Comedy-heavy videos, by year

Videos whose humor share is dominant (essentially a comic piece: a comic song, a sketch, a video where every segment is comic) or significant (comedy is a main ingredient alongside the ideas), listed by upload date — not ranked. Each line gives the number of recorded jokes (a sample of the notable ones, not every joke told) and how many of them are top-rated, and one example: its setup and punchline with the timestamp.

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Dominant (204 videos)

2007 (34)

2007-01-03 Brotherhood 2.0: January 3rd — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — People think the brothers look like the twin rock duo The Proclaimers. → “Which is admittedly better than people thinking that we look like the twin rock duo, Nelson.” (00:00:54)
2007-01-05 Brotherhood 2.0: January 5th — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says the only thing he knows about Nepal is that there may be... → “Rocks? And that's only really because there are rocks everywhere.” (00:01:56)
2007-01-29 Brotherhood 2.0: January 29th — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank, Katherine and friends sing an old song's title line with the 'from your pants' suffix, over and over. → “Will you miss me when I'm gone from your pants?” (00:01:17)
2007-01-30 Brotherhood 2.0: January 30, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A commenter says they feel kind of bad for John having to follow Hank's videos. → “Jesus, Anonymous, try being John!” (00:00:53)
2007-02-05 Brotherhood 2.0, February 5, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Bleeding from the first pull, John explains why he will try waxing once more. → “Because I'm a hard worker, and I believe in the project, and I believe in Brotherhood 2.0” (00:01:47)
2007-02-07 Brotherhood 2.0: February 7, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Each morning dozens of people surround Hank's house and chant. → “What do we want to poop in? Hank's pants! When do we want to poop in them? Now!” (00:00:10)
2007-02-14 Brotherhood 2.0: February 14th — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's etymology ends with Valen bringing Earth the message of his 'pinnacle', raising the birth rate. → “Happy Valen's penis day!” (00:01:22)
2007-02-15 Brotherhood 2.0: February 17, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John answers the popular side's Bush and Tom Brady with ever more famous nerds, poker style. → “and all four Beatles. We win!” (00:01:39)
2007-02-26 Brotherhood 2.0: Earwax — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked to guess what besides hair Hank had removed from his head, pupil Susie offers her family history. → “When my mama came out of jail, she had almost all her teeth taken out.” (00:01:02)
2007-02-28 Brotherhood 2.0: Everyone Poops in my Pants, a Picture Book — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Each morning dozens of people surround Hank's house and chant. → “What do we want to poop in? Hank's pants! When do we want to poop in them? Now!” (00:00:04)
2007-03-08 Brotherhood 2.0: Giving Away Peeps — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked how he feels after 12 Peeps. → “I feel like I have the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, like, fighting the Ghostbusters in my stomach.” (00:03:17)
2007-03-09 Brotherhood 2.0: March 9, 2007: Peeptastic! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Thin eaters need not fear the wall of fat, but John is not thin yet. → “I'm still a heavyweight, according to the International Boxing Federation.” (00:01:43)
2007-03-13 Brotherhood 2.0: March 13, 2007: Denver — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John plays the arcade games at ESPN Zone. → “ESPN Zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10, but it's the fastest way I've ever encountered.” (00:01:02)
2007-03-21 Brotherhood 2.0: March 21st: Put Stuff on Your Head — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The song's only safety instruction for putting stuff on your head. → “The only rule of thumb is don't use a plastic bag.” (00:01:24)
2007-03-26 March 26th: Stuff on Everyone's Heads! — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — In a closing clip someone announces they will eat a clove of garlic and admits it kind of hurt. → “I don't think I'm going to be kissing him for quite a long, long time.” (00:02:30)
2007-04-05 April 5th: Embarrassing Moment Sock Puppet Theater — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Hank's long-haired, slight-framed college roommate is eating Marmite on toast when Hank walks in. → “Oh my, look, it's Catherine.” (00:00:57)
2007-04-25 Helen Hunt — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's song lists Helen Hunt films: he saw her naked in The Waterdance. → “It was as good as it gets in my pants” (00:01:21)
2007-05-23 May 23rd: Miniature Soccer Team — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank sings that nothing will stop John achieving his one unmatchable dream with Sarah. → “He wants two entire miniature soccer teams from you.” (00:00:39)
2007-06-12 June 12th: Hank Green "In the Wild" — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John invites Hank to go fishing in the ocean. → “alright, but only if I get to sleep on the boat.” (00:01:07)
2007-07-16 July 16: Goth — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Doing his makeup on the living-room floor, hoping his lady doesn't walk in, Hank admits he's a weird guy and sings. → “My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.” (00:02:46)
2007-07-17 Brotherhood 2.0: July 17: Topless Dancer — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John admits the belt for his huge pants is probably a girl belt, then remembers what Hank just did in his punishment. → “I mean, you just wore lipstick.” (00:00:40)
2007-07-18 July 18: Accio Deathly Hallows (no spoilers) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank measures his devotion to the series. → “I couldn't care more about Harry Potter if Hogwarts was my alma matter” (00:02:53)
2007-07-25 July 25: Brotherhood 2.0's Youtube Comments Are Answered! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A commenter whose screen name says he is cool tells John to get a life, nerd. → “Did 656 people before you have the screen name NigelIsCool?” (00:00:50)
2007-08-01 August 1: It's Too Hot — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After citing a UN figure of 11,000 heat deaths a year, Hank casts the sun as hunting him. → “but the burning sun, it wants 11,001, but it's not gonna get me, you hear?” (00:01:56)
2007-08-09 August 9th: Anagramming Guide to the 2008 Elections — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After 'lynch a trillion', Hank anagrams Hillary Clinton's full name, then muses whether it refers to the Chinese or her China policy. → “Hillary Rodham Clinton anagrams to China. A mild, horny troll.” (00:02:01)
2007-08-14 August 14th: The Blenderized Happy Meal (and Leg Waxing) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John looks at the Happy Meal after blending it. → “Like all the best parts of food plus all the best parts of liquid.” (00:01:30)
2007-08-21 August 21: Hairy Hairy Head Hair — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's long hair would grow into his brain like Devil's Snare, so he'd cast a light spell. → “But it wouldn't work because there's no way to get light into my brain.” (00:01:23)
2007-08-24 August 24th: John's Secret Project Part 2 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A greeter's rhyme warns John that at 30 he'll start getting shorter and his joints will ache, then offers him mercy. → “And since we are so merciful, we'll liquefy a cake.” (00:00:47)
2007-08-29 August 29th: Goodbye 29 Year Old John — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank opens John's birthday song by treating his turning 30 as the death of 29-year-old John. → “The day that you died was a good day.” (00:00:03)
2007-09-04 September 4th: Negative Suck Cubed Equals Awesome — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Naming a band for each genre, John reaches art rock. → “My art rock band would be called Schrodinger and the Maybe Dead Cats.” (00:01:08)
2007-09-05 September 5th: I'm Gonna Kill You — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After threatening the express-lane lady with a Mortal Kombat fatality, Hank sings the refrain. → “I'm usually a very peaceful person but I'm gonna kill you.” (00:01:26)
2007-10-03 Oct 3rd: Baby I Sold Your Dog On EBay — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The narrator explains why the dog had to go rather than his games console. → “it was either him or my playstation 2, which doesn't even eat food and will never ever pee on the duvet” (00:01:22)
2007-10-17 October 17th: The Man Who Throws The Tetris Piece — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Stacking ever higher with no straight piece in sight, the singer loses his temper at the unseen villain. → “give me a goddamn straight piece!” (00:01:44)
2007-12-05 December 5th: The Adorable Cannibal (PG-13) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The narrator tells his partner she looks so good he wants to sprinkle her on his food. → “If I could I would eat you like a five year old eats glue” (00:00:25)

2008 (20)

2008-01-13 Being Weird in the Airport — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — After doing his weird airport act, Hank remarks on the travellers around him. → “I really have to admire all of these people's ability to completely ignore me.” (00:00:00)
2008-01-28 Denver Airport...Via Isengard — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — In a public airport terminal, Hank lip-syncs the whole 'Hobbits to Isengard' meme song, redoing his earlier airport gag. → “I'm taking the hobbits to Isengard” (00:00:23)
2008-02-27 People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes (The Song) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sings that love can be pretty screwed up. → “Like that homosexual necrophiliac duck” (00:01:28)
2008-03-27 PEEPS Eating Contest Is Peepstacular, Painful — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Some say not to eat Peeps after Easter because they might go bad, but Peeps are not milk. → “The expiration date on those Peeps that Nerdfighter gave me several weeks ago? November of 2009.” (00:00:42)
2008-04-01 Please Google, Take Me to Mars — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank claims he is good at defusing conflict, e.g. when John sprang the Peeps contest on him. → “I was able to defuse the situation by sticking safety pins into the head of a peep version of my brother.” (00:01:23)
2008-05-16 Hank's Punishment (ugh...I don't believe uploading this...) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The punishment turns out to be Hank earnestly singing a bubblegum pop song about online romance. → “I'm a World Wide Web girl in a World Wide Web world” (00:00:59)
2008-05-22 Adorable Puppy Injury!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's puppy Willy appears with his broken foot in a cast. → “So that's why John's excused. Because his puppy has a peg leg.” (00:01:34)
2008-06-08 Monkeys!!! (with pants) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's zoo song lists animals from every corner of the world, then the refrain. → “But mostly we just saw monkeys with pants.” (00:01:58)
2008-06-27 Marion the Nerdfightarion — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Marion, holding the signed book, examines John's signature; Hank's remix loops her verdict. → “It's like J--J, scribble.” (00:01:48)
2008-07-10 What Would Captain Picard Do — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A nervous new commander frets about failing with the Borg on his tail and gets brushed off by name. → “Wesley. Give me a break.” (00:00:09)
2008-08-27 Butte Montana — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — The song opens by chanting the name of the town, Butte, over and over. → “Oh, Butte, Butte, Butte, Butte” (00:00:00)
2008-09-07 This Song is for Willy — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — The song describes Willy's head tilt at new sounds with a film reference. → “Then he knocks his head to the side like it's night at the Roxbury” (00:00:07)
2008-09-21 The Pwning of Oprah — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — To be sure the Vlogbrothers passed Oprah, John phones a trained mathematician with an MIT PhD for a professional opinion. → “Is the number 41,818 larger than the number 41,365?” (00:01:46)
2008-09-26 Obama Llama Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The Llama Song's counting chorus is rewritten as a pro-Obama campaign chant. → “One Obama, Two Obama, Three Obama, Four Obama, Hot Obama, Vote Barack Obama” (00:00:26)
2008-09-29 The Financial Crisis...Simplified — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The bank decides how to name the really bad mortgages it is selling. → “which sounds way better than 'Really, Really Bad Mortgages'!” (00:02:06)
2008-10-01 The Man Who Throws the Tetris Piece — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — The video opens with a desperate plea to the unseen Tetris-piece thrower. → “give me a straight piece oh give me a straight piece” (00:00:10)
2008-10-14 Numa Numa Hank Dance — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank wants to show viewers around his new house. → “So I'm going to show you my house while doing a Numa Numa dance.” (00:00:29)
2008-10-31 SPWNING Halloween — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The spoon-fingered couple's hard life, sung. → “They can hardly eat cereal And they can only type about three words a minute” (00:01:03)
2008-11-30 50 Jokes (Yes...actually 50 jokes) — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Escalating elephant-killing riddles (blue, red, purple elephants) answered by a second Hank. → “There is no such thing as a purple elephant.” (00:01:06)
2008-12-22 A Christmas Song! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Grown-up Jesus's secret Christmas wish, after a childhood without presents. → “he really wants that 24-piece metric drill bit set.” (00:00:35)

2009 (39)

2009-01-03 Giraffe Love and Other Questions ANSWERED — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" right after the giraffe urine facts, John says yes only if it is how unerotic that is. → “you disgust me.” (00:01:09)
2009-01-14 TIny Cars SUCK! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The narrator describes his ideal car. → “all I want's a V8 Hemi weighing 8,000 pounds, if it weighs any, getting two or three gallons to the mile” (00:00:42)
2009-01-21 Google Verb! A Meme. — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After the bacon-grease result, Hank insists he is not making these up. → “I hope Hank is not a person. I hope Hank is a dog.” (00:01:02)
2009-01-28 Stock Adviser (Via Britney) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The chorus of the Britney Spears parody swaps in a financial word. → “Stock Advisor, you are my investment analyzer.” (00:01:01)
2009-02-01 Super Bowl Analysis from an Idiot — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John wants a team name that celebrates tenacity, reminding opponents they can't stop you, only hope to contain you. → “Like the Arizona herpes.” (00:01:38)
2009-02-04 51 Jokes (in Four Minutes) — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Darth Vader pulls Luke close and says he knows what Luke is getting for Christmas; Luke asks how. → “I felt your presence” (00:01:55)
2009-02-11 A Song About an Anglerfish — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sings that the anglerfish, which never feels love's pain, has found happiness: the male just fuses to the female. → “becomes a sperm-producing parasite” (00:01:07)
2009-02-18 Fake Movie Talk With A Sock — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Next on the list of improvable movies is Paul Blart: Mall Cop. → “Paul Blart Small Cop, and he was a diminutive detective” (00:01:02)
2009-02-22 Big Oil RIPS YOU OFF — via Unfair Mathematics — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Oil must be mined, shipped, refined and trucked, yet gasoline is cheaper than Fierce Grape Gatorade. → “to produce fierce grape Gatorade, I believe all you have to do is milk purple alligators” (00:00:29)
2009-02-25 I Know (A Song in Ten Words) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a full love song of tangled 'I know / you think / baby' lines, Hank reveals the constraint. → “That song only has ten words in it” (00:01:27)
2009-03-11 I'm Not Edward Cullen: A Song — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Katherine lists Edward's virtues: protection, century-old investments. → “For a century he saved his virginity for me.” (00:01:07)
2009-03-25 Squirrel Attack! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Squirrel names have a vocal part and a tail-movement part; Hank names the song's squirrel. → “And this song is about a squirrel named Scuzzy Kizoozle ... Curl.” (00:00:54)
2009-04-01 HANKROLL'd — 1 recorded joke, 1 top-rated — Viewers expecting Hank's Carrie Bradshaw punishment get a 'Hankroll': he sings the Rick Astley song (costume per the description). → “I'm never gonna give you up” (00:00:17)
2009-04-05 The EVIL BABY ORPHANAGE Returns for North Korea — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says he isn't run by a crazy 68-year-old Korean grandmother named Kim Jong-il, then is corrected off-camera. → “Kim Jong-Il is apparently a dude.” (00:01:23)
2009-04-16 The Day the YouTubes Died — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The 'American Pie' lament retitled for the rumoured YouTube redesign. → “♪ the YouTubes died. ♪” (00:01:00)
2009-04-23 DFTBA — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A DFTBA backronym verse starts 'It's so damn fine to be alive,' then turns on John. → “Until your dorky, farting, turdface brother arrives.” (00:01:28)
2009-04-30 A GOAT GIVING BIRTH — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank prepares viewers for the sound of the goat birth. → “In my opinion, what you're about to hear sounds like a velociraptor puking.” (00:00:45)
2009-05-06 Dead Boy's Girlfriend — 5 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The song opens like a standard heartbreak ballad about how love hurts and stories end sadly. → “But what do you do when her boyfriend's dead?” (00:00:00)
2009-05-10 What Could You Do with a Poe Bust?! — 2 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John plays Wii with the Poe bust and beats him. → “Oh! You just got Edgar Allan Pwned!” (00:00:31)
2009-05-27 Open Letters — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank complains to downtown Boston that its streets defeated his GPS. → “The GPS machine, I think, actually killed itself. It gave up on life because of you.” (00:00:21)
2009-06-10 Eating a FAT SANDWICH — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Sarah's new fear is that John will like the fat sandwich. → “Baby, make me a fat sandwich! Strawberry flavored, please!” (00:01:47)
2009-06-17 The Fathers of the Founding Fathers — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank challenges listeners to name famous men whose dads were even more awesome than them. → “try to think of more than Jesus and Hank Williams Jr.” (00:00:39)
2009-06-24 LOLCat with a Ball Bat — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After the swat, the poem lists everything left in the hall. → “sat a lolcat with a ball bat. Alone.” (00:00:30)
2009-07-01 Most Subscribed: A Song — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank notes he left Universal Music Group out of his song about the most-subscribed channels. → “Because as far as I'm concerned, they can all just go eat poop.” (00:00:27)
2009-07-11 Chewbacca for President! Let the Wookie Win! — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Chewbacca fails the Constitution's natural-born-citizen requirement. → “because he lived a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” (00:00:45)
2009-07-15 This Isn't Hogwarts! A Harry Potter Song — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Public school versus Hogwarts: no talking portraits, teachers who don't care. → “The most magical thing we have is fluorescent lights” (00:00:51)
2009-07-21 Twenty Questions and Michael Collins — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank, already guessed as Perez Hilton, plays 20Q as himself. → “I just play it as me and it thinks I'm Joe Jonas.” (00:01:38)
2009-07-23 50 MORE JOKES in FOUR MINUTES — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Hank changed a light bulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar in one day. → “and I realized that my entire life is a joke.” (00:01:07)
2009-07-30 Mules are so Half-Ass — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The chorus of Hank's pun song explains why he hates mules. → “And I really hate mules, cause they're so half-assed.” (00:00:29)
2009-08-12 Vegetables that look like Penises — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank wonders whether the song was his gift to Nerdfighteria for 100,000 subscribers. → “Or possibly it was my punishment to Nerdfighteria for helping us get 100,000 subscribers” (00:01:57)
2009-08-18 So Jokes: Video EP — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank thanks Helen Hunt for a film scene, punning on her film As Good as It Gets. → “It was as good as it gets in my pants” (00:03:43)
2009-08-26 DEMOLITION DERBY! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Singing that old cars are ready to say goodbye, Hank borrows the 2009 health-care catchphrase. → “But we can't let a death panel choose how they die” (00:01:23)
2009-08-30 100 QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!!!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked the running question 'Who the eff is Hank?' → “He's a massive, incandescent gas.” (00:00:32)
2009-09-06 How To (Not) Demolish a Wall — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Step one: John throws himself against the wall to test, once again, whether he is an octopus. → “Still not an octopus.” (00:01:13)
2009-09-09 Television Crime Shows Suck — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The song illustrates crime shows' preposterous, never-normal deaths. → “When your drug dealer's aunt killed your mom in a duel by chopping off her head with a scythe in the pool.” (00:00:35)
2009-10-14 Customer Service A$$H()¦3s!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Yelling and cursing, Hank tells the agent to go ask the manager for his money back because he's actually a nice guy. → “I hate that you made me yell at you! Go talk to your manager!” (00:02:16)
2009-10-21 Balloon Boy: A Short Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Sung as the boy: the kids at school keep telling him a tale about his dad... → “About how wife swap has a different meaning in jail” (00:01:40)
2009-10-28 Mad Science with Dr. Horrible (Hank) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Viewers told to follow a red dot for an eye-tracking study are hit with a jump-scare cat; Hank then apologises that he tricked them. → “Happy Halloween.” (00:01:54)
2009-12-30 The STUPIDEST NEWS STORIES of 2009 (a song) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The song complains that the media obsess over Sarah Palin. → “they dispatch a dozen camera crews every time she poos” (00:00:41)

2010 (17)

2010-01-06 15 Hours in Target! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sets John's punishment: face his fear of heights on the Frog Hopper. → “and while you're up there, I want you to tell me you love me.” (00:03:17)
2010-01-22 ThisIsNotJohn — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Maureen lists the titles Nerdfighters may know her by. → “you may also know me by my most common title which is second prettiest green brother” (00:00:20)
2010-03-05 Red Green, the Nintendo, and HANK — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — John says that putting Blades of Steel in the machine he discovered red poop; well, the poop wasn't actually red, it was brown. → “but it was from Red.” (00:01:57)
2010-05-12 Hank Raps about w00tstock...for real — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Molly Lewis arrives with her assistant, both with a ukulele, in a riff on a notorious shock video. → “Two girls, one uke, don't fear, it won't make you puke unless you're easily nauseated by things abnormally cute.” (00:00:57)
2010-05-19 Adorable Baby Is Adorable — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After Daddy can't afford a Pacific isle and defaults on his loan, the lullaby escalates to a whole country. → “Daddy's gonna buy you the Sultanate of Oman” (00:01:42)
2010-05-24 How To Make a Baby — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Step three: there are several ways, from test tubes to turkey basters, but by far the most common is to have sex. → “Alright, so, that was fun.” (00:01:12)
2010-05-28 How To Do Everything — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Before tying a tie you must ask yourself whether it is Christmas; if so, wear your Christmas tie. → “And if not, you're still going to want to go with your Christmas tie, because we don't actually know when Jesus was born.” (00:00:00)
2010-05-31 Farmville!!!!! A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Chorus: down on the farm where the sky is always blue... → “And we never kill the pigs and the cows never poo” (00:00:24)
2010-06-02 The Case of the Poopy Nintendo — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank had motive: John hogged the Nintendo, which is true... → “and also I loved the Nintendo more than I loved you, which is also true.” (00:00:00)
2010-08-23 Make-up Tutorial: Katniss Everdeen Look — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Applying dark 'dramatic smoky' eyeshadow while unable to see with his eyes closed, Hank reviews the result. → “I look like I've been beaten. With a hose.” (00:02:14)
2010-09-02 Fitness for Nerds — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John demonstrates his middle-school 'hello' greeting move as a stretch. → “Did not turn out to be a great social strategy” (00:00:58)
2010-10-22 Making Adorable Music — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After building up his months of learning an instrument to join Hank's band, John reveals the instrument. → “I want to be your sing-a-ma-jig player.” (00:00:29)
2010-11-03 Phineas Gage: A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Gage shoves the tamping rod onto the blasting powder without the sand. → “his entire left frontal lobe had been turned into clam chowder” (00:00:34)
2010-11-17 HARRY POTTER SONG! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Curled up with Twilight in his darkest nights, Hank wonders about Edward. → “Avada Kedavra the undead Cause Edward Carter totally has it coming” (00:02:39)
2010-11-29 John and Hank: The Out-Takes — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says the brothers will let Nerdfighteria challenge 'us' to do something horrible. → “And when he says 'us'...I think he just means 'him'.” (00:01:52)
2010-12-15 Adult Female: A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Right after singing that love hurts worse than fire and makes you want to tear down a building with bare hands, Hank adds a disclaimer. → “And I'm obviously not a big fan of hyperbole.” (00:02:06)
2010-12-31 Is Lady Gaga a Man? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Answering the autocomplete 'is my dog gay?', Hank revises his answer twice. → “actually your dog is probably omni-sexual.” (00:01:35)

2011 (8)

2011-01-10 Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — If the years from 614 to 900-something AD never happened, then it isn't really 2011. → “it’s 1714. Makes you feel young again.” (00:01:07)
2011-03-04 SHEEN or GADDAFI? — 1 recorded joke, 1 top-rated — John will translate Gaddafi's quotations from Arabic to make the game challenging. → “"Is it in Arabic?" would be the primary question you would be asking.” (00:00:24)
2011-03-23 Why Does My Dog Eat Poop? — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Cats believe all organisms are cats, John explains, so when your cat licks you he's thinking: → “I love you gigantic hairless cat, and to show you, I will lick you.” (00:00:37)
2011-04-13 31 Jokes for NERDS! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. → “It was tense.” (00:00:34)
2011-04-15 Humpy Hank — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Calling it a historical moment, John is reminded of the great poet William Butler Yeats, who famously wrote: → “And what rough Humpy Hank, his hour come round at last, slouches towards Youtube, to be born?” (00:01:48)
2011-04-29 Peanut Butter Face Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked who the eff Hank is, John answers as if describing a dwarf planet. → “Hank is a Trans-Neptunian object 27 percent more massive than Pluto.” (00:00:51)
2011-12-14 Greek Phallic Disco Golf Balls: A Free Association Game — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank answers John's 'Obelisks' with 'phallus'. → “It's just - all balls and phalluses today, here.” (00:02:20)
2011-12-21 2011 Presidential Anagrams!! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Rejecting 'not my merit', Hank picks an anagram for Mitt Romney. → “I think I'm gonna go with Yo, Mr. Mitten, because I've decided that I'm calling him Mr. Mitten from now on.” (00:01:40)

2012 (9)

2012-02-24 CUTE-OCALYPSE! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank proposes a cute tax on over-quota viewers, Emergency Puppy followers and Pinterest otter searchers. → “The cute tax will not only help balance our national psyche, it will also help balance our budget.” (00:02:13)
2012-03-24 Disgusting Cookies - The 2012 Hungry Games — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says he is now the opposite of hungry and would like to take the food out of his body; Michael asks which end. → “-Which end? -Either.” (00:03:35)
2012-04-10 A Surreal Descent into Madness: Reviewing Children's TV — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Dora asks what John's favorite part was; he says the weirdest part was her camping with a pet jaguar and snacks. → “No, I didn't like it Dora, I thought it was weird. You're a toddler, you should be inside.” (00:00:38)
2012-05-29 Nerds at the Beach: A REUNION VIDEO! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John describes Seaside, Florida, where they are on holiday. → “The world capital of teenagers who don't know who we are.” (00:00:20)
2012-07-27 Tumblr: The Musical — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Scrolling Tumblr, the singer finds the President has joined and reacts like a hipster → “I can't believe Obama's tumbling. Ugh, lame. It's so mainstream.” (00:00:38)
2012-08-17 Open Letter to the Wizards — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After the wizards' isolationism and their known racists playing politics, the song adds what makes their food → “Yeah, SLAVES making your food!” (00:02:17)
2012-09-04 The Five Worst Places to Vomit — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After puking into a party host's floor vent, John asks who paid to replace the ducts. → “The puker. In my experience, the puker is held responsible.” (00:01:19)
2012-10-05 21st Century Sherlock: A Sherlock / Doors Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank credits Moffat, Jim Morrison, Conan Doyle and Cumberbatch for making the video possible. → “my mom. Wouldn't happen without her.” (00:01:29)
2012-11-05 Spicy Summer Camp Story — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Describing the novelty hot sauce: named like Satan's revenge, hotness in megatons, coffin-shaped bottles. → “And lists insanity as the first ingredient.” (00:02:42)

2013 (11)

2013-01-04 53 Terrible Jokes! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — What do you call a five-foot psychic that's escaped from jail? → “A small medium at large.” (00:00:10)
2013-02-26 Cooking with a 3-Year-Old: The Mac & Cheese and Communist Celery Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — His son refuses peanut butter on his celery; John asks if he's a communist and the boy says yes. → “But you know what, I'm just happy that you're politically engaged at your age” (00:02:29)
2013-03-29 Caviar Brownies - The Second Annual Hungry Games — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank screams 'MY FACE!' after biting into the caviar brownie. → “And Hank won this round.” (00:01:59)
2013-04-30 Animals Interrupt Sporting Events: A Critical Analysis — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The dog pooping on the baseball field seems to ask which of them is really sentient: you, watching men hit a ball with a stick? → “or me, elegantly articulating my feelings via defecation?” (00:00:58)
2013-05-03 17 Rants in 4 Minutes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank anticipates being told to buy squeezable ketchup instead of fighting the bottle. → “Yeah, that's perfect if I want to spray some pink ketchup piss all over my fries!” (00:02:28)
2013-06-11 How To Be John Green — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Answering his own question 'Who the eff is Hank?', Craig defines Hank as a flippered Arctic marine mammal and a movement → “See? I'm hanking right now. Hank you very much.” (00:02:34)
2013-06-18 50 Ways to Pretend to Be Smarter — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Specific cheese knives would blow cavemen's tiny minds; they cut cheese with rocks → “You know what they didn't have? Cheese.” (00:02:35)
2013-07-02 The Perks of Being John's Assistant — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Among her normal duties she ghostwrites fan mail from John to Steven Gerrard. → “and by fan mail, I mean love letters.” (00:02:08)
2013-07-12 Oh, JK Rowling - A Harry Potter Song — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank gives Rowling absolute creative freedom, but after careful thought begs her not to make an MMORPG. → “'Cause that would totally destroy my productivity!” (00:01:56)
2013-07-16 The Ghost of Teenaged Future — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Proud of pulling a metaphor out of a list of teen habits, she is told it was a stretch. → “Excuse you, who do you think I am? John Green?” (00:02:15)
2013-12-10 Cooking with a 3-Year-Old: Slobber Carrots and Gross Barbecue — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Looking at the cheap Valu Time luncheon loaf label. → “They're so focused on value they didn't even spend the money to print the "e" in value!” (00:00:44)

2014 (1)

2014-01-17 54 JOKES! In Four Minutes! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Hank says kleptomaniacs just don't get puns. → “They always take things, literally.” (00:01:09)

2015 (8)

2015-02-13 Draw My Life + 16 Other Suggestions — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — For 'Draw my life', Hank shrinks himself from Montana to the known universe, then shows the drawing. → “I drew it.” (00:03:21)
2015-03-30 BONUS: We Are All Bat People (Songified Batman Argument) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's reply to John's anti-Batman video becomes the auto-tuned chorus hook. → “John, we are all bat-people.” (00:00:11)
2015-04-24 Mother Pheasant Plucker - A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The pheasant plucker insists on how pleasant his work is, the refrain built to make listeners mishear a swear. → “A pleasant mother pheasant plucker like me say the F-word” (00:01:00)
2015-05-08 QUADRAGOCON 2015 - WHO WILL WIN! — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Asked how he likes his chances, John says 'medium'. → “I mean, if I were up against anyone but you, I wouldn't like them at all.” (00:00:10)
2015-05-22 15 Rants in Four Minutes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank rants about slow, homemade in-car software in new cars. → “Congratulations on making a brand new car feel like a first generation iPhone.” (00:02:30)
2015-06-23 Question Tuesday with Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After John mispronounces the band Haim as 'Ham' and Nat corrects him, Cara imagines one member going solo. → “she'd be called "Haim Solo"” (00:01:27)
2015-08-25 Question Tuesday: The Goat Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked how they'd split seven goats, John insists he gets four; Hank offers him all seven. → “Wait, I've rethought my answer. I would like to give you the seven goats.” (00:03:02)
2015-11-18 SUIT UP! A Very Fancy Reunion Video (Pizzamas Day 8) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After insisting no one knows what dinosaurs sounded like, John squawks an impression anyway and names the species. → “That was a diplodocus.” (00:01:13)

2016 (7)

2016-01-15 Eating Weird Food from the 50s (with Katherine) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank asks Katherine to name the chop suey, which is inspired by both Chinese and Mexican food. → “It's like uhh Cleveland...Chowder” (00:02:43)
2016-02-09 Water in My Cereal: Taste Testing Various Liquid Accompaniments to Raisin Bran — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Having noted Raisin Bran has more calories, sugar and sodium than Lucky Charms, John concludes about Lucky Charms → “Speaking of which, I also picked up some Lucky Charms, because it turns out it's healthy.” (00:00:55)
2016-04-08 47 YouTubers Laugh Without Smiling — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank tells a laughing guest he likes how dead their eyes are. → “I want all girlfriends to tell me that after dates.” (00:00:35)
2016-06-10 Hank Roasts Himself Diss Track - Roast Yourself Challenge — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains how he seems so knowledgeable on his educational channels. → “thanks to a teleprompter, I get to pretend that I know everything about the standard model and philosophy. but mostly I'm just reading.” (00:01:20)
2016-06-28 New Iceland — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The tour guide's script claims Iceland's weather is mild year-round. → “And then we got off the bus and that August afternoon it was perhaps half a degree above freezing.” (00:01:04)
2016-11-14 Who the Eff Is Hank? — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Craig claims his earlier impression of John was well received and cites Roger Ebert saying two thumbs up → “several times throughout his career about other things.” (00:00:19)
2016-12-23 41 Dad Jokes in 4 Minutes! (with special guest star...) — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Now that Hank has a son, people might say he has a dad bod → “but I'd rather call it a "father figure."” (00:00:12)

2017 (10)

2017-01-27 Screaming for Four Minutes Straight (with WheezyWaiter) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank has always wanted to be punched by a Wheezy clone; Craig returns 'as a clone' → “Finally my dreams are coming true.” (00:01:47)
2017-02-10 Valentines Candy Taste Test with Hank and Katherine — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Katherine imagines a Clue piece inside a truffle kiss: Professor Poop, in the bathroom, with toilet paper → “Toilet paper murders!?” (00:02:34)
2017-02-17 As Cold as The Milk: Learning Spanish with Luzu — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Trying the English tongue twister 'I slit the sheet', Luzu mispronounces 'sheet' → “I slit the sh*t” (00:02:21)
2017-03-03 PUNISHED: Blenderized Audience Choice: LIVE! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After sniffing the blend before Hank drinks it, a co-host (unlabelled; not Hank) wishes for smell-o-vision → “and we could just pump the whole auditorium full of what I just smelled.” (00:02:26)
2017-03-14 Green Brothers Reunited! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked which Pokémon could keep a steady job, Hank imagines Charizard managing a Wendy's when the grill breaks → “Oh my God, he can cook the burgers!” (00:01:21)
2017-04-25 Pokemon, Reviewed by a Dad Who Knows Nothing about Pokemon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John asked his son what the Professor does with transferred Pokémon → “Dad, Pokémons do not like going to the professor.” (00:01:41)
2017-06-23 Reviewing Musicals from their Wikipedia Pages — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank coins 'black file' for an erased recording, then searches the term to check. → “It's a nail salon.” (00:03:02)
2017-10-31 Where are Whale Balls? Question Tuesday: Pizza Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imagines being swept down a whale's blood vessel into a junction; Hank asks if whales have nuts. → “No, in my nuts.” (00:02:19)
2017-11-01 Pizza Cocktails with John and Hank! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The brothers raise a toast with a shot of plain bubbly water. → “Here's to Willis Carrier.” (00:02:24)
2017-11-02 Hank Reviews Everything — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Praising the durability of orange traffic cones. → “and yet, they cost less than a gin and tonic in Manhattan.” (00:00:59)

2018 (6)

2018-05-29 How to Cook Eight Peas — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — To massage the peas, John tries to fit as many as possible into a pea mustache. → “But my favorite way is to try to see how many peas I can fit in a pea mustache.” (00:01:21)
2018-08-24 The Top 10 John Green GIFs — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains why we rarely see John's happy dance these days. → “Not because you aren't happy, of course, but because you're old.” (00:00:56)
2018-09-25 You Did It! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John breaks down laughing before finishing 'Roses are red, I'm not a hero'. → “Gas leak at Cyber Goth Rave kills zero.” (00:01:27)
2018-09-28 REUNION!!! Mountain Goats Aren't Goats — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank calls John a mountain goat fan, not a billy goat fan, then claims mountain goats aren't goats. → “I don't think mountain goats are actually goats. Shut your mouth.” (00:00:42)
2018-11-05 Reading Mean Comments with John — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Told that James Potter died at 21 and was never middle-aged, John claims the role. → “There was never a middle-aged James Potter. That never happened. Until me.” (00:01:34)
2018-12-14 Cute Goth Shock Collar Trivia Punishment for Charity — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Katherine's comment on the photo of Hank's punishment makeup from last year. → “the worst. Keep bringing me back to fuel your nightmares.” (00:00:29)

2019 (6)

2019-02-15 The Most Bizarre Stock Photos I Could Find Brought to Life by Your Captions — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — A stock photo is captioned as a disappointing Tinder date at the beach. → “Look, Steven, I'm just gonna say it. You really don't look, uh, very much like your Tinder profile pic.” (00:00:25)
2019-08-09 Decluttering the Somewhat Embarrassing Nightstand of a 39 Year-Old Best-Selling Author — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank finds a fart noise machine in his nightstand. → “John, I'm a 39-year-old man and I can't bring myself to throw away a fart noise machine. It doesn't even have batteries.” (00:01:18)
2019-09-20 Why Does Australia... (this video is bad, I'm sorry) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank assumes 'the fairies' are ferries, then finds the children's franchise → “oh my god it's not a boat this is way better than psych rock” (00:02:36)
2019-11-08 Trolling Through John's YouTube History...GUESS WHAT I FOUND!? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's suspicion confirmed: John's history is full of vending machine business videos. → “First one, should I quit my vending machine business? I knew it! I knew it!” (00:01:27)
2019-11-29 My Most Controversial Opinion — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked for a dumb controversial opinion, Hank finally offers one. → “Butt... is legs.” (00:01:17)
2019-12-31 Project for Awesome 2019 Recap (BUTT IS LEGS) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the livestream debate over Hank's 'butt is legs' opinion, a participant gives the medical verdict → “From a medical standpoint, butt is definitely legs. Anatomically, butt is legs.” (00:00:32)

2020 (2)

2020-12-04 The Christmas Creature — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The asking bird test: you must tell the truth because the creature can hear lies. → “The Christmas creature can hear your lies and watch you through your own dog's eyes.” (00:01:00)
2020-12-11 The /W/orst Letter — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's pet theory for why printers doubled U rather than V. → “So using two U's all the time would use up all of their U's.” (00:02:58)

2021 (6)

2021-01-01 In 1990 I Made a Bunch of Predictions About 2020...Here they Are — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reads the 2012 prediction of superior fish beings. → “I don't know what they do, but they are there. They exist.” (00:03:13)
2021-02-19 Bean Meme Review — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says viewers think the picture behind him is Perseverance's first image of Mars → “Close! The beans didn't stop!” (00:00:24)
2021-06-18 QUADRAGOCON 2021!! LET THE GAMES CONTINUE!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After the draw Hank tells John who the real winner is → “Everyone besides us.” (00:03:23)
2021-08-20 Question Tuesday Except I'm an AI — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked whom it would turn into a pelican, the AI picks a royal → “I'd like to turn Prince Harry into a pelican because he can dance like one.” (00:02:24)
2021-10-19 Cat Names: The Authoritative Guide — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — For a regal human name, John upgrades plain Philip. → “Philip VII, Sovereign of Bavaria and God-King of the Lesser Realms, Green” (00:01:27)
2021-12-07 Reading Hank's Decade-Old Tweets — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's tweet says his research shows there is no abominable snowman → “I think he's totally bominable.” (00:03:10)

2022 (10)

2022-03-04 The 2022 P4A Meme Review!!! — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank recalls a balloon telling him to be a crab and to be good at it → “so i had to ask everybody very earnestly if i was a good crab and they seemed to agree that i was” (00:02:34)
2022-05-10 An Attempt at Exhausting an Artwork in Cincinnati — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asking whether one thinks of Cincinnati when one thinks of wanderlust, John weighs where the canvas would work. → “I just think maybe the wanderlust canvas plays in southern France, but does it play in southern Ohio?” (00:01:27)
2022-07-08 Sad COVID Boy Hank Green Eats Foods He Hates but Can't Taste — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank, who hates black licorice, bites into a big hunk without his sense of smell → “Oh, absolutely fantastic. I hate black licorice. This is great.” (00:00:57)
2022-07-26 Has this artist ever seen a baby? — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John judges Botticelli's babies. → “Botticelli, I think, saw a baby once years ago, but he's never seen a baby throw up on anyone.” (00:00:58)
2022-08-16 cars vs. covid — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having said 'squid' for 'squad', John compares the slip with his most famous written line. → “it's not nearly as good as the smartest car in the squid” (00:00:27)
2022-10-03 Let's Play Trombone Champ! — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank starts his first Let's Play in ages and the recording fails at once. → “Not enough disk space to record.” (00:00:00)
2022-10-04 Hank and John Reunited at Last — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — From beach and picnic, John says ocean and Hank says blanket; the brothers argue about how there can be a picnic in the ocean. → “What do you think being lost at sea is? It's an ocean picnic.” (00:00:29)
2022-10-05 Asking an AI Image Generator for Pizza Johns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank shows the first AI result for 'pizza John', a devastating pizza person. → “Because AIs only have nightmares.” (00:00:29)
2022-11-08 Dr Pepper Enthusiast John Green Taste Tests Dr Pepper and Its Misbegotten Pretenders — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After condemning the too-cherry sample as all wrong, John stakes his career on his palate → “By the way, if that's Dr. Pepper, I retire. I retire from public life.” (00:01:48)
2022-12-30 This Boba Lid Lied to Me and I Don't Understand Why — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The lid once said 120 degrees and a pedant complained, so they fixed it → “And so, they lowered it to an also impossible temperature!” (00:02:55)

2023 (2)

2023-02-24 The P4A 2023 is The Hottest Club on the Internet — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's gift-wrapped day-one Peeps are opened and eaten by his son at John's house → “Sound financial decisions.” (00:00:29)
2023-05-26 My Cancer Press Tier List — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank lists things you get to do only once in a lifetime. → “one of those things is making a tier list of articles about your cancer diagnosis” (00:00:00)

2024 (4)

2024-02-23 The Juiciest Hank in the World — 6 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked whether he'd rather be the juiciest or driest Hank in the world, Hank picks juicy. → “Average Hank, even average any human, is far juicier than they are dry.” (00:00:42)
2024-05-17 John and Hank FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE!!! — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Trailing two to one, Hank says even a tie would be a triumph. → “Yeah, but tie would be a huge win for me against a word guy.” (00:04:32)
2024-05-20 Hang on tight, spider monkey, it's the P4A 2024 MEME REVIEW!! — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank recalls donating $5,000 to push Jared ahead in the mascot poll, then forgetting to vote. → “i just donated the money it was fine” (00:07:53)
2024-12-27 Cats are Better than Dogs, I Proved It. (PG-13) — 5 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank's dachshund famously pooped in the Nintendo. → “which does seem like something that a child did and then blamed on a dog, but I don't remember” (00:00:59)

2025 (3)

2025-07-15 LLAMAS Are NOT What You Think — 7 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked why he won't ride horses, John fears merging with the animal like a male anglerfish. → “I worry that I might become a centaur.” (00:02:06)
2025-09-16 Don’t tell John. Let him have this. — 1 recorded joke, 0 top-rated — Hank says John thinks his new video will reach four million subscribers, but he doubts it. → “so if you could just subscribe real quick, that'd be great.” (00:00:00)
2025-09-19 Let's Just Be Stupid For a Moment — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The texted YouTuber refuses to pick a brother → “Hey, I can't play favorite, so I'll respond.” (00:02:16)

2026 (1)

2026-07-08 Project for Awesome Recap Video 2026!! — 5 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Misnaming the event the 2027 Project for Awesome, Hank claims to John they skipped a year → “I don't know if you know this, John, but we skipped a year.” (00:00:59)

Significant (1074 videos)

2007 (185)

2007-01-02 Brotherhood 2.0: January 2nd — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John's wife Sarah does not want to appear in the documentary. → “Sarah is like the Yeti.” (00:00:37)
2007-01-04 Brotherhood 2.0: Eating Toilet Paper — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John admits he did not vote in 2000 although he could have voted in Florida. → “Ah, George Bush, it's all my fault! God, I'm so stupid!” (00:00:40)
2007-01-08 Brotherhood 2.0: January 8, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says drinking Sutter Home when challenged to drink Strawberry Hill... → “is like slow dancing with Teddy Ruxpin when you've been challenged to wrestle a grizzly bear” (00:00:10)
2007-01-10 Brotherhood 2.0: January 10, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says he can pay Al Gore $96 directly to take care of his carbon, and explains how Gore does it. → “He eats the carbon, and then when he poops it out, it's actually political gold.” (00:02:18)
2007-01-11 Brotherhood 2.0: January 11th — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says he met a tiny chicken in Detroit that he doesn't remember, but they must have had an encounter. → “this tiny chicken has laid tiny eggs in my head” (00:00:00)
2007-01-12 Brotherhood 2.0: January 12, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After suggesting Hank wallpaper every room in his dollhouse, John notes the consequence. → “Everybody thinks you have a dollhouse now.” (00:00:14)
2007-01-15 Brotherhood 2.0: January 15th — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank has to ask the bookstore clerk aloud for 'We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families'. → “And she said, that's catchy.” (00:01:05)
2007-01-16 Brotherhood 2.0: January 16, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains why he computed 70 happy-dance clips instead of 42. → “I incorrectly believed, and indeed have always believed, that each minute contains 100 seconds.” (00:00:12)
2007-01-18 Brotherhood 2.0: January 18, 2007 — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John insists three times he will definitely finish by Wednesday, then immediately moves the deadline again. → “Next Friday by the very latest.” (00:01:00)
2007-01-19 Brotherhood 2.0: January 19th — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — At Barnes & Noble, Hank checks who is on the young adult romance shelf and sings. → “Lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, John Green.” (00:03:07)
2007-01-23 Brotherhood 2.0: January 23rd — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Signing off, Hank says 'Catherines in your pants' is nice, disclaiming an abundance of them. → “But one catherine in my pants is quite nice.” (00:02:54)
2007-01-23 Week 1 Condensed! — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John admits he didn't vote in 2000 though he could have in Florida. → “Ah, George Bush, it's all my fault! God, I'm so stupid!” (00:03:34)
2007-01-24 Brotherhood 2.0: January 24, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Adding 'in your pants' to the title The Sun Also Rises. → “which is actually what The Sun Also Rises is about.” (00:01:46)
2007-01-25 Brotherhood 2.0: January 25th — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Holding up a Kraft single, Hank insists it isn't cheese and shakes it. → “cheese doesn't wobble like this, holy crap.” (00:02:49)
2007-01-26 Brotherhood 2.0: January 26, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked what ambrosia tastes like, John lists foods Weight Watchers forbids him. → “regular frickin' ice cream instead of like ice cream that's made out of air and human hope.” (00:01:16)
2007-01-27 Week 2 Condensed Highlight Reel — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John on paying Al Gore to offset his carbon. → “He eats the carbon, and then when he poops it out, it's actually political gold.” (00:03:25)
2007-01-31 Brotherhood 2.0: January 31st — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains that bulldog figures, the University of Georgia mascot, cover the town of Athens. → “and I cover their bulldogs with myself.” (00:00:00)
2007-02-01 Brotherhood 2.0, February 1, 2007 — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Choosing Sweden in the 'Nerd Fighters' arcade game, John becomes a Viking nerd killer. → “Now I shall kill nerds.” (00:00:54)
2007-02-02 Brotherhood 2.0: February 2nd — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank apologizes to all Orlandans upset by his comments that Orlando sucks. → “Actually, no one seemed upset at all.” (00:01:45)
2007-02-06 Brotherhood 2.0: February 6th — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank imagines hiding a baby somewhere in John's small apartment as a daily game for Sarah. → “And she has to search through the entire apartment, trying to find where you hid the baby.” (00:02:07)
2007-02-08 Brotherhood 2.0: February 8th — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank computes a 0.53% chance that someone died within sight of him at the banjo event. → “While that's not a very big number, it is probably the biggest that number has ever been in my life.” (00:02:44)
2007-02-09 Brotherhood 2.0: February 9, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After correcting Hank's death math, John gives the real key to seeing someone die at a banjo concert. → “The key is to go to longer banjo concerts, like 13-year-long banjo concerts.” (00:01:09)
2007-02-13 Brotherhood 2.0: February 13, 2007 — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John recreates a TV delay interview; the interviewee says 'they suck' and is asked to put the question back into the answer. → “Um, all these delays of my flight suck.” (00:01:03)
2007-02-16 Brotherhood 2.0: February 16th — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked what's wrong with the world, Hank answers with a play on John's novel title. → “An underabundance of Catherines.” (00:03:04)
2007-02-19 Brotherhood 2.0: February 19, 2007 — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Reading out viewers' first concerts, John reaches LaToya Jackson and wonders whether she ever even made music. → “I thought she was just a stripper.” (00:00:39)
2007-02-20 Brotherhood 2.0: February 20th: Computer Trouble — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank wonders who Tom is; a viewer clip shows Tom introducing himself as the brothers' never-mentioned third brother. → “I have a degree in chemical engineering and a wife and some kids. Surprise!” (00:01:48)
2007-02-21 February 21st, 2007: The Wikipedia in Your Mind — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In the thought experiment his fourth-grade girlfriend edits his brain-Wikipedia so 'the Yeti' becomes a hairy Himalayan monster. → “Well, I don't want to be married to a huge, hairy, terrifying, horrible monster, particularly not a possibly fictional one.” (00:01:45)
2007-02-22 Brotherhood 2.0: February 22nd: Where Do Books Go? — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Showing that embarrassing books get stored in the closet, Hank reacts to what the camera finds there. → “What? What Star Trek novels? I don't have any Star Trek novels.” (00:01:04)
2007-02-23 Brotherhood 2.0: February 23, 2007: Books — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked whether authors mind not being paid when library readers borrow their books, Maureen Johnson reverses the problem. → “I put a $20 bill in the copy of all my books, and so the first person who reads it gets the $20.” (00:01:47)
2007-02-27 Brotherhood 2.0: February 27, 2007: Horseradish Challenge — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After singing Blossom's 'in my opinionation, the sun is gonna surely shine', John asks if the song means the sun will shine eventually. → “Because that's not just your opinionation. That's also a reasonable assumption.” (00:01:04)
2007-03-01 Brotherhood 2.0: March 1, 2007: Sophistication. And balls. — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — To raise the vlog's sophistication John begins reading all of Ulysses aloud, 30 seconds at a time, and gets one sentence in. → “Okay, that's boring.” (00:01:22)
2007-03-02 Brotherhood 2.0: March 2nd: Politics and Butt Explosions — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank answers John's 'Being Hank for a day' song with his own version about John. → “I live in New York and buy expensive jeans. I'm loved and adored by half-dozens of teens.” (00:02:22)
2007-03-05 Brotherhood 2.0: March 5, 2007: Hank's Punishment — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Peeps will cost Hank about $19, which John ranks against an earlier chin-waxing punishment. → “which I realize will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin” (00:01:14)
2007-03-06 Brotherhood 2.0: Peeps and Genocide — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank stresses that something very significant on a worldwide scale happened in Rwanda, mid-Peep. → “Unlike eating Peeps.” (00:01:40)
2007-03-07 Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The eye doctor told John he probably has nothing to worry about. → “If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I definitely have something to worry about.” (00:00:36)
2007-03-14 March 14: Becoming a NerdFighter — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank tells the Yahoo people he did research on them before the call. → “People at Yahoo don't Google. People at Yahoo would rather you not Google. People at Yahoo, Yahoo.” (00:01:17)
2007-03-15 Brotherhood 2.0: March 15: Decreasing Suck — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Claiming Brotherhood 2.0 is educational, John draws the lesson of the float test for someone lost at sea. → “you should cling to the peeps and let the nerds go.” (00:01:26)
2007-03-16 March 16th: Mom, ZeFrank, and Stock Options — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Explaining why no one is more important to Brotherhood 2.0 than their mom: 'I mean, we both came...' → “out of her. And I really and truly want to thank her for that.” (00:01:59)
2007-03-20 March 20th: Dancing and the Idiocy of Age — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says he can think of four guys Katherine has crushes on, then lists them. → “Wait, was that five?” (00:00:58)
2007-03-28 March 28th: Taxes — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says he is a big fan of the 'excess golden parachute payments' category. → “This year I didn't have any excess golden parachute payments.” (00:00:40)
2007-03-29 Brotherhood 2.0: March 29th: JUDGMENT FOR HANK — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains that all you need is a fishing boat and someone to give you proceeds for it. → “I'm not good at taxes.” (00:01:08)
2007-03-30 March 30th: Manliness! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Joel opens a beer with an elk antler after curling and drinking beer. → “I really don't think that you can get much more manly than that.” (00:01:18)
2007-04-02 Brotherhood 2.0: April 2nd: Punishments in the Ramble — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Showing Hank New York's answer to Montana's wilderness, John describes what he and the Yeti found in the Ramble. → “when we came across, you guessed it, porn.” (00:00:10)
2007-04-04 Brotherhood 2.0: April 2: A Day in the Writer's Life — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John films himself sitting and looking at his computer. → “See, it's a non-stop thrill ride.” (00:00:56)
2007-04-06 Brotherhood 2.0: April 6: Nerdfighters Never Surrender — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Listing things that never take every eighth week off. → “Does Dick Cheney take every eighth week off from intentionally misleading the American people about the relationship between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda?” (00:00:56)
2007-04-09 April 9th: Is it OK to Party? — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Answering the embarrassing photo of himself. → “I can embarrass me worse than you can embarrass me.” (00:01:32)
2007-04-10 Brotherhood 2.0: April 10th: Role Models — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Why John stopped reading PerezHilton.com. → “It started to make my brain go gooey, and then the goo tried to come out of my eye.” (00:01:16)
2007-04-16 Brotherhood 2.0: April 16: Brotherhood of Traveling Shirts — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reads the Hanes tag on his new Nerdfighter shirt: 80% cotton, → “10% polyester, and 10% awesome.” (00:01:37)
2007-04-18 Brotherhood 2.0: April 18th: Prom and Consequences — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John, cutting his carbon for a week, reacts to learning that reducing one's footprint meant eating unheated food. → “In that case, I'm not reducing my carbon footprint at all.” (00:00:57)
2007-04-20 Brotherhood 2.0: Carbon Neutralizing Youtube — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John puts the vlog's 942 pounds of carbon emissions into perspective with a magazine statistic. → “there have only been 21 people in all of human history who weighed more than Brotherhood 2.0's carbon emissions.” (00:02:33)
2007-04-23 April 23rd: Celebrity — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank assures the Yeti and Katherine that the brothers don't have free pass lists. → “Except maybe Helen Hunt.” (00:03:04)
2007-04-24 Brotherhood 2.0: April 24: Moving — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John can't believe Hank put the older Helen Hunt on his celebrity list. → “Hank, I'd just like to remind you that cougar hunting is not legal in the United States.” (00:00:10)
2007-04-26 Brotherhood 2.0: April 26: Hollywood Meetings — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John recalls the thrill in eighth grade of discovering people might like you. → “It seems to me that everyone in Los Angeles is stuck in 8th grade.” (00:00:59)
2007-04-30 Brotherhood 2.0: April 30: Hellos from Los Angeles — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John boasts about his shaky secret footage of the LA Times Book Prizes, imagining a prize for the best bootleg recording of them. → “I am definitely going to win.” (00:01:02)
2007-05-01 May 1st: Neil Gaiman in Helena — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's comic song about Helena, Montana lists the town's industries. → “Golden cows and chopping trees. These are the industries of Helena, Montana.” (00:02:26)
2007-05-02 Brotherhood 2.0: May 2: Book Banning — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Announcing the banned book's title, John resists, then gives in to the 'in your pants' game. → “I don't want to do it. In your pants!” (00:00:52)
2007-05-03 May 3rd Extended Edition — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — After the 'yeti' etymology, Hank acts out a brave Himalayan guide being asked what that thing over there is. → “What's that thing over there? Uh, Yeti? I see.” (00:01:12)
2007-05-03 May 3rd: Yetis, TMBG, Weeds and MoJo — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — After the 'yeti' etymology, Hank acts out a brave Himalayan guide being asked what that thing over there is. → “What's that thing over there? Uh, Yeti? I see.” (00:01:12)
2007-05-04 Brotherhood 2.0: May 4: The Top Secret Project — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John recalls telling Hank the Top Secret Project involved some kind of viral marketing. → “I was lying. I don't even know what viral marketing is.” (00:00:20)
2007-05-07 May 7th: Birthday Extravaganza — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank says his people got a call from John Kerry's people, then deflates the boast. → “I mean one of his assistants sent me an email asking if I would like to interview him” (00:00:12)
2007-05-08 Brotherhood 2.0: May 8th: House Hunters — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John describes the proposed Brotherhood 2.0 calendar. → “It would be exactly like a regular calendar, except without weekends, and also the date would always be wrong.” (00:00:10)
2007-05-09 My 9th: Singing and Randy — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — The song opens by treating Hank's birthday as the death of his 26-year-old self. → “The day that you died was a good day” (00:00:31)
2007-05-10 Brotherhood 2.0: May 10: House Hunted? — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains putting an offer on a house as passing it a note. → “do you like us back? Please check one, yes, no, maybe.” (00:01:04)
2007-05-11 May 11th: Heroes — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank imagines Spider-Man's powers in Missoula's low skyline. → “Swing from the seven-story building to the six-story building and then I could swing back.” (00:02:25)
2007-05-14 Brotherhood 2.0: May 14: The Evil Baby Orphanage — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reads a fake Wikipedia plot for his novel about an actor experimenting with homosexuality. → “that sounds like a fairly good book, but it doesn't sound like the book I wrote.” (00:01:41)
2007-05-15 May 15th: A Bit More EBO and Wikipedia — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank asks the Nerdfighters nicely for permission to use the Evil Baby Orphanage and threatens that next time will be different. → “Next time won't be so nice. I'll be groveling at your feet, begging and pleading” (00:01:27)
2007-05-16 Brotherhood 2.0: May 16: Beating the EBO into the ground — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John describes typing into an IM window addressed to Hank's screen name without sending, to obey the no-text rule. → “Hey, I just told everyone what your screen name is!” (00:01:39)
2007-05-17 May 17th: Wikeeeeeepedia...and Happy Birthday Katherine — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank cites Wikipedia's own article to settle how to pronounce Wikipedia. → “And if Wikipedia is right about anything, it's right about itself.” (00:02:02)
2007-05-18 Brotherhood 2.0: May 18: How to Write a Book Proposal — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John admits Hank has the facts on pronouncing Wikipedia but insists he is still right. → “I may not have facts on my side, Hank, but I still think I'm right. That's the American way.” (00:00:43)
2007-05-21 May 21st: Comment Bashing, Anniversaries and EBO Ladies — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After reading mean Gizmodo comments, Hank decides the commenters must be jealous of him. → “They're jealous and they don't understand my craft. They're not ready for me yet.” (00:01:36)
2007-05-22 May 22: Brotherhood 2.0 in Amsterdam — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John sums up Amsterdam as the model of great cities 50 years from now: efficient, sustainable... → “It's efficient, sustainable, and mostly underwater.” (00:01:49)
2007-05-24 Brotherhood 2.0: May 24: How to Happy Dance — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tries a bitterbal with mustard and describes the taste. → “It tastes like if you took meat and flour and hope and you fried it.” (00:01:20)
2007-05-29 Brotherhood 2.0: May 29: The Goth Scene and Evil Ladies — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John adds 'in your pants' to the title of a goth-scene guide and asks which goth scene is meant. → “it's gonna be really awkward to have large armies massacring each other in my pants.” (00:01:08)
2007-05-30 May 30th: Ranavalona and Clean Coal — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank responds to the Yeti's rhymed reply in John's last video. → “amazing Yeti. I'm undone.” (00:02:38)
2007-05-31 Brotherhood 2.0: May 31: Yogurt eating — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Bound to eat everything in the fridge before leaving New York, John describes his after-dinner meal. → “frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.” (00:00:41)
2007-06-01 June 1: Barack Saabama — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank expects John to be angry about the car news and hands the telling to a recording of himself. → “I'll let yesterday self tell you about that so you can be angry at him instead of me.” (00:01:58)
2007-06-04 Brotherhood 2.0: June 4th: The First Nerdfighter Wedding! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Everyone was excited about the first marriage between Brotherhood 2.0 viewers, John says, citing the clergy present. → “the Catholic Church was so excited that they sent, like, 14 priests to officiate.” (00:01:03)
2007-06-05 Jun 5th: S-S-S-Somethin From the Forum — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank imagines how viewers will react when his global-warming interview interrupts the Weather Channel. → “Stupid! There's always something on! I just want to know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking!” (00:01:37)
2007-06-06 June 6th: Lindsay Lohan's Bikini and My Pants — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John concedes showing more skin might help their YouTube views, but suggests another way to the top. → “making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot.” (00:01:06)
2007-06-07 June 7: Weather and My Pants — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank describes the forum 'My Pants' filling with over 300 users overnight. → “At first I was worried my pants had gotten too big for its britches.” (00:01:46)
2007-06-08 Brotherhood 2.0: June 8: Studying the Clues — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says he doesn't want to be like a new mother, constantly showing Hank pictures of the house. → “but here are some pictures of it.” (00:01:16)
2007-06-11 June 11: SURPRISE — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Sitting beside his brother on the beach, Hank gives the usual daily sign-off. → “John, I will see you in a couple of minutes.” (00:01:41)
2007-06-13 June 13: Dominican Debacles — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After the chain of people moving to ever-better countries ends at the US, Hank adds one more step. → “the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately” (00:02:38)
2007-06-14 Brotherhood 2.0: June 14: Good News/Bad News — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Defending miniature donkey polo as humane, John cites a children's classic. → “Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy.” (00:01:17)
2007-06-19 June 19: GOOD LUCK JOHN — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Talking to strangers about their t-shirts is fun, unless the shirt forbids it. → “Don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you.” (00:02:10)
2007-06-20 Brotherhood 2.0: June 20: Moving — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In New York John could hardly contribute to the global water crisis, but watering his new Indianapolis lawn makes it easy. → “The worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault.” (00:01:15)
2007-06-21 June 21: Gotta Get Outside! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Arguing against green lawns, Hank turns to the brothers' surname. → “Maybe somebody needs green lawns, but it's not the Green Brothers.” (00:02:48)
2007-06-22 Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hair shows political position, so John told the barber what he wanted. → “I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far left.” (00:01:13)
2007-06-27 June 27: Good Morning John, it's Wednesday — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After all the dancing Hank feels something going on in his pants and checks. → “It's spam! Well, thank God there's not any more spam in my pants.” (00:02:11)
2007-06-27 June 26: The American Library Association Parties — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Librarians call John Hank Green's brother; he protests that he also writes books. → “right, but you're Hank Green's brother!!” (00:02:02)
2007-07-02 Brotherhood 2.0: July 2nd: The Law of Compound Nerdfighting — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John concludes his call to promote everyone and recruit Kiva lenders by quoting the law of compound nerdfighting. → “The more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them.” (00:03:06)
2007-07-05 July 5th: The Regions Bank Freedom Blast — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John lists the few people who should own explosives: people in demolition, the Army… → “The Army, and of course, Wile E. Coyote.” (00:00:55)
2007-07-06 July 6: Ooooooops — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's attempt to video-chat John ends in an instant-message exchange that breaks their no-text rule. → “John, we are very stupid.” (00:02:59)
2007-07-09 July 9: The Punishment Fiasco — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Gloating that Hank has broken the no-text rule, John types his gloat into the chat window himself. → “And so I said, dude, you are so punished. And then I hit return.” (00:01:22)
2007-07-10 July 10: Embarassing Photographs — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank wanted matching punishments: a mohawk for him and an inverse mohawk for John. → “so together we would have one normal haircut.” (00:00:34)
2007-07-11 Brotherhood 2.0: Harry and the Potters are Nerdfighters! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains academic decathlon's A, B and C tiers to show what his medals really mean. → “Basically, what those medals mean is that I was the third best C student in the state of Alabama.” (00:01:17)
2007-07-13 Brotherhood 2.0: July 13: Outside — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John argues humans built inside to escape outside, so going camping is dismissive to your ancestors. → “Let's face it, Hank, Nanny and Pawpaw worked hard their whole lives so that we could live inside.” (00:00:39)
2007-07-19 July 19: A Day in the Life of a Writer (Who Has No Friends) — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imagines his New York writer friends having fancy lunches without him. → “This room echoes. Echo, echo. I'm lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely.” (00:00:56)
2007-07-20 July 20: Green Mohawk — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's office chair keeps spinning while he sits on it. → “And I think that maybe I might have discovered some kind of perpetual motion machine.” (00:00:40)
2007-07-23 July 23rd: The Tickling of the Innards — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reports what the town of Sandwich, Illinois, lacked. → “The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois, and this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich.” (00:01:03)
2007-07-24 July 24: More Harry Potter?! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank gives an example of the kind of question for question days. → “Like, if you were a crayon, what color would you most like to make out with?” (00:02:05)
2007-07-25 Re: July 18: Accio Deathly Hallows — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank thanks the commenters who leave nice comments and those who leave links to porn sites. → “Oh, where would I find porn if it weren't for my YouTube comments?” (00:00:08)
2007-07-26 July 26: The Price of Fame — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Half the commenters seem to call Hank gay and half want to have his babies; he notes the irony. → “But in either case, your wife is upset!” (00:02:22)
2007-07-27 July 27: How Nerdfighters Drop Insults — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Touring his shelves, John notes a wicker basket placed between the Islam and Christianity sections. → “You have to separate them with the wicker basket so they don't get mad at each other” (00:03:00)
2007-07-30 July 30: Mystery Lyrics and Paying Rent — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reads the forgotten lyrics he found, not knowing their tune. → “If I could, I would eat you, like a five-year-old eats glue.” (00:02:28)
2007-07-31 July 31: HP, Secret Siblings, and Books — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John suggests a name for a wizard rock band Hank might start, crediting Maureen. → “you definitely should call the wizard rock band Tonks for the Memories.” (00:00:31)
2007-08-02 August 2nd: Airports and Box Fans — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The college friend who stuck his tongue into a box fan for about $8 finishes screaming. → “give me my eight dollar, guys” (00:01:49)
2007-08-03 August 3: The Retail Dance — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank performs the ritual sounds and moves of buying something. → “Ding, ding, ding, pass, pass, take, take, pass, take, take, shunk” (00:01:57)
2007-08-06 August 6th: JK Rowling and I Will ... Be Punished — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John keeps repeating the tier phrase 'wax a limb of your choice'. → “Waxing a limb of your choice is one of those phrases that isn't dirty, but sure seems dirty the more you say it.” (00:03:01)
2007-08-07 August 7th: Curd Fighter Nurt — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank gets stuck repeating 'while breaking the...'. → “And now you all know that I stutter a lot and cut probably 90% of what I record in a day.” (00:01:41)
2007-08-08 August 8th: The Lawn and the Fury — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John concedes one could argue he isn't a great husband. → “although I did just mow the lawn! And that is one husbandly duty.” (00:02:17)
2007-08-10 August 10th: Bears!!!! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John voices the bears, angry at being decorated as cute little guys on swings. → “My claws could tear out your heart. I like to eat berries. Lots of berries.” (00:01:11)
2007-08-13 August 13: The Fair!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says the fair always lives up to his expectations. → “Especially because mostly my expectations are that there will be fried food.” (00:02:28)
2007-08-15 August 15: Getting Featured on YouTube — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — In the song John phones Hank in bed shouting about the front page. → “And I was like, dude, I'm taking a freaking nap” (00:00:52)
2007-08-16 August 16th: Finding — and Licking — a Cat — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Thanking Indianapolis Nerdfighters, John describes his backup plan of asking to look at a kitten at PetSmart. → “And then they'd give it to me, and I'd be like, and then I'd run.” (00:02:38)
2007-08-20 August 20th: Winner, South Dakota — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Wikipedia places Winner in south-central South Dakota. → “which is exactly like South Central Los Angeles, except different in every possible way” (00:01:24)
2007-08-22 August 22nd: Um. Uh. IN YOUR PANTS — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John starts his 'in your pants' titles with a book on how people died. → “How did they die in your pants? Probably of suffocation.” (00:02:37)
2007-08-24 August 23rd: John's Secret Project Part 1 — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A greeter offers a scrambled birthday wish. → “Had hip party by John. That, my friend, is an anagram for happy birthday, John.” (00:04:29)
2007-08-28 August 28th: Starring Mom — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Mom finally performs the Nerdfighter sign for the camera; John celebrates, then dismisses her. → “That was awesome! Okay, go away now.” (00:02:16)
2007-08-30 August 30th: A Secret Project for Nerdfighters — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked why 'communication' lacks an I in the intro, after 'there is no I in brotherhood' comes a blunter answer. → “Um, because there's no I in shut the f*** up.” (00:00:45)
2007-08-31 August 31: Copyright and Airports — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Having learned choreographed dances are copyrighted, Hank turns on viewers. → “I will sue your ass if I see you doing my happy dance!” (00:01:43)
2007-09-07 September 7th: Fatalities, Dances and Thanks — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — After showing his cat's adorable 'fatality' as an apology for gore talk, Hank compares her to the game. → “And so far she's never tried to rip my spine out through my lower back, so... preferable to video games.” (00:01:13)
2007-09-10 September 10th: Airports and Whitman — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Reading Whitman's line telling readers not to feed on the specters in books, John breaks off. → “Actually, I really need everybody to keep feeding on the specters in books or else I'm out of a job.” (00:02:11)
2007-09-11 September 11th: Floorcats, Recycling Bins and Memories — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a suspenseful search of his scary basement for 'a very important thing', Hank finds the cat inside the floor. → “Some people have indoor cats. Some people have outdoor cats. We have an in-floor cat.” (00:01:13)
2007-09-13 September 13th: HA! I read from MY Novel :-p — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank thanks John for answering his question, then immediately contradicts himself. → “No, you didn't. You didn't. You ignored my question, and then you asked me a question.” (00:00:00)
2007-09-18 September 18: In Defense of Chris Crocker — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John defends having felt bad for Kurt Cobain at Chris's age. → “every time Kurt Cobain coughed, he spit out more talent than Britney Spears has ever possessed” (00:01:04)
2007-09-19 September 19th: The Luck of my Life — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The second verse escalates his list of lucky breaks. → “Yeah when I ate that rat poison I didn't die” (00:01:49)
2007-09-20 Sept. 20th: Wacky String — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In Hank's song listing his lucky breaks, John noticed one kind of luck was missing. → “how lucky you are to have a brother like me” (00:00:42)
2007-09-21 September 21: Court and Apples — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains how to reach apples on the higher limbs with a ladder and a stick. → “and then you fall off the back of the ladder. Or very nearly.” (00:02:54)
2007-09-24 September 24: Airports and M. T. Anderson — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — M. T. Anderson explains his art: the young lovers hang beside body parasites. → “love may be found within you, but it is also found very much in your mouth, in your eyebrows.” (00:01:55)
2007-09-25 September 25th: TMBG and NYT — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — In the naturalist voice, Hank describes They Might Be Giants as a rare species of nerdfighter. → “gave me a glimpse into what it might be like to might be a giant” (00:00:46)
2007-09-26 September 26th: Norbert Wiener — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The MIT hotel stands at the corner of Sydney and Green streets, their mother's name. → “Hank, it's Mom!” (00:00:00)
2007-09-27 September 27th: Bionic Woman v. Helen Hunt on PCP — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank weighs one hazard he thinks equal for both opponents. → “and that is the danger of being hurled upon” (00:01:30)
2007-09-28 September 28th: Nerdfighting!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John knew he'd marry Sarah when she told him the title of the plane-crash book she wrote as a kid. → “Thornton's Unscheduled Landing.” (00:01:40)
2007-10-01 October 1st: Stuff on Heads...dot com??? — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says cats don't mind having stuff put on them, then corrects himself about his own cat Cameo. → “She's a put stuff on me and I'll hit you in your face cat.” (00:00:46)
2007-10-02 Oct. 2nd: Brotherhood 2.0 on the Road (Literally) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Pants-outlet pants carry pineapples, the international sign for welcome. → “It's like saying, "Welcome to my pants"” (00:01:50)
2007-10-04 October 4th: Happy Dances, Feuds, and Raccoon Infestations — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John likens his relationship with outside to a healthy one with an ex-girlfriend: he wishes it well, visits sometimes, but needs boundaries. → “outside is not allowed inside my home!” (00:01:33)
2007-10-05 October 5th: Feuding, Goonies and Politics — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains why Obama's coal problem doesn't bother John, recalling John's feelings about outside. → “Maybe it's because outside doesn't have the kind of influence over you that outside should have.” (00:00:45)
2007-10-08 October 8th: Zombies v. Unicorns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's list of ever more incredulous questions for Rudy Giuliani supporters. → “Question 10. Rudy Giuliani. Huh. Fascinating.” (00:01:11)
2007-10-09 October 9th: The Feud Continues — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Mid-argument about Obama's climate policy, Hank remembers the brothers are supposed to be feuding. → “Feuding! I forgot. I should be screaming.” (00:01:47)
2007-10-10 October 10th: A Spoilerific Attack on Unicorns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A politician shows a great hand of promises and gets elected. → “And you elect it, and it's like, just kidding. I'm the Joker!” (00:00:39)
2007-10-11 October 11th National Coming Out Day — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After urging viewers to come out on National Coming Out Day, Hank announces he is leaving a 'non-traditional closet'. → “but I am a gigantic fan of Japanese pop music.” (00:01:56)
2007-10-12 October 12th: Carbon Re-Neutralizing Brotherhood 2.0 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John starts naming whom he would have picked to win the Nobel Peace Prize. → “Actually, actually, it would have been us.” (00:00:14)
2007-10-15 Oct 15th: Happy 16th Birthday B20 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank qualifies his claim that video blogs beat books. → “For example, Harry Potter would be a horrible video blog.” (00:02:23)
2007-10-16 October 16th: John's Library Pwns — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Touring his shelves, John notes the Islam and Christianity sections sit next to each other. → “separated by the wicker basket that keeps them from fighting with each other” (00:01:12)
2007-10-18 October 18: Live from Datyon: PARTY BLOWER SOLO — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John asks Hank why people in Dayton, Ohio use Google. → “It's because Dayton, Ohio anagrams to I Don't Yahoo.” (00:00:43)
2007-10-19 October 19th: Missoula to Seattle — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having crossed into Idaho, Hank sums up the state. → “Idaho is actually exactly like Montana, except more downhill.” (00:01:38)
2007-10-22 October 22nd: The Anniversary of Young Earth Creationism — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John acts out 17th-century bad ideas: enslaving non-Europeans, then puzzling over smallpox. → “Hey, do you mind if I cough directly into your mouth? No, be my guest, go right ahead.” (00:00:39)
2007-10-24 October 24th: RANDOM NERDFIGHTING — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John imagines museum titles for the still frame of Hank's previous video. → “Bucktooth McGee has seen the face of the Lord?” (00:00:36)
2007-10-25 October 25th: Down Memory Lane — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reads out the long technical title of his college research paper. → “What that translates to is cancer cure from pine cones?” (00:00:53)
2007-10-26 OCT. 26: DISCUSSING NEPAL WHILE EATING TOILET PAPER — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imagines viewers scoffing at Nepal still having Maoist rebels. → “Maoist rebels are the contemporary insurgency, what, like, Friendster is to contemporary social networks.” (00:00:05)
2007-10-29 October 29th: It Just Isn't Fair — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Alvin expects Rick to cry about his dead father. → “Instead, he just said, My mourn days are over.” (00:02:18)
2007-10-30 Oct. 30th: My Name Is John Green. And I'm a Nerd. — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — John reads the cover of his childhood book, where the cool kid wears hiked-up plaid pants. → “Hank, I was such a nerd that I thought the nerds were cool.” (00:00:52)
2007-11-01 November 1st: When Nerdfighters Fall in Nerdfighter-Like — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — A six-year-old trick-or-treater says 'L'etat c'est moi'; John asks if he is Louis XIV. → “And he said, oui! Trick-or-treat!” (00:00:49)
2007-11-02 November 2nd: John Green at the Young Author's Award — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank explains that Englewood is part of 'old Florida', and why he is wearing glasses. → “I mean it's one of the parts of Florida where almost everyone is very old. And so I wanted to fit in.” (00:00:04)
2007-11-05 November 5th: John's Not Happy about Pakistan — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank called the award footage the moment John realized his writing could connect him to the world. → “I think it's far more likely that that was the first moment I ever realized that a girl might, for even one second, like me.” (00:00:49)
2007-11-06 Nov — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank complains that AirTran gives only gourmet pretzels, however long the flight. → “They're happy to share with you these little packets of desiccated doom.” (00:01:09)
2007-11-07 November 7: Discussing the Political Situation in Pakistan — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After Sharif is told to leave or die in jail, John delivers a line he has been saving. → “Sharif, needless to say, don't like it.” (00:02:54)
2007-11-08 November 8th: SUGAR HIGH! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank asks permission to eat the John Green Peep, echoing John's Pakistan-while-eating video. → “And I'll eat you while discussing the political situation in Chad.” (00:02:00)
2007-11-09 Nov. 9th: Sick Day — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John's ear infection has made one ear stick out. → “It's like me and Ross Perot. All I want is my ear symmetry.” (00:00:00)
2007-11-15 Nov 15: Jay-Z, the Inkys, Nerdfighteria, and Venn Diagrams! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Not knowing what the Inky trophy will look like, John hopes its inscription echoes his 'tortured history with trophies'. → “we can only hope that it's going to say John Green, winner of the 2007 Silver Inky. in our hearts.” (00:01:08)
2007-11-16 November 16th: Green Cars at the LA Auto Show — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank opens with a string of "Good morning, John" greetings from different cars at the show. → “This side view mirror is bigger than my head.” (00:00:00)
2007-11-19 November 19th: HOORAY HOORAY HAPPY HOORAY! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The long-awaited phone call finally comes and John is overjoyed. → “this is so much better than the part of my day when the doctor was giving me a prostate exam” (00:01:40)
2007-11-20 November 20th: A White Thanksgiving — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Filming while throwing a snowball makes Hank throw weakly; he insists that is not how he throws. → “If you see me throwing a snowball at you, that is because I want you to see me throwing a snowball at you.” (00:00:41)
2007-11-21 November 21st: What I'm Grateful For — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John imagines a paper, 'Does the Awesomeness of a Body Depend Upon Its Nerd Content?', proving that accumulating knowledge raises worldwide awesome. → “Except for when you're accumulating knowledge about Britney Spears” (00:00:09)
2007-11-23 November 23rd: BLACK FRIDAY! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank, baffled by the near-naked men on the walls of Abercrombie & Fitch, ranks the store. → “Abercrombie & Fitch is gayer than both Claire's and the beef stick stand.” (00:01:21)
2007-11-26 Nov. 26th: Writing Advice (And Notes on Surnameless Tiffany) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — His childhood book starts with him hating a fox and ends with a lonely character no one plays with. → “Does no one like me because I hate foxes?” (00:01:37)
2007-11-28 November 28th: Amy Winehouse and Brain Liquefication — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John suggests Amy Winehouse snorts every few minutes to keep her liquified brain in her head, explaining her cancelled concerts. → “She has liquid brain! I'd cancel my concerts, too!” (00:01:37)
2007-11-29 November 29th: sXePhil, Leaky Brains and a Secret Project — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank tells Phil about a dream of him in a kinky cartoon-costume club, and Phil gets defensive. → “Oh. Phil, that is weird.” (00:00:10)
2007-11-30 Nov. 30th: A CHRISTMAS RANT — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines toy soldiers and elves teaming up: hijacking Santa's sleigh and putting lead paint in all our toys. → “we wouldn't be able to defend ourselves because all the lead poisoning made us stupid.” (00:01:38)
2007-12-04 December 4th: Question Tuesday!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Asked 'Who's Hank?', John describes his brother as if he were the Sun. → “Hank is a mass of incandescent gas located about 26,000 light years from the center of the Milky Way.” (00:01:08)
2007-12-06 Dec. 6th: Peer Pressure and the Green Green Manifesto — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John counts down the top three jokes viewers made about his nerd glasses. → “And number one, you look exactly like Uncle Junior from The Sopranos.” (00:00:00)
2007-12-07 December 7th: Fight Night with the Green Bros. — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank was the more physical brother. → “While John's abuse generally came out of his mouth, my abuse one time landed on his mouth.” (00:00:41)
2007-12-10 Dec. 10: MY BOOK IS GONNA BE A MOVIE!!! (someday) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Explaining that film adaptations take a long time, John offers another example. → “the excellent book Beowulf, which was released, I believe, 1100 years ago, and then the movie came out last month.” (00:01:12)
2007-12-12 Dec. 12th: w00t is the WORD OF THE YEAR?! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John's letter mourns, in leetspeak, that teenagers will not woot, pwn noobs or steal warez today. → “Indeed, December 12th, 2007 will be forever remembered as the day the lulz died.” (00:01:33)
2007-12-13 December 13: Mailing Shopping Thanking. It Must Be Christmas — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Watching the footage, Hank notices a disturbing trend: at every step Katherine is the one doing the work. → “I'm sorry, baby. But I gotta film more videos!” (00:02:07)
2007-12-14 Dec. 14th: John and Maureen Johnson: LIVE FROM NEW YORK CITY — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After Maureen Johnson says she likes Hank more, John concedes that the teen authors of America love Hank. → “But as I always remind myself, it's not a competition. Because if it were a competition, I'd lose.” (00:01:27)
2007-12-18 Dec 18th: The Project for Awesome and Question Tuesday!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John answers like an encyclopedia entry about a Pacific island colonized by the Spanish in 1521. → “Hank is today known primarily for his beautiful coral reefs and large American military presence.” (00:02:36)
2007-12-19 December 19: The Day that the Nerds Took Over YouTube — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The song claims the Project for Awesome's shared thumbnail beat YouTube's usual attention-grabbing thumbnails. → “Their center screenshot was actually more powerful than two boobs” (00:01:38)
2007-12-20 December 20th: HANK SHALL BE PUNISHED! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Dismissing the idea of releasing a squirrel into Hank's undergarments, John lists who would be harmed. → “and perhaps most of all, it would be harmful to the undergarments.” (00:02:01)
2007-12-21 December 21: Hank Accepts His Punishment — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's nightmare of failing to play the Violent Femmes' big song resolves in an unexpected way. → “It would have sucked a lot more if it hadn't turned out that, like, the world was ending” (00:01:22)
2007-12-26 Dec. 26th: Christmas, Manga, and Goat Poop — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains why humans, not goats, became the dominant and most intellectual species. → “very difficult to accomplish much when you have to poop every 11 seconds” (00:01:25)
2007-12-27 December 27th: The Gig! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Katherine says the concert could have been worse; Hank agrees and names how. → “I could have been hit in the face with a vial of transmissible cancer.” (00:03:07)
2007-12-28 Dec. 28th: John's Last Brotherhood 2.0 Video — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John recalls that every joke he told at eleven built up and up to the punchline. → “Poop. The punch line was always poop, Hank.” (00:00:57)
2007-12-31 Dec 31: Goodbye Brotherhood 2.0 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After listing 2007 YouTube moments ending with someone saying 'don't tase me bro', the song explains the project's name. → “We took that bro and we added 2.0” (00:00:40)

2008 (77)

2008-01-04 Nerdfighting in 2008, Pakistan, and Hillary Clinton — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After calling Musharraf's mustache a bad sign and listing mustachioed dictators, John reassesses Musharraf. → “as anti-democratic as Pervez Musharraf might be in the context of other mustachioed 20th century leaders, he's kind of a winner” (00:02:04)
2008-01-08 Sledding and YouTube Tag — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — For his fifth fact, Hank 'confesses' that John Green is not actually his brother and that he is a paid actor. → “I was hired by his publishing company to try and help him sell books.” (00:02:44)
2008-01-08 The Return of Question Tuesdays — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Choosing a puppy-sized elephant, John writes a letter to Evolution. → “Dear Evolution, I have always believed in you, and I have always defended you. Now make me a puppy-sized elephant!” (00:00:00)
2008-01-21 A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imagines the letter Evolution would send back after humans may have killed off the dwarf elephants. → “We made you a puppy-sized elephant, but then you killed it.” (00:01:59)
2008-02-04 Obama Says Subscribe — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank imagines River Tam and the new Terminator running on a platform of kicking his ass. → “that would not scare me more than a Huckabee Romney ticket.” (00:01:06)
2008-02-08 QUESTION TUESDAYS (On Friday) — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked 'Who the F is Hank?', John recites a special-forces spy biography for his brother. → “When in the field, Hank prefers to work alone.” (00:01:05)
2008-02-14 The Puff Pwns Gravity — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John imagines Hank objecting that his toddler puff, maybe three inches, is surely smaller than his puff now. → “At the time of my record puff level, I myself was only 33 inches tall.” (00:00:00)
2008-02-19 Your Spying Thieving Valentine: Hank — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reads out Nerdfighters' Amazon purchases, shouting 'Nerdfighters!' after each one. → “Solar Energy Projects for the Evil Genius. EcoGeek Nerdfighters.” (00:01:27)
2008-02-21 People Who Love Giraffes Who Love Giraffes — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked why Hank's videos get the most views, John points to one whose screenshot shows two giraffes having sex. → “We're people who love giraffes who love girrafes.” (00:01:43)
2008-02-26 Best Wishes! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John's memo to teenage Nerdfighters wondering if their self-consciousness will ever go away. → “Yeah, no, it won't. Best wishes.” (00:00:31)
2008-03-04 SETTING THE QUESTION TUESDAY WORLD RECORD — 5 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — A question about whether John and the Yeti plan kids soon. → “Mom, why are you leaving me questions for Question Tuesday? I'm trying to be professional here.” (00:00:28)
2008-03-07 Shawty Got Low, Tritube and Blurbing — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank opens 'popular songs sung in unpopular styles' by crooning the club hit acoustically. → “Next thing you know, shorty got low. Shorty got low.” (00:00:04)
2008-03-15 Ruins, LOLBooks, and the Blurbing Book Club — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John has been to Mobile three times and there was a parade every time. → “either the people of Mobile, Alabama get really excited whenever I come to town, or else they have a parade every day” (00:00:06)
2008-03-21 Twitter After School Time — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Nobody tweets about their bowel movements, Hank observes, except that he has reason to. → “I could tweet my poops. I think my doctor actually suggested that I tweet my poops. I'm so old.” (00:01:02)
2008-04-14 PAPER TOWNS-TACULAR — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John greets the girl on the ARC cover as if she were in the room. → “Well, hello there, Margo. You're looking very cute today.” (00:01:41)
2008-04-16 ITCHY MUSIC! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank blames his viral rash on the Obama rally he attended. → “Barack Obama gave me a disease. He shook my hand right after he sneezed.” (00:00:00)
2008-04-21 Belated Book-tacular Questions — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's early-voting sticker reads 'I vote count', which isn't a sentence; maybe something was cut off. → “maybe what they meant to say was I vote count chocula.” (00:00:00)
2008-04-24 Pills Pills Pills — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank explains how pricey his good medication is. → “So when I drop one of these things on the bathroom floor, I eat it!” (00:00:44)
2008-04-28 Ranting and Giving Stuff Away — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Nepal's election is good news for John personally. → “it makes it less likely that I am again going to have to eat toilet paper” (00:01:17)
2008-04-30 BLOOD! I'm a KILLER! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank divides total viewing time into years. → “77.4 years divided by the lifespan of one human is one. I have blood on my hands.” (00:00:48)
2008-05-05 A HORRIFYING OVERSIGHT!!!! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — If the Nerdfighters don't make something awesome, Hank will drop out of the channel. → “We're going to have to call it Vlog Brother.” (00:00:00)
2008-05-06 Hank Would Think This Is Awesome: The Project — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John coins 'Hankian' for being excited and busy. → “It's like Nietzschean, but, you know, less frighteningly nihilistic.” (00:00:00)
2008-05-18 A CUTETACULAR INTRODUCTION! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John describes the noise Willy makes when not getting full attention. → “all the kittens in the world have united with all the birds in the world and they've gone to war with monkeys and puppy-sized elephants.” (00:02:01)
2008-05-19 Three Things — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John and the Yeti wanted to replace their whole lawn with native plants and vegetables. → “the only thing I fear more than our planet becoming uninhabitable to humans is my neighbors thinking that I'm a crazy liberal.” (00:00:36)
2008-05-20 Guys Love Giraffe Love — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Only two of the brothers' 296 videos were watched by more men than women. → “The two exceptions? Both feature giraffe sex as the center screenshot.” (00:01:10)
2008-05-23 Happy (Belated) Birthday, Hank — 7 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Nerdfighter reports receiving their voter information. → “I guess the government thought I was awesome enough to actually change my middle name to Awesome.” (00:04:54)
2008-05-30 The Dread Pirate Fireball Roberts! (And Housekeeping) — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Willy doesn't just enjoy chewing shoes. → “He wants his self to be annihilated into the bright, shining light of shooness.” (00:00:48)
2008-06-04 VEEPSTAKES! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Schweitzer's downside: he wears a lot of bolo ties. → “I'm not sure the American people are ready to be one heartbeat away from a bolo tie presidency.” (00:01:15)
2008-06-19 Memo to the Fourteenth Century (and to the Tobians) — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Ending his memo on the future course of history, John addresses the 14th-century peoples outside Europe. → “Listen closely, peoples of non-Europe. If you see a dude who looks like me, kill him.” (00:03:17)
2008-06-24 Questions Answered! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank notes TV has more murders per capita, so if certain TV detectives show up at your party, just leave. → “Run away because I think your jewels are going to get stolen or you are going to get whacked!” (00:01:54)
2008-06-26 Don't Suck on That Bone — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John promises to speak real Tobian from a language website whose phrasebook sentences are ridiculous. → “He is sucking the bark of the tree. Take the pumpkin. Don't suck on that bone.” (00:00:48)
2008-07-01 Live from LAX — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — An old lady tells John she loved the first half of Looking for Alaska but the second half fell apart. → “i was like well i really liked the first half of your comment” (00:01:42)
2008-07-04 America Stands for Awesome — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Wishing everyone a happy July 4th, Hank addresses possible British viewers about American independence. → “Hopefully there are no British Nerdfighters who think that we should not have seceded from your oppressive rule.” (00:00:41)
2008-07-08 Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked what books aspiring writers should read for inspiration, John names his own. → “get inspired to write is to buy twenty or thirty copies of each of my books.” (00:01:04)
2008-07-13 Willy's Elusive Head Turn — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John praises Willy's skills despite his size. → “for someone who has a brain the size of a baby fist, I think he's kind of a genius” (00:00:44)
2008-07-18 Book Eight...Another Harry Potter Song — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank wants to know more about Grindelwald and Dumbledore. → “I really do think that they both batted lefty” (00:01:42)
2008-07-27 How to Buy Glasses Cheap...and Help Hank Pick Frames! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains how he lost his glasses while tubing on the Clark Fork River. → “I gave them to the Clark Fork as a solemn offering of my appreciation for its beauty and awesomeness.” (00:00:00)
2008-07-30 Audiobooks and 8 8 08 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John declares The Bean the best public sculpture in American history. → “Sorry Washington Monument, but you got pwned by a beautiful silver bean.” (00:01:17)
2008-08-06 Question Tuesday Returns (on a Wednesday) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tells how Hendrik Hertzberg inscribed a book to Sarah asking her to marry John. → “but no one can say no to Hendrick Hertzberg.” (00:02:09)
2008-08-12 Eight Days of Awesome — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank claims this was the longest run of awesome days since the invention of mankind. → “since mankind was invented by Zathura from the planet Zorkos.” (00:00:00)
2008-08-12 PEANUT BUTTER FACE (while discussing the Georgia-Russia War) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains South Ossetia and Abkhazia wanted to be independent countries. → “presumably because the world does not contain enough Luxembourg's.” (00:00:51)
2008-08-15 Metric Sabbath — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank answers viewers upset that he is killing spiders. → “I wouldn't do it if they weren't the kind that eat you and then your leg rots off.” (00:01:07)
2008-08-18 This Video Comes in Threven Parts — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank, announcing numbered parts, loses count mid-video. → “No idea what number I'm on. This is why I don't do parts videos.” (00:02:03)
2008-08-21 INTERNET SENSATION B$%CH — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank mocks the report's 'internet sensation' label by pointing to his makeshift blue screen. → “I'm enough of an internet sensation that I've just taped several pieces of blue construction paper behind me” (00:00:00)
2008-08-25 Oh John Green, You're 31 — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Nerdfighters recite anagrams of 'Happy birthday John'. → “Hi, hybrid Papa John. Hippie brand Hathjoy. Had thigh banjo.” (00:03:00)
2008-08-29 Sarah Palin: An Introduction — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John, who briefly lived in Alaska, explains why her anti-corruption reputation stands out. → “Alaska has about as many uncorrupt politicians as it has pleasant winter days” (00:00:57)
2008-09-04 Paper Towns Tour Dates! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — On returning to Columbus, John credits Queen Isabella with an obscure pun about Christopher Columbus. → “I can't get enough Columbus!” (00:02:13)
2008-09-23 Paper Towns and Touring Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John tells Nerdfighters to bring their friends to tour events. → “Unless you're too much of a Nerdfighter to have friends in real life, in which case, bring your bullies.” (00:01:12)
2008-09-25 Obama llama Duck — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sings a pro-Obama version of the viral Llama Song. → “One Obama, two Obama, three Obama, four Obama, hot Obama, vote Barack Obama” (00:00:45)
2008-10-06 Berlin and Let it Snow (in Your Pants) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John failed to notice the church outside his hotel window was missing its steeple until Sarah pointed it out. → “So much for the theory that writers have to have unusually developed powers of observation.” (00:00:41)
2008-10-07 John Green on the Debate — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John learns Dan Rather is still alive and now on HDNet. → “Jesus, I'd rather be in a home.” (00:00:24)
2008-10-08 Hanks actual Vlog — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Katherine sees what looks like a naked dead body behind razor wire; Hank stops, walks up and opens his phone. → “and I look, and it is a freaking mannequin!” (00:02:55)
2008-10-08 J Scribble Goes to Borders — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John cuts up Paper Towns manuscript pages for the notes, including page 308. → “which is blank and therefore the only incontestably perfect page in the whole novel” (00:00:48)
2008-10-09 Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — If bookstores sold Harry Potter early, JK Rowling would send an army of mercenaries to kill Barnes & Noble. → “with special wands that shoot bullets out of them and are called AK-47s” (00:00:31)
2008-10-11 Question Friday — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Asked whether the Nerdfighting puppy is neutered, John recalls warning Willy about peeing inside. → “I am gonna chop your balls off, and then I did it.” (00:00:58)
2008-10-17 Vital Status Report from NYC — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A guest who hasn't read Paper Towns claims it is being made into a movie. → “Tom Cruise is going to play the towns.” (00:02:32)
2008-10-21 Travel Tips, Delivered Hoarsely — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reveals how he travels 33 days with carry-on only: wearing dirty clothes. → “After like three days, you completely stop smelling yourself.” (00:02:07)
2008-10-22 Punish Hank? Save Hank? YOU DECIDE. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Explaining the publicist's Palin comparison, John casts himself as the serious old running mate. → “I’m the one who’s like “my friends, I think that we should read books.”” (00:03:30)
2008-10-24 IRON MAN BLOGTV CHALLENGE! — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank suggests spending over six hours adding Facebook friends as a way to stay awake, and mimes it. → “Just click. Confirm. Confirm. Confirm.” (00:00:30)
2008-10-24 Talking to Myself — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank interrupts his greeting to take a phone call, and the caller is Hank. → “Hey, Hank. It's Hank.” (00:00:00)
2008-10-24 Paper Towns MOVIE1!!!11! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John describes the release day of his second novel: no copies in the bookstore. → “Then I went home and we had some soup. Then we watched CSI and went to bed.” (00:01:50)
2008-10-28 The Unzipped Zipper (Of Your Pants) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John realises he gave his whole talk on imagining others complexly while unzipped. → “with, like a massively unzipped zipper.” (00:02:22)
2008-10-28 Early Voting with Hank — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank opens by announcing that it is Monday, November 4th, election day. → “Well, it may not be for you, but it is for me.” (00:00:00)
2008-10-31 Show 'n Tell Thursday — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines Willy walking around in his puppy-sized elephant costume, speaking. → “My name is Willy. I'm gonna pee on some stuff.” (00:01:06)
2008-11-03 Hank and John from the Road — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A man says his copy of Looking for Alaska was half eaten by a Hawaiian mongoose. → “I totally believe him because he looked like the kind of guy who did professionally wrestle Hawaiian mongooses.” (00:01:48)
2008-11-04 Election Night In Indianapolis! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John laments that elections lack football's spectacle of 'well-trained, well-oiled young men', and the image turns into innuendo. → “each other in the behinds.” (00:00:44)
2008-11-06 Funny Noises from Tennessee — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John tells Hank that all Nerdfighters want from his video is funny noises; Hank then screams at length. → “Is that all you want from me? Funny noises? Because I can do that.” (00:01:08)
2008-11-07 Vlogging from Gadsden — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The day after the 2008 election, Hank mourns John Green's historic presidential run. → “he lost to this scoundrel named Barack Obama.” (00:00:00)
2008-11-17 Life on Tour — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Stuck in traffic, John strains to appreciate natural beauty from the minivan. → “Look, natural beauty. Stupid truck. Stupid crane.” (00:01:04)
2008-11-19 Sharing Presents in Westport — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Opening an elephant piggy bank, they warn viewers not to put too much money in it. → “It's just like the American economy. Oh, empty.” (00:01:19)
2008-11-27 Thanksgiving in Asheville — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's hands, filling the widescreen, answer back to his sincere message. → “That Thanksgiving message sucked. You should just try to be funny.” (00:01:43)
2008-12-08 I Am Afraid of Heights — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John cites Franklin Delano Roosevelt: we have nothing to fear but fear itself. → “And heights.” (00:03:07)
2008-12-15 Famous Last Words — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, said 'I can't sleep' as his last words → “Yes, you can.” (00:03:00)
2008-12-17 Project for Awesome: DonorsChoose.org — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John, holding steel wool and a battery, asks Hank how they get the steel wool → “Does it involve steel sheep?” (00:00:58)
2008-12-18 Introducing...The Awesome — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John admits five llama butts cost as much as a whole llama. → “I wanted you to get a lot of llama butt.” (00:01:10)
2008-12-26 Skoodilypooping — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John's high-school girlfriend asks Nanny what 'Scootily Poopin'' means. → “And Nanny just looked at her and said, as if you don't. know.” (00:02:07)
2008-12-29 Comment Haters and Christmas — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank accepts a hater's label 'gay nerd homo sapiens activist'. → “My wife might get a little bit angry about the gay part, but everything else, I'm sure she will be 100% in favor of.” (00:00:00)

2009 (108)

2009-01-06 The Rock-Afire Explosion Controversy — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Defending his love of a defunct pizza-chain band, Hank reaches for a grand comparison. → “And just because John Lennon was shot doesn't mean I don't like the Beatles.” (00:01:48)
2009-01-07 Hank Green: Behind the Music — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The narrator hails the internationally best-selling album, then admits So Jokes is not out yet. → “but it will be internationally best-selling, depending on how you define that term.” (00:00:29)
2009-01-11 SOMALI PIRATES! France Penetrates Chad! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Quoting Wikipedia's 'The French first penetrated Chad in 1891', John interviews Chad about whether the French penetrated it again. → “Oh my yes, they penetrated me repeatedly.” (00:01:30)
2009-01-13 Beanie John's Love Advice — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After copying out Ice Ice Baby lyrics in his diary, young John sums up his musical taste. → “I like rap. I like black nationalist rap.” (00:00:58)
2009-01-16 Hank Green from the Detroit Auto Show — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank announces a big philosophical question the auto show has raised. → “which is why I haven't peed yet.” (00:01:57)
2009-01-18 PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA Inaugurated: Some Historical Background — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John asks whether two presidents who swore on law books were bad presidents. → “Actually, they were both really bad presidents.” (00:00:54)
2009-01-20 Hank's Journal!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank reads a teenage rap lyric about a Pentium CPU, viruses and skipping class. → “apparently I like to rap about hacking” (00:02:04)
2009-01-25 Puppet Santa Dance Party / Hard Times in Book Publishing — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but, John says, there is a little-known fact. → “nerd pride is one of the seven lively virtues” (00:00:00)
2009-01-27 Before Looking for Alaska… — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — As a child John believed stairs meant wealth, so he imagined the IRS asking how many stairs you have. → “And they were like, "That'll be $20,000."” (00:00:51)
2009-02-03 Five Parts — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank relays a Nerdfighter's marriage proposal and explains why he votes yes. → “my theory is that he will stop emailing me about it.” (00:00:50)
2009-02-08 All Aboard the Fail Boat — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Williamson agreed to 'reconsider the historical evidence' of the Holocaust. → “Which is like reconsidering the historic evidence that America had a president called Ronald Reagan.” (00:01:06)
2009-02-10 Paper Towns Tastic Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Second reason Song of Myself is central to Paper Towns: Walt Whitman is hot. → “that guy could sound his barbaric yelp over the roofs of my world anytime.” (00:00:00)
2009-02-15 Stimulus Plan Explained — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John's economic credential: a 1994 Academic Decathlon bronze, making him the third-best economist... → “among high school students with grade point averages of under 3.0 in the state of Alabama.” (00:00:20)
2009-02-18 Winners and Winners and Ningmasters — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The winning joke: today I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar. → “It was then that I realized my life is a joke.” (00:00:27)
2009-02-21 Paper Towns and PUPPY — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — People assumed John avoided the name Wikipedia for fear of being sued. → “no one in all of human history has less standing to sue anyone for anything than Wikipedia” (00:01:00)
2009-02-24 How to Make Guys Like You — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Since only giraffe-sex videos draw more men than women, John's first advice for getting boys to like you. → “you should become a giraffe.” (00:00:43)
2009-03-01 Free Will Fetish — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reminds Hank of the famous axiom 'gentlemen prefer blondes'. → “philosophers prefer cross-eyed women.” (00:00:38)
2009-03-03 Eating Man Meat — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says America needs some new non-profit organizations. → “the Coalition to Never Allow Beverly Hills Chihuahua to be the only option for an in-flight movie” (00:02:15)
2009-03-08 PEEPS for Bangladesh — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank will laugh at the Peeps video and cry at the school video. → “Nerdfighting is a full-service emotional operation. We take you to all the possible feelings.” (00:02:15)
2009-03-10 How to Get Girls to Like You — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Girls like Willy because he is a puppy. → “my first piece of advise about getting girls to like you: become a puppy.” (00:01:22)
2009-03-18 Dr. Manhattan's Dangle and Brain Crack — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — buttfires.com: an e-greeting card you send when someone is late with their proposal. → “which would basically be the internet version of lighting a fire under someone's ass.” (00:02:33)
2009-03-22 John Loves Amsterdam — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Dutch journalist says Paper Towns was much better in Dutch; John asks why. → “and she said "much funnier"” (00:02:40)
2009-03-24 Peeps! Prom! Puppy! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John predicts viewers will laugh at his pain when he eats the Peeps. → “if it weren't for schadenfreude, there would be no Freude at all.” (00:00:53)
2009-03-29 Tiny Chickens Cause Epic Fail — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John stages a one-man boycott protest demanding Hank's Carrie Bradshaw punishment, marching and chanting. → “Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Into a skirt Hank's gotta go!” (00:01:09)
2009-04-01 A Few Of My Favorite Things — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank notes Northwest Airlines shares its acronym NWA (with the rap group, implied). → “So every time I'm at the airport and I walk up to the NWA counter, I'm like...” (00:02:40)
2009-04-08 Become a Time Traveller TODAY! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — To go forward in time faster you just have to move really fast; Hank runs around. → “Unfortunately I don't think that that was fast enough and now I have a little bit of a headache.” (00:02:15)
2009-04-08 It All Makes Sense at the End — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The narrator lists years spent chewing and wooing, then addresses the listener's curiosity. → “And, I'm sure you're curious, almost three years pooing” (00:00:39)
2009-04-12 The Death of Youtube?? Redesign Coming — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — His pitch ends up describing an unhealthy long-term relationship with the cereal. → “That's...awesome, that's a great way to...get diabetes.” (00:02:32)
2009-04-14 The World's Largest Balls — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The boys of Boys Town made a ball of more than four million stamps. → “what you can accomplish if you're bored And orphaned.” (00:01:10)
2009-04-19 Weekend of Surreality — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John clarifies that his $1,000 would not go 'to malaria' and acts out handing the disease money. → “You are the scourge of our species. Here's a thousand dollars.” (00:00:48)
2009-04-21 Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked about a Nerdfighter initiation, John describes a 'small one'. → “You have to ride a puppy-sized elephant around the circumference of winter South Dakota while holding an abundance of catherines in your pants” (00:00:40)
2009-04-25 Saturday Video?!?!?! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked whether the world will end in 2012. → “Oh come on, eschatological anxiety is so 1999.” (00:01:34)
2009-04-26 Peanut Butter Face Discusses Sri Lanka — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Among the news stories he follows, John lists the breakup of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha. → “I-don't-know-your-last-name-and-wish-I-didn't-know-your-first-name.” (00:00:24)
2009-05-04 Oinkbarf Pandemic! An Intellectual Response to Swine Flu — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Listing names for H1N1 flu, John adds his own coinage. → “I think oinkbarf is its technical name.” (00:01:20)
2009-05-05 HANKO DE MAYO! Happy Birthday Hank! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says his 11-year-old self would have held 8-year-old Hank down under the ball-pit balls. → “A, I'm not sorry, and B, I think having a deep fear of fun balls is actually quite healthy.” (00:02:19)
2009-05-08 Star Trek: The Movie, Review — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank recasts the Star Trek opening narration as the voyages of the ship Nerdfighteria on YouTube, then stops at the split infinitive. → “to go boldly. We do not split infinitives here.” (00:00:00)
2009-05-13 My Birthday Rocks — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A card says he will frustrate his enemies by showing them indifference. → “Which is generally how I handle my enemies, since I didn't realize I had any.” (00:00:32)
2009-05-13 GREEN SCREEN!!!! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank calls out background colours on the green screen, ending with green. → “Black! Red! Green! Oh, right.” (00:00:00)
2009-05-17 Burma! Myanmar? BURMA! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — To explain why he will not say Myanmar, John imagines a US military junta renaming America. → “the Democratic Socialist Republic of Poopyface Funnypants,” (00:01:11)
2009-05-19 Question Tuesday! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked for what's in the basket behind him, John says it holds only the job of separating his books on Islam from those on Christianity. → “No offense, but the wicker basket is doing a fantastic job. Why would I replace it with a human being?” (00:01:19)
2009-05-20 Ulcerative Colitis: A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Waking after the colonoscopy while the doctor reads his chart, Hank gets his attention. → “I called his attention to me with a 15 minute fart” (00:00:34)
2009-05-24 WROCK! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says someone dressed as Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder at the bar. → “I've been waiting my whole life for Dumbledore to buy me a drink.” (00:00:29)
2009-05-26 A Message to the Class of 2009 — 2 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank rattles off stock commencement lines about changing the world and the real world. → “Graduation speeches, they all sound like this!” (00:00:13)
2009-06-01 DFTBA Street Team In Your Pants — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Maureen ends her story of how the 'in your pants' game started over John's dropped bagel. → “and that's how a movement starts all because John Green doesn't know how to eat” (00:02:23)
2009-06-03 LeakyCon Fun! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having given blood, they use blood-mobile supplies as drink mixers. → “it's for a good cause we're gonna get drunk for charity” (00:02:07)
2009-06-07 I Will Call Him Louis: Australia Rocks! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John wonders why a dugong is so fat when it eats only lettuce. → “Maybe it's because he also has a brother who comes up with crazily fatty punishments.” (00:01:33)
2009-06-10 WIDE ANGLE LENS! And Not Eating Fat Sandwiches — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank quotes John: the first two bites of the fat sandwich were delicious, then he puked. → “which frankly is how we all should respond to Charles jr. burgers” (00:00:58)
2009-06-17 Half a Beard — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The Nerdfighter beard vote came out for keeping it, but John forgot to mention one rule. → “the Yeti always has 10,000 votes” (00:00:00)
2009-06-20 Neck Beards and Fitness Challenges — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains why neck beards always look bad: like a swallowed weasel that got stuck. → “then it died trying to claw its way out of your neck” (00:00:00)
2009-06-21 The World Sucks: Help it Suck Less — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John summarises their charity stunts, like drinking a blenderized Happy Meal. → “In fact, Hank, that's what YouTube is about. It's about drinking meat.” (00:00:33)
2009-06-23 Fighting the Flame War! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A commenter asks why John never blinks; Hank, wearing the commenter's duck head, turns it around. → “How come this duck never blinks?” (00:00:53)
2009-06-29 GAY is NOT an INSULT — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reads a hateful comment, replacing its curse word with a famous American poet's name. → “Go Emily Dickinson your mom!” (00:00:36)
2009-06-30 Nerdfighter MARRIAGE PROPOSAL — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A viewer asks whether the thing behind John is a polar bear with a top hat. → “Do you mean the My Little Pony with a hand-painted black Santa on its bottom?” (00:00:39)
2009-07-05 Sarah Palin Resigning! Four Possible Reasons Why — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says there are only about three things he wouldn't do to earn his annual salary in five days: kill anyone, hurt anyone, and... → “and I wouldn't get above the third rung on a ladder.” (00:01:44)
2009-07-14 Sell Outs! — 5 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John wears a suit to appeal to advertisers but insists he hasn't sold out. → “You can tell because I'm not wearing any pants.” (00:00:00)
2009-07-17 Selling Out, Chewbacca and Taking Leave — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Chewbacca owes Han Solo a life debt, so a Chewie-Solo administration has a problem if anyone tries to kill Han. → “then you would have the president jumping in front of the bullet, or the blaster bolt, to save the vice president's life” (00:00:21)
2009-07-19 Harry Potter Nerds Win at Life — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tries 20Q with puppy-sized elephants, 'the most outrageously wonderful creature not currently in existence'. → “it guessed unicorns, which everyone knows were left off the ark for a reason.” (00:02:08)
2009-07-26 Volunteering (In Your Pants) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John adds 'in your pants' to the title The Sun Also Rises. → “Which, come to think of it, is in fact what The Sun Also Rises is about.” (00:00:37)
2009-07-28 Love and Romance Questions ANSWERED — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Reading a question about a boyfriend who is 'about to porpoise', John lists the signs of turning into a porpoise. → “He may also start to look increasingly less human and more dolphin shaped,” (00:00:26)
2009-08-04 Twitter Games and Truth or Fail — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A tiger shark was found with chickens in its stomach, which Hank says is not the strange part. → “The strange part is that they were still in their chicken coop.” (00:02:55)
2009-08-06 Robert Pattinson and DJ Railstone — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Listening to an interview with Robert Pattinson spoils John's image of him. → “I was like, dude, shut up. You're ruining it.” (00:00:40)
2009-08-10 HipPOTATOmus — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John cannot show the footage because the Yeti is in all of it. → “if I show any of the Yeti then the very foundations of Nerdfighteria will collapse” (00:00:23)
2009-08-11 The Island of Nerdfighteria? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A viewer tries to trick John into saying 'I love unicorns'; he catches himself mid-word. → “there could be a million unicorn lovers in Nerdfighteria, and still, I would say, I hate unicorns!” (00:01:39)
2009-08-19 The Political Situation at the County Fair — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The Democratic Party is a llama with a big head and atrophied body that only acts every four years. → “the frickin' Republican llama is going crazy with its huge body and its tiny head” (00:01:37)
2009-08-21 Truth or Fail: John Green Books — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John calls Truth or Fail 'YouTube's bonely game show' and defines his made-up word. → “Bonely, of course, is a word that means probably only and definitely best.” (00:00:00)
2009-08-24 HAPPY JOHN DAY!!! — 7 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reveals that Nerdfighters have turned John into a bobblehead. → “Your lifelong dream of becoming a plastic figurine with a head that wobbles back and forth has finally been realized.” (00:09:42)
2009-09-01 I AM COMPUTER MAN!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The photographer brought in an extra computer so the photos would look more epic. → “I am Computer Man!” (00:02:04)
2009-09-03 WTF IS GOING ON!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank, wearing a toucan nose, claims to be improving viewers' lives. → “right now your life is a little bit better than it was before I put the toucan nose on.” (00:01:47)
2009-09-08 My Puppy's SECRET SHAME (and Paper Towns) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reveals Willy's secret shame, an extra tailbone that bends his tail down. → “my beloved puppy can never achieve a full tail-rection. It's always a little limp at the end.” (00:00:52)
2009-09-12 Special Friday Video! (On Saturday) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imitates a CSI one-liner from David Caruso: 'I don't think you were playing the marimba.' → “I think you were playing the murderer, Imba.” (00:00:40)
2009-09-16 #@$%#!!! From Maine — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank tells his three-year-old nephew, whose balloon popped, that all things are ephemeral. → “What he wants to hear is cookie.” (00:01:48)
2009-09-20 Health Care Reform: The Hank Factor — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains what ulcerative colitis is like without the details. → “it's like your whole body is on earth except for your intestines which are in hell” (00:00:36)
2009-09-22 Paper Towns in Paperback: A How-to Guide — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tells Nerdfighters none of the book's success would have happened without them. → “Well, actually, I might have still won the Edgar” (00:00:47)
2009-09-23 Where's Margo! A Nerdfighter Event! — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank tells John that Margo, his fictional character, has been busy since the book. → “I understand that you thought she was fictional, being that you made her up in your head, but she got out” (00:00:00)
2009-09-27 TV For Chickens — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — TV makes chickens passive and less murderous; John thinks of angry YouTube commenters. → “dude, you need to watch more TV. It'll wash that homicidal aggression right off you.” (00:01:38)
2009-09-28 Paper Towns Winners and Ningmasters — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A winning comment asks where Willy will hide his victims once the wall is gone. → “Willy, where do you keep the bodies? He's not talking.” (00:01:40)
2009-09-30 13 SEVERED HANDS! (1) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank shrugs off the reconciliation of Luke and Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. → “no more hands get chopped off, so as far as I'm concerned, that's the end” (00:03:24)
2009-09-30 13 SEVERED HANDS! (2) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank shrugs off Luke and Vader's reconciliation at the end of Return of the Jedi. → “but no more hands get chopped off, so as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of the movie.” (00:03:24)
2009-10-04 NERD ALERT: Presidential Last Words — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Jefferson's last words resign his daughter to his country; John imagines her asking if he believes humans can own other humans. → “Oh. Right, you do.” (00:00:59)
2009-10-06 Victoria Beckham In Your Pants — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Recalling Victoria Beckham's girl group, John acts out their song promising to say what they really, really want. → “they just wanted to zig a zig ah, which is not even a thing.” (00:00:32)
2009-10-11 Puppy Elephant Defends Capitalism — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — An unregulated market can reduce activity, e.g. people too transfixed by costumed puppies to go to work. → “which is basically why heroin is illegal, but that's another story.” (00:02:14)
2009-10-18 The Balloon Boy Hoax — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Who can blame the boy for vomiting after being forced onto the Today Show? → “I mean, I vomit sometimes just watching the Today Show.” (00:02:33)
2009-10-20 The Bella Twins Like Paper Towns — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A voice corrects John's wrestler persona: the award was for his book, and he isn't a wrestler. → “And third, you do not have an impressive physique.” (00:00:58)
2009-10-22 The Top 10 Greatest Hoaxes of All Time — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hoaxers showed an actual image of an actual alien being actually cut open by actual doctors... → “All of those actuals are actually fakes.” (00:00:58)
2009-10-25 Fame: The Road Trip — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Ellen DeGeneres, Shakespeare or Jay-Z as the silverback gorilla of your jungle is fine. → “But if the silverback gorilla of your jungle is Lindsay Lohan, you need to take a long... hard look at yourself.” (00:03:05)
2009-11-01 NaNoWriMo!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John keeps cutting off an imagined interlocutor who cited On the Road; the interlocutor insists on finishing his point. → “hold on pretentious mc asshat let me finish my point” (00:00:59)
2009-11-03 This Machine Pwns n00bs! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The pre-order bundle includes a Hank pinup poster, which John says settles which brother is which. → “you are the pinup brother, and I am the puffy brother” (00:03:19)
2009-11-04 Please Buy My Album (A Song / Medley) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the medley Hank introduces the topic of one of his songs. → “This is a song For all the vegetables that look like penises” (00:02:18)
2009-11-08 H1N1 Vaccine Fears — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John offers two explanations for Jennings' recovery: a psychogenic component, or her doctor's treatment. → “Or maybe it's because she saw a doctor who injects people with pee.” (00:02:18)
2009-11-12 On a Plane - On the Ground — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank works out where the gerbil smell on the plane comes from. → “the parents behind me are using the the smell of cedar to overwhelm the smell of baby poop it's not working anymore” (00:00:28)
2009-11-15 Gus Is A Bug — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Child John reads Eric Carle's classic The Very Hungry Caterpillar after loving Gus Is a Bug. → “this is good, but it's no Gus is a Bug.” (00:00:41)
2009-11-17 Question Tuesday: The Free Money Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked 'who the F is Hank', John answers with a dictionary-style definition of a CD. → “Hank is an optical disc originally created to store sound recordings.” (00:00:35)
2009-11-18 Crazy Man is Crazy (with SEATTLE INFO!!) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sings a song meant to help him remember not to lose his keys and other things. → “Funny thing about that is that today I lost my keys.” (00:00:54)
2009-11-22 Hank in FAMY — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Announcing Hank's punishment day, John inverts 'a day that will live in infamy'. → “is a day that will live in fummy.” (00:00:00)
2009-11-24 50 THINGS!! That I'm Thankful For — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank explains why he dislikes the US national anthem. → “Bombs, explosions, and war. That's what America's about.” (00:00:00)
2009-11-25 Things I'm Not Thankful For — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says he was okay with South Park's Mr. Hanky even though it arrived when he was in middle school. → “which is not a good time to have a poop named after you.” (00:01:11)
2009-11-29 John Reviews Twilight and New Moon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Summarising Edward Cullen's appeal, John says what girls apparently want boys to be. → “Sparkly, non-farting, 107 year olds in 17 year old bodies.” (00:00:46)
2009-12-01 Shaving for Pakistan — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says he has let things slip and one day looked up at his out-of-control life. → “oh, my goodness, I am a failed state of a person.” (00:00:16)
2009-12-02 This Machine Pwns n00bs: A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank sings about racing to his Los Angeles show, late. → “I can't stop though, I really gotta piss” (00:00:29)
2009-12-06 LOSERS!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John vows Nerdfighteria will be the Parsbjerg to MIT's Brahe in a future nerd showdown. → “Oh, you don't know that reference, MIT? Maybe you're not so nerdy after all.” (00:03:19)
2009-12-09 ANNOUNCING! VidCon: Online Video IRL — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says success isn't based on the ungodly beauty of the people who started these projects; the sock agrees at once. → “No, that's for sure.” (00:02:06)
2009-12-13 Eyelash Malaria — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Listing drains on the world economy, John adds Tiger Woods' infidelity. → “which could actually single-handedly put golf into a recession” (00:01:13)
2009-12-15 In Which A Secret Is Revealed — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Explaining his new filming spot, John 'notices' a crib behind him. → “the Yeti's gonna have a little Yeti!!” (00:03:43)
2009-12-17 THE 2009 PROJECT FOR AWESOME!!! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At the ultrasound the technician moves the wand to the baby's mouth so they can hear what the baby is saying. → “the first words I heard my unborn baby say were, I hate malaria” (00:01:17)
2009-12-20 Awesome Project Is Awesome — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John proposes 'French the llama' as an exclamation of amazement and gives an example. → “French the llama the square root of negative one is a letter?” (00:02:21)
2009-12-22 John and Hank Take on X-Scape! — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John wants Hank to say 'Good morning, John' so he can answer; Hank says they've had that idea before. → “I know, it's still funny though.” (00:00:05)
2009-12-23 Amazing Christmas Facts With John and Hank — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John tries to show a trick with Willy by yelling 'Panic!' at the dog, who flees. → “You're gonna be a great father.” (00:00:00)
2009-12-27 How To Be a Nerdfighter: A Vlogbrothers FAQ — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says secret siblings make video responses 'down here'; John points to where responses appear. → “Down here, in my pants.” (00:02:35)

2010 (106)

2010-01-04 It Hurts In My Toof: The 2010 Rules — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John compares his view of rules to running the 110 m hurdles and getting an idea mid-race. → “this race would go so much faster if we just eliminated the hurdles” (00:01:16)
2010-01-08 GUS HAS NO FUZZ! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John celebrates Alabama, 'our ancestral homeland', winning the college football title. → “Alabama may be 48th in education, but we are first in football played by people enrolled at educational institutions.” (00:00:00)
2010-01-13 Froghoppin' with Gatsby — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Just off the Frog Hopper, John reports what the ride operator told him. → “the girl operating the Froghopper said that I was the biggest guy she'd ever seen on it. Thanks?” (00:01:30)
2010-01-18 Fatherhood — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines explaining the blue sky to his kid as poop from giant blue birds orbiting the world. → “Except when they're sick, when they poop gray and that's why clouds are gray.” (00:01:07)
2010-01-20 OMG MY BROTHER HAD A BABY — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank speculates on the origin of the baby's name. → “We can only assume that Henry was named after John's younger, smarter, better looking brother.” (00:02:15)
2010-01-25 Name My Dog! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank relays news from John about the newborn as if the parents had been deciding. → “They have decided to keep Henry.” (00:00:29)
2010-01-27 Boobs and the iPad — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Viewers' most common comment: 'Oh my god, John Green has boobs.' → “You guys, the man just had a baby. Come on.” (00:00:54)
2010-01-29 An Extremely Brief History of Superbowl Commercials — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank describes the 1997 ad that used the late Fred Astaire dancing with a vacuum cleaner. → “zombie Fred Astaire, we're assuming because he was dead, did a dance with a dirt devil vacuum cleaner” (00:01:17)
2010-02-05 DARE TO SUCK — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Voicing the young writer who insists they already suck enough, she stumbles into an innuendo. → “I haven't sucked long and hard enough, and I... did I just actually say that?” (00:02:26)
2010-02-08 Hypocrisy: All They Want is Money — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — An online campaign put Rage Against the Machine above the X Factor winner, yet Sony owned both. → “Except it turns out that we were raging against the wrong machine,” (00:00:43)
2010-02-12 Google Search Stories: Harry Potter — no single spoken punchline recorded (music or visual comedy)
2010-02-15 Hello Baby!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A viewer's message asks the brothers to upload 'hot videos like kisses and other'; John finds the premise funniest. → “And he thinks the only way to rectify this problem is to reach out to the Vlogbrothers.” (00:03:05)
2010-02-17 WRONG WRONG WRONG — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says one of his high-school girlfriends thought relationship labels were arbitrary. → “I think she also thought that monogamy was arbitrary.” (00:00:41)
2010-02-19 Henry's Pee and My Gut — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Holding two handfuls of urine, John screams for Sarah, who tells him to drop it. → “At which point, I basically drop poor Henry.” (00:00:28)
2010-02-24 JOHN GREEN IS FAT. — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John admits he has gained 63 pounds since a 1995 photo of his skinny self. → “I needed to gain the first maybe 20, but the last 43 were strictly optional” (00:00:29)
2010-03-01 The Marriage Ref SUCKS — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The Olympic closing ceremonies cut to the new show The Marriage Ref, produced around Jerry Seinfeld. → “It's the closing ceremonies of Jerry Seinfeld's career.” (00:00:33)
2010-03-08 GIGANTIC CHICKEN EGG!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says he has never touched dog poop unless someone else asked him to. → “So if I put poop in the Nintendo, it's because Jesus came and told me to do it. Or mom.” (00:00:29)
2010-03-10 New Tour! New Book! (Remember Books?) Your Q's A'ed! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A viewer asks 'Who the F is Hank?' → “Hank is a small coral atoll 703 nautical miles south of the equator.” (00:00:00)
2010-03-12 Peeing, Pooping, Prescription Drugs, and Ramen Noodle Fires — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Lemon is happiest right after she poops. → “Which makes me very nostalgic for the days in which I used to enjoy pooping.” (00:00:58)
2010-03-15 Cute OVERLOAD: The Ultimate Concern Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Henry treats John not as a person but as a kind of machine; John plays the part. → “I am your robot-need-filler. What are your needs? Do you need to be nomed?” (00:01:02)
2010-03-17 Side-Boob is Not my Ultimate Concern — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank claims the world wears green and dyes beer and rivers green for his mom's birthday, which falls on St. Patrick's Day. → “If you think they're celebrating this St. Patrick's guy, you got another thing coming.” (00:03:16)
2010-03-19 Foreign John Green Books and the Ultimate Concern — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John translates the French title of Paper Towns. → “The funny face of Margot. I got a 1 on the French AP exam.” (00:00:29)
2010-03-22 Top 10 Weirdest Diseases — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Toxoplasmosis makes infected women happier and men worse off, which Hank says has been posited as an explanation. → “there are so many crazy, old cat ladies, and not so many crazy, old cat men.” (00:02:02)
2010-03-24 Top 10 Animal POWER MOVES — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A turtle that sits still 23.5 hours a day moving only to eat sounds a lot like John's life. → “only Cantor's softshell turtle gets to live on the beach and I have to live in Indianapolis.” (00:00:55)
2010-03-29 Quotations (And Holden Hats) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Bigfoot-believing namesake John Green wrote to John after his Mental Floss article called Bigfoot fictional. → “was besmirching the good name of John Greens everywhere.” (00:00:50)
2010-04-02 Will Grayson, Will Grayson — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — YouTube moved the description box below the video, where John points when he says doobly-doo. → “only to have YouTube move it to my pants.” (00:00:00)
2010-04-05 Google in your Brain — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank solemnly reads YouTube's garbled auto-captions of John's sky-is-blue video, giant space birds and all. → “And that is why house are gray.” (00:00:00)
2010-04-07 Shmancy Hotel Room Is Shmancy — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At the first tour event many fans wore the Pizza John shirt. → “it's hard to focus on what you're saying when there's a pedophilic pizza loving version of yourself staring back at you” (00:00:58)
2010-04-09 Why is the Sky Blue and Other Questions Answered — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Hank explains to baby Henry why he, not John, will answer his questions. → “I am smart in the ways that your dad is stupid.” (00:00:19)
2010-04-12 On the Separation of Conjoined Twins — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John claims one of the largest collections of books about conjoined twins. → “In fact, I have more books about conjoined twins than there are conjoined twins.” (00:00:29)
2010-04-16 The Patron Saint of Youtube — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A famous painting is called St. Clare Saving a Child from a Wolf; the child might call it something else. → “St. Clair showing up just a little bit late vis-a-vis my left arm and its attachment to my body” (00:01:02)
2010-04-21 The Insurrection of Subjugated Knowledges — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John promises to blow Hank's mind with post-structuralism and Foucault, a pretext to make Hank stop watching. → “Okay, I figure Hank probably turned off the video around the foot in Foucault.” (00:00:00)
2010-04-26 Nerdfighters, They Named a PLANE After Us — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John narrates showering and changing but cannot show it. → “I worry that the blinding beauty of my naked body might result in nerdfighters getting retinal damage.” (00:00:00)
2010-04-28 Who's in Your Hug Bucket? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — For National Poetry Reading Day Hank recites a haiku that begins 'Haikus are easy, but sometimes they don't make sense.' → “Refrigerator.” (00:00:30)
2010-04-30 The Greek Debt Crisis Explained in Four Minutes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Explaining how doubt makes Greek debt costlier and repayment impossible, John says: 'You see, Hank, it's a circle, and it's vicious.' → “That's where they got the term.” (00:02:05)
2010-05-03 Net Neutrality in the Shower — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank contrasts the internet's infinite variety of crap with a finite amount, which is just crap. → “Whereas an infinite amount of crap is hope.” (00:03:13)
2010-05-05 HANKO DE MAYO!!!!11!! — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Nerdfighteria agonized over what to get Hank, who is hard to shop for, for his 30th birthday. → “You like oxygen.” (00:00:36)
2010-05-07 How to Live Forever — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Cryonics is basically the same as near-light-speed travel to the future, except for the freezing. → “except that freezing, it's a little less cool, honestly.” (00:00:58)
2010-05-10 Advice on Dumb Boyfriends, Going to College, and More — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John answers the too-smart-girlfriend question with a line he says he has said before. → “The Venn diagram of boys who don't like smart girls and boys you don't want to date is a circle.” (00:02:12)
2010-05-14 Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Reassuring Nerdfighters who haven't been kissed, John promises they will eventually kiss someone. → “and you'll kiss them and it will be disappointing, and in all probability too tonguey,” (00:00:36)
2010-06-04 YouTube vs. Viacom The Battle Explained — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Offered $2 per thousand views, 'more than anyone else gets', Viacom thinks it over. → “how about ONE BILLION DOLLARS!!!” (00:01:18)
2010-06-07 Viacom PWNED on Piracy — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — YouTube wants to pay what online video ads are worth; Viacom wants what they would be worth... → “if we lived in a land of money trees and candy fountains” (00:01:29)
2010-06-09 Should We Sue Viacom? — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Browsing Spike.com, Hank reverts to his 14-year-old self: boobies, violence, butts and Mountain Dew. → “Apparently some people got stuck at 14 and those people they love spike.com” (00:01:56)
2010-06-11 Mmmm....PARTS — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Lawyers think Viacom made about $2 from stealing John's video; Viacom is famously opposed to piracy. → “If Viacom is so opposed to piracy, I assume they'll be sending me my $2 soon.” (00:00:45)
2010-06-18 You just lost THE GAME! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Right after insisting soccer is just a game, Hank thinks of The Game. → “And God, I just lost the game.” (00:00:29)
2010-06-21 You're Gonna Die — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Told the Earth's end is a long way away, eight-year-old John reasons the teacher is old but he might yet live that long. → “It's very plausible that with advances in medical science I could live for six billion years!” (00:00:43)
2010-06-23 GOOOOOOOL!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank celebrates YouTube's court win over Viacom the way soccer fans celebrate a goal. → “Goal! See, that's what I would break my glasses.” (00:01:05)
2010-06-25 Book Nerd PARADISE — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's panel with David Levithan asks how to use the internet to lure readers. → “That sounds like the beginning of an episode of To Catch a Predator, you know?” (00:00:34)
2010-06-29 Stabbed in the Brain: Phineas Gage — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The doctor's notes say Gage vomited out half a teacupful of brain; Hank explains the obsolete unit. → “it's roughly-- WAY TOO MUCH BRAIN.” (00:01:44)
2010-06-30 Poopy Nintendo Mystery SOLVED WITH SCIENCE — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John admits he was an inveterate liar as a child. → “As opposed to now, when I am a novelist.” (00:02:27)
2010-07-05 With Esther — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the outtake John, with a hood up, says he looks like a bank robber and imagines a witness description. → “Mmm, about six foot one, pretty nerdy, fair bit of puff.” (00:03:25)
2010-07-08 Los Angeles Earthquake at VidCon — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank asks how James, who looks 12, has a lot of kids. → “I started when I was six, and nobody talked to me about prophylactics, so five kids at the age of 18.” (00:01:26)
2010-07-14 Top 10 VIDCON MOMENTS — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John, in a turkey costume, asks hiimrawn whether he is supposed to dance or get on stage. → “Batman, I'm going to need you to be a leader in this situation.” (00:01:04)
2010-07-16 VidCon, Oil Spill, Punishments, Shane Dawson, and my Balls — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank shows two playpen balls signed by Shane Dawson. → “I can technically say that Shane Dawson inscribed his name upon my balls.” (00:01:01)
2010-07-20 I Like Balls — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says a 'Shane Dawson signed my balls' title and thumbnail would be guaranteed a huge audience, then corrects himself to 'views'. → “that video is more or less guaranteed to get 10 million balls.” (00:00:26)
2010-07-21 I Hung out with Snookie...Accidentally — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A fan asks Snooki for a photo, then another asks Hank Green for one, while Snooki watches. → “was confused. And that is what it's like when worlds collide.” (00:00:52)
2010-07-24 Grammar School with Snooki — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Snooki's tweet complains about fuss when she misses a period. → “I'm not the one who should be concerned when you miss a period.” (00:01:00)
2010-07-28 Umbrellas Amuse Me: Observations from One Day in Munich — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Church bells interrupt John's vlogging; they are so loud he cannot tell where they come from and seem omnipresent. → “Which, in retrospect, I guess is probably the point.” (00:01:27)
2010-07-30 Demon Four Year Old — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank imagines a condolence email about a dead golden retriever from someone who thinks LOL means 'lots of love'. → “Lol, Margaret.” (00:00:20)
2010-08-02 I Love Hank: Esther Day 2010 — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John cites Juliet's 'a rose by any other name' as the view that names don't matter. → “But, spoiler alert, it's worth noting that that worldview does not actually spell success for Romeo and Juliet.” (00:01:27)
2010-08-04 Family, Love and BISON ATTACKS! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank asks Katherine what the buffalo said to his son when he went off to college. → “Bison.” (00:02:00)
2010-08-06 Looking for Alaska at My High School — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At the pinnacle of his sentimental walk John is stung by a bee. → “stings you on the very top of your left butt cheek, ruining everything.” (00:02:42)
2010-08-10 JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank gives his second reason a study of earlier puberty is disturbing. → “it means that there are people in the world who study young girls' breasts for a living.” (00:00:29)
2010-08-11 College Advice From an Expert — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John took a college biology class called 'AIDS, Ebola, and Emerging Viruses' as an example of classes shaping your life. → “today, I am a hypochondriac” (00:01:30)
2010-08-13 The Marvelous Mystery of The Dan — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In the nature-documentary parody, Hank says scientists believe Dan's displays exist to attract a mate. → “though there is strong evidence that the displays have in fact had the opposite effect.” (00:01:00)
2010-08-16 Lust and Folly in London and Edinburgh — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A department store ad orders John to lust for a red purse; once it was enough just to want a handbag. → “you have to feel sexually attracted to your handbags” (00:00:02)
2010-08-18 Demon Four Year Old Interviewed — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank hopes Toomey misunderstood the question when he names penguins as his favourite food. → “They taste of codfish mixed with the heart of an auroch.” (00:01:18)
2010-08-20 The Fox Hat IS REAL, but Are Zombies People? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John's favourite recent comment exchange: someone commented 'that guy looks like a nerd'. → “he doesn't just look like a nerd. To the library!” (00:01:27)
2010-08-22 Is Obama a Muslim? Examine the Evidence! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After concluding Obama is not a Muslim, John lists other things he is not. → “He's also not Jewish, not a baby and not the starting left fielder for the New York Yankees.” (00:02:42)
2010-08-24 FRENCH THE LLAMA! John is 33! — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Recapping John's 32nd year in song, Hank lists his achievements. → “And yes, you taught Snooki all about serial commas.” (00:03:23)
2010-09-06 I HATE PENNIES!!!! (Also Nickels.) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Having shouted that pennies are worthless, John contradicts himself: things that are worthless are worth nothing. → “and pennies are worth much less than nothing.” (00:01:04)
2010-09-11 Giant Baby Attack — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John describes a giant baby pulling himself along the ground, crawling toward him. → “Giant baby attack.” (00:00:07)
2010-09-15 Positive Pranking: The TP Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John panics as he ding-dong-ditches strangers to leave them free Tootsie Pops. → “the consequences will never be the same!” (00:01:27)
2010-09-17 Positive Prank Calls!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank decides hanging up right after the fact is more prank-like, and cuts off a woman mid-sentence after the poverty statistic. → “She was talking and I just hung up on her. Haha! Pranked!” (00:01:53)
2010-09-20 Life Is Like Pizza — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a whole essay on critical reading built around pizza, John eats a slice. → “Did I make that entire video so that I could eat one piece of pizza on my diet? Maybe.” (00:03:42)
2010-09-22 Non-VIrgin...a Lexical Gap? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's letter to 15-year-old John repeats John's letter almost word for word, with science in place of critical reading. → “when you're 33, you're going to write a video letter to 15-year-old me saying those exact same things about critical reading.” (00:02:42)
2010-09-24 Dumping My Girlfriend — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After John's phone 'break-up' with his 15-year-old girlfriend, Fran cheerfully says she is a big fan of Nerdfighteria. → “Well, she seemed devastated.” (00:01:58)
2010-09-27 Stop Embarrassing Yourself — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank writes to Alanis Morissette about a death-row pardon that arrives two minutes too late. → “that is extremely unfortunate. It is not, however, ironic.” (00:00:48)
2010-09-29 MY FRIEND CHESTER — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Reading 'hors d'oeuvres' in books, John never connected the word with the food he ate. → “That sounds like something you order at a brothel.” (00:01:38)
2010-10-04 The Terrible Burden of Destiny: Chicago and Waupaca — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — On a walking path John begins Frost's 'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I...' → “I took the road more traveled by because I did not want to get lost in Waupaca, Wisconsin.” (00:01:00)
2010-10-08 GEEKING OUT Over Dying Declarations — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reads Marshall Field II asking his doctor about his chances of recovery, then supplies the answer. → “I mean, in retrospect. Zero.” (00:01:54)
2010-10-11 Like a Snake Swallowing an Egg: Thoughts from Florida — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Enterprise gives Hank a 'quadruple upgrade' to a 'real big truck'. → “we don't call something a truck unless you can throw a bull elk in the back of it.” (00:00:35)
2010-10-15 TOP 7 FAILS OF HISTORY — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank plays a Trojan commander congratulating his men on the beautiful horse the departed Greeks left behind. → “Let us bring it into the walls of our city and leave it unguarded overnight.” (00:01:25)
2010-10-19 Giraffe Sex: A Terrifying Introduction to Nature at Work (and Play) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John builds suspense about how long giraffe coitus lasts. → “Until finally, coitus occurs, lasting up to... several seconds.” (00:02:33)
2010-10-27 You Are Awesome — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John redoes the check discovery with the llama prop found, opening the forgotten check from James at War. → “French the llama! $540?!” (00:02:04)
2010-10-29 Hank Has Questions — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Worst case for the Vlogbrothers in 20 years: Hank playing a Vegas lounge show. → “30 minutes off the strip singing to five people in the audience who have no idea who I am.” (00:00:58)
2010-11-01 Consider the Lemming — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John earnestly touts White Wilderness as a very famous documentary. → “Yeah, mostly famous for staging lemming suicide.” (00:00:29)
2010-11-05 God and Grain: The French Revolution, Part I — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Armed peasant women demand that Louis and Marie Antoinette move from Versailles to Paris. → “Which they did, because everyone is afraid of armed peasant women.” (00:04:48)
2010-11-08 Probability 101 — 6 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Viewers who flipped ten heads think they have a magical coin to take to Vegas. → “there's nothing special about your coin and there's nothing special about you.” (00:00:49)
2010-11-10 Headless Monarchy: The French Revolution, Part II — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The royals sneak out in disguise; if you've read a Shakespeare play you know what happens next: → “the ruse is discovered, and everyone lives happily ever after.” (00:01:23)
2010-11-11 REIGN OF TERROR: The French Revolution, Part III — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John introduces the Committee of Public Safety. → “We suck at protecting public safety” (00:00:46)
2010-11-12 Blood!!! — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank names his red blood cell Arby, after biochem shorthand RBC. → “we're calling him Arby not because he was created from the meat of a roast beef sandwich” (00:00:29)
2010-11-15 Hey! You! Fix the Budget! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains a newspaper to Hank as the internet, only not updated, not interactive, printed on thin trees and not free. → “It's a wonder these guys are having trouble staying in business.” (00:00:00)
2010-11-19 I'm Not Going Down: Thoughts from Amsterdam — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a sleeping pill fails on his overnight flight, John films himself delirious in the airplane bathroom. → “I'm like a tranquilized elephant. I will not go down. I'm not going down.” (00:00:32)
2010-11-22 Thoughts from Places: On a Horse — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank suggests the first person to bond with a horse might have been a young woman. → “because everyone knows that young boys don't get obsessed with ponies. Ever. No.” (00:01:56)
2010-11-24 Babies and Catacombs: VIENNA (Thoughts from Places) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Pigeons get distressingly close, and one craps on John's coat. → “because I am smart, I wiped it off with my hand.” (00:01:00)
2010-11-29 Giant Tortoise Coitus — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Horrified by a recording of tortoise mating, John phones Tommy Lee Jones. → “I'm gonna need that magic wand you used in the film Men in Black 'cause I need to un-remember something.” (00:00:23)
2010-12-01 Makin' Babies: A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After dolphins and barnacles, the song turns to the anglerfish, whose male fuses to the female. → “And the male anglerfish gets completely screwed Proving sometimes sex sucks even for the dude” (00:01:10)
2010-12-03 Giant Squids OF LOVE — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Frustrated that his book draft is still unfinished in December, John explodes. → “I'm a giant squid of anger!” (00:00:20)
2010-12-07 Tongue Twisters — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains why 'I slit the sheet' is his favourite tongue twister. → “people always end up shitting on the slitted sheet” (00:01:57)
2010-12-08 My Zombie Apocalypse Novella — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After a kid's euphemism of 'completing' zombies, the narrator describes killing Marcos Marcos. → “I completed his head all over the dining room credenza of that fancy townhouse” (00:02:11)
2010-12-10 Project for Awesome and Thoughts from DC — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — On his D.C. walk Hank points out monuments of 'monumental people'. → “the giant temple to Pescandruscus, the Zoroastrian god of penetration” (00:02:23)
2010-12-13 8 Things I Love — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tries to describe what Anna and the French Kiss is like. → “is like Maureen Johnson and I had a baby, a French baby” (00:00:34)
2010-12-22 I Was on Jeopardy!!!! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Nerdfighter's Final Jeopardy! answer 'Who is John Green?' leads Alex Trebek to utter what John calls immortal words. → “John Green? That's gonna cost ya.” (00:01:21)
2010-12-27 To: You - - From: The Vlogbrothers — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank thought the cheese cutter from his mom was an instrument that said a prayer every time he hit it. → “It's like a Tibetan prayer cheese cutter.” (00:01:56)
2010-12-29 Baby on the Road: Thoughts from Places — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At a gas stop the family lets baby Henry 'drive' the car for a while. → “despite Henry's abundant charms, he is not terribly attentive behind the wheel.” (00:01:57)

2011 (97)

2011-01-03 Is bronchitis contagious? Is black a color? — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John treats 'is Benjamin Franklin a president?' as a question from people who don't know Franklin is dead. → “American hero, patriot, non-president, has died” (00:01:39)
2011-01-05 Homeless Man with a Golden Voice Gets a Job — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After demonstrating a thumping headdesk, Hank scolds John for his quiet one. → “You headdesked and you couldn't even hear your head hit the desk! Pathetic.” (00:02:04)
2011-01-07 CONCUSSED Question Friday — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked his take on the Oxford comma, John answers with a list that dictates its own commas. → “Lovely, comma space, unintrusive, comma space, and absolutely necessary.” (00:00:10)
2011-01-12 Top Six Conjoined Twin Pairs in History — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John's zit is enormous. → “my camcorder believes that my zit is a face” (00:00:02)
2011-01-14 Top 5 Actual Conspiracies — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank voices General Smedley Butler, asked to lead a coup against his friend Roosevelt. → “Why would I lead a coup against my man Frankie D?” (00:03:09)
2011-01-17 Cheating Cheaters of Cheatery: The Amazing Story of Brazil's Cotton War with the U.S. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John paraphrases Brazil's 2002 WTO complaint about US cotton subsidies. → “Americans are a bunch of cheating cheaters of cheatery” (00:01:16)
2011-01-19 YOU ARE WRONG! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank lists the simple stories we want: the untainted love of Edward and Bella, perfect and immortal. → “and it can be, because it's fake” (00:02:30)
2011-01-21 Looking for Alaska Five Years After the Printz Award — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John tells Hank and Nerdfighters that the conversations through his books are the most fulfilling thing in his life. → “Just kidding! It's Henry and Sarah!” (00:03:06)
2011-01-26 I OWN WARNER CHILCOTT! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains why the drug company is ruining Hank's life: its CEO doesn't work for patients with ulcerative colitis. → “He works for me!” (00:00:30)
2011-01-28 Is Hank Green Batman? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — People Google whether Hank is Batman, so he puts on a Batman mask; nobody is seeing it. → “Maybe I should talk like this.” (00:01:05)
2011-01-31 Revolution in Egypt: A 4-Minute Introduction — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Egypt's 10,000 political prisoners are a drop in the bucket next to China, yet nobody is fomenting revolution in China. → “unless you define fomenting as purchasing and revolution as iPods.” (00:01:39)
2011-02-04 QUESTION FRIDAY: Spelling is Hard Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked who the eff Hank is, John gives Batman's description with Hank's name in it. → “Hank is also known as "The Caped Crusader" and "The Hank."” (00:00:59)
2011-02-07 Cancer Sniffing Dog — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank marvels that the cancer dog smells your breath rather than your butt. → “Though it is a dog, so it's probably gonna sniff your butt anyway.” (00:02:58)
2011-02-09 NERDFIGHTERS UNITE! (in your pants) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John compares the returning Pizza John mustache to herpes and the Transformers franchise. → “you can never be quite sure that it's gone away for good.” (00:00:12)
2011-02-11 200 People in Your Pants — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The Facebook app's 'remove Your Pants' messages sound like a bad text-based romance simulator, so Hank types a reply. → “You are touching the boob.” (00:00:23)
2011-02-14 CHUBBY BUNNY...blergh! — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John buys his wife shampoo for Valentine's Day instead of a necklace. → “Good Lord, Hank, I've purchased cars that cost less than that shampoo.” (00:01:04)
2011-02-16 This Video Brought to you by Nyquil — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank's fever dream, repeated all night: building a satellite out of Lego pieces. → “with an incompetent team of jerks who didn’t know how to build a satellite.” (00:00:28)
2011-02-21 Hank Interviews His Mayor — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Engen says he doesn't like to be around that much corn and isn't allowed in bouncy things... → “there's a restraining order.” (00:01:49)
2011-02-23 WE ARE 812 YEARS OLD — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Many viewers don't watch whole videos, particularly the giraffe sex ones, where they find only a guy talking. → “I hate this guy! Click!” (00:00:43)
2011-02-25 Gussie Manlove UNCOVERED! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Gussie was 16 when 28-year-old boarder Charles Gowen lived with her family. → “Don't stand so close to Gussie...” (00:00:42)
2011-02-28 Harry Baals & Dick Trickle: The Funniest Names in History — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines Indiana talk radio defending naming the Harry Baals Government Center against East Coast critics. → “what this town needs is more Harry Baals.” (00:01:52)
2011-03-02 How to Name Your Baby Properly — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Andrew Peacock's parents never tested his name out loud; Hank notices his story is turning into a limerick. → “Anyway, punchline: Droopycock.” (00:00:46)
2011-03-09 DANDY LIONS! It's Question Day — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked 'dandy lions or dandelions?', John picks dandy lions, then asks what happens if you wish on one. → “He eats you.” (00:00:43)
2011-03-18 TERRIBLE — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After Ivan marries the beautiful Anastasia, John offers Hank a lesson from history. → “Never be Russian and named Anastasia.” (00:01:38)
2011-03-25 Hank is an Adorable, Drunk Princess — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank repeats Geico's offer of 'up to 15% or more' off car insurance, stressing each word. → “You could not create a more non-specific statement!” (00:02:36)
2011-03-28 Participatory Geometry — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John offers to define basketball for Nerdfighters who might not know it: two hollow cylinders, one sphere. → “It's essentially participatory geometry.” (00:00:53)
2011-03-30 The Ice Cream Changes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After singing Slipknot's angry lyrics and greeting any Slipknot fans watching, Hank lands the comparison. → “They used the same chords as Justin Bieber.” (00:03:07)
2011-04-01 Many Truths, 1 Lie! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After naming Marie Curie's sister Bronislawa, John riffs on a rap song title. → “It’s hard out there for a Bronislawa.” (00:01:26)
2011-04-06 Tales of Nerd Love! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Overexcited at news of the couple's baby, John has an accident with the champagne. → “And now I am seated in a pool of cheap champagne. What’s new?” (00:00:32)
2011-04-11 Is My Boyfriend Gay? Is He Cheating? — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The top autocompleted questions men ask about their wives are whether they are cheating and what their tax status is. → “And people say men aren’t romantic, Hank.” (00:00:24)
2011-04-18 2D Glasses! Take the Headache out of 3D — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Told that same-polarization lenses would ruin the 3D effect, Hank checks that this means a crisp, clear 2D image. → “Excellent. I will take 5000.” (00:01:19)
2011-04-22 500,000 Subscribers (Almost...and Thank You) — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank announces a prize for the first comment that names each new poster. → “you will get... nothing.” (00:01:38)
2011-04-25 Meeting Greg Mortenson — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After twelve minutes of John's monologue praising his work, the man finally speaks. → “Thank you, but I'm not Greg Mortenson.” (00:02:00)
2011-05-06 Happy Birthday To Me! — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reports Helen Hunt tweeted that she had seen his videos, and adds... → “the restraining order that she's sending at me is decorated with little flowers and smiley faces” (00:00:17)
2011-05-09 Trading Underwear for Rice Crispy Treats: Queens Day in Amsterdam (Thoughts from Places) — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John explains that Henry woke him early on Queen's Day, as if Henry said... → “I don't always wake up at 5:42 in the morning, but when I do, I expect to be fed.” (00:00:01)
2011-05-11 1990's Sim Games. SO GOOD! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank claims he never does the evil thing in video games; people who watched his Assassin's Creed play are laughing. → “I get bored with Assassin's Creed and I just start stabbing people.” (00:02:50)
2011-05-13 Winkels to the Left, Winkels to the Right: Thoughts from Places, Antwerp — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John filmed the giraffes for ten minutes and they kept looking at him as if to say... → “no matter how long you leave that camera on, we are not going to mount each other” (00:01:40)
2011-05-16 Grab It By The Testicle — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — In mock-motivational verse Hank tells graduates there is no 'I don't wanna': if you don't like it, then die. → “Well no, I'm not condoning suicide I'm just trying to be motivational” (00:00:33)
2011-05-18 The Education Continuum WARNER CHILCOTTED — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After laying out the soft-hard continuum of school subjects, John gives his verdict on it. → “that continuum is complete and utter... Warner Chilcott.” (00:00:49)
2011-05-23 Eating the Unicorn — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Google Translate renders the last sentence of a Dutch document about John's dinner with his translator and publishers. → “"We do not know which of them will eat the Unicorn."” (00:00:45)
2011-05-27 Older Than Gravity In Bruges: Thoughts from Places — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Admiring his boxed Belgian chocolate, John offers Hank a historical fact about chocolate and bad breath. → “is a fact I just made up?” (00:00:42)
2011-05-30 Horatio, the Newest Member of our Family — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank introduces the newest member of his little family while visiting his in-laws. → “This is Horatio; he's my new zit.” (00:00:04)
2011-06-06 Men Running on Tanks and the Truth about Book Editors — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Right after the bit about every day being Friday, John signs off with 'I'll see you on Friday' without meaning to. → “it’s like I have calendrically specific dementia” (00:03:43)
2011-06-08 Punishments, Floods, and Pink Hitler Babies — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank traces pink's switch from boys to girls to Hitler's pink triangles. → “And that is why pink ribbons are for boobies.” (00:00:54)
2011-06-10 Then I Took Off My Bra — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — To show shopping to unedited gangster rap, John replaces the curse words with the names of British Romantic poets. → “I'm a William Blake gangster, so of course you want my Samuel Taylor Coleridge” (00:01:06)
2011-06-15 Question Tuesday! Paula Deen Riding Me (and critical reading) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reads the question 'What is the name of the hospital you were born in?' → “...asked the identity thief.” (00:02:06)
2011-06-17 Top 7 Tips for LIFE — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After promising to make urination quieter and reduce marital strife, Hank sits off-camera ('Yup yup yup yup'). → “Oh yeah, that's right. I just peed sitting down.” (00:03:19)
2011-06-29 THE FAULT IN OUR STARS — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Delegating the Sharpie colour choice, John links a poll on the Your Pants forum. → “There is a link in the doobly-doo to a pole in your pants. That sounds dirty.” (00:01:10)
2011-07-01 Humping the Town — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank vows to put their best foot forward for the important Wall Street Journal readers arriving at the channel, then stops himself and cuts to the humping. → “no, I'm not.” (00:00:56)
2011-07-04 How to Turn Your Dumb Summer Job Into $162,000 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Describing his high-school warehouse job as 'manual labor Tetris', John adds the real conditions. → “manual labor Tetris in an un-air-conditioned, 110 degree warehouse with a lot of people yelling at you about how much you suck at Tetris” (00:00:37)
2011-07-06 John Green is an IDIOT! And so are you. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Illustrating anchoring bias, Hank imagines John meeting a hot, nice, funny, socially active, awesome girl. → “if she hated the Mountain Goats, you would not care about any of that other stuff.” (00:01:41)
2011-07-08 Kill the Dollar Bill! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Insisting that the Mountain Goats being great is a fact, John's voice breaks mid-rant. → “And *yes* my voice cracked; I'm angry!” (00:00:16)
2011-07-13 ELLEN HARDCASTLE IS HERE! A Reunion Video — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John praises Strange Charm as the best song ever written about quarks. → “Admittedly low bar, but it exceeds it by a lot.” (00:02:11)
2011-07-20 HARDCASTLED! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank makes two toy giraffes from LeakyCon 'go at it'. → “Really, it should be two dudes from what we've learned about giraffe love.” (00:00:54)
2011-07-22 Your Yard Is EVIL — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John blames the British for the lawn. → “we threw off their colonial yoke and said no to taxation without representation, but they got us on the lawns!” (00:01:44)
2011-07-25 I Am Not a P#$$Y - this video contains mild swear words. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank compares the truck's steel and safety equipment with his bicycle's protection. → “the most advanced safety equipment I've got is a frickin' foam hat.” (00:01:27)
2011-07-27 150,000 Autographs — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John finds a clone of himself signing books in the frame and orders him out. → “You can't live with them, and you can't sign a crap ton of books without them.” (00:00:07)
2011-08-12 The Fair: Testacular! — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank solemnly analyses 'Good morning, John' as the most important words in the videos, then gives up. → “This isn't what I wanted. This is boring.” (00:00:00)
2011-08-15 HANKLERFISH! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Claiming to be on a green screen in Hank's office, John wishes he could remove the annoying GLaDOS, then reveals he really is there. → “Oh, wait, it's not. Goodbye GLaDOS.” (00:00:15)
2011-08-17 Hank's Question Tuesday DEBUT! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says he keeps an image of Padre Pio, a Roman Catholic saint, where Hank keeps Kermit. → “I figured Padre Pio was a soccer player.” (00:01:41)
2011-08-19 Outtake Insanity and NERD FACTOR — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Working out what share of the signature sheets Hank must Hanklerfish, the brothers guess half a percent, then trust Hank's calculator. → “It's 20% according to Hank's calculator. We're so good at math.” (00:01:11)
2011-08-22 Thoughts from a Butterfly Hatch — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explained butterfly scales to a grade-school classmate, who punched him; Hank draws the moral. → “Some people punch in response to intimidation, so let that be a lesson to us all. Stop being smart.” (00:00:59)
2011-08-26 Will He Kiss You? Am I a Muggle? It's Question Friday. — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John insists Scotland's national animal is the bagpipes, argues it is an animal, then googles the real answer → “Unicorns?! I hate them!” (00:02:47)
2011-08-29 A Letter to the Aliens — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank clinically describes human reproduction to the aliens → “This is one of our very favorite things to do - we enjoy this process” (00:01:42)
2011-09-02 Tattoo Typos, Senses, Posters and Bad Movies — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank builds up the one profession in America that must know grammar, ruling out NYT editors, novelists and copy editors → “that cannot, will not, should not, ever, yes, tattoo artists!” (00:01:22)
2011-09-09 10 Years after September 11th, and Diablo III — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Whenever a news show says what we need to do to win the war on terror, Hank knows what he wants → “I want to vomit... onto their face.” (00:00:51)
2011-09-16 Narrowly Avoiding Arrest: Some Airport Insanity — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A police officer asks why John is filming a monument to a dead sheep; after a long stare John asks → “"Is it illegal?" and he said, "I don't know!"” (00:02:27)
2011-09-20 Fifth Anniversary with The Katherine — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A fog horn sounds; both shout 'A ferry!' and Hank asks Katherine what she thinks about ferries; she says she doesn't believe. → “She doesn't believe in fairies!” (00:02:31)
2011-09-21 NERD FACTOR — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A nerdfighter found that Hank will age into popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher; John addresses Katherine. → “Catherine, enjoy it now because you will one day be married to Hankville Greenenbacher.” (00:00:00)
2011-09-26 Awesome Bankers? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The bank refuses the ruggedly handsome poster guy a second loan. → “Do I need to unbutton a button for you?” (00:01:27)
2011-09-30 YouTube Survey: Balls and First Kisses — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At the candlelight ceremony John wraps his arms around Tiffany and starts licking her face. → “I start to smell the fact that my hair is on fire” (00:01:13)
2011-10-03 The LHC and Alex's Survey — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains his high-school group The Posse had five members and he was the only boy; a second Hank voice heckles him. → “Well, that explains a lot.” (00:01:14)
2011-10-05 SIGNING MADNESS — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains sunlight, pollen, bees and the magic of it all to Henry in the garden. → “and then he looked at me, and he said, TV on?” (00:00:25)
2011-10-10 Animal Mating and Librarian Talking — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — At the medical librarians' meeting John joked he is on steroids to sign all the books and might not get into the Guinness Book of World Records. → “because it's like technically like performance enhanced signing.” (00:00:29)
2011-10-14 Defying Wadsworth! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John calls a Ulysses line 'arguably the first eight words of postmodernism'. → “Pro tip: insert 'arguably' into a sentence, and it becomes true!” (00:00:39)
2011-10-19 Question Wed — THE COVER OF THE FAULT IN OUR STARS! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked 'who the F is Hank?', John answers as if Hank were the island of Elba. → “Hank may be the largest island in the Tuscan archipelago, but Hank wasn't big enough for Napoleon.” (00:02:30)
2011-10-21 Signing Psychosis, BlizzCon, TFiOS, Awesome Adventures, and URLatron — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the Nerdfighters' iOS game, killing a poop-shooting Nintendo with a wind turbine triggers Hank's recorded voice. → “that is actually my voice screaming, holy giraffe sex!” (00:00:58)
2011-10-24 Signing Psychosis Takes Over — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John wonders whether the Sharpie chemicals are making him crazy and asks whether he is the sanest person in the room. → “I'm the only person in the room.” (00:00:25)
2011-10-31 Pumpkin Slashing, Sexy Watermelons, and Zombie Tools with Jayne — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank praises the zombie-weapon makers as a small business, the lifeblood of America. → “These guys are the embodiment of the American dream, and also the embodiment of some other much weirder dreams.” (00:00:42)
2011-11-02 LECTROJOG! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John says calling it 'the fund' may make rich people think it is a hedge fund and invest. → “sorry, instead of getting a return on your investment, we're going to decrease world suck.” (00:00:37)
2011-11-04 You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After the hair-whorl statistic about gay men, Hank had Katherine check his own. → “I'm clockwise. So now we know for sure.” (00:01:23)
2011-11-07 IS THIS HEAVEN? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Promising to explain world history in 40 videos, John addresses the globe and a tiny nation on it. → “I am going to explain you in just 40 videos. Even you, Tuvalu.” (00:01:19)
2011-11-09 27 Part Video — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a $100 donation decided the facial-hair vote, Hank says every vote counts. → “And when I say vote, of course I mean dollar, because that's how America works.” (00:03:39)
2011-11-11 The Bank of Nerdfighteria — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John describes Hank's goatee. → “distant descendant of a Tribble attacked your face.” (00:01:23)
2011-11-14 T-Shirt and Jeans - A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Listing the life milestones he passed in his T-shirt-and-jeans uniform. → “when I touched my first boob and the first time I read Thoreau” (00:00:46)
2011-11-16 Top 5 Zombie Apocalypses OF ALL TIME — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After calling meteor apocalypses boring and admitting he may be inviting one, John addresses the world directly. → “World, if you end that way, it's super cliche.” (00:03:21)
2011-11-18 Top 5 Reasons ████ ██ ██████ — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Mocking the PROTECT IP Act's contrived acronym name, Hank says it makes him want to co-sponsor a bill of his own. → “the Anti Contrived Representations of Name Yielding Mnemonics Seriously Shut Up Congress Act” (00:01:45)
2011-11-21 Old Man Narrates Young Girl — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John agrees with Hank that the bills before Congress are a steaming hot slice of crazy. → “which is now apparently a vegetable” (00:01:27)
2011-11-23 Why are Barns Red and Kardashians Famous — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Answering why the Kardashians are famous, Hank says we decide who's famous and he has decided they aren't. → “Cardassians are famous” (00:02:11)
2011-11-30 Honey Badgers: The Crazy Truth — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After explaining that honey badgers drive bees off with foul anal-gland scent, John spells out the weapon. → “They use a fart attack!” (00:00:58)
2011-12-02 F#*%? An Explanation of Curse Words — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Building to his claim that language created humanity, Hank says it is 'just so' — and a bleep stands where the swear would be, before he finishes. → “And it's just so . Beautiful.” (00:02:20)
2011-12-05 5 Worst Typos of History — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The Pasta Bible's tagliatelle recipe calls for salt and ground black... → “People. They meant pepper, but they wrote people.” (00:00:51)
2011-12-07 World's Stupidest Dog — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — If Lemon were a 19th-century lawman... → “she'd be Wyatt Derp.” (00:00:20)
2011-12-09 Puppies and The Tour de Nerdfighting 2012 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John unbuttons again, having read that it makes people listen when he talks about charity. → “Oh, that only works for really pretty people? Why are you always so mean to me, off-screen figment of my imagination?” (00:03:06)
2011-12-19 Sharpie Face and Little Hank: The Project for Awesome's Aftermath — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John covered his face in Sharpie for P4A; right after, someone rang his doorbell and he panicked. → “I'm not trying to be the guy in the neighborhood with the Sharpie face, so I just hid.” (00:01:13)
2011-12-28 Goats Mating — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains that the male goat pees on his beard to attract females. → “Lady goats, it turns out, love a good pee-stained goatee. Oh! Goatee! Just got that.” (00:01:27)
2011-12-30 How to Tip Properly — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — From the American belief that the market should control everything, Hank jumps to the UK getting QI and Doctor Who while the US gets fictional-apocalypse documentaries. → “is why tipping kills Time Lords.” (00:03:25)

2012 (55)

2012-01-02 Changes to Vlogbrothers — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Announcing that the Your Pants forum is returning after a hack, John phrases the outage as an 'in your pants' joke. → “for the past several months your pants have been down due to Russian hackers” (00:01:08)
2012-01-06 Kill your TV — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Complaining that a five-second gap now separates pressing the up button from the next channel, Hank stops mid-sentence and waits out a full five seconds. → “and when the next channel comes up.” (00:00:33)
2012-01-10 The Fault in Our Stars — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A viewer asks whether an unladen swallow could carry a copy of TFIOS in its talons. → “Well definitionally not, as it would then be a laden swallow.” (00:00:49)
2012-01-17 Thoughts from Places: The Tour — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains why he won't show much of the five hours of signing. → “the only thing more boring than standing in line, is watching other people stand in line.” (00:02:10)
2012-01-24 Nicest Hotel Room in the World — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Walking into the luxurious hotel room, John spots an armoire. → “Armoire? More like Armoi-some” (00:00:23)
2012-01-27 In 'N' Out-Erview — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank teases John that Time called him only 'damn near' genius and asks how it feels to be near genius. → “I don't know. You tell me.” (00:01:27)
2012-02-07 10 Misconceptions Debunked! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After real senses like thermoception and equilibrioception, John adds one more sense. → “You can also sense the need to go deeper, which is called inception.” (00:02:44)
2012-02-10 How Big is the Universe? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says the universe may be both infinite and expanding. → “No edge! I know! I'm right there with you, dude.” (00:02:02)
2012-02-14 Things I Can Do — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After describing the internet as a place to make things with and for people you care about, John turns to grammar. → “Unfortunately, due to overeager grammarians, the internet will never be a place where it is okay to end a sentence with a preposition” (00:03:24)
2012-02-17 World's Smallest Animals — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank turns the viral 'honey badger don't care' line on tardigrades, which survive the vacuum of space. → “Maybe shove honey badger out of an airlock into the vacuum of space and see if he cares then.” (00:00:23)
2012-02-21 Life is Weird. Also beautiful. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John once thought adulthood would be a series of interesting conversations about great books. → “It turns out that adulthood primarily consists of standing in line and being on hold, but yeah.” (00:01:05)
2012-02-28 On Cuties and Cooties — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Believing he had 'cuties', young John asks girls at the monkey bars whether they've had their cuties shot and invites them to the sandbox. → “And then they would scream,” (00:00:58)
2012-03-02 LEGO Millenium Falcon Fun — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Mid-build, Michael Aranda abruptly tells Hank to be careful, then gives his reason. → “I dropped an egg in my cleavage.” (00:01:50)
2012-03-13 Actually Free Money! (Really.) The Bank of Nerdfighteria's Quarterly Report — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After Henry's Honey Badger eats remotes and dinosaurs, John asks him why the universe has no edge. → “That's right, Hank. Honey Badger ate the edge.” (00:03:21)
2012-03-16 Exiting the FRIENDZONE — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says he was like a magnifying glass, his love the sun, and the person a tiny ant at the end of the beam. → “just being crushed under the tremendous power of the fire of my desire.” (00:02:19)
2012-03-20 Sharpie Face Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John explains champagne poppers no longer fit his serious grown-man brand, then learns the Kiva group's total. → “What, the nerdfighter Kiva group hit $500,000? Shibam! Ow.” (00:00:44)
2012-03-27 Wrong but Right: Thoughts from Places Amsterdam — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John wakes extravagantly jet-lagged in Amsterdam around 9:30. → “What's six feet tall and should have woken up an hour ago? This guy.” (00:00:00)
2012-04-03 Idiotic Governance: How Our Political Discourse Hurts Our Economy — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains why, like most frequent fliers, he is happy to pay the FAA ticket tax. → “my favourite kind of air traffic is controlled air traffic, and my favourite kind of landing is not crash.” (00:00:39)
2012-04-13 This is How You Load a Dishwasher - A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Mid-song, Hank breaks off to recite the Sun-Moon size coincidence, asks whether it is just a coincidence, and answers flatly. → “Is this just a coincidence? Yes.” (00:01:51)
2012-04-17 Thoughts on Romance and Sex in an Airport — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked his 'stand' on birth control pills, John takes the question literally. → “I try not to stand on birth control pills at all; I think it might decrease their effectiveness.” (00:00:38)
2012-04-20 Thoughts on Growing up — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's taxes skit: a top-hatted, bearded man asks for your fair share, you happily ask whom to make the cheque out to, and then: → “And then, he starts hitting you with a stick!” (00:00:35)
2012-04-27 Hank Talks to Charlie McDonnell — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Charlie refuses a DFTBA tattoo inside his lip since no one would see it and it would hurt; Hank counters: → “But you'll know forever that your lip wants you to never forget to be awesome.” (00:02:05)
2012-05-01 Moon Farts: Being Charlie While Running Errands — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John tells how astronaut John Young swore about his farts on the moon, and NASA told him he had a live mic; after a pause Young replied: → “uh, how long has the mic been on?” (00:02:19)
2012-05-08 Tiny Chickens Invade, But Still I Vote — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — For nerdfighters-in-training, John explains the old tiny-chicken bit as if it were medicine: tiny chicken disease is → “and then they poop snot which makes you sick.” (00:00:18)
2012-05-25 The Subway Where I Used To Go (Somebody That I Used To Know / Gotye Parody) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The song's chorus lands on Jimmy John's lettuce-wrapped 'unwich' and the Gotye hook. → “I prefer an un-wich though, so now you're just a Subway where I used to go.” (00:01:27)
2012-06-01 Adorable Squirrel and Table Topics — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked what he has left undone for years, Hank tops a liposuction quip. → “The elimination of death. I've been meaning to get to that.” (00:02:55)
2012-06-05 The Dangling Rope of Terror: It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Explaining his poor eyesight, John recalls their nearly blind dad asking him to move some clothes. → “"Dad, that's Hank."” (00:01:41)
2012-06-08 How to be More Productive...With Hank! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank wrote a script that emails his wife romantic messages on holidays, but he was too busy to write all of it. → “It was based on a Russian spam writing algorithm” (00:01:14)
2012-06-19 Solving Your Problems! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A viewer fears someone under her open stairs will grab her ankles; John walks through the scenario. → “Frankly of all the possible home intruder outcomes, grabbed by the ankle is like the best!” (00:01:52)
2012-06-22 Hank is Maybe Crazy — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank praises NutraSweet for decreasing America's weight and shows a graph of NutraSweet use against Americans' weight. → “Wha- How did that happen!?” (00:01:05)
2012-06-26 Insufficient Funds: A Story of Canada — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John asks the border officer whether he could clear his name, perhaps by donating to Canada's health care system. → “Mister Green you're gonna die on that list” (00:02:05)
2012-07-10 Feeling More Alive: Fahrenheit 451's The Hearth and the Salamander — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John muses that 'taste the rain' would be a catchphrase if he became a professional wrestler named The Rain. → “Get ready to taste The Rain!” (00:01:45)
2012-07-17 Hitler and Sex! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hitler's foldable sex-doll plan for the troops is abandoned because the troops said: → “"Actually, we just prefer Syphilis."” (00:00:33)
2012-07-24 The Treadmill Desk! Fitness for Nerds — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John thought the sitting statistic wouldn't apply to him because he usually doesn't sit... → “... I recline.” (00:01:43)
2012-07-31 Nerd Olympics — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John can't show Jennifer Pinches's Nerdfighter sign because of IOC rules → “If you violate their copyright, they take your baby.” (00:00:29)
2012-08-07 An Open Letter to Students Returning to School — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Who wants to read The Taming of the Shrew? You basically have to translate it from Shakespeare into English, which is ridiculous because there is already → “an excellent filmic translation available in the form of Ten Things I Hate About You.” (00:01:32)
2012-08-10 I Don't Have a Favorite Pony — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After 'never seen that show', '31 years old' and 'self-respecting dude', the last reason in the chorus → “And I don't have a favorite pony 'cuz I... I just can't... choooooose!” (00:00:54)
2012-08-13 John and Rainn Wilson Talk Romance — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Rainn describes how much bigger one side of his swollen scrotum was than the other → “A golf ball and a baseball.” (00:01:47)
2012-08-14 To Be Anything At All: Thoughts from Places, Chicago and LeakyCon 2012 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reads aloud the injured-firefly story he wrote for his high-school literary journal → “What will we do without a gun?” (00:01:26)
2012-08-27 Six Reasons Neil Armstrong was a BADASS — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After surviving the LLRV explosion, Armstrong goes back to work and colleagues ask what he's doing there → “And Neil was like "I had some paperwork to do."” (00:02:35)
2012-08-28 In Which the Candle Dies — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John shows his earlier foreign-language covers one by one. → “Feet, feet, feet, whispering girl, feet, feet, whispering girl, feet, feet, feet, whispering dog, girl, you freak me out.” (00:01:27)
2012-09-07 Can You Really Light a Fart? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — If souls could really be sold, Hank reasons, there would be evidence online. → “you'd see it on Craigslist all the time. It'd have its own category.” (00:00:54)
2012-09-28 THE EYE OF LONDON: Thoughts from Northern Montana — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank calls the big London Ferris wheel "the Eye of London" and is corrected on the chairlift. → “The London Eye. Not the Eye of London.” (00:01:56)
2012-10-09 Attacked by Squirrels and Neoclassicism: Thoughts from Places, Washington D.C. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines the triangular-faced Washington Monument glaring at Congress with blinking red eyes. → “YOU ARE NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.” (00:01:58)
2012-10-16 Burning Peeps, My OTP, and Velociraptors: It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked why the bill to kill the penny is stuck in Congress, John describes the current Congress. → “if the current Congress were actually and physically on fire, they couldn't pass a Throw Water on Congress Act.” (00:00:37)
2012-10-26 Apples! CGP Grey Style — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says throwing an apple at a young lady was a way of saying you fancied her. → “as long as you didn't throw it too hard.” (00:01:27)
2012-10-30 TINY BALLS! Nerds Do Vegas. — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains that he is an extremely good roulette player because he has a passion for the game. → “because I love tiny balls.” (00:01:08)
2012-11-06 Terrible at Frenching: My Spicy Summer Camp Story — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says the school board election decides the central issue of our time. → “should my novel, 'Looking for Alaska', be banned from high school classrooms?” (00:00:59)
2012-11-08 VOLT! A Dream Comes True. — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John warns that ambition can drive you mad, citing Captain Ahab and his white whale and Gatsby and his Daisy. → “Kim Kardashian and her burning desire to have a sham wedding.” (00:00:29)
2012-11-09 The Stadium of Representatives: The End of B20 Week :-( — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — By around 1910, adding a seat for every 60,000 new people was clearly a terrible idea. → “because they were going to have to rename it the stadium instead of the house.” (00:01:27)
2012-11-13 I Was a Child Poet. And a Bad One. — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — A report card praises John's empathy for people in the past but says 'her analyzing' needs work. → “Well, I think your pronoun use has room for improvement.” (00:01:29)
2012-11-20 Great at Being Terrible: The Florence Foster Jenkins Story — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John lists his four favorite bands, all of whom will be at Carnegie Hall: the Mountain Goats, also the Mountain Goats... → “my third favorite band is you, Hank, and my fourth favorite band is the Mountain Goats” (00:01:43)
2012-11-27 Nerdfighter Book Recommendations: A Gift Giving Guide for Nerdfightastic Readers — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John demonstrates his if-you-then-you gift-guide format with Fifty Shades of Grey fans. → “if you like Fifty Shades of Grey, then you can find lots of that stuff on the internet for free.” (00:00:00)
2012-12-07 Thoughts from Dead Animals — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Emily explains that old bird specimens were preserved with arsenic. → “Highly effective for preserving the birds, not highly effective for preserving the curators.” (00:00:59)
2012-12-28 Nood Ood, Drums, Donuts, Fish, the USDA, P4A and SLEDDING! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a serious-sounding argument that HHS, not the USDA, should judge food health, Hank dismisses both agencies. → “But I'm not paying attention to either of them, because donut.” (00:01:19)

2013 (54)

2013-01-01 Why Does Congress Suck? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says the last two years saw the least effective Congress since at least the 1850s, 'which as you might remember' → “led to a Ken Burns documentary.” (00:00:36)
2013-01-08 Addicted to the Internet — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says the break is good for his mental health 'particularly in advance of Carnegie HALLLLL' (drawn-out scream) → “Which is the sound that my anxiety makes.” (00:01:52)
2013-01-15 North Korean Chicken, Stagecoach Travel, and other Thoughts from before Carnegie Hall — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John dreamt Chick-fil-A opened four restaurants in North Korea and, in the dream, decided to make a video about it; then he woke up. → “God, Chick-fil-A, why don't you get in bed with Kim Jong-un so I have something to make a video about?” (00:00:32)
2013-01-15 An Evening of Awesome at Carnegie Hall — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John spent years writing bad stories about a 22-year-old hospital chaplain who was very much like him. → “only, you know, better looking and wittier and more charismatic and a magnet for beautiful female doctors. I wish I were kidding.” (00:52:21)
2013-01-22 How to Be More Than Friends: Question Tuesday — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Instead of asking someone to be 'more than friends', John says you should say what you mean. → “Do you want to be monogamous face licking partners?” (00:01:38)
2013-02-01 Football For Nerds — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says that in the UK, where he's headed, people care little about American football. → “they care about as much about hand egg as they do about spices other than salt.” (00:00:00)
2013-02-05 Headless Statues and Elton John's Piano: Seeing Sights in London (Thoughts from Places) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the British Museum John sees statue after statue of decapitated women. → “which I guess is where YA book publishers got the idea for the headless girl cover trend.” (00:00:58)
2013-02-12 Talking to the President — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John's first prepared question for the President, after nervously introducing himself. → “OH MY GOD WHAT IS AIR?!” (00:01:30)
2013-02-15 Baby, Harlem, Obama, Dance Crazes, Big Week — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Declining to name John's unborn child, the President gives the vlogbrothers' sign-off as advice; Hank reacts 'What?!'. → “to not to forget to be awesome.” (00:02:49)
2013-02-19 Doing Things, On the Importance of — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After TFIOS returning to No. 1 and a second child on the way, John says 'but most importantly' a sitting President... → “acknowledged that pennies are a terrible idea.” (00:00:17)
2013-02-22 Translating Dance Songs — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank recounts the Macarena's unheard verse: boyfriend drafted, she sleeps with two of his friends, then wants to go shopping. → “and it turns out that she's just a terrible person.” (00:01:47)
2013-03-05 The Gray Speckled Walls Encroach: The Perks and Liabilities of Frequent Flying — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After listing his frequent-flyer perks, John names 'by far the most important perk': when the humanity-devastating plague comes... → “I will be among it's first victims.” (00:00:46)
2013-03-20 Ads Work...but for Whom? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Complaining about his tooth and his bad mood, John suddenly notices his surroundings. → “What? What? Am I in an airport?” (00:00:00)
2013-04-02 TFiOS Movie Casting, New Books, and Groundhog Wars: An Old School Vlogbrothers Video — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John explains why the office groundhog is called YouTube: it stays inside and is easily distracted → “he knew who Hank and John were before it was cool.” (00:00:58)
2013-04-12 Felicia Day, Hannah Hart, and The Fine Brothers — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Felicia Day is asked what Nathan Fillion smells like; Hank asks what Hank Green smells like. → “You know, like the surface of a Tic Tac?” (00:01:35)
2013-04-23 DOCTOR GREEN — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — On a plane a flight attendant asks for a doctor because a lady is having a heart attack; John answers. → “I'm an honorary doctor of letters, maybe I could write her a poem?” (00:00:45)
2013-04-26 Cat GIF Critique — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank analyzes Laser Wiggle Cat LOL's size, aspect ratio and frame rate like a film critic. → “But the artistry of this image is not truly apparent until you examine the tail.” (00:00:00)
2013-05-07 The Clif Bars Go in the Jar Because Mice: An Office Tour — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John proudly shows Sarah the painting he bought from her and framed. → “And she said, "Yeah, That's upside-down."” (00:01:09)
2013-05-14 Puppies, Pegasi, and TFiOS Casting: It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John cites studies that the better people think they are at multitasking, the worse they are → “I am GREAT at it.” (00:01:38)
2013-05-17 GIFs, JIFs, Whip Pans, Trivia, and BATMAN! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Question Hank considers switching to 'gif' because the president used it → “Well, I'm not thinking about changing, and you're me!” (00:00:31)
2013-05-28 NERD FACTOR! (...And Why I Fear for Tumblr) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After 'I will see you on Friday', John offers a mock etymology for Friday → “Little known fact, named for Stephen Fry.” (00:03:51)
2013-06-04 A New Nerdfighter Baby — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Told his only role in the birth was telling Sarah to push, John sings a beer-commercial-style tribute to himself → “'Real American heroes, telling their partners when to push'” (00:00:14)
2013-06-07 How To Be a Baby Properly — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank advises Alice to sleep in two-and-a-half-hour stretches so her parents never quite reach REM sleep → “Which is going to be hilarious when they start having hallucinations.” (00:01:48)
2013-06-14 What is the Strongest Force on Earth? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank builds to the force that keeps humans together, feeding children and coupling: 'It's love. It's love, isn't it?' → “It's really- it's sex.” (00:02:16)
2013-06-25 Thoughts from Places: Dog Days of Summer — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hannah ends her poetic sunset thought by stopping the recording early. → “So I stopped recording, because I didn't want to go for four minutes like Grace did.” (00:03:24)
2013-06-28 Plane Butts, Fish Farts, LeakyCon, and Marriage Equality — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains a plane's auxiliary power unit and where it vents its exhaust. → “and it vents out its exhaust through a port that is called, in my head, the planus.” (00:00:32)
2013-07-09 The World Needs More Magic — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Citing Sarah Addison Allen's magical-realism novels, he appends the vlogbrothers 'in your pants' suffix to their titles. → “The Girl Who Chased the Moon in Your Pants” (00:00:58)
2013-07-19 TFiOS Movie, Bees, Babies, and More! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John asks Hank his favorite game of all time. → “The game of thrones.” (00:01:56)
2013-07-23 Watermelon Internet Trolls — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Admitting discourse isn't always high, she recalls the comments on her first fill-in video for John. → “oh my god, John has boobs.” (00:01:00)
2013-07-30 Paternity Leave Ends! And I Find Myself… — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John gushes about being home with his family after paternity leave, then looks around → “Am I in an airport?! Dang it!” (00:00:12)
2013-08-02 17 Air Travel Tips — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank advises against joking with security staff → “also don't joke with them about your pocket rocket launcher unless you want to eat the carpet.” (00:01:39)
2013-08-03 Esther Day 2013 — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says he sold his first CDs ever at LeakyCon 2009; John admires how far he has come → “Still selling CDs outta the back of your trunk.” (00:00:57)
2013-08-06 Million Dollar Ideas — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The phone baby keeps waking for months, just like a newborn → “you'll have to spend hours pushing buttons trying to figure out, what is it? How do I solve you?” (00:02:30)
2013-08-09 What I Learned at VidCon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank learned that internet creators who seem weird are normal in real life → “Aside from WheezyWaiter, who is legit weird,” (00:00:55)
2013-08-16 Harry Potter vs. Science! — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After praising the museum's German Romanesque architecture at length, Hank gives the round to the fictional castle anyway → “Hogwarts wins because Hogwarts!” (00:02:06)
2013-08-23 Thoughts from Bath: The Legacy of Wealth — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank notes that UNESCO declared the whole city of Bath, all 80,000 people of it, a World Heritage Site → “I guess it's a World Heritage Build-A-Bear there, and a World Heritage Pizza hut.” (00:00:22)
2013-08-27 On the TFIOS Movie Set — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John keeps saying the internet exclamation 'Oh my God, what is air?' and director Josh Boone explains that air is mostly nitrogen and oxygen → “clearly Josh you are not spending enough time on the internet.” (00:01:49)
2013-08-30 Raw Onion, Twerking, and Speech Jam — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Wearing the Speech Jammer, Hank tries to explain how it works and his own delayed voice derails him. → “It interferes with the cog-cognitive cognitive cog-” (00:02:26)
2013-09-06 Undigested Lump (A Song) — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — In a song built from Shakespeare's insults, the angry singer turns on his target. → “Oh hell must be empty 'cause the devil is here.” (00:01:54)
2013-09-10 Secrets of the Movies: Thoughts from The Fault in Our Stars Set — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says the only glamorous part of moviemaking is the porta-potties, filming inside one. → “I mean, Hank, I've lived in apartments smaller than this porta-potty.” (00:01:35)
2013-09-17 Question Tuesday with Nat Wolff (aka Isaac in The Fault in Our Stars movie) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John asks Nat whether he has seen John cry on set. → “John cries... at a good meal.” (00:02:07)
2013-09-24 Started from the Bottom: Benjamin Franklin and Drake Compared — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John boasts he can now bench press 100 pounds 15 times in a row. → “according to the law of transitive benching, means that I can bench press 1,500 pounds one time in a row” (00:00:00)
2013-10-01 The Lowdown on the Shutdown — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank acts out the House inviting the Senate to talk over root beer and the Senate calling the hostage-taking not cool. → “And I don't even like root beer” (00:01:28)
2013-10-04 Q&A with Ansel Elgort and Mike Birbiglia from The Fault in Our Stars Movie Set — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked a viewer question about what it's like working with a brilliant author like John Green, Ansel answers deadpan. → “Um, y'know what, I thought it would be better. I was expecting much more.” (00:00:36)
2013-10-08 Applying for Health Insurance: Then and Now — 7 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The ACA form asks him to confirm that no one on the application is incarcerated. → “Unless Henry has done something in the last couple of minutes.” (00:02:04)
2013-10-11 TFiOS Movie, Emma Approved, Subbable Update, etc — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank thanks DailyGrace for sending him gin. → “More like, daily disgrace!” (00:03:08)
2013-10-22 Question Tuesday: The Fault in Our Stars Movie Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains the June release as typical summer blockbuster fare. → “it's like Iron Man 4, but without Robert Downey Jr. or Iron Man.” (00:00:58)
2013-11-05 Our Strangest Project Yet? — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John describes the leadership of his fictional FIFA team. → “both named John Green, who are married to each other,” (00:00:08)
2013-11-12 But Is Worm Pizza Poisonous? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Learning that hard vomiting can rarely pop your eyes out is useful for a hypochondriac like John. → “because it ensures that for the rest of my life I will be puking with my eyes closed.” (00:02:09)
2013-11-15 I Have a Band? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Rob Scallon says he rules Giza, so the pyramids are his; Hank asks how he feels about slavery there. → “Obviously heavily pro.” (00:01:28)
2013-11-22 How to Apologize like a Fartbag — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Illustrating a fartbag: someone steps on your toe, you say 'ow', and they respond by blaming you. → “God, stop standing everywhere” (00:00:50)
2013-11-29 REUNION! Arm Wrestling, Drawing, and Questions with Hank and John! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — There is only one pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving and both brothers want it, John says, almost like The Hunger Games. → “in that one of us is gonna be hungry and the other of us is gonna be dead.” (00:01:44)
2013-12-13 Mom and Dad Green! Extra Special Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Dad says newborn Hank did not have a very high APGAR score. → “John's grades were higher even then” (00:01:20)
2013-12-20 Best Moments of the Project for Awesome — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A voice worries the patriarchy might not survive to the end of the Project for Awesome. → “Just kidding! Just kidding, it's deeply entrenched.” (00:01:06)

2014 (59)

2014-01-03 The Golden Gate Bridge Didn't Collapse!! — 2 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In a mock 'special report' Hank solemnly announces that the Golden Gate Bridge did not collapse and 110,000 vehicles crossed it safely. → “The death count at this point is unknown, but is thought to be zero.” (00:00:31)
2014-01-07 Warm Things for Cold Times — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John returns to sitting on frozen strawberries for his strained groin, consoling himself that at least they are organic. → “No conventionally farmed strawberries for my groin.” (00:02:30)
2014-01-10 Global Warming and the Polar Vortex — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says claiming cold weather disproves global warming is like a non sequitur. → “I have a calculator, which is proof that Jean Claude Van Damme eats turnips.” (00:01:08)
2014-01-24 The Naughty Professor: Hank and John at the Beach - REUNION! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked why Dave Green is never in the videos, Hank explains who Dave is. → “The third unsuccessful brother.” (00:01:26)
2014-01-28 Question Tuesday! TFIOS Movie Trailer, Penguin Knees, and Backflips — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — After sarcastically thanking Hank for his cold, John asks what the opposite of thanks is. → “Shanks for the cold, Hank.” (00:00:05)
2014-01-31 In Depth Viewing of the TFiOS Trailer — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Saying what car Monica drives in the book, Hank stumbles over the model name. → “Thunderburp?! She drives a Thunderburp!” (00:02:41)
2014-02-11 A Middle Aged Man — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tells Sarah he feels he looks like a middle-aged man in his cocktail-party outfit. → “And then Sarah paused for like a quarter second too long before saying, "Nonono you look great!"” (00:00:16)
2014-02-14 Happy Third Chocolate Day! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Defending ice dancing and hockey as his two favourite events, Hank redefines hockey. → “Hockey is basically just full-contact team ice-dancing with sticks! And less awesome outfits!” (00:01:31)
2014-02-21 Ranting about Books — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Complaining about fantasy covers, Hank garbles 'a half-naked guy on a horse with a sword' into 'on a sword with a horse' and reconsiders. → “If there's a half-naked guy on a sword, then I'll probably buy that book.” (00:01:59)
2014-02-25 John and Chris Meet in the Middle — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says he brought Chris a book; Chris admits what he expected. → “No, I thought it was going to be an unnecessary plug for The Fault in Our Stars.” (00:03:09)
2014-03-07 Thoughts from a Cruise — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank corrects 'boat' to 'ship', then to a giant floating hotel, piling up its amenities. → “and a mall, and a giant cake, and freaking ice skating rinks!” (00:00:35)
2014-03-11 Question Tuesday: TFIOS Movie, Existential Crises, and Symbolism — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked who has the best butt, him or Hank, John says neither. → “the best butt I've ever personally seen is actually Wil Wheaton's.” (00:03:07)
2014-03-21 The Great Goose Migration — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The geese finally appear right ahead of them after Hank had given up → “Katherine just died.” (00:03:28)
2014-03-25 I Gotta Go: Signing Off and Thinking about Inspiration — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — With his husky voice, John attempts the refrain of Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You' → “Didn’t get there.” (00:03:51)
2014-04-01 VELOCIRAPTORS — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Brontosaurus means 'thunder lizard' but is just an apatosaurus, 'deceptive lizard' → “I don't want my gigantic lizards to bring the lies, I want them to bring the thunder.” (00:02:01)
2014-04-08 I Don't Even Know — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Right after saying they don't rely on pratfalls for laughs, John trips while restarting his point → “That actually turned into a very painful pratfall.” (00:00:38)
2014-04-29 Influence, Airports, and the Nerdfighter Book Club — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Imagining the Time 100 party with Putin and Kim Il Sung ('Probably not Kim Il Sung'), John makes a pledge. → “if he is there, I promise I will take a selfie with him and then I will make a citizen's arrest for human rights violations.” (00:00:55)
2014-05-06 TFIOS Movie Madness, Incongruent, and Headless Hotel People — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Counting the headless and faceless figures in his hotel room, John points to one with half a face. → “This guy has half a face which by the standards of this hotel room puts him in like the top 1% of facedness.” (00:01:53)
2014-05-09 Oh JK Rowling - Kinetic Typography — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After 'considering this one pretty carefully', Hank begs Rowling not to make an MMORPG. → “Cause that totally destroy my productivity” (00:00:57)
2014-05-23 My Freakish Talent — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank builds up a lifelong, mesmerizing skill needing muscle control that only one in 8.7 million species has. → “Talking.” (00:00:24)
2014-05-27 ALL THE SHIRTS (and some paths to community) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John promises to be the most committed fan in the world of whichever team donors choose. → “Unless someone else pays me more.” (00:01:04)
2014-06-06 Thoughts from the TFiOS Premiere! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Among the oddities of New York Hank spots in Times Square, he casually notes one billboard. → “That is just an advertisement for the movie that they are making out of my brother's book.” (00:00:54)
2014-06-13 How to Make Cinnamon Toast (two ways) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank describes the online debate over whether to toast before buttering. → “People died. I mean, people did die, in the world, while we were having the debate, but not actually because of the debate.” (00:01:11)
2014-06-17 Old. — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked how one injures oneself playing a video game, John corrects the record. → “I injured myself celebrating my success playing a video game.” (00:01:47)
2014-06-20 Pre-History of Online Video — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says the old online videos he assigns are better than anything made today. → “despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.” (00:01:03)
2014-06-24 In Pursuit of Quiet — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John asks who knows the quietest place in an airport. → “TSA employees on a break.” (00:01:28)
2014-06-27 My Day Before VidCon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank points out his VidCon badge has higher clearance than John's; John replies. → “To me, that represents progress.” (00:01:47)
2014-07-11 Touring with a Rock Band in 1,8X&,00B Simple Steps — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank tours the venue's green room, which is purple. → “You can tell this is a nice green room because I have not seen a single piece of pornographic graffiti.” (00:01:52)
2014-07-15 Exciting Announcements and Mosquito-Borne Illnesses — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reads CDC pages saying different disease mosquitoes bite at night, by day, and at dawn and dusk. → “I am going to a place where disease-ridden mosquitoes bite in shifts.” (00:01:27)
2014-07-18 EVERY VLOGBROTHERS PUNISHMENT! — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank turns the punishment spreadsheet into a video against the four-minute rule. → “because I do not wanna get punished I'm going very fast.” (00:00:16)
2014-08-01 PUNISHMENT OF PAIN AND SCIENCE! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Explaining the ulnar nerve, Hank whacks his funny bone on camera, screams, and celebrates his success. → “I achieved - goal accomplished!” (00:01:19)
2014-08-08 Who Owns a Monkey's Selfie? And a Song About Meningitis! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — To the tune of Calvin Harris's 'Summer', Hank sings John a get-well song about his viral meningitis. → “Meningitis is a bummer,” (00:02:52)
2014-08-12 EBOLA! (...meningitis) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines the alarmist news story about him returning from Africa and signing books for 1,600 Harry Potter fans. → “all of whom are now veritably dripping with the disease.” (00:01:31)
2014-08-22 Kidneys, LlamaJohn, Frankenstein, Back to School, and The Nerdfighter Online Video Workshop! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Inviting viewers to make a music video for his kidney song, Hank adds a reward. → “And, if you do, we might be able to provide you with one of my kidneys.” (00:00:41)
2014-08-29 What's the Difference Between A and Z — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The autocomplete question for Z is 'green and yellow zucchini'. → “Green and yellow zucchini are different colors.” (00:03:21)
2014-09-02 MORTIFICATION — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — At his two-person first signing John reads a line about parties attended by two deeply uninteresting people. → “thereby managing to insult the only two people nice enough to come to my signing.” (00:01:05)
2014-09-05 REUNION TUESDAY! FRIDAY! WHATEVER! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked who plays Margo in the Paper Towns movie, Hank claims the role, purely for money. → “I'm the Nick Cage of John Green movies.” (00:01:30)
2014-09-12 Hanging with High School Hank — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Reviewing his teenage drawings of over-muscled creatures, Hank looks at a four-armed merman he drew. → “Glad that I gave him two sets of pecs there so he would be more anatomically correct” (00:01:03)
2014-09-16 It's Question Tuesday! Cheesy Jokes, Paper Towns Movie, and Dinosaur Butt Brains — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says his TFiOS cameo was cut because his screen presence was too powerful: viewers couldn't follow Hazel's love affair with Augustus. → “because they would be distracted by the camera's love affair with me.” (00:00:48)
2014-09-19 The Oculus Rift is Freakin Me Out — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Since John doesn't want a tattoo, Hank's punishment is a tattoo with no ink in the gun. → “It's just gonna hurt a lot, and you won't have anything to show for it.” (00:03:18)
2014-10-07 I Kind of Hate Batman — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After listing his own frivolous billionaire purchases, John concedes he'd be no great billionaire. → “one thing I wouldn't do is spend a gajillion dollars developing a Batmobile that only I am allowed to drive.” (00:00:41)
2014-10-14 A Minor Crisis — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says today's video is like A Song of Ice and Fire: it comes in three parts... → “unless its creator decides midway through to expand it dramatically” (00:00:01)
2014-10-17 MY FACE ON A BUS — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank proposes capturing zombies and putting them in hamster wheels chasing a brain for infinite free power. → “We could go from the zombie apocalypse to a complete utopia!” (00:02:04)
2014-10-24 #Octothorpe - A Symbolistic Journey — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank explains # is called the number sign because you put it before a number to show it's a number. → “I know it's a number because it's a number!” (00:01:27)
2014-10-28 The Paper Towns Movie IS HERE! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John lists that he slept in the director's apartment and had pizza with Cara Delevingne before filming. → “I'm getting to know everyone pretty intimately.” (00:00:10)
2014-11-04 Mustaches and Movies: Day One of Paper Towns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John notices something looks different about himself; it is not the new glasses. → “It's the creepy moustache.” (00:00:11)
2014-11-10 The Woman Without a Face - Pizzamas Day 1 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The police's sophisticated DNA hunt for a serial killer turned out to be chasing a cotton-swab factory worker. → “So sophisticated that we end up thinking that a nice woman who works at the cotton swab factory is a freaking crime boss.” (00:03:06)
2014-11-11 Lacey and Angela Question Tuesday: Pizzamas Day 2 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Halston and Jaz name John Lennon as favourite Beatle and purple and green as favourite colour. → “My favorites are also John and green!” (00:02:37)
2014-11-13 The History of Pizza and the History of John: Pizzamas Day 4 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Tracing Johns to the New Testament, John needles his brother. → “I don't want to brag, Hank, but there are no Hanks in the New Testament” (00:02:37)
2014-11-14 A Surprise Relationship Between John and Hank! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Rejecting the fable's moral, Hank asks John who actually wins the race. → “Fast and steady, almost exclusively.” (00:00:48)
2014-11-17 Combines and Movie Magic: Pizzamas Day 6 — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Everyone on set debates lighting; asked his opinion, John just says every take is amazing, so he doesn't really have a job. → “But I have a chair.” (00:01:40)
2014-11-19 The Future of the Project for Awesome: Pizzamas Day 8 — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Vlogging in the dark 'night-morning', John breaks off to point at a bright light in the sky. → “Jupiter!” (00:00:05)
2014-11-21 The Sleepiest Sleepyhead in Sleeptown — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Wanting to sleep, John describes his coming flight as a steel cylinder hurtling through the unsurvivable atmosphere. → “And that's just the kind of environment I'd like to sleep in.” (00:02:16)
2014-11-25 Tyler, Ingrid, Troye, Hannah, Mandy, Jenn, and Rosianna Visit Paper Towns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hannah picks wolf over lion and John points out a wolf is a dog, though she prefers cats. → “well I ain't lion, I do love wolves.” (00:01:24)
2014-11-28 Global Health and Human Hair: What the Vlogbrothers are Thankful For — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John recalls a gun shop owner whose ads say he doesn't want to make any money, he just loves to sell guns. → “That's how I feel about hoodies.” (00:00:26)
2014-12-02 What You Eat Of Those You Love — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Internet relationships are the one exception to eating loved ones' poop, so the next time someone says internet friendships aren't real: → “if your construction of reality involves necessarily eating poop, then I'm going to stay right here in my land of fiction.” (00:01:13)
2014-12-09 Question Tuesday with Cara Delevingne of Paper Towns — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Cara describes Nat Wolff as rambunctious, delicious and nutritious, then adds 'and funny too'; John qualifies: → “he's less funny than he is nutritious.” (00:03:06)
2014-12-16 Jelly Face, Sharpie Face, Peanut Butter Face, and Mummy Dancers: The 2014 Project for Awesome — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — In a clip Henry refuses Sharpie on his forehead because 'you get forehead disease'; John, now sick after his own Sharpie face, says: → “Oh, Henry you were so right to be worried about forehead diseases” (00:01:13)
2014-12-19 BUTFARTMAN Is Coming To Town! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Matthew Gaydos asks if Hank's onesie costume makes him a baby; Hank says a space alien, obviously. → “Neither baby nor alien. He was BUTFARTMAN.” (00:02:44)

2015 (41)

2015-01-02 Why is The Alphabet In Alphabetical Order? Eight Completely Arbitrary Things — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Under 'Dirty Dancing', Hank contrasts a horizontal pole: that's gymnastics. → “If the pole is vertical, that's stripping.” (00:02:07)
2015-01-04 The Best Worst Thing — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John imagines a Nerdfighter's parents calling Nerdfighteria a strange cult that sponsors fourth-tier English soccer teams. → “They're also trying to genetically engineer puppy-sized elephants.” (00:02:26)
2015-01-09 14 Fart Facts for my Flatulent Friends — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After translating the 4,000-year-old joke that a young lady never farted in her new husband's lap, Hank weighs whether it still holds. → “my guess is that's happened.” (00:02:56)
2015-01-20 REUNION MINIGOLF — 3 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John makes Hank's hole-in-one count as two taps because he is the big brother. → “I may not be better than you, Hank, but I am able to change the rules midstream.” (00:00:27)
2015-01-23 Interviewing the President — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Stuck in a White House bathroom unable to find the light switch before the interview, Hank adds a sponsor line. → “This presidential interview brought to you by Imodium AD.” (00:02:13)
2015-02-03 Beards, Birds, and the Paper Towns Release Date: Question Tuesday! — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked why none of the main characters in his books have siblings, John explains. → “It's just my little way of letting Hank know that in my narrative imagination, he does not exist.” (00:00:18)
2015-02-17 Places I've Never Been — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — On the Paper Towns set, John asks director Jake Schreier why a scene is happening, is told it's in the book, and asks how the book is anyway. → “I hear there is a little bit too much Walt Whitman.” (00:01:02)
2015-02-24 Who I Was in High School — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John reads his favourite 2006 fan letter about Looking for Alaska, which says it made the reader feel something. → “Not the two main things I feel: the urges to defecate and vomit, but something new.” (00:00:36)
2015-03-03 What's in the Box in the Box in the Box? — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John finds his science and engineering fair participant badge. → “I didn't finish first, I didn't finish second or third, but I did participate.” (00:00:14)
2015-03-10 Travel Tips (and Paper Towns Movie Updates) — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The fancy airport lounge holds only alcohol and cookies. → “So unless you really love to drink or are Cookie Monster, there is no way that it's worth it.” (00:01:34)
2015-03-31 Hank's Haircut and Related Existential Crises — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John, no fan of change, concedes that life is change, then names what else is change. → “And that's true, but you know what else is change? Death.” (00:01:02)
2015-04-03 Snap Questions: On the Set of Titansgrave! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked how many fish there are if there are two dogs and one cat, Hank answers literally. → “As far as I can tell, the number of dogs and cats has no bearing on the number of fish.” (00:02:53)
2015-04-07 John Reviews Kids Movies — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — His son says he wants to marry Mommy after Despicable Me 2; John lays down the law, recalling The Croods. → “Maybe you can date a Neanderthal, but you are not marrying Mommy, because that would be both bigamy and incest.” (00:02:10)
2015-04-10 This Video Makes No Sense — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After explaining that Grover Cleveland personally hanged two murderers as sheriff, Hank addresses him. → “Grover Cleveland, very Ned Stark of you.” (00:03:16)
2015-04-14 A Long Good Day — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John defends taking a bath instead of a quicker shower: showers are an uncivilized attack from above. → “Plus there's the indignity of not being able to eat while getting clean.” (00:00:45)
2015-04-17 7 Weirdest Marriages (or Lack Thereof) From an Airport — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After Ferris Bueller's on-screen parents married in real life and had children, Hank judges their naming. → “Also they had kids and they didn't name any of them Ferris, which is unacceptable.” (00:01:55)
2015-04-21 A Stunning Turn of Events — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Unsure whether to say 'gay-la' or 'gah-la', John uses both pronunciations at once. → “the word so fancy, they named it twice.” (00:01:17)
2015-05-01 A $100,000 Egg and A 200M Year Old Pinecone — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Showing the dodo specimen, Emily says they were actually this tiny. → “They made really good chicken nuggets, that's why they became extinct.” (00:01:52)
2015-05-05 Reunions! Birthdays! Podcasts! Mountains! Happy 35th Birthday, Hank — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked whether Earth would be different without Mars, John concedes the sky would differ at night. → “but if there were no AFC Wimbledon, the core of human history would change.” (00:03:16)
2015-06-02 Let's Go Outside — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Listing geese and their little goslings among things he loves outside. → “I also love Ryan Gosling but that's a different video.” (00:01:02)
2015-06-16 Paper Towns Madrid with Nat Wolff! THE TOUR BEGINS — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — As they sign off, Nat is almost hit by a car; John says he's glad Nat wasn't hit. → “That would have been really bad for press.” (00:02:36)
2015-07-21 PAPER TOWNS IS HERE AND JOHN IS A BALL OF ANXIETY — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Interviewers ask about the success of 'No Fault Under These Stars' → “well, I felt more pressure before I realized that absolutely no one remembers the title of that movie.” (00:01:46)
2015-07-24 From the Main Stage of VidCon! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says a baby in eight years only becomes an eight-year-old → “And an eight year old is basically just like a big baby.” (00:00:35)
2015-07-28 Paper Towns, Agloe, and Touring: Thoughts from (Many) Places — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Watching Nat and Alex play reminds John of his relationship with Hank, except for one part: Hank won't let him into his band → “simply because I cannot sing or play any instruments.” (00:01:44)
2015-08-04 Question Tuesday: Wookiee Gunships, Sneezing Cessation, and Pizza — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked whether he is writing another book, John ignores the question and shows off the Lego Wookiee gunship instead. → “You know another awesome thing about this wookie gun ship it opens up, it's got like a cargo bay inside of it.” (00:00:52)
2015-08-11 454 Days: Understanding America's Ridiculous Political Campaigns — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John imagines a baby conceived tonight, born into the world for the first time while the campaign is still running. → “it will cry, presumably over the state of American political discourse.” (00:00:16)
2015-08-14 Corndog Ghost Attack, Book Towers, and Census — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank greets a 'corndog', screams through an unseen attack, and gives up on his chair. → “The universe apparently wants me to do something not in this chair and with these books.” (00:00:06)
2015-08-18 The Cold War of Nerdfighteria — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John fears the Census hair question will start a brotherly escalation in pursuit of Nerdfighteria's 'pileous support'. → “we'll have an ever escalating arms race, like the US and the Soviets did in the 1980s, only with hair instead of nuclear weapons.” (00:01:53)
2015-09-15 John Gets a Tattoo — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John calls DFTBA the five most important letters in his life, then a voice-over correction follows. → “Update: Just realized that both of my children have five-letter names, so I would like to amend my previous statement.” (00:01:46)
2015-09-29 Writing, Walling, Racing, and Wizard Schooling — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After SciShow's excitement over water on Mars, John asks what exciting thing nobody has been psyched about lately. → “Flowing water on Earth!” (00:01:19)
2015-10-02 Awkward Stranger Conversations — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After the clerk's remarks about an interracial couple, Hank just wants to buy his brown liquor and go. → “take it home so that I can drink it faster than I normally would have now that I've had this interaction.” (00:01:35)
2015-10-06 Question Tuesday: My Social Media Hiatus, My Excellent German, and Books! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — For meeting a boyfriend's German-speaking mother, John offers the German title of his own novel, then a second useful sentence. → “Ihr Sohn ist ein guter Küsser.” (00:00:13)
2015-10-13 John Green's Fiery Race Car Disaster — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Maggie won the race, but John caught fire. → “I caught fire and didn't get hurt, which felt very much like, you know, some kind of winning.” (00:02:24)
2015-10-16 Post-NerdCon Haze — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank introduces his computer Greg and chats to it about its cooling noise. → “Greg's a hot, he's a hottie.” (00:01:35)
2015-10-20 Nerdfighteria's Resident Comptroller? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Republican legislator called Daniel one of the smartest people he'd met, only he said a curse word instead of 'people'. → “Daniel is also one of the smartest curse words I've ever met” (00:01:26)
2015-11-03 Monkey Hangers — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Explaining why Hartlepudlians condemned the shipwrecked monkey as a spy. → “have never seen either a French person or a monkey so they naturally assume that this monkey is a French spy.” (00:01:42)
2015-11-10 It's a Pizzamas Miracle! (Pizzamas Day 2) — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Since a commenter and Hank finally like his beard, John says it can only mean one thing and shaves it off with "movie magic". → “It's a Pizzamas miracle, Hank, my moustache is back!” (00:00:27)
2015-11-12 Cheez Doodles Guy, Ringo Silver, and Dad Jokes (Pizzamas Day 4) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked if he knows more dad jokes, John says he is one: every time he puts away the dishes he says it. → “Tupperware, tupperware, tupper-here!” (00:01:22)
2015-12-04 The Explain The 2008 Financial Crisis CHALLENGE! (and 7 other challenges) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank presents explaining the 2008 financial crisis as the hip new YouTube challenge he is super interested in. → “It's called the "Explain the 2008 Financial Crisis in Less Than Sixty Seconds" Challenge,” (00:00:05)
2015-12-15 P4A 2015 - Condensed Soup — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Early in the livestream a host jokes about why donations are slow. → “I feel like you guys haven't been donating because you've been watching my face.” (00:00:13)
2015-12-18 We're All Gonna Die - A Song — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank issues a solemn content warning about human mortality, then pitches the video to those who want doom. → “and indeed universal oblivion sounds like your cup of tea...Proceed.” (00:00:17)

2016 (32)

2016-01-08 Who Am I?! - Some thoughts on Personal Identity — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank took a BuzzFeed quiz on which YouTuber he is, with himself among the options. → “you guessed it: Miranda Sings” (00:00:41)
2016-01-12 Zero Severed Hands: On Star Wars and Making Things — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Arguing creators must let their work go, John compares making stuff to a Wookiee, the species that rips arms off. → “If you try to hold onto the stuff you make with too tight a grip, it'll rip your arms right off.” (00:03:26)
2016-01-19 The Looking for Alaska Movie, Davos, and Hufflepuff Shade: It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked if he will be friends with a Slytherin, John agrees, praising Hufflepuffs as kind, caring and open. → “Unlike some people I know...” (00:01:19)
2016-02-26 Things You Don't Know About Us (REUNION!) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Their pettiest argument: which body part would make the largest steak → “It's all petty until you're a cannibal. And then it's suddenly very, very real.” (00:01:18)
2016-03-01 Question Tuesday: The Potato Edition — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Asked what he would create with potatoes, Hank aims high → “A man. A fully... a sentient being.” (00:01:27)
2016-03-11 The Politics of "Parks and Rec" — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A clip of Ron describing his ideal government: one guy at a desk in a small room → “the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke” (00:01:34)
2016-03-25 Snapchat Question Time! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank recalls their podcast joke that Trump could only become the Republican nominee if a meteor killed all but 12 Americans. → “But he still wasn't elected President.” (00:00:54)
2016-03-29 My New Book, Marriage Advice, and Hamilton: 50 Snapchat Questions Answered! — 4 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Asked whether to read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, John dodges with a dig. → “But there are so many GOOD books.” (00:01:52)
2016-04-05 What's Wrong with Monopoly? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John ends up accepting the AI's absurd trades out of guilt, and can't enjoy winning. → “you feel so sorry for the sad little Artificial Intelligence kitten.” (00:01:17)
2016-04-15 T-Shirt and Jeans and TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Listing life milestones he passed in his T-shirt-and-jeans uniform. → “and when I touched my first boob” (00:00:53)
2016-05-03 No Fumar — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John thought being the pace car driver was a purely ceremonial position. → “You know like running with the Olympic Torch or being the Prime Minister of Putin's Russia” (00:01:15)
2016-05-20 I AM A GOLDEN GOD — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Terrified by footsteps in the basement, Hank waits to see whether it is a monster or an employee; it is a musician practising. → “It's a saxophone monster.” (00:01:37)
2016-05-24 Easier Than IKEA: A Video in Two Parts — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John recalls lecturing his grandmother that he was in Ulysses' 1904 Dublin and that nothing mattered less than the weather; after a moment she asks: → “"Well, is it raining, or isn't it?"” (00:01:33)
2016-05-27 Reaction Video: THE THING! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A man says they can't broadcast what The Thing is, so the visit must be filmed without revealing it. → “It'll just be a reaction video to The Thing.” (00:00:31)
2016-05-31 The Most Amazing Day — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says he really needs to sleep on the plane to London, then reports back. → “I couldn't even vlog it, I was too busy sleeping it.” (00:01:23)
2016-06-24 Questions (and Announcements) from VidCon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked by Sports with John why he isn't watching the USMNT, Hank doesn't know what it is; a viewer has a guess. → “the USMNT is almost certainly the United States Mutant Ninja Turtles” (00:01:08)
2016-07-26 El Chapo and Me — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Paper Towns is about a larger-than-life character who enjoys well-plotted escapes and lacks empathy → “so maybe he found it relatable?” (00:01:14)
2016-08-12 AMERICA, DAMMIT! - Thoughts from Glacier National Park — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Passengers on the cliffside road feel they should lean away from the drop, though it would not help. → “You should lean toward the cliff because that's where the best view is.” (00:00:41)
2016-08-19 16 Sports that Should Be in the Olympics — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Midway through a list of real sports he wants in the Olympics, Hank slips in a non-sport. → “Number 5: Super dope secret handshakes.” (00:01:50)
2016-08-23 The Ocho! Sports I Want on TV — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John admits he mostly wants Ultimate Frisbee on TV because dogs are good at it. → “Which makes it the sport most likely to inspire the new Air Bud sequel our dark and broken world so desperately needs.” (00:02:18)
2016-08-26 I'm Just Going to Talk for Four Minutes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Showing off old things he's still into, Hank stuffs a Yeti into his mouth → “I got Yeti in my mouth.” (00:01:39)
2016-08-30 My Body Is a Broken Temple — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The moral of his rib story: your body is a temple, don't fill it with Doritos → “do not fill it with beer on your 39th birthday, or else you will hurt yourself.” (00:02:13)
2016-09-09 Sleep Paralysis, Double-Pregnancy, and The 2016 Census — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — His right arm won't wake from sleep paralysis; he reaches over to find out why. → “Just shoved my arm down my pants” (00:01:28)
2016-10-04 Drowzees and Masterpieces: Thoughts from London — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Listing the portraits of Queen Elizabeth, Cardinal Wolsey and Thomas Cranmer at the National Portrait Gallery. → “many other people who didn’t want you to know they had necks.” (00:00:38)
2016-11-04 Stress and Joy — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Sabrina describes what her love of naps and self-hatred have left her with → “the only thing that keeps me warm at night is the dumpster fire that is my life” (00:00:06)
2016-11-08 A PIZZAMAS MIRACLE — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John on how he looks with this year's mustache → “I look like a 39-year-old man impersonating a nine-year-old impersonating a police officer.” (00:01:12)
2016-11-17 Decathlons, Pretension, and the Weirdest Animal I've Met: It's Question Thursday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked how he responds to critics who call his novels pretentious, John simply concedes → “Yeah.” (00:00:21)
2016-11-18 Are Pets Ethical? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After Felicity scoots her itchy butt across the bed sheet, Lex forgets and sleeps on it; she clarifies she means the sheet → “But at this point, in terms of hygiene, there’s basically no difference.” (00:00:31)
2016-11-25 You're Not Good Enough — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Nathan does an impression of Obama doing a bad Kanye impression, calling for Kim → “No, Michelle, jus- there's no Kim, it was just the video.” (00:01:05)
2016-11-29 Baby Poop Rookie: Vlogbrothers Reunited — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John explains Alice never pooped on him because he went in with about seven diapers → “I’d be wearing like a diaper suit of armor.” (00:01:43)
2016-12-13 P4A 2016 Hilarity Reprise - OVER $2M RAISED!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reads a viewer question asking what he thinks of Mars → “I think it is a cold, dead rock in the middle of the ocean.” (00:02:02)
2016-12-20 How Giraffes Mate, and Why It Matters — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After the pee test, the male waits until 'it's time for the magic to happen' → “The magic being a period of intercourse lasting less than two seconds.” (00:01:05)

2017 (29)

2017-01-06 Too Excited about Pears! (Question Tuesday with Hank) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After lovingly describing knifing through a soft Bartlett pear, Hank catches himself. → “I may get too excited about pears. I just realized that for the first time.” (00:02:12)
2017-01-13 Top 10 Best Dogs Ever — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank claims a little-known fact about the actors who played Alvin and the Chipmunks in The Squeakquel → “actually very small dogs!” (00:02:08)
2017-01-24 On Motivation — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John lists cheesy motivational quotes, the last of which turns out to be his own → “which is actually a quote from my book, An Abundance of Katherines, so my bad.” (00:00:19)
2017-02-07 Good News, YA Books, and Bears: It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked his opinion on bears, John cycles through contradictory verdicts → “Honestly, a little overrated” (00:00:53)
2017-02-21 Does Human Life Have Real Meaning? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A famous wedding invitee's email begins 'Of course I cannot come to your wedding' → “Is there a less necessary of course in the history of the English language?” (00:01:32)
2017-04-04 Why I Won't Run for Office — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Four of Illinois's past ten governors have been imprisoned for corruption. → “an incarceration rate that is, you know, somewhat higher than the one seen among professors of mathematics.” (00:00:32)
2017-04-07 Squeezing Strangers' Bikes in Amsterdam! — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank urges a pigeon to go eat a whole tortilla lying on a windowsill → “You could feed your entire family for a month.” (00:01:40)
2017-04-14 ★★★★ Review: The TFiOS Bench - Amsterdam — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Joanna calls the bench the best free attraction in Amsterdam → “Though to be fair, there are no other free attractions in Amsterdam.” (00:02:19)
2017-05-02 The Life Changing Magic of Thumbs Up — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John offers to define a mile for viewers outside the United States. → “So in distance terms, I believe one mile is equal to 22 kilowatts.” (00:00:41)
2017-05-23 Boxes, Butterflies, and Regular Aunts: Live from the Past, It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked what's in the boxes, John opens one on camera, promising a stunning reveal. → “is another box.” (00:00:42)
2017-06-06 My Favorite Subreddits: Joy, Wonder, Knowledge, and Birds with Arms — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Google's doodle-guessing AI turns out to be very good at Pictionary. → “That AI still can't figure out which videos to demonetize, but it's great at Pictionary.” (00:01:52)
2017-06-20 FIRST! Green Brothers Reunited Again — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John insists Hank broke his arm falling out of a tree house; their mom, on the phone, says it was John who fell. → “It's a memory of myself.” (00:01:40)
2017-07-11 Signing 200,000 Autographs — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked to draw turtles all the way down on a copy, John shows a sheet instead. → “No, but I did draw signatures all the way down on this one.” (00:03:06)
2017-07-14 YouTube History Lesson: Vlogbrothers Through the Ages — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Lamenting Truth or Fail, the show he worked so hard on that never worked. → “it was destined to fail.” (00:01:52)
2017-08-11 Life is not a Job Training Program — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked how much plasma she would have to sell for an engineering degree, Hank says way more than she has. → “You're gonna have to harvest it from other people.” (00:00:24)
2017-09-07 I Love and Apologize to (Insert Location Here): Surprise Thursday Bonus Video! — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John rattles off all 19 tour stops in a single take, then gloats. → “Who says that I'm over reliant on jump cuts?” (00:01:01)
2017-09-12 How Will the World End? Why Even Get Out of Bed? It's Question Tuesday. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked if it's rude to come to the tour mostly to see Hank. → “No, why do you think I’m going?” (00:02:02)
2017-09-15 My Butt Has Some Complaints About Australia — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank breaks into a song over a beat, miming butt cheeks with his hands. → “The motion I'm making is a simulation of the action of both of your butt cheeks.” (00:02:33)
2017-10-06 The World's Largest Fruits — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After a spindly grass seed is bred and bred and bred, Hank reveals what it became → “until finally we got frickin' corn!” (00:00:33)
2017-10-10 Turtles All the Way Down!!! A Reunion Video — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank says they could have made merch from the fan-designed secret under the dust jacket → “We have merch from it: it's called Turtles All the Way Down.” (00:02:14)
2017-10-17 Look at Tiny Baby Hank — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — At his Runner's World photo shoot, John calls himself literally a fitness model and poses. → “Is that a middle-aged person or a gazelle?” (00:00:34)
2017-10-24 Tour Bus Bus Tour — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John bit down on his memory card, mistaking it for a pretzel chip. → “my first thought was, huh, that pretzel chip is very crunchy. And so my natural reaction was to attempt to chew it again.” (00:00:45)
2017-10-30 I Mustache You: A Pizzamas Reunion! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked why he hasn't shaved since the book came out, John rejects Hank's guesses of luck and AFC Wimbledon. → “That's the business!” (00:00:22)
2017-11-06 Banana Milk and Almond Orchards — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — At a roadside pet area Hank spots a dog wearing a crown → “It's a king dog. His name is Crown.” (00:01:08)
2017-11-07 Definitely Not A Pecan Orchard: A Pizzamas Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Imagining Joe Biden's staff briefing him on who John is before the interview → “And they're like well actually he made a video about you in a pecan orchard while wearing his own face on his torso.” (00:01:48)
2017-11-17 Why Are Taxes So Complicated? (The Musical?) — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The final reason taxes are so complicated is sung over guitar → “rich douchebags avoiding their taxes, so we've got to make up lots of rules to keep them paying their taxes.” (00:05:23)
2017-11-24 The Bizarro History of Black Friday: (AND 2017 CENSUS!) — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — In the invented history, lighthouse maintenance is now done in daytime, so on Black Friday → “lighthouses are one of the only lights that actually gets turned on.” (00:01:32)
2017-12-08 I Have (a little bit) HAD IT! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A viewer asks the brothers to back their bid to be world dictator, adding 'your loyalty will be rewarded'. → “I mean, Dakota, you had me until the end there.” (00:02:40)
2017-12-22 Christmas Questions Answered (With Katherine and Hank) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Last-minute present advice: find unused Irish Spring soap in the cupboard → “Carve it with a knife.” (00:02:08)

2018 (32)

2018-01-16 My Hollywood Star, Brexit Pears, and Hank's Book: It's QUESTION TUESDAY — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked about Brexit and pears, John describes buying a ton of pears for future him and regretting it → “But you can't return pears.” (00:00:41)
2018-01-30 Hank, I Have Some Advice — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John cannot advise Hank on writing because their styles are so different → “For instance, your book like has a proper plot.” (00:00:24)
2018-02-02 What is That Plane Rainbow? (It's Question Tuesday) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked to sing his last text message, Hank sings the reminder from Marianne. → “Good morning to things!” (00:02:38)
2018-02-16 Thoughts from VERY Dead Animals — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Kallie suggests the tiny antlered creature may have had saber teeth, like a musk deer. → “like tiny saber-tooth chihuahua deer.” (00:01:53)
2018-03-13 Who Should We Root For? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John cites an 'old saying' about God closing a door → “But you know the old saying, when God closes a door how do you lose to Trinidad and Tobago?” (00:01:09)
2018-03-20 The Russian Reversal — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Laugh-In's joke that in the old country television watches you got a laugh → “That's funny, everyone said before our television started gathering reams of information about our viewing habits.” (00:00:30)
2018-04-17 John Green Answers Your John Green Questions — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — John lists the cities he lived in and the novels he set in each. → “I am NOT given over to acts of geographical imagination” (00:00:48)
2018-05-08 Old Man Yells at Cloud — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John has made a living writing about being young for 13 years → “I mean, I'm so old that my career is a teenager.” (00:00:57)
2018-05-18 Laurel or Yanny and Baby Dance Moves - It's Question Friday — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank explains why his baby screamed off camera while he praised the word 'moist' → “Because he was like, no dad, don't talk about the word moist.” (00:03:01)
2018-06-01 Destroying My Router with a Hammer (and etc.) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — To head-banging music Hank sings his decision about the spare router. → “Gotta sell it on Craigslist” (00:01:25)
2018-06-05 WHERE IS MY NORTON ANTHOLOGY OF POETRY — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John vows to let the book go if it isn't at the office. → “I am going to let it go. Maybe.” (00:02:05)
2018-06-08 Intentionally Ignorant: Does Free Will Exist? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank blurts random words, then shows they still came from the Big Bang → “Larger park! That had to have come from nowhere, right? No, it came from the Big Bang.” (00:00:27)
2018-06-12 Your 4-Minute Guide to ALL 32 TEAMS at the 2018 World Cup — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — England's fans predict an early exit every World Cup, then are shocked by it → “that their national team did EXACTLY what it always does.” (00:01:08)
2018-06-15 Sports are Dumb — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank mocks the intellectual's argument against sports → “gets to be beyond the geometrically defined plane of the place where you don't want the hockey puck to go!” (00:01:26)
2018-06-19 My Signature Move — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John loves Hank's book so much he decides to give it five stars on the sheets. → “Only to learn that I can't draw stars.” (00:02:06)
2018-06-22 Stumping EDU Creators - Trivia at VidCon — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked about a creepy creature, one creator gives a personal answer. → “My ex-boyfriend.” (00:02:05)
2018-07-06 This Ends in Death — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reenacts calmly going to check John's new video, then growls on reading its title. → “It ends in death, John” (00:00:13)
2018-07-17 How to Eat 213 Tomatoes — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having snacked on two tomatoes while picking, John renames the video on the spot. → “New video title, "How to Eat 213 Tomatoes in a Single Sitting"” (00:00:48)
2018-07-20 Making Bad Decisions with My Dad — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank calls Dad's childhood sugar bread a habit. → “It wasn't a habit. I could stop any time I wanted to.” (00:00:05)
2018-07-24 Other John Greens — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John quotes Teen Boat's creator on what makes the comic unique. → “The thrill of being a boat” (00:01:28)
2018-08-14 Question Tuesday: Secrets & Primes — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked whether he is writing a new book → “Sometimes, but not usually.” (00:01:51)
2018-08-17 My Worst Job Search Fail — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Katherine disliked the man who mocked Hank's cover letter so much that she took petty revenge. → “sneak into the kitchen sometimes and squeeze his pears just a little bit” (00:01:59)
2018-08-31 Beautiful if Damp: Answering Questions in Melbourne — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked about his writing routine, Hank gives the most literal possible answer. → “Open my laptop. Unless it's already open. And then I type.” (00:00:29)
2018-09-07 Frightened Leech Science with Tessa Violet — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a pun that the leech device 'didn't suck', the pair add another leech pun. → “Sorry, to leech their own.” (00:02:20)
2018-09-18 On the Participation Trophy — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Instead of letting him play, John's parents had a trophy made for him at the trophy store. → “John Green 1984 All-Star In Our Hearts.” (00:02:26)
2018-10-02 How Much Do You Love Each Other? It's Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked for their one-word difference now that both are authors. → “I'm the science one and he's the old one.” (00:01:58)
2018-10-05 We've Got Some Weird Voting Laws… — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Why North Dakotans don't need to register to vote. → “One assumes that this is because there's only a few dozen North Dakotans.” (00:02:12)
2018-10-29 PIZZAMAS IS HERE! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Opening the box, John cries that something terrible has happened: his mustache is back. → “You know, there are some people who can pull off a mustache, and I am one of them.” (00:00:59)
2018-10-30 Watch My Dumb Dancing — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Mid-sentence about not needing a fancy dance break, music starts and a dance break begins. → “Why is there music playing right now?” (00:00:44)
2018-11-13 HAIRMERGENCY! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Ten weeks after confidently declining to book another haircut, he wakes up one morning → “look in the mirror, and there's Doc Brown.” (00:00:58)
2018-11-23 Four Jokes from a Two year Old — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Pointing at his corduroy pants, Orin names his corduroy-loving grandfather → “Papa pants.” (00:01:32)
2018-12-28 The Cutest Thing My Son Has Done and More (With Katherine) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After agreeing you could hear a fart in space, they note you can still fart when you're dead → “They call it the Lord's Toot. The last one you have.” (00:00:34)

2019 (27)

2019-01-04 Bid Daddy Likes Pork Rinds - P4A Recap 2018! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A livestream voice announces, twice, the line that gives the recap its title → “Big Daddy likes pork rinds. Big Daddy likes pork rinds.” (00:02:05)
2019-01-25 A Floridian's Guide to Living Someplace Very Very Cold — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Everyone told Hank the secret to cold was layers. → “Like, oh, I never would have guessed that wearing more clothes would help.” (00:00:30)
2019-02-19 Battling Apathy and Searching for Meaning on Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Answering whether liberal arts degrees are worth it, John points to himself. → “look at me, sitting here in a basement, talking to a camera.” (00:01:56)
2019-03-22 How to Get a Colonoscopy — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Every colonoscopy ends in massive farts because they inflate your colon. → “I am one with the wind in the sky.” (00:04:39)
2019-03-26 Optimism and Spider People: Question Tuesday from the Looking for Alaska Set — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A viewer's parents have no sympathy for the spiders in their room. → “So I think the most likely underlying issue here is that your parents may be human-shaped conglomerations of spiders.” (00:01:27)
2019-04-05 TOO MANY MILKS — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank admits DFTBA Brewing was an April Fools' joke while still selling its merch. → “Not a real, never gonna be a real thing, but the merch is real! The merch is always real.” (00:01:05)
2019-04-19 Making your Nothings into Somethings — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank describes a tender father-son moment, his son looking him in the eyes → “as he sneezed into my mouth” (00:00:00)
2019-04-23 untitled — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After signing off, John rushes back with title ideas for Hank's sequel → “Have you considered calling it the sequel? I mean, it is a sequel. Another idea, just gonna throw this one out, more light than heat.” (00:02:55)
2019-06-18 Question Tuesday with Miles and the Colonel: Manolo! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Told Keanu is like Jesus to him, John corrects that Jesus is like Jesus to him → “He's more like John the Baptist.” (00:02:29)
2019-06-25 Seemed Like a Good Idea: Eugene Schieffelin and the European Starlings — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Why North Americans call the common starling the European starling → “in much the same way that the French called syphilis the Italian disease and the Italians called it the French disease” (00:00:58)
2019-07-05 You Need to Know About This Ridiculous Fish — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank drags out a female sunfish's egg count of up to 300 million → “For clarity, that is more than the entire world population of adult sunfish.” (00:02:36)
2019-07-09 Life Hacks My Wife Taught Me — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Sarah opens honeymoon beers with her two-day-old wedding ring → “True love.” (00:02:55)
2019-07-12 Why Are We Still Doing This? - Reunion Video! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — VidCon closed all balconies after one kid peed off one → “One person pees off a balcony and nobody else gets a balcony ever again.” (00:00:29)
2019-07-19 In Which Hank Consumes the Juice of Over 400 Gushers — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank describes his salivary glands responding to the sour gush juice. → “It was like jacuzzi jets of saliva.” (00:01:47)
2019-08-02 The Cutest Octopus — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank voices a male Dumbo octopus handing over sperm → “Hey! Use this whenever it works for you. Bye.” (00:02:35)
2019-08-20 Hank and John's Smooth Airport Reunion — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Having named their co-written novel 'Space prison love', John gives its release date → “Based on my current writing pace, look for it in 2031.” (00:02:04)
2019-09-03 Death, Love, and John's Religion: The Big Questions Take Over Question Tuesday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked how he feels about the sunset period of his career, John insists he's fine. → “No worries, he said, staring into the middle distance as the fact of his irrelevance washed over him.” (00:02:55)
2019-09-13 You Need to Know About This Caterpillar — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — 'Butterfly' spoonerizes to 'flutter by'; then there is 'moth'. → “Sounds like the noise you make when a moth flies into your mouth.” (00:00:28)
2019-09-27 Crisis — 2 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Googling for crises, Hank finds Chiquita explaining what it is doing about the banana crisis → “So apparently we're having a crisis crisis.” (00:00:20)
2019-10-04 In Defense of Bad Flags — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Maryland ranked above Montana's flag, which makes Hank suspicious → “because do they want me to know what the flag looks like? Because I've looked at it and I can't tell.” (00:00:29)
2019-10-08 Looking for Alaska (...with Alaska) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — New readers see the book, with its payphones and → “pre-vaping nicotine distribution systems” (00:00:29)
2019-10-11 Your Life Will be Better After you Know About Frogmouths — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Birds are smart but ravens are smarter; if only they had owl eyes. → “If ravens had eyes like owls, we would let them teach kindergarten.” (00:00:29)
2019-10-28 PIZZAMAS IS HERE!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John decides he needs a mustache for Pizzamas and grows one on camera. → “Oh, God, it's terrible. Somehow it's worse because it's subtle.” (00:00:00)
2019-10-29 The Truth about None Pizza with Left Beef — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank imagines the worker on the other end of a screen order quietly giggling at the request. → “I guess I'm gonna make a cheese.” (00:02:19)
2019-11-05 Letting It Snow with Kiernan Shipka, Shameik Moore, Anna Akana, and Blogbrother John Green — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked why we are here 'in the largest sense', a cast member explains their parents decided to procreate, like the parents before them. → “I didn't sign up for this.” (00:00:00)
2019-11-19 Kylie Jenner Shows Me What's Wrong with Reddit — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The Gold Coast Bulletin published the false story. → “How come I only read one story in the Gold Coast Bulletin this year, and it was that one?” (00:02:17)
2019-11-22 I'm Just Really Mad About Heteronyms… — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After building the whole homo/hetero, phone/graph system, Hank seethes at the name it gives words spelled alike but sounding different. → “WHY AREN’T THEY CALLED HETEROPHONES?” (00:03:14)

2020 (17)

2020-01-10 The Thing I would Like to End — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The editorial letter, which says the book is not trash, is the good outcome. → “followed by a 22 page list of all the ways in which the book is trash. This is the success condition.” (00:01:15)
2020-01-14 Foolish · Beautiful — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John credits Liverpool's unbeaten Premier League run to his leaving Twitter → “I'm the one who's making it happen!” (00:03:31)
2020-01-21 Gifts That Changed My Life — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The world on a turtle his parents gave him topples as he shows it → “Oh God! Everything's fine, Mom. The world is still on the turtle.” (00:00:58)
2020-02-07 GET BUSY WITH THE FIZZY — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The astronaut looks worried as her colleague drinks SodaStream-carbonated Mars water. → “it's the face of a woman who realizes that her colleague is about to die of perchlorate poisoning” (00:03:24)
2020-02-14 Ending The Great Airplane Seat Debate — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank lists the reasons to assume strangers' good faith on planes. → “And because if we cannot share the metal skybird, what can we share?” (00:03:04)
2020-02-28 I'M FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A Twitter question: if both birds and sheep have flocks, are birds sheep or sheep birds? → “Sherbs!” (00:03:09)
2020-03-10 A Strong but Fleeting Flavor: A Reunion Video — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked whether the tree John hit as a child is bigger now, John answers → “It's not bigger, Hank. It's the biggest tree in the world.” (00:00:50)
2020-04-21 hey now — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says Melville said it best when he wrote of the All Star sing-a-ma-jig, adapting a Moby-Dick passage about the sea to the toy. → “For here, in this all-star singamajig, millions of mixed shades, drowned dreams, synambulisms, reveries, all that we call lives and souls, lie dreaming, dreaming.” (00:02:54)
2020-05-05 YOU'RE AN ALL STAR! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John introduces Erin's symphony and hands it to Hank. → “is all star, but it's every sing-a-ma-jig.” (00:01:55)
2020-05-08 The years start coming and they don't stop coming! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank performs the eight-year-old's viral song with full sincerity. → “Oh, maybe it is dinosaurs and maybe it is monster trucks all inside your butthole.” (00:01:29)
2020-05-22 The Meteor Men Beg to Differ // Judging by the Hole in the Satellite Picture — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Summer Girls promises a song about the summer they met, then its first line changes subject → “We are now talking about a man's currently somewhat racist stomach.” (00:00:29)
2020-06-16 a cool place — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Right after assuring Hank that the sewage-laced river is mostly fine if you don't swim in it, John adds his own record. → “Giardia twice.” (00:00:54)
2020-07-21 Somebody Once Asked . . . — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked what owls are plotting, John embraces their takeover. → “Oh, I for one will welcome our new owl overlords.” (00:00:58)
2020-07-24 Could I Spare some Change for Gas? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — April asks the title question, whether Hank could spare some change for gas money. → “Uh, absolutely. Just let me know your Venmo.” (00:01:36)
2020-10-05 Thank God It's Over and PIZZAMAS IS HERE!!!!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Inspecting his returning mustache, John wonders whether smiling helps. → “Maybe it'll be better if I smile, like... Nope. Nope, nope, that's, uh, that's, that's, that's worse.” (00:01:13)
2020-10-08 The Commercial that Killed a Fast Food Chain — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After the ad's oblique line about Mr. Delicious's 'delicate surgery', Hank reacts → “Did we just hear about Mr. Delicious's vasectomy?” (00:01:27)
2020-12-29 Looking Back at My 2020 Goals — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — January John hoped to stop working nights and weekends; 2020 John mocks his naivety → “you adorable little child i want to pinch your cute little cheeks” (00:01:27)

2021 (25)

2021-01-05 SUPERIOR FISH BEINGS — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The superior fish beings' long silence bodes well. → “it means they have the ability to stay calm and shut up, two talents humanity has shown a limited capacity for.” (00:01:27)
2021-01-12 My 2021 Vision Board — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John blames 2020's mess not on politics or the virus but on starting the year with the Cats movie. → “the only way we're getting out of it is with another Cats movie.” (00:00:00)
2021-01-22 I Didn't Clean My Glasses for a Week and then I Put them Under a Microscope — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Overwhelmed by the oil globs on his glasses, Hank reflects on the human body. → “Oh my God, we are factories.” (00:02:35)
2021-03-09 Hank Rebranded Without Any of Us Noticing — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After praising Hank's change, John insists the corndog romance endures → “Hank plus corndogs remains a great love story, as prominently noted in my 2021 vision board.” (00:03:24)
2021-03-12 A Crisis of Branding — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Viewers watched him become a performer, if they've seen all the vlogbrothers videos → “And let's be honest you haven't I have” (00:02:04)
2021-03-30 I did it! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains he can't swear off bulk signing because he would lose occasion to use his paper jogger. → “the LectroJog really is the greatest piece of machinery ever created in all of human history.” (00:01:56)
2021-04-02 John's World Record — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After listing authors whose signatures are worth thousands, Hank gives John his distinction. → “You have the least valuable signature of any author in the world.” (00:00:58)
2021-04-13 My Truly Mortifying Self-Talk — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Puzzled by Craig's oddly supportive text, John checks the chain while uploading the video. → “my watch had texted Craig a transcript of my positive self-talk.” (00:02:29)
2021-05-11 I am a small boat. It's Question Tuesday. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A store clerk who already knew John was John Green really wanted to know how he knew Vince Vaughn. → “So the strangest thing I've ever been recognized for is being Vince Vaughn's best friend.” (00:01:05)
2021-05-21 The 19 Best Facts — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank sings the Beatles' silly original placeholder lyrics for Yesterday. → “It's like they wrote the Weird Al version of their own song first.” (00:00:58)
2021-06-08 Feelings, Little Tunnels, and Oprah: It's Question Tuesday with Ashley C. Ford — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a Michael McDonald impression, its performer shares the secret to doing one. → “all you have to do is yawn and sing at the same time.” (00:03:30)
2021-06-15 VLOGBROTHERS REUNITED!!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked what his past self would say, Hank imagines being baffled by trading Dogecoin → “what is doge? And why do you want me to buy it and then sell it?” (00:01:16)
2021-06-22 Mindblowers with Hank and John — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Without the matter-antimatter imbalance the Big Bang should have come out even → “It big bangs, and then it big smoops.” (00:02:32)
2021-07-20 Reviewing Reviews of My Reviews — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The Anthropocene Reviewed's average rating beats John's other books and also Shakespeare's tragedy → “higher average rating than Macbeth, which, you know, possibly indicates some problems with the five-star scale.” (00:00:58)
2021-07-23 The Last 25 Questions I Asked Google — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank plays the earliest sound recording, recently turned back into audio → “I do not like that.” (00:02:51)
2021-08-24 It's My Birthday. I Gave Myself This Video. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John asks the chatbot how long he will live → “I'm guessing one million years, but I could be off by quite a bit.” (00:00:58)
2021-09-07 My Two Favorite Jokes — 3 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A moth with Hamlet's troubles visits a podiatrist, who asks why he came to him instead of a psychiatrist. → “oh, the light was on.” (00:00:58)
2021-10-04 PIZZAMAS IS HERE! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Mustachioed and in soccer gear, John introduces himself as a Kirkland-brand version of Ted Lasso. → “Kirkland brand Ted Lasso here” (00:00:00)
2021-10-08 On February 3rd, 2020, I Wrote a Video I Didn't Make. Here It Is. — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Reading his 2020 line about trusting the floor to hold him, current John pities his past self → “Aww, buddy. If only.” (00:01:16)
2021-10-14 Pizza Sized Johns or John Sized Pizza? It's Question Thursday — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked how his brother Dave is, John says he used to pity Dave for having no Twitter or YouTube. → “but now I think maybe he just achieved enlightenment.” (00:01:27)
2021-11-05 We Have Invented Something Marvelous — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank pitches a revolutionary new product that goes between your foot and your shoe. → “It's like a kind of foot sleeve.” (00:00:00)
2021-11-09 Hank Green's Million Dollar Ideas — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John counts the money he'd have at a million dollars for each of Hank's 7,000 million-dollar ideas. → “I would have like $7 billion, or nearly 3% of Jeff Bezos' wealth.” (00:00:29)
2021-11-19 How do We Get Anything Done At All? — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having argued the preference is irrational, Hank admits he will not change → “And I will never say gif. I will never say gif. I just won't.” (00:02:21)
2021-11-30 Vlogbrothers REUNITED AT LAST — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked what he most dislikes about John, Hank gives the answer people give in job interviews → “I think he just cares too much. He works too passionately.” (00:00:43)
2021-12-03 John and Hank at the Cemetery — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Mishearing 'to moon' as mooning, they replay Neil Armstrong's first words on the Moon → “We did it, Buzz! We're mooning!” (00:00:58)

2022 (25)

2022-01-14 Thank God We Got This Right… — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After pitching a 13-month calendar with a weird short week, Hank laments that we're stuck with 12 months. → “This is a historical screw up that we all have to live with forever.” (00:02:09)
2022-01-25 My Least Relatable Story: The Parisian Dentist — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John wonders how the dentist afforded the impressionist paintings in his office. → “Was he like a billionaire who sidelighted as a dentist? Like he was a dentist for the love of the game?” (00:03:24)
2022-02-24 How to Make Potatoes While Dread Presses In from Every Direction — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Flipping potatoes prompts a biochemical description of eating. → “like you're a mammal eating the storage organs of nightshade plants in order to sustain your own departure from chemical equilibrium” (00:02:26)
2022-03-18 How to Fix Daylight Saving Time — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — People angry that the Senate unanimously passed an easy fix that improves their lives. → “I think maybe the problem isn't in the Congress, it might be in your chair.” (00:01:22)
2022-04-05 Celebrities I've Met and Whether I'd Vote for Them??? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Weighing The Rock as president, John admits he probably wouldn't vote for him, but notes one qualification. → “but I will say his guns would intimidate the hell out of our enemies.” (00:01:56)
2022-04-08 Hank and John Discover Chippy Butties — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John tells Hank he set Hank's chair a little low on purpose, a joke he never tires of. → “That joke never gets old to me.” (00:00:00)
2022-04-12 Utter Chippy Butty Chaos — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Without brown sauce, Hank improvises the chip butty. → “You didn't have any brown sauce, so I put fish sauce on it.” (00:00:00)
2022-04-26 An Amazing Day — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Defending his book on ball pits, John generalizes wildly and jokingly credits the thought to a famous songwriter. → “I think there's pee in almost everything. I think that's a Leonard Cohen lyric.” (00:02:12)
2022-05-24 Hello! Meet Daisy! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked for his own favourite Beatle and colour, John answers with his own name → “Mine are John and green.” (00:00:29)
2022-05-31 A Casting Announcement — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John explains why a nickname is better than a given name, using his '19' → “You're the 19th most important member of this cast” (00:02:09)
2022-06-07 Hello! Meet Aza! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Isabela says she is not normally herself on camera → “Funny you should mention that because I'm not normally someone else.” (00:00:00)
2022-06-14 Should Hank and I ... box each other?? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John cites his years of reviewing boxing books as a qualification, with a jab at administrators who banned his books → “reading about something makes you both want to do it and good at it” (00:00:58)
2022-07-01 7 Movie Reviews in Four Minutes — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Having called a magic show maybe the best thing he has ever seen, Hank gives its cry count → “I cried maybe 300 times” (00:01:56)
2022-07-05 Director Hannah Marks Is Nervous To Meet You — 4 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — John asks Hannah about directing his cameo → “So, Hannah, what was it like directing me, John Green, the world's worst actor?” (00:00:58)
2022-08-26 I Searched for 'Science Side of Twitter' and Answered As Many Questions as I Could — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank starts a joke answer (two potatoes and a copper wire) to someone needing a charger, then checks the tweet's time. → “I've just looked at your tweet it's from 2 27 a.m. You don't need to be on Twitter anymore.” (00:03:24)
2022-08-30 How to Buy Good Art for Less Than $100,000,000 — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After pricing a $300 artwork at two cents a day over 50 years, John voices the objection that he just turned 45. → “You're not going to look at anything every day for the next 50 years. Thank you. Thank you for bringing that energy into the video.” (00:01:27)
2022-09-13 A Million Things at Once — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After his video on tuberculosis and Toulouse-Lautrec got 17 views in two months. → “so yeah i'm a really good youtuber whose success is not at all dependent upon the fact that i started in 2007” (00:00:47)
2022-09-26 PIZZAMAS IS UPON US — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John sniffs the Pizzamas car air freshener scented as 'new John smell'. → “It smells as much like pizza or me as you would want your car to smell.” (00:01:56)
2022-09-27 The Wildest Way it Could Possibly Have Gone - Our 16 Year Anniversary — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked whether she would fight one Hank-sized pelican or four pelican-sized Hanks, Katherine answers at once. → “Oh, four pelican-sized hanks. For sure.” (00:01:03)
2022-09-30 COMMIT TO THE BIT — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John invokes 'the ancient proverb' about when to plant a tree. → “the best time to commit to a bit was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.” (00:03:32)
2022-10-06 The Pizzamas Magic Is Almost Over… — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Rating the Pizza John bento among the many Pizza John pizzas. → “But this pizza John Bento might take the pizza.” (00:02:19)
2022-10-07 Planets Don't Exist — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After John says 'we did it' about humans making light, he adds 'Joe', and Hank calls out the habit. → “then I have to pause for three seconds and say Joe.” (00:08:43)
2022-10-14 The Surprise Revelation of NerdfArters — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank cannot find the opposite of angry when describing Twitter's good moments. → “But sometimes it's full of the thing that makes me happy and happy.” (00:03:20)
2022-11-04 My Secret Obsession — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A no e-bike sign has four separate indicators that it means e-bikes. → “in the meeting had a different idea for how to represent e-bikes and they decided to use all of them.” (00:02:03)
2022-12-16 What I Would Have Tweeted — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A would-be tweet proposes an instant noodle soup business with a pun name → “What if we started an instant Pho company like the Vietnamese noodles, and called it UnPhogettable” (00:00:58)

2023 (34)

2023-01-06 After 12 hours in LA I'm a stand-up comic doing ASMR with a side gig as a music promoter — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Squatting low because of his knee, Hank says he is doing stand-up comedy, except he is not → “A lot of stand-up comedy these days is really just stand-up upset.” (00:01:10)
2023-01-10 Introducing: The Format — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After saying TFIOS has been around almost as long as the Doritos Locos Taco, John cuts away → “Hey, so this is a literary device called foreshadowing.” (00:00:40)
2023-01-13 Why is There an Egg Shortage (And More) — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked why eyes twitch, Hank says he doesn't know, he has the same problem, and maybe this video is the cause. → “I don't know. Same though. Maybe it's because of this.” (00:01:41)
2023-01-17 John Green Answers the Most Searched Hank Green Questions — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Denying that Hank invented 3D glasses, John says he invented something much more important. → “2D glasses that render three-dimensional movies in a crisp two dimensions” (00:00:58)
2023-01-24 Behind the Scenes of my TUMBLR MEME LORD ERA — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Tired of human fragility, John says he would rather be a company → “I want to be a company, which is also a person if you ask the US Supreme Court.” (00:02:29)
2023-02-10 If it ain't broke don't fix it. — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's friend introduces her new dog, which could have had any name, as Hank. → “Like either this is an odd honor that is being bestowed on me or you forgot I existed.” (00:02:29)
2023-02-14 Worst Reunion Video Ever ... or Best? — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Two content creators ask what the most radical, countercultural thing they could do in 2023 would be. → “And that was to go on vacation and not make content about it.” (00:00:24)
2023-02-17 COUNTDOWN TO THE PROJECT FOR AWESOME — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After a burp-like noise, Hank declares that the chat has summoned Butfartman → “Oh, excellent. Well done, everyone. You could stop chanting now. You successfully summoned him.” (00:01:00)
2023-03-17 This is a Video!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank reads a dense explanation of bone's piezoelectric properties. → “What? You got electric bones? We've got electric bones?” (00:02:28)
2023-04-04 The Search for Real Feeling — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John mourns his destroyed 30-foot microphone cord as a fallen comrade that will never be replaced. → “Except by my new 36-foot long cord.” (00:00:00)
2023-04-07 Getting One Million LinkedIn Followers — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After explaining that elephants have internal testicles, Hank draws a business lesson. → “The business lesson here is you don't have to be showy to make a huge impact.” (00:01:49)
2023-05-09 on hope — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John describes the coronation as an elderly man receiving a very fancy mineral-encrusted hat. → “they were from every corner of the earth except the corner of the earth where the elderly man in question lives.” (00:01:39)
2023-05-16 Did TB Cause World War I? — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Čabrinović's bomb misses and his cyanide fails, so he tries to drown himself. → “and then jumps into a river, which it turns out is only four inches deep” (00:02:55)
2023-05-23 Rough Week — 4 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — The website counting days since Hank started a new thing resets to zero, the new thing being not a channel or a soap company. → “or a soap company, but chemotherapy.” (00:00:58)
2023-06-13 touched by a king — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Two copies of John meet in the museum; one is surprised the other is there, and the other says he is always there. → “Right, I guess that is kind of the issue. Wherever I go, I bring myself with me.” (00:00:29)
2023-06-20 Reflections from a Terrible CEO — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains Hank stopped leading the companies' 100-plus employees. → “But then, Hank, you got fired by cancer.” (00:00:00)
2023-06-27 Alone on the Cancer Boat: A Vlogbrothers Reunion — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Free solo climbing has many micromorts even if you're good at it, which John isn't. → “So for me, it would be like a million micromorts. Yeah, which adds up to one mort.” (00:07:34)
2023-06-30 Bon Your Vivant — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A fan at In-N-Out prayed for John's recovery, apparently mistaking whose cancer it is; Hank's reaction on hearing it. → “Stolen Valor! It was mine!” (00:05:27)
2023-07-28 Let's Try Radiation Therapy! — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's DoorDash boba order went to a stranger named Dakota, and Hank got Dakota's sushi instead. → “And life gave me cancer and Dakota's sushi.” (00:04:40)
2023-08-11 It's About a YouTuber with Cancer — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank claims the animated Puss in Boots sequel is about a YouTuber who gets cancer and voices John's objection. → “You're thinking, Hank, no, that's a movie about a cat who has boots.” (00:00:01)
2023-08-22 The Panera Phenomenon — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John, holding his long microphone cord, sums up his life in terms of the cord. → “I spent half my life gathering up this 30-foot microphone cord, and the other half I wasted.” (00:00:29)
2023-09-01 The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms — 7 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank imagines viewers thinking his new beard makes him look like a nerdy Jason Statham → “you weren't thinking that no one was thinking that” (00:02:01)
2023-09-25 PIZZAMAS IS HERE!!! — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says it is his dream to one day be a postage stamp. → “to one day be not just a postage stamp, but a Pizza John postage stamp” (00:01:27)
2023-09-26 THE REVEAL — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Shaving his beard down to a goatee, Hank sees Walter White in the mirror and borrows the character's famous line. → “I think I may be the one who knocks!” (00:01:51)
2023-09-28 What the Heck is the UN? — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The five veto powers are World War II's big winners who put themselves in charge. → “It's what I like to call the red, white, and blue flag club plus China.” (00:02:06)
2023-09-29 Like Apocalyptic Horsemen — 3 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John compares mustached Hank to the Minneapolis rapper Prof, a fellow excellent lyricist. → “Prof can pull off the mustache because he's hard. And you're, respectfully, Soft.” (00:02:14)
2023-10-02 The Hottest Place and the Coldest Place in the Universe are the SAME PLACE — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After the 38-picokelvin record, Hank cheers for humans. → “Humans! Like, let's see a goose do that!” (00:01:57)
2023-10-05 America's Second Favorite Fourth Tier English Soccer Team — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John reels off nicknames for central defender Joe Lewis and his rolled-up shorts → “Joe "big man, small shorts" Lewis” (00:03:23)
2023-10-31 How to Make Hot Sauce for Just $65 per Bottle — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Burping the fermentation jars lets gas out. → “i don't know what kind of gas i don't know how fermentation works” (00:01:40)
2023-11-24 It Wasn't Supposed to be Thanksgiving Yesterday — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank imagines FDR announcing the Thanksgiving change the day before November. → “Thanksgiving is going to be on a different day than you thought. Happy Halloween! Trick or treat!” (00:01:27)
2023-12-12 POTATO! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Potato ate a 128 GB memory card, and John cannot be mad. → “like six years ago, I also ate a 128 gigabyte memory card, so I know what it's like” (00:01:34)
2023-12-15 Cat...I Farted. — 5 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — French newscasters discuss jobs being taken by ChatGPT, pronounced the French way. → “being taken by cat-I-farted.” (00:01:29)
2023-12-22 Let's Talk About Death — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Pondering mortality, Hank poses a 'real question' about his legacy. → “Real question here, when I'm dead, will anyone have eaten that elf pasta?” (00:00:54)
2023-12-24 John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — After a kid peed off a VidCon balcony in 2016, all the balconies are closed; it is called a metaphor for the internet. → “One person pees on the balcony and nobody else gets a balcony ever again.” (00:43:37)

2024 (25)

2024-03-01 Flyana Boss Asks Hank Anything — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Told he looks 33, Hank links Jesus' age to his own cancer → “When I got sick and I might die, I was like, well, Jesus only got 33 years.” (00:01:07)
2024-03-22 The Internet Needs to Change — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank says he loves it when algorithms reward him with numbers. → “that i put inside of the hole inside of me that can fit an infinite number of numbers” (00:00:00)
2024-04-09 Hank and John Reunited WITH RAX — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Wanting to rent a roadside sign to counter its Jesus messaging, John proposes promoting Zeus instead. → “I would have a sign that was like, Zeus, follow him.” (00:03:51)
2024-04-19 I Closed My Boob in a Door — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank opens by speaking April's tweet in the first person, as if aliens built him and he closed his own boob in a door → “I would be coordinated enough to not close my boob in a door. And yet!” (00:00:00)
2024-04-23 Full Hank — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John adapts Augustine's prayer to be made chaste, but not yet, to work-life balance. → “Lord, make me work life balanced. But not yet.” (00:03:54)
2024-05-03 Everything Wrong with Turtles All the Way Down — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank objects that the stick the characters play with in the woods is unrealistically good → “Nobody ever finds a stick that good.” (00:00:29)
2024-05-07 A Secret about Art — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John contrasts pouring yourself into the film with pouring yourself into this video's gag → “Other times, you get the Wish.com step-and-repeat.” (00:03:40)
2024-05-10 Three Whole Onions with Secretary Pete Buttigieg — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Pete says the DOT pin is called a triskelion; Hank repeats it as → “Three whole onions.” (00:00:31)
2024-05-24 An Ancient Apocalypse — 5 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — After his chemo year, Hank reveals the 'secret' of what birthdays become. → “they start being about celebrating the fact that you're not dead yet” (00:00:00)
2024-07-09 Is the Inside of Your Mouth a Soup? (a vidcon reunion video) — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After asking a player whether he plays baseball, Hank explains himself → “I don't know what to say to baseball players. This is the first one I ever met.” (00:01:13)
2024-07-12 My Identity Crisis — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank anticipates jokes about a man pushing socks so hard → “Hank Green out here soliciting feet pics” (00:01:27)
2024-07-26 Hank Green's Top 7 Best Coconut Tree Facts!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — One recent coconut victim died when an earthquake shook many coconuts through his roof. → “So he was kind of killed by a coconut, and kind of killed by an earthquake.” (00:00:37)
2024-08-13 The Time a Spy Visited Me Because of P*tin. — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John tries to break the ice by telling the visitor his job title sounds like a spy's. → “Just dead, dead eyes. Absolute silence.” (00:00:58)
2024-08-19 The Olympics Mystery Explained!!! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — The normalized chart shows his Europe mystery vanishing → “Should I take the video down?” (00:02:43)
2024-08-20 Thoughts from Places: BROMLEY! — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John lists Bromley's famous former residents, its TK Maxx and its tanning salon. → “The white-hot center of British culture.” (00:00:29)
2024-09-23 IT'S HERE! — 4 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John marvels that there is now a Pizza John Magic 8-Ball. → “when he's 47, he's still gonna be making videos, and not only that, there will be a Pizza John Magic 8-Ball.” (00:00:29)
2024-09-24 The Forgotten Viral Video that Could Never be Made Today — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank lists Gal Gadot's celebrity Imagine video among the harms of the pandemic. → “sang the John Lennon song Imagine in a bunch of different keys.” (00:00:00)
2024-09-25 You have no chance to survive make your time. — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John relishes the game's mangled closing line. → “which is maybe my favorite run-on sentence in the history of the English language” (00:01:22)
2024-09-26 Something Very Strange Has Been Happening to Me — 3 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Hank returned a stolen purse he found in the trash and felt like a hero. → “but kind of terrible for Katherine, who does not like that I have been rewarded for this behavior.” (00:00:29)
2024-09-30 Put a little bit of cinnamon in it — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank praises the people at his Youngstown event. → “These people are really great. Except for a couple of them. They know who they are. And Chris” (00:02:49)
2024-10-11 October 11, 2024 - Goofing off with John (a Vlogbrothers Video) — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John recalls finishing a talk he thought he crushed, only to be told his fly was down. → “are there any other questions? Silence.” (00:00:58)
2024-10-29 If Hank and John Were God for 15 Minutes — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — As the brothers conclude being God is hard, Hank interjects his plan again. → “Four feet tall! You've decided that this is the hill you're gonna die on.” (00:04:01)
2024-10-30 Sipping the Tea with Hank — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After John's oven mitt catches fire off camera, Hank regrets the lost footage. → “Well, because that would have been great cinema.” (00:17:25)
2024-11-13 Some New Things… — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The brothers imagine the scammer's relief when Hank said he never goes on Facebook. → “I've had a long, bad day as a scammer, but this guy's coming through for me big time.” (00:21:28)
2024-11-15 Whales are Fish (and Everything Else is Beetles) with Lindsay Nikole — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank repeats that a quarter of all animals are beetles, then tops it with a statistic about the band. → “And four quarters of all of the Beatles–” (00:00:58)

2025 (25)

2025-01-03 My 2025 Bingo Card — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Asked whether the Pillsbury Doughboy eating a cookie would make him a cannibal. → “Yes, but it would also make all of us monsters.” (00:04:00)
2025-01-07 The Format but it hurts to stand up — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John brags about an unusual injury from his signing marathon. → “I think that I experienced the first ever signing related ankle injury last week” (00:00:17)
2025-01-14 So I Bought My Team a Pro Football Player — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank long had no Wikipedia page; on the talk page of his proposed one, somebody wrote → “just because you have a notable brother doesn't mean you're notable” (00:01:27)
2025-01-17 How the P4A is Changing in 2025! — 8 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank recalls the P4A tagline about a dangerous day to get paid. → “But another one is, make responsible financial decisions.” (00:03:46)
2025-03-11 Hank Green's Brother — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Listing Hank's million-dollar ideas, John includes one that inverts the whole point of 3D film. → “He's figured out a way to render 3D movies in a crisp two dimensions.” (00:00:45)
2025-03-21 The Second Most Important Book in Dublin — 2 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank ranks the Book of Kells only second in Dublin, and reveals number one is John's new book. → “but of course number one i also recently went to see a new book called everything is tuberculosis by john green” (00:00:29)
2025-04-11 How Actually Crazy is This Mess? — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank reveals one group of islands on the tariff list has no people. → “It is populated entirely by penguins.” (00:02:32)
2025-04-18 I Still Don't Have Cancer (and I'm Still Scared) — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank refuses to feed his free-floating anxiety his fear about being bad at keeping track of earbuds. → “Stay hungry and starve, jerk.” (00:05:48)
2025-04-18 This one's for your mom — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Thanking a repeat buyer, Hank asks to look up where she lives and names the habit. → “Just a little recreational doxing is what we call it.” (00:19:48)
2025-05-02 I Found the Dumbest Time Zone — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank asks who to blame for Spain's late meals and wrong time zone. → “And can you guess what you can blame for this? That's right, fascism.” (00:03:04)
2025-06-06 The Secret Inside my MIT Commencement Speech — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank says he doesn't do impostor syndrome; instead he has a superior syndrome. → “It's called ha-ha-ha, I fooled them again syndrome” (00:02:52)
2025-07-29 Dad and Daughter Play Dress to Impress — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — After his TB fact about pale beauty standards, John asks Alice a question. → “Are you tired of hearing Dad talk about TB? Yeah. Okay, fair enough.” (00:08:52)
2025-08-05 ONE TAKE JOHNNY — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Thanked by fans for Crash Course, John credits the team behind the teleprompter → “Stan and Meredith and Zuleyha got you through high school. I was Ron Burgundy.” (00:10:57)
2025-08-08 I'm Glad I Ignored That Billionaire — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — After calling the club the charity version of Savage X Fenty, the brothers sort out who is Rihanna and who Paul Newman → “I'm totally the Paul Newman of Rihannas more than I am the Rihanna of Paul Newman.” (00:02:59)
2025-08-19 The Problem with My Brother's Hit New App — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John buys the John Bean in-app purchase to support Hank's app and looks at it → “John Bean is a 70-year-old bean, Hank.” (00:02:40)
2025-08-26 Not to Criticize Hank… — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John complains Hank's text lacked a third exclamation point. → “which everyone knows is how you really communicate enthusiasm in the year of our Lord 2025 with such extensive exclamation point related inflation.” (00:02:55)
2025-09-05 Caffeine is Very… — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank asks which plant the caffeine in sodas comes from. → “that's right the chemical plant” (00:05:18)
2025-09-09 Sorry, Hank, but Coffee Is Just Better — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Rejecting tea's chill vibes, John says he would live in the 18th century and watch wheat grow if he wanted those; this is 2025. → “I need a frickin' rocket ship.” (00:02:26)
2025-09-16 After seven long years… — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John has been making videos for nearly half his life. → “as you can tell from looking at my face or listening to my voice, it has not been a short life.” (00:01:27)
2025-09-29 PIZZAMAS IS UPON US! — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John explains why he grew no pizza mustache this year. → “I just kind of made a call to stay married.” (00:01:03)
2025-11-24 Good Store Holiday Gift Guide LIVE with Hank and John — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A viewer's friend gave them a tea subscription for life; the brothers wonder whose life. → “Or are they going to have to put something in their estate that says, like, don't forget about the tea subscription?” (00:27:33)
2025-11-28 Three Things! (Wait, no, actually four...) — 8 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank's plan was to at least get one of Sandi's note cards as a souvenir; the clip shows him asking. → “Sandy, can I have one of your little cards?” (00:07:00)
2025-12-02 The Meaning of Life with Hank and John — 7 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Agreeing that something is better than nothing, John extends the ranking. → “something is better than nothing nothing is worse than a chameleon” (00:07:09)
2025-12-09 Hank Green, from A to Z — 6 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — Passing over Crash Course and Complexly, John picks C for Hank's greatest cultural contribution. → “let's make it for Hank's most profound contribution to our culture, Crabulous.” (00:00:29)
2025-12-16 John Green's Brother — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says whatever Hank achieves, headlines will always frame him as John's brother. → “the Fault in Our Stars author John Green's younger brother wins Nobel Peace Prize” (00:00:29)

2026 (21)

2026-01-16 2026 P4A Changes! (Plus...GAMES!) — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank realizes the palindromes he nearly picked were a trap. → “Did you sucker me into palindromes? I'm so glad that I didn't pick it.” (00:04:17)
2026-01-30 Has Anyone Ever Accidentally Seen me Naked (Question Tuesday on a Friday) — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Weighing which animals to punch, Hank considers a goose, which is more in the kicking zone. → “but I feel like I could get an uppercut under there, you know, and like really teach it a lesson.” (00:02:26)
2026-02-13 Project for Awesome 2026 part 2! — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Hank tells Demi Adejuyigbe what happened in 2027. → “There was a war with the fish and we won, which means that we got to take the oceans, but they took the land.” (01:22:43)
2026-02-13 Project for Awesome 2026 Kickoff! — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank opens the 2026 livestream by announcing it is the 2027 Project for Awesome. → “I don't know if you know this, John, but we skipped a year.” (00:16:04)
2026-02-14 Project for Awesome 2026 part 3! — 8 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Omar Bugiel said he wanted to play for AFC Wimbledon until his legs ran out, and a teammate answered → “buddy your legs have run out” (00:40:35)
2026-02-14 Project for Awesome 2026 part 4! — 8 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank tells Destin Sandlin that in his 2027 every problem is solved, at a price → “We have had to swap, and the fish got the land, and we got the ocean.” (02:06:21)
2026-02-15 Project for Awesome 2026 part 5! — 8 recorded jokes, 0 top-rated — Alice pats foundation onto John's face hard → “It's like being hit by Henry.” (02:27:01)
2026-03-03 The Best Fan Mail I Ever Received — 7 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A freshman writes that Looking for Alaska made them feel neither like throwing up nor like pooping → “It made me feel a third feeling.” (00:00:58)
2026-03-10 Is Hank Green Running for Congress? — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John says some of Hank's old tweets might be disqualifying → “but it turns out that no tweets are disqualifying.” (00:01:38)
2026-03-24 How Panda Express Is Tuberculosis — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — John says one could write a whole book chapter on the relationship between leprosy and tuberculosis. → “and in fact, one did, but then later deleted it.” (00:02:31)
2026-05-12 Lies, Damn Lies, and Bart Giamatti — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — John renames the speaker he misremembered for 20 years with his death year → “Bart died in 1989 Giamatti” (00:02:26)
2026-05-29 Chemo Cow Body Odor YouTube Helen Hunt Commute — 7 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Hank works out the cow commute: cows walk two to three miles per hour. → “which is going to turn your commute into a very long and uncomfortable relationship with the back of a cow.” (00:03:57)
2026-06-09 Your 1-Sentence Guide to EVERY TEAM in the 2026 World Cup — 8 recorded jokes, 3 top-rated — Canada are good at soccer and already have universal health care → “so being better than us at soccer feels a little punitive.” (00:03:53)
2026-06-19 You Have to Poop in the Eiffel Tower — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — A full building clog at home is a disaster. → “but a full building clog in the Eiffel Tower would be an international incident.” (00:01:28)
2026-06-23 A Very French Reunion — 6 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — The 38-year-old Messi barely runs; he walks to where the ball will be two minutes from now → “And then the ball just appears at his feet.” (00:04:41)
2026-09-04 This is a Terrible Idea… — 8 recorded jokes, 4 top-rated — What do you call someone who sells ineffective soap? → “A filthy liar.” (00:01:56)
2026-09-11 Our Last YouTube View… — 5 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — A clip from Craig's last appearance replays the dilemma of a butt for a face or a face for a butt → “Butt face and face face.” (00:00:30)
2026-09-25 Who Has Signed Their Name the Most Times? — 4 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank kept researching because he refused to let John lose the record to a Confederate → “i didn't want you to get beaten by a confederate banker so i kept looking” (00:05:50)
2026-09-28 Death. Taxes. Pizzamas. — 5 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Showing the Mola pizza shirt → “I'm a fish, Hank. I'm a fish with a mustache.” (00:02:14)
2026-10-07 The 5 Meanest Things We've Named a Species — 6 recorded jokes, 1 top-rated — Hank protests singling out one worm lizard among 200 equally ugly species → “There's no gorgeous worm lizards. That's messed up! You didn't have to do that!” (00:06:20)
2026-10-13 My Lungs Are on the Outside of the Body — 8 recorded jokes, 2 top-rated — Asked how he is, the exhausted John answers honestly. → “This is not the worst I've ever felt, but it's the worst I've ever felt healthy.” (00:00:00)