Skip to content

I'm Having a Lot of Feelings

2019-10-15 · letter vlog · John · 3:36 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Health (also: Books & writing, Personal life) · mode: Personal essay · tags: self promotion, timely hook, on location, heavy topic

On his way to Los Angeles, John shares good reviews of the Looking for Alaska show, praises the Let It Snow movie and anticipates the Partners In Health Sierra Leone announcement, then reflects that adulthood has not fixed his personality: he now sees his anxiety as a brain disorder, is done growing up but hopes not done growing, and says this is temporary.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Old-school vlog from an airport at 5 a.m.: lots of feelings, TSA and the Pizza John masks

  • ★★ At 5 a.m. in an airport, John is on his way to Los Angeles to promote the Looking for Alaska show and has a lot of feelings, neither good nor bad. — 00:00:00 · Los Angeles, Looking for Alaska (novel)
  • ★ John was anxious TSA would ask about the Pizza John Halloween masks in his backpack, but got through with no problem. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Pizza John

00:00:29 — Looking for Alaska show reviews, Turtles reviews memory, and the Let It Snow movie

  • ★★ John says the Pizza John masks are available at DFTBA.com for a properly horrifying Halloween costume. (playful) — 00:00:29 · DFTBA Records, Pizza John
  • ★★★ John says the Looking for Alaska show comes out on Friday or Saturday and its reviews so far have been really good. — 00:00:29 · Looking for Alaska (novel)
  • ★★ John reports that Vulture called the Looking for Alaska show the rare adaptation that improves upon the original. — 00:00:29 · Looking for Alaska (novel)
  • ★★ John reports that Hypable said the show's commitment to the heart of the book makes it a wonderful experience for Green fans and newcomers alike. — 00:00:58 · Looking for Alaska (novel)
  • ★★ John did not make the show, but remembers waiting for Turtles All the Way Down reviews two years ago with constant nausea, so he is happy and relieved for its makers. — 00:00:58 · Turtles All the Way Down
  • ★★★ John has just seen Netflix's adaptation of Let It Snow, the book he wrote with Lauren Myracle and Maureen Johnson about 11 years ago, and finds it sweet, heartwarming and lovely. — 00:00:58 · Let It Snow, Maureen Johnson

00:01:27 — The forthcoming Partners In Health Sierra Leone announcement and John's anxiety

  • ★★ John says the Let It Snow movie's cast is amazing and it comes out on November 8 on Netflix. — 00:01:27 · Let It Snow
  • ★★★ John says the announcement of the brothers' big project with Partners In Health Sierra Leone is forthcoming: many moving parts, very exciting and very overwhelming. — 00:01:27 · Partners In Health, Sierra Leone
  • ★★ John says two years of working with Partners In Health on the Sierra Leone project have given his life purpose and direction, a wonderful gift. — 00:01:27 · Partners In Health, Sierra Leone
  • ★★ With the announcement near, John feels anxious; in fact everything makes him anxious at the moment. — 00:01:27

00:01:56 — Personality is not fixed in adulthood: understanding anxiety differently, still growing, this is temporary

  • ★★ John describes himself as a piano with many keys that plays only one note. — 00:01:56

    “I'm like a piano that has a lot of different keys but only plays one note.”

  • ★★★ John used to think personality was fixed: formed while young until adulthood dried the cement, a belief that comforted him after the emotional instability of his teens and twenties. — 00:01:56

  • ★★★ John says that has not been his experience of adulthood: he sees the world very differently than five, ten or fifteen years ago, though an adult all along. — 00:02:26
  • ★★ Ten years ago John mostly saw his anxiety as an embarrassing character weakness and talked about it only to mock it and himself. — 00:02:26
  • ★★★ John now usually understands his anxiety as part of a brain disorder he has, which isn't his fault. — 00:02:55 · mental disorder
  • ★★ John may understand his anxiety differently in the future; he doesn't know. (unsure) — 00:02:55

  • ★★★ John knows he is done growing up but hopes he is not done growing. (hedged) — 00:02:55

    “I know that I'm done growing up, but I hope that I'm not done growing.”

  • ★★ John says understanding his anxiety better does not really reduce it. — 00:02:55

  • ★★★ John says this is temporary: he will be okay and so will viewers; if one thing is known about the universe, it is that this is temporary. — 00:03:16

In the description and comments

  • ★ In a channel comment John says he changed the video's title because Sarah suggested a better one, and thanks her. — creator comment · Sarah Urist Green

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: anxiety disorder · Looking for Alaska (miniseries)

Also: Projects: DFTBA Records

Works: Let It Snow (film) · Looking for Alaska (novel) · Pizza John Halloween mask · Turtles All the Way Down

Organizations: Hypable · Netflix · Partners In Health · Transportation Security Administration · Vulture (organization)

Terms: Pizza John

Concepts: adulthood · mental disorder · personal identity

Places: Los Angeles · Sierra Leone

Only in the description or credits: Hulu · Lauren Myracle · Let It Snow · Maureen Johnson · Sarah Urist Green

Also centred on anxiety disorder: Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress · My Hairy Ball of Anxious Anxiety · Working Through a Crisis with My Brother · Hank's very messy post-cancer year of mistakes, meaning… · The ANXIETY IS PALPABLE · I Still Don't Have Cancer (and I'm Still Scared)

Also centred on Looking for Alaska (miniseries): Looking for Alaska Movie (BUT BETTER) and YouTuber Things · The Looking for Alaska Thing · Going Home with Alaska and Miles · Question Tuesday with Miles and the Colonel: Manolo! · Looking for Alaska (...with Alaska)

← Previous: Your Life Will be Better After you Know About Frogmouths · Next → They Hacked Me