Skip to content

On Loneliness

2019-12-10 · letter vlog · John · 3:58 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Health · mode: Personal essay · tags: heavy topic, calendar ritual, fundraising ask

After a P4A that raised over $1.3 million, John describes the loneliness that came with his depression in his mid-20s and again recently: its vicious cycles and sense of meaninglessness, broken by treating his illness as a chronic illness and by actively finding community (Liverpool, activism, his neighborhood, the P4A), which he says gives him meaning and hope.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Sunset from North Carolina; P4A raised over $1.3 million and is still open; help and hope for the lonely

  • ★★★ John is exhausted and exhilarated from the Project for Awesome, which this year (2019) raised over $1.3 million for charity. — 00:00:03 · Project for Awesome
  • ★★ The fundraiser stays up another couple of days; viewers can learn more at projectforawesome.com/donate. — 00:00:10 · Project for Awesome
  • ★★ John says the video is about loneliness, and for anyone lonely or worried about their mental health, there is help and there is hope. — 00:00:15 · mental disorder

00:00:22 — Loneliness in his mid-20s: connective opportunities without connection, vicious cycles and meaninglessness

  • ★★★ In his mid-20s John went through intense loneliness and isolation that was correlated with serious depression. — 00:00:22

  • ★★ Though he heard neighbors through thin walls, saw caring people at work daily and could instant-message anyone, John lacked not connective opportunities but connection. — 00:00:28

    “I wasn’t short on connective opportunities; I was just short on connection.”

  • ★★★ The more isolated he felt, the less able to escape; overwhelmed by sadness, he couldn't listen or engage when he did talk to people: one of loneliness's many vicious cycles. — 00:00:54

  • ★★ Other cycles: isolation made him feel unworthy of love, dread of calling long-neglected people made him call less, and despair made him feel useless, deepening the despair. — 00:01:11
  • ★★ John calls human consciousness an absolute wonder: our minds can conceive of the infinite from within a finite universe. — 00:01:34
  • ★★★ When really lonely, John feels his consciousness serves no shared or greater purpose, and his life seems to circle its own misery like a vulture over a carcass. — 00:01:43 · meaning of life
  • ★★ That pain makes him want to withdraw further from the 'stupid world', which worsens the meaninglessness and furthers his isolation. — 00:01:58

00:02:11 — Recent isolation; breaking the cycles with medication, therapy and intentionally finding community; quitting the social internet

  • ★★★ Though he set the story 20 years ago, a similar isolation pulled John under much more recently: he felt separate from the world and adrift from friends and family who loved him. — 00:02:11
  • ★★★ Both times the cycles were broken by treating his chronic health problem like a chronic health problem: for John, medication and regular therapy. — 00:02:31
  • ★★★ It also means treating loneliness as a problem to address actively by intentionally finding or refinding community; hard at first, but easier later and always worth it. — 00:02:42
  • ★★ John's communities include ones built around a shared enthusiasm such as Liverpool Football Club, around activism, and around his physical neighborhood. — 00:02:59
  • ★★★ Quitting the social internet helped his loneliness, since he used those platforms unhealthily, in superficial connection that left him feeling deeply alone. — 00:03:09

00:03:21 — Meaning from communities bigger than him; the P4A as cause for hope

  • ★★★ Not only offline communities run deep, as this weekend reminded him: though very introverted, John finds meaning in communities bigger than him that value and include him. — 00:03:21 · meaning of life
  • ★★★ John hopes viewers felt that during the P4A; for him it came when he needed reminding that what we accomplish together is truly cause for hope. — 00:03:41 · Project for Awesome

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description urges viewers concerned about their mental health to reach out: text the Crisis Text Line, call the SAMHSA helpline in the US, or someone they trust. — video description
  • ★ In a channel comment John says this is about his 84th 'On' video; he never knows what else to call them. — creator comment
  • ★ Replying in a channel comment to a viewer who says one can hear the mustache, John laughs that it is still present. (playful) — video description

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: loneliness

Also: Projects: Project for Awesome

Organizations: Liverpool FC

Concepts: Chronic condition · consciousness · depression · Extraversion and introversion · meaning of life · mental disorder · sense of community · vicious circle

Places: North Carolina

Only in the description or credits: Crisis Text Line · Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Also centred on loneliness: Catcher in the Rye, Part 1 · Cheez Doodles Guy, Ringo Silver, and Dad Jokes (Pizzamas Day 4) · John Green's Brother

← Previous: It is Much Easier to Destroy than Create · Next → Is This the Cutest Animal Noise?