Customer Service A$$H()¦3s!!!!
2009-10-14 · story · Hank · 3:30 · watch on YouTube
Topic: Everyday life · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance, community lore
Hank coins 'asshole propagation programs' (APPs): policies, like a customer-service fee charged after his card fraud, that punish kindness and reward jerks; he reenacts the call that only paid off once he yelled.
What is said
The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).
00:00:00 — Bad morning: fed up with customer service, Hank coins and defines the 'asshole propagation program' (APP)
- ★★ Hank says it is a bad morning because he is tired of getting pushed around by customer service. (playful) — 00:00:00
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★★★ Hank coins 'asshole propagation program' (APP): any societal program that ignores kindness, openness and coolness and rewards general douchebaggery; customer service is engaging in it. (playful) — 00:00:08 · asshole propagation program
“any societal program that ignores kindness and openness and coolness and rewards general douchebaggery”
00:00:34 — Reenacted call: after his card was defrauded, a company charges a $30 fee; the agent says it's legal and policy
- ★★ Hank reenacts a call: after his credit card was defrauded and cancelled, a company charged him an extra $30 because his automatic payment failed, and its agent called the fee legal policy. (playful) — 00:00:34
- ★★ Hank says none of the other half dozen companies with that card on automatic payment charged him anything. (playful) — 00:01:08
00:01:47 — Hank gives in to the APP, yells and curses; after a hold, the $30 is credited back
- ★★ Hank admits, ashamed, that he gave in to the APP: he yelled and cursed, saying the company was making him act like a jerk so the agent could go to the manager. (playful) — 00:01:47 · asshole propagation program
- ★★ After a hold, the company credited the $30 back to Hank's account. (playful) — 00:02:35
00:02:48 — Message to all APPs: cheaper now, more assholes in the long run; every program that punishes kindness must stop; 'End the APPs!'
- ★★★ Hank tells all APPs that their policies might decrease costs for now, but in the long run they only create more assholes. (playful) — 00:02:48 · asshole propagation program
- ★★ Hank says it is not just customer service but every societal program that punishes kindness and rewards douchebaggery, and it needs to stop. (playful) — 00:02:57 · asshole propagation program
- ★ Hank urges his audience not to give in and to end the APPs ('Viva la revolution!'). (playful) — 00:03:11 · asshole propagation program
00:03:22 — Tag: his phone headset is a flash drive with duct tape
Humor (dominant)
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Tired of customer service, Hank says it engages in a practice he will henceforth call an... — 00:00:08
“Asshole Propagation Program.”
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Yelling and cursing, Hank tells the agent to go ask the manager for his money back because he's actually a nice guy. — 00:02:16
“I hate that you made me yell at you! Go talk to your manager!”
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Mid-meltdown, after demanding the agent go talk to his manager, Hank is asked 'Sir, will you please hold?' and still yells: — 00:02:28
“Yes! I will hold!”
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Hank shows the phone headset he wore for the reenacted call. — 00:03:22
“It's just a flash drive with duct tape on it. And that part's been in my ear.”
Threads in this video
- first use · Hank's 'asshole propagation programs' (APPs) (2009) — Hank coins 'asshole propagation programs' (APPs) for policies that ignore kindness and reward douchebaggery, and closes with 'End the APPs!' (00:00:08)
- told · Hank fights a $30 customer-service fee after his credit card is defrauded (2009) — Hank reenacts his customer-service call over a $30 fee charged after his credit card was defrauded; he yells and the fee is credited back. (00:00:37)
Where the stories that moved here went next
- Hank's 'asshole propagation programs' (APPs) (2009) — short bit (2009); last: callback, 2009-10-18
Mentioned
Later videos replying to this one
- 2009-10-18 · The Balloon Boy Hoax (John) — continues (callback on Hank's 'asshole propagation programs' (APPs) (2009)) — John picks up Hank's APP idea from his last videos: we are sometimes incentivized by corporations to act like jerks, and he continues that conversation. (00:00:00)