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Cat Names: The Authoritative Guide

2021-10-19 · list · John · 3:57 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: Books & writing, History & curiosities) · mode: Comedy & performance

John offers Hank comic advice on naming his new kitten: praise for his son's names, the vet test, regal and apparel names, puns, writers' cats from Poe to Twain, the first cat in space, and Tesla's cat, ending with 'nature is a gigantic cat'.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Hank's kitten, his son's suggested names and the vet test

  • ★★ John says Hank has just acquired possibly the cutest kitten John has ever seen, and what remains is the fraught work of naming it. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ John says Hank's kid's suggestions Kirker, Cacker and Giburker are excellent cat names: unique, and capturing the cuteness of both cat and namer. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Orin Green
  • ★★ John says any pet name must first pass the test of imagining saying it to the veterinary clinic. (playful) — 00:00:29
  • ★ John says Hank's late cat Cameo had a perfect cat name. — 00:00:29

00:00:58 — Cameo, the manhole-cover advice, human, regal and apparel names, a Ralph Lauren aside

  • ★ John is nervous because Hank once told someone on their podcast to name their kitten something like manhole cover, which is not a good cat name. (playful) — 00:00:58 · Dear Hank and John
  • ★★ John thinks a common human name is risky, but if used it should be as regal and fancy as possible. (playful) — 00:00:58
  • ★★ John recommends apparel-based names like Pants, Socks or Cardigan, though this can be taken too far, as with Ballgown. (playful) — 00:01:27
  • ★ In an aside, John notes that Ralph Lauren's first name is Ralph, which gets little emphasis: what a great name. (playful) — 00:01:27

00:02:04 — Punny names and writers' cats: Poe, Plath, Shaw, Le Guin, Lessing, Twain

  • ★★ John calls punny names like Holden Clawfield or Catnip Everdeen high risk, high reward: eye-rolly if they miss, brilliant if just right. — 00:02:04
  • ★★ John says Edgar Allan Poe had a cat named Caterina, a great cat name. — 00:02:04
  • ★★ John says many writers named cats after their work: Sylvia Plath had a famous poem called Daddy and a cat called Daddy. — 00:02:04
  • ★★ John says George Bernard Shaw had a cat called Pygmalion. — 00:02:04
  • ★★ John can't recommend naming a cat after your work: An Absolutely Remarkable Thing is a good name for a book, but not for a cat. (playful) — 00:02:33 · An Absolutely Remarkable Thing
  • ★★ John says writers can inspire names: Ursula K. Le Guin had a cat called Mother Courage, and Doris Lessing one called El Magnifico, both top drawer. — 00:02:33
  • ★★ John says Mark Twain, never great at titles, called his cats names like Satan, Beelzebub and Pestilence; Hank should not call his cat Pestilence. (playful) — 00:02:33

00:03:03 — The first cat in space, Tesla's childhood cat, and 'nature is a gigantic cat'

  • ★★ John suggests a historically resonant name like Félicette, the French cat who was the first catstronaut: it went to space and came back. — 00:03:03
  • ★★★ John's favorite historical cat is Mačak, Tesla's childhood cat: petting it, little Tesla felt a shock, saw a spark, and his father said it was electricity, like lightning. — 00:03:03
  • ★★ John says Tesla asked himself, in his own words, whether nature is a giant cat, and in some ways spent the rest of his life examining that question. — 00:03:32
  • ★★ John's summary for Hank: name your cat whatever you want. — 00:03:32

Humor (dominant)

  • John imagines Hank calling the vet about his kitten under his son's suggested name. — 00:00:29

    “follow-up appointment for my kitten Giburker Green”

  • For a regal human name, John upgrades plain Philip. — 00:01:27

    “Philip VII, Sovereign of Bavaria and God-King of the Lesser Realms, Green”

  • Taking apparel names too far, John offers a polo-shirt name. — 00:01:27

    “nor is Ralph Lauren Polo Shirts, but I get them at the outlet so they're 60% off green”

  • After Tesla's question about his cat and lightning, John's second summary point. — 00:03:32

    “number two, nature is a gigantic cat”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Hank's kitten · Mačak

Also: People: Doris Lessing · Edgar Allan Poe · George Bernard Shaw · Mark Twain · Nikola Tesla · Orin Green · Ralph Lauren · Sylvia Plath · Ursula K. Le Guin

Projects: Dear Hank and John

Works: An Absolutely Remarkable Thing

Characters: Holden Caulfield (“Holden Clawfield”) · Katniss Everdeen (“Catnip Everdeen”)

animal: Cameo · Félicette

Also centred on Hank's kitten: What is Pizzamas? ...and a New Friend

← Previous: What is Pizzamas? ...and a New Friend · Next → A Tool with No Blood on It