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I'm Not Edward Cullen: A Song

2009-03-12 · Hank, Katherine Green · watch on YouTube · Pop culture · comedy performance

Hank and Katherine sing a comic duet in which a boyfriend cannot live up to Edward Cullen and his girlfriend insists she can only love Edward, mocking Twilight's idealised vampire.

What is said

00:00:00 — Hank's verse and chorus: his girlfriend wants him cold and hard; he's not Edward Cullen

  • ★ The description says the song is on the album This Machine Pwns n00bs and gives the chords (C, F, G). — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ In song, Hank plays a boyfriend whose girlfriend won't love him because he isn't Edward Cullen, though he can wear sparkly makeup and golden contacts. (parody) — 00:00:32 · Edward Cullen > «You don't love me 'cause I'm not Edward Cullen.»

00:00:57 — Katherine's verse and chorus: only Edward can protect her; rich, a century-old virgin; she can't love Hank

  • ★★ Katherine's character answers that only Edward can protect her, citing his century of saved-up wealth and virginity, and says she can't love the boyfriend. (parody) — 00:00:57 · Edward Cullen

Humor (dominant)

  • Katherine lists Edward's virtues: protection, century-old investments. — 00:01:07 > «For a century he saved his virginity for me.»
  • Hank sings that loving Edward for his fancy cars is superficial. — 00:01:58 > «but Edward Cullen also never ever has to fart.»
  • In the bridge, Hank answers Katherine's praise of Edward with a jab at Twilight's vampire pregnancy. — 00:02:03 > «I hope someday his child will rip its way outta your womb.»

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