — 00:00:39 · George W. Bush
  • ★ John thanks his 2004 'Vote Kerry' playing cards for helping him with the joke. (playful) — 00:00:39
  • ★★★ John likes John Edwards and is now equally for Edwards and Barack Obama, conceding that Hank has won that part of the feud. — 00:00:39 · Barack Obama

00:01:24 — The zombies-vs-unicorns fight Hank will never win; Harry Potter 7 spoiler warning

00:01:53 — 'Why do you guys hate Tonks so much?': unicorn blood saved Voldemort, whose war killed Tonks; Narnia; unicorns kill, zombies only make undead; sign-off

  • ★★★ John's argument 'Why do you guys hate Tonks so much?': Voldemort survives by drinking unicorn blood, so unicorns saved him, and his war killed Tonks; if you like unicorns, you killed Tonks, and Hedwig. (playful) — 00:01:53 · unicorn, Harry Potter
  • ★★ John is not defending zombies, which are disgusting, but zombies didn't kill Tonks; in Narnia unicorns only impale people and in Harry Potter they save villains, so unicorns kill while zombies only make people undead. (playful) — 00:02:22 · zombie, unicorn

00:03:17 — P.S. positive thoughts for two secret siblings; P.P.S. Looking for Alaska an Inky Award finalist, Nerdfighters under 25 can vote

  • ★ In a postscript John asks everyone to send positive thoughts to two secret siblings and their cat. — 00:03:17 · secret sibling
  • ★★ John announces that Looking for Alaska is a finalist for the Inky Award, and any Nerdfighters under 25 can vote via a link. — 00:03:17 · Looking for Alaska, Nerdfighteria

Humor (significant)

  • A politician shows a great hand of promises and gets elected. — 00:00:39 > «And you elect it, and it's like, just kidding. I'm the Joker!»
  • Anyone who has avoided Harry Potter 7 spoilers this long... — 00:01:24 > «I would like to find out where they live so that I can go there in the event of a nuclear holocaust»
  • John's mock-Aristotelian chain from unicorn blood to Voldemort to Tonks' death. — 00:02:22 > «and you like unicorns, you killed Tonks. Not to mention Hedwig.»
  • Announcing the Inky Award nomination of John's novel. — 00:03:17 > «Looking for Alaska, or as it's known in Australia, Looking for Alaska»

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