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Decluttering the Somewhat Embarrassing Nightstand of a 39 Year-Old Best-Selling Author

2019-08-09 · list · Hank · 3:41 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: self promotion, fundraising ask

Parodying internet home-tour and haul videos, Hank empties and inventories his cluttered nightstand (iPad, business cards, a fart noise machine, enamel pins, cables, a penny he wants abolished) and plugs the last days of the Bizarre Beasts Pin Club for maternal health in Sierra Leone.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Tour of the nightstand: iPad, ear plugs, business cards, thank-you list, VidCon Australia notes, fart noise machine, pins and a Pin Club plug

  • ★★ In the grand tradition of people online assuming others care about their inane details, Hank tours his nightstand, which probably says more about him than any home tour or drugstore haul video. (playful, hedged) — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Hank used to keep his iPad on the nightstand to look at tweets, but must hide it since his son turned two and screams for 15 minutes whenever he sees an iPad. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Orin Green
  • ★ Hank got ear devices after his eardrums ruptured on a flight during a sinus infection, but has not needed them since. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Hank finds his list of people he needs to write thank-you cards to for helping with his book, and is stressed that it exists. — 00:00:49
  • ★★ The drawer holds Hank's notes from his creator track keynote at VidCon Australia last year (2018). — 00:01:18
  • ★ Hank, a 39-year-old man, cannot bring himself to throw away a battery-less fart noise machine. (playful) — 00:01:18
  • ★★ Hank threw two of the most complex and astounding objects ever created by humans into the drawer rather than spend 20 minutes finding them new homes, and calls himself a terrible person. (playful) — 00:01:48
  • ★ Hank keeps all his enamel pins in a Snitch Witches box and recommends everyone have one. (playful) — 00:01:48
  • ★★★ For viewers into enamel pins who want to support the community's work decreasing maternal mortality in Sierra Leone, the Pin Club is open just two more days at $12 a month with free worldwide shipping. — 00:01:48 · DFTBA Pin Pals, maternal death, Sierra Leone, Nerdfighteria

00:02:17 — The dregs: Titansgrave dice, cuff link, puzzle piece, the penny, and the final tally

  • ★ Hank finds the dice he used in Titansgrave. — 00:02:17
  • ★★ Hank holds up a piece of useless metal (unnamed, apparently a penny) that he says his government is too busy being terrible to get rid of. (playful) — 00:02:43
  • ★★ Hank tallies the drawer: 22 business cards and a business postcard, two flash drives, eight writing utensils, 17 stickers, so many cables, $1.60 and about $1,200 of electronics. (playful) — 00:02:43

00:03:12 — Deciding what stays; last chance for the Bizarre Beasts Pin Pal Club; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank repeats that it is the last chance to sign up for the DFTBA Bizarre Beasts Pin Pal Club. — 00:03:12 · DFTBA Pin Pals

In the description and comments

  • ★ In the description Hank says the video was fun and he needs a bit of distraction sometimes. — video description

Humor (dominant)

  • Among the drawer's clutter Hank finds a forgotten burrito punch card. — 00:00:49

    “Oh my god, I'm only two burritos away from a free burrito.”

  • Hank finds a fart noise machine in his nightstand. — 00:01:18

    “John, I'm a 39-year-old man and I can't bring myself to throw away a fart noise machine. It doesn't even have batteries.”

  • Hank admits tossing two marvels of human engineering into a drawer to avoid finding them homes. — 00:01:48

    “I'm a terrible person!”

  • Hank shows off his box full of enamel pins. — 00:01:48

    “Look at them all! I don't have a problem.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Abolish the US penny · DFTBA Pin Pals · iPad · maternal death · Orin Green · Sierra Leone · Titansgrave: The Ashes of Valkana · VidCon Australia

Only in the description or credits: Andrew Huang

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