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My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety

2011-06-27 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:59 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: Health, Nerdfighteria) · mode: Personal update · tags: self promotion, community lore

Hank lists what is making him anxious (his album, a NASA video, officiating a wedding, a Harry and the Potters show, VidCon) and argues that caring what others think makes doing big things stressful, which he thinks is why psychopaths rise to power; his audience's care makes it different for him.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Hank's plane-crash anxiety dream, school anxiety dreams and a 1985 study on emotions in dreams

  • ★★ Hank had his worst anxiety dream ever: he was piloting a commercial jet, crashed it, and had to attend the victims' funerals and talk to their families. — 00:00:10
  • ★ Hank says he'd rather have school anxiety dreams, which he still has; leaving school won't stop them: 'our brains are stupid'. (playful) — 00:00:28
  • ★★ Hank says a landmark study completed in 1985 found anxiety is the most common emotion felt in dreams. — 00:00:53
  • ★★ Hank wonders whether anxiety is the most common emotion overall; right now it feels like his most common emotion. (hedged) — 00:00:58

00:01:08 — What Hank is anxious about: Ellen Hardcastle, a NASA video, officiating a wedding, a Harry and the Potters show, VidCon

  • ★★ Hank is about to finish his album Ellen Hardcastle; he knows people will like it, but feels everyone will hate it and call it crap in the comments. — 00:01:08
  • ★★ Hank is making a video with NASA; amid the excitement his main thought is 'don't screw up'. — 00:01:33
  • ★★ Hank is officiating a wedding this weekend for two of his best friends: an honour, though his irrational side hears only a chance to ruin their big moment. — 00:01:43
  • ★★ Hank is playing a show with Harry and the Potters tomorrow night, which is scarier because they are the coolest people ever. — 00:01:59
  • ★★ Hank tells viewers who live in Missoula to come to the show; there is a link. — 00:02:03 · Missoula, Montana
  • ★★ VidCon is the most stressful thing in Hank's life: assume 10,000 things with a 1% failure rate, and he sees only the failures while everyone else sees the 9,900 successes. (hedged) — 00:02:09 · VidCon
  • ★★ VidCon this year (2011) is already sold out, Hank notes, but next year (2012), 2012, VidCon will have a much bigger venue. — 00:02:34 · VidCon

00:02:43 — Caring what people think makes doing big things stressful; why psychopaths end up in power

  • ★★★ All this made Hank realise that doing stuff is really hard, especially when you do it for other people and care what they think of you. — 00:02:43
  • ★★★ Hank thinks that is why so many sociopaths and psychopaths hold positions of power: they don't care about other people, so big decisions don't stress them. — 00:02:46
  • ★★ Hank says we set the system up for this: it is way too scary to be in a position of power unless you are a psychopath. — 00:03:02
  • ★ Hank jokes that we are then shocked when psychopaths in power send pictures of their penis to random interns. (joke) — 00:03:02
  • ★★ That worries Hank: doing big, cool things seems to require being a psychopath or very stressed; he wants to be neither but won't stop doing cool stuff. — 00:03:16

00:03:24 — Thanks to viewers and John for caring; John is unwell and has not eaten his sandwiches; sign-off

  • ★★★ It is different for Hank because the people he does things for care about him and are understanding, a rare gift; he thanks viewers, and John for never stressing him out. — 00:03:24 · Nerdfighteria, John Green
  • ★★ John isn't feeling well and has stomach problems, which is why he hasn't eaten his sandwiches yet; Hank asks everyone to send him warm wishes. — 00:03:46 · John Green

In the description and comments

  • ★★ Granting that psychopaths rise in business by being smooth, ruthless and deceitful, Hank adds that, unafraid of letting others down, they take insane risks and immense responsibilities. (hedged) — video description

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: anxiety disorder · psychopathy

Also: dream · Ellen Hardcastle · Harry and the Potters · Missoula, Montana · NASA · VidCon

Also centred on anxiety disorder: Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress · I'm Having a Lot of Feelings · Working Through a Crisis with My Brother · Hank's very messy post-cancer year of mistakes, meaning… · The ANXIETY IS PALPABLE · I Still Don't Have Cancer (and I'm Still Scared)

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