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A Surreal Descent into Madness: Reviewing Children's TV

2012-04-10 · review / recommendation · John · 3:36 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Pop culture · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: community lore

John reports on a week of watching a dozen popular toddler TV programs, comically presenting contemporary children's television as a surreal descent into madness, while naming Phineas and Ferb the best program he has ever seen.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting; Henry watches little TV but likes Uncle Hank's space videos; John watched 12 popular toddler programs; Hank liked Blue's Clues in college

  • ★★ John's son Henry watches little television but enjoys Uncle Hank's space videos; John watched 12 of the most popular toddler programs to understand what Henry might watch. — 00:00:01 · Henry Green, Hank Green
  • ★ John says he remembers Hank being a big fan of Blue's Clues in college, which is why he brings Hank this introduction to children's TV. (playful) — 00:00:10 · Hank Green

00:00:17 — Children's TV as a surreal descent into madness where characters talk to you: Dora the Explorer

  • ★★★ John says that watching children's television is in general a dark and surreal descent into madness in which the characters talk directly to the viewer. (playful) — 00:00:17

00:00:45 — Abandoned child labor laws: Diego, Wonder Pets, Little Einsteins; Special Agent Oso and Team Umizoomi helping 'child actors'

  • ★★ John jokes that children's TV has abandoned child labor laws: Diego is a four-year-old promoted to park ranger saving animals, as do Wonder Pets and Little Einsteins. (joke) — 00:00:45

00:01:36 — Backyard hallucination shows; Phineas and Ferb the best program ever; Mickey Mouse Clubhouse as advertisement; Yo Gabba Gabba's music

  • ★★★ John calls Phineas and Ferb the best television program he has ever seen, for children or adults. — 00:01:41
  • ★ John says, 'not to brag', that he owns a 'Perry the Platypus Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers' doll. (playful) — 00:01:47
  • ★★★ John says Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the Disney Channel seemed amazing for having no advertisements until he realised the program itself is the advertisement. (playful) — 00:01:51
  • ★★ John doesn't know what Yo Gabba Gabba is about but says it has more good music than MTV, with the Shins, Weezer, Weird Al and Mos Def. (playful) — 00:02:03

00:02:17 — Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: filial piety, Mandarin and collaborating with a tiger, versus American non-collaboration

  • ★★ John is surprised right-wing commentators haven't attacked Ni Hao, Kai-Lan as they did the Teletubbies, since it teaches Confucian filial piety, some Mandarin, and collaborating with a tiger. (satire) — 00:02:17

00:02:40 — Octopus shows that need no water: Oswald and the Octonauts' anglerfish and octopus cult; Bubble Guppies' underwater campfires

  • ★★ Mocking the Octonauts' male-voiced anglerfish, John says it must be female, since a male anglerfish would be just a sperm-producing parasite on the female's side. (playful) — 00:02:55
  • ★ John jokes that the Octonauts' octopus symbol on hats, uniforms and mugs suggests a cult of personality around their monocled octopus leader. (joke) — 00:03:07

00:03:31 — Conclusions; sign-off

Humor (dominant)

  • Dora asks what John's favorite part was; he says the weirdest part was her camping with a pet jaguar and snacks. — 00:00:38

    “No, I didn't like it Dora, I thought it was weird. You're a toddler, you should be inside.”

  • Team Umizoomi asks what shape this is and John guesses 'octahedron'. — 00:01:31

    “That's right! its a dodecahedron.”

  • John first thinks Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is amazing for having no advertisements. — 00:01:57

    “and then I realised the television program IS the advertisement.”

  • Ni Hao, Kai-Lan teaches that the best way to solve problems is collaborating with a tiger. — 00:02:34

    “Whereas in America, we know that the best way to solve our problems is by not collaborating at all.”

Mentioned

Central: Phineas and Ferb

Also: People: Henry Green · Weird Al Yankovic · Yasiin Bey

Works: Blue's Clues · Bubble Guppies · Dora the Explorer · Go, Diego, Go! · Little Einsteins · Mickey Mouse Clubhouse · Ni Hao, Kai-Lan · Octonauts · Oswald · Special Agent Oso · Team Umizoomi · Teletubbies · The Backyardigans · The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That! · Wonder Pets! · Yo Gabba Gabba!

Organizations: Disney Channel · MTV

Groups: The Shins · Weezer

Concepts: anglerfish · filial piety

Characters: Perry the Platypus · Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers

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