Cats are Better than Dogs, I Proved It. (PG-13)

2024-12-27 · other · Hank · 4:11 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Everyday life (also: Personal life) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance, on location

In a stand-up set in Bozeman, Hank argues comically that cats are better than dogs: judged as human roommates, a cat's habits (a litter box, killing and eating prey) are normal, while a dog's (screaming at the door, pooping in the yard) are red flags, and both would eat you if you died.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Crowd work: Bozeman seems like a dog town; Hank announces that cats are better than dogs

★ Hank tells the Bozeman audience that the town seems like a dog town. (playful, hedged) — 00:00:00
★★★ Hank makes what he calls a controversial statement: cats are definitely better than dogs. (playful) — 00:00:20

00:00:29 — Hank's terrible childhood miniature dachshund

★★ Hank says his view may come partly from having one of the worst dogs growing up, a miniature dachshund, a bad breed and an individually bad dog. (playful, hedged) — 00:00:29

00:00:59 — The Nintendo incident; the roommate test; a cat as a roommate is normal

★★ Hank says loving our pets makes the question hard to discuss rationally, but we must decide, and the way is to imagine the animal is just a roommate. (playful) — 00:00:59
★★ Hank says a cat roommate pooping in a special toilet you must clean is a normal roommate thing; astronauts do it too. (playful) — 00:01:40
★★ Hank says a cat killing small animals is a red flag, but it eats them, and in Montana killing and eating your own food is normal roommate behavior. (playful) — 00:01:55 · Montana

00:02:45 — A dog as a roommate is a red flag; both would eat you if you died; squat crowd work and sign-off

★★ Hank says a dog roommate that bolts to the door and screams when a friend knocks is a huge red flag. (playful) — 00:02:45
★★ Hank says a dog roommate cannot go outside by itself and poops in the backyard. (playful) — 00:03:00
★★ Hank says both dogs and cats will eat you if you die, which he does not begrudge them; if he dies, his pet can eat him. (playful) — 00:03:22

Humor (dominant)

Hank's dachshund famously pooped in the Nintendo. — 00:00:59

“which does seem like something that a child did and then blamed on a dog, but I don't remember”
After Hank accidentally locked the dachshund in his mom's room for two hours, the dog looked up at him when he opened the door. — 00:00:50

“and then he peed.”
A dog roommate runs to the door and screams whenever a friend knocks. — 00:02:45

“I'd rather have a roommate that kills small animals.”
A listener might object that their dog is nice and doesn't bark. — 00:03:10

“Does it place its nose onto my testicles?”
Explaining why pets eating their dead owners is fine, Hank describes feeling his leg after a squat at the gym. — 00:03:51

“That's meat in there.”

Mentioned

Central: cat · dog

Also: Bozeman, Montana · Christmas tree · dachshund · Montana · Nintendo · pet

Also centred on cat: Seeing Myself Through a Cat's Eyes

Also centred on dog: The Weirdest Thing About Dogs (and Cats (and Horses))

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