TIny Cars SUCK!

2009-01-14 · song · Hank · 3:18 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Science & nature · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance, recurring series, timely hook

Back from the Detroit auto show, Hank sings a satirical song in the voice of a gas-guzzler lover who scorns small fuel-efficient cars, then announces Song Wednesday's return and plans to read his own old journals.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Satirical song about the North American International Auto Show sung as a big-car lover: V8 Hemi, tiny cars, France, Mini Cooper, smart car

• ★★ Hank says he just got back from the North American International Auto Show in Detroit and wrote a song about it while there. — 00:00:00
• ★★★ In the song Hank voices a driver who wants a huge V8 Hemi getting two or three gallons to the mile and finds the show's small cars not worth his time. (satire) — 00:00:42
• ★★ The song's narrator links tiny cars with living in France and being a commie, says the Mini Cooper makes him ill and consigns the smart car to hell. (satire) — 00:00:42

00:02:42 — Auto-show report promised; return of Song Wednesdays; Hank will follow John and read his old journals, samples two entries; sign-off

• ★★ Hank says he will actually talk about what he saw at the auto show later in the week. — 00:02:42
• ★★ Hank announces that this video marks the return of Song Wednesdays. — 00:02:42 · Song Wednesday
• ★★ Hank plans to follow John's lead next Tuesday (20 January 2009) and go through his own old journals, and reads two sample entries. (hedged) — 00:02:42

Humor (dominant)

• The narrator describes his ideal car. — 00:00:42

  “all I want's a V8 Hemi weighing 8,000 pounds, if it weighs any, getting two or three gallons to the mile”

• The narrator explains what driving a tiny car would make him. — 00:00:42

  “I'd live in France I'd be a commie and my wife would be hairy and I'd wear ridiculous pants”

• The narrator rates the small cars he sees at the show. — 00:00:42

  “And the smart car belongs in the seventh circle of hell”

• Hank reads a 'startling observation' from his teenage journal. — 00:02:42

  “People get upset when you tell them that you wouldn't cry if they died.”

Threads in this video

• told · Hank visits the North American International Auto Show in Detroit (2009) — Hank says he just got back from the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, where he wrote a song. (00:00:00)
• promised · Hank: talk about what he saw at the Detroit auto show later in the week (2009) — Hank commits to talk about what he saw at the auto show later in the week. (00:02:42)
• restarted · Song Wednesday: Hank performs a song on Wednesdays (2007) — Hank announces the return of Song Wednesdays. (00:02:42)
• promised · Hank: read from his old journals on Tuesday (2009) — Hank says he will follow John's lead and go through his old journals on Tuesday. (00:02:42) → refers to Beanie John's Love Advice

Where the stories that moved here went next

• Hank: talk about what he saw at the Detroit auto show later in the week (2009) — kept
• Hank: read from his old journals on Tuesday (2009) — kept
• Song Wednesday: Hank performs a song on Wednesdays (2007) — lapsed; last: looked back, 2025-10-08
• Hank visits the North American International Auto Show in Detroit (2009) — followed over 2 videos (2009); last: update, 2009-01-16

Mentioned

Central: North American International Auto Show

Also: Chrysler Hemi engine · Detroit · France · Mini Cooper · Smart Fortwo · Song Wednesday

Only in the description or credits: Tiny Cars Suck

Also centred on North American International Auto Show: Brotherhood 2.0: January 9th · Week 2 Condensed Highlight Reel · Hank Green from the Detroit Auto Show

Replies to

• imitates · Beanie John's Love Advice — “I'm going to follow your lead and go through some of my old journals”

← Previous: Beanie John's Love Advice · Next → Hank Green from the Detroit Auto Show