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Top 5 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories

2011-01-10 · list · Hank · 3:54 · watch on YouTube

Topic: History & curiosities (also: Science & nature) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: timely hook, guest or collab

Bored by the conspiracy theories about the mass bird deaths, Hank counts down what he calls the five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time: Phantom Time, Nazi UFOs, sterilizing KFC, Wingdings and David Icke's reptilians.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Hook: the mass bird deaths and the boring conspiracy theories about them

  • ★★ Hank says he is freaked out by the dying birds: thousands of birds have died in a bizarre, seemingly unprecedented event. — 00:00:01
  • ★★ Theories that the birds were killed by secret government weapons programs (acoustic or biological) are, Hank says, almost the most boring conspiracy theories he has heard: no chutzpah, no pleasure in their own absurdity. (playful) — 00:00:09

00:00:32 — List intro: top five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time (Toby voiceover)

  • ★★★ Hank presents his list of the top five most ridiculous conspiracy theories of all time, meant to make the lame bird theories feel ashamed of themselves. (playful) — 00:00:32

00:00:45 — No. 1: the Phantom Time Hypothesis

  • ★★ No. 1, the Phantom Time Hypothesis, holds that the years from 614 to 900-something AD never happened and were invented with all their events and artifacts, so Charlemagne is fictional. — 00:00:45

00:01:11 — No. 2: Nazi UFOs in Antarctica

  • ★★ No. 2, Nazi UFOs: the theory that Nazis had UFOs as early as 1930 and before the end of World War II moved them to a secret base in Antarctica, whence they still roam. — 00:01:11

00:01:36 — No. 3: KFC causes sterility only in black men

  • ★★ No. 3, a rumor dating to the 1950s: Colonel Sanders, rumored to be a Klansman, put a fertility agent into KFC that sterilized only black men. — 00:01:36

00:01:57 — No. 4: Microsoft's secret Wingdings of terror

  • ★★ Fourth: typing NYC in Microsoft's Wingdings font gives a skull and crossbones, a Star of David and a thumbs-up, read as approving of killing Jews; Microsoft later did embed a secret message in Webdings, where NYC gives an eye, a heart and a city skyline. — 00:01:57

00:02:25 — No. 5: David Icke's shape-shifting reptilians

  • ★★★ Fifth and 'the winner': David Icke, a former professional soccer player and morning-show sportscaster, claims shape-shifting, blood-drinking reptilian aliens from Draco have ruled humanity since the pharaohs. — 00:02:25
  • ★★ Icke's followers include the father of 'balloon boy'; the reptilians supposedly include the British royal family, most of America's presidents, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, feed on human guilt, fear and aggression, and must drink human blood to keep their humanoid shape. — 00:02:49
  • ★★ Hank reads a 'direct quote' from Icke's website listing Al Gore, vice president to Clinton, as Illuminati, Satanist, serious blood-drinker and reptilian shape-shifter. — 00:03:11

00:03:21 — Wrap-up (see a therapist) and sign-off

  • ★★ Hank says anyone who thought some of these theories did not seem far-fetched should go see a therapist. (playful) — 00:03:21

00:03:32 — End screen: thanks to Jesslyn and Toby; Ship Breaker wins the Printz

  • ★ Hank thanks his friend Jesslyn Shields for helping write and research the video, and Toby of Tobuscus for the voice in the intro. — 00:03:32
  • ★★ Hank says Ship Breaker, one of his favorite books of the year, has just won the Printz Award, and congratulates Paolo Bacigalupi. — 00:03:40

Humor (dominant)

  • If the years from 614 to 900-something AD never happened, then it isn't really 2011. — 00:01:07

    “it’s 1714. Makes you feel young again.”

  • Nazis hid their UFOs at a secret base in Antarctica, and ever since those UFOs have been rummaging around the earth. — 00:01:26

    “bothering country folk in their nightgowns”

  • Colonel Sanders' secret recipe supposedly included a fertility agent that only sterilized black men. — 00:01:51

    “while leaving white men as virile as the horn of an African rhino”

  • Hank introduces the reptilian theorist David Icke by name. — 00:02:42

    “Icky—icky icky ptang zoop boing”

Mentioned

Central: bird deaths (January 2011) · conspiracy theory · David Icke · KFC sterility rumor · Nazi UFOs · Phantom time hypothesis · reptilian conspiracy theory · Wingdings

Also: People: Al Gore · Angelina Jolie · Bill Clinton · Brad Pitt · Charlemagne · Colonel Sanders · Richard Heene

Works: Ship Breaker

Organizations: KFC · Ku Klux Klan · Michael L. Printz Award · Microsoft

Groups: British royal family

Places: Antarctica

Events: Balloon boy hoax · World War II

Products: Webdings

Only in the description or credits: Evil Baby Orphanage · Jessalyn · Paolo Bacigalupi · Toby Turner

Also centred on conspiracy theory: Top 5 Actual Conspiracies · The Liger Delusion · My Ballot Made Me Angry

Later videos replying to this one

Part of an exchange of 3 videos, 2011-01-10 – 2011-01-14.