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What Would Captain Picard Do

2008-07-10 · song · Hank · 5:09 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Pop culture · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance

Hank sings a comic Star Trek song arguing that when a choice is hard you should ask what Captain Picard would do: keep his crew safe, finish the mission, better himself and bring peace for free.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Verse 1: given his first command, a nervous young officer (Wesley) fears failure and is told it is arrogant to expect no mistakes

  • ★★ In the first verse Wesley, given his first command, fears failure and is told it's arrogant to think you'll never make a mistake. (fiction) — 00:00:09

00:00:59 — Chorus: 'What would Captain Picard do?' — keep ship and crew safe, complete the mission, better himself, bring peace for free

  • ★★★ The chorus says Picard would ensure the safety of his ship and crew, complete the mission, make himself a better person and bring peace to the galaxy for free. (playful) — 00:00:59

00:01:41 — Verse 2: a man revived after three centuries thinks of money; the bald captain tells him currency is abolished and they invest in themselves; chorus

  • ★★ In the second verse a man revived after three centuries worries about money; the captain tells him currency was abolished and they invest in themselves. (fiction) — 00:02:07

00:03:03 — Verse 3: the crew follows the captain's hard calls (saucer separation at warp 9, not killing the Borg with Hugh, Dixon Hill over the Prime Directive, 'four lights')

  • ★★ The third verse praises the captain's moral calls: refusing to kill the Borg using Hugh and insisting to a Cardassian torturer that there were still four lights. (fiction) — 00:03:03
  • ★★★ In his song Hank says that when you're confused and the choice is too hard, you should think of what Captain Picard would do. (playful) — 00:03:54 · What Would Captain Picard Do?

00:04:17 — Final chorus: when the choice is too hard, think of Captain Picard; he saves the galaxy for free and gets the girl

Humor (dominant)

  • A nervous new commander frets about failing with the Borg on his tail and gets brushed off by name. — 00:00:09

    “Wesley. Give me a break.”

  • The chorus lists Picard's heroic duties and ends on the moneyless future. — 00:00:59

    “Bring peace to the galaxy and do it for free”

  • Having just praised following the captain, the singer prefers Picard's holodeck detective persona to Starfleet's rules. — 00:03:54

    “Then observed some outmoded and obscure prime directive”

  • The captain resisted forty days and nights of torture. — 00:03:54

    “He told that Cardassian that there were still four lights”

  • The final chorus escalates Picard into an action hero. — 00:04:17

    “He'd protect the whole world and he'd still get the girl.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: What Would Captain Picard Do?

Also: Characters: Borg · Cardassian · Dixon Hill · Hugh · Jean-Luc Picard · Klingon · Prime Directive · United Federation of Planets · Wesley Crusher

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