Skip to content

Open Letter to the Wizards

2012-08-17 · song · Hank · 4:00 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Pop culture (also: Projects) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance, community lore, recurring series

Hank releases this year's Harry Potter song, premiered at LeakyCon: a comic open letter arguing the wizarding world is less pristine than it looks (a goblin-run economy, unshared healing magic, isolationism, racist politicians, enslaved house-elves); he then asks viewers to join a one-time secret mailing list.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — LeakyCon crowd greeting; LeakyCon was amazing; Hank's yearly Harry Potter song promise and its LeakyCon premiere

  • ★ Hank says LeakyCon was amazing and he is using a few clips from it rather than making a whole clip video. — 00:00:08
  • ★★ Hank says a Harry Potter song he wrote in 2007 changed his life, so he promised himself to write another Harry Potter song every year on that video's anniversary, and has. — 00:00:15 · Harry Potter (book series)
  • ★★ This year (2012) Hank saved his song to premiere it on stage at LeakyCon, and now releases it to everyone. — 00:00:24

00:00:37 — Song 'Open Letter to the Wizards': the wizarding world's economy, unshared magic, isolationism, racists and slavery

  • ★★★ In song, Hank says the wizarding world always seemed more beautiful than ours, but after some searching he worries it isn't what we had learned. (playful) — 00:00:44
  • ★★ The song says wizards have little industry, working at schools or the Ministry, let goblins control their currency and economy, and sell wands for only 7 Galleons. (playful) — 00:01:14
  • ★★ Hank asks why wizards, who can put a stopper in death, make new hands, regrow bones and have a 150-year-old Dumbledore, don't help when our friends and family die. (playful) — 00:01:48
  • ★★ The song faults the wizards' isolationism, not calling for help with the Dark Lord at the door, and their known racists in politics and slaves making their food. (playful) — 00:02:07

  • ★★★ Hank concludes the wizarding world isn't as nice as it appears and he would rather deal with the problems we have here. (playful, hedged) — 00:02:30

    “I think I'd rather deal with the problems we've got here.”

00:03:08 — Secret important date: sign up for a one-time mailing list by Saturday night

  • ★★★ Hinting at a secret important date coming soon, Hank asks viewers to sign up for a one-time-use mailing list by Saturday (18 August 2012) night, when the email goes out; helping is little work. — 00:03:09

00:03:32 — French, the puppy-sized llamaphant; sign-off

In the description and comments

Humor (dominant)

  • Questioning the wizarding economy, the song wonders how any business gets done — 00:01:24

    “when a wand only costs 7 Galleons. That doesn't seem like much to me.”

  • Listing healing magic the wizards keep to themselves — 00:01:59

    “Dumbledore is 150 freakin' years old.”

  • After the wizards' isolationism and their known racists playing politics, the song adds what makes their food — 00:02:17

    “Yeah, SLAVES making your food!”

  • Hank holds up a forgotten toy, calls it a puppy-sized llama elephant, then corrects himself — 00:03:40

    “French, the puppy-sized llamaphant!”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Harry Potter (book series) · Open Letter to the Wizards

Also: Works: Accio Deathly Hallows

Terms: doobly-doo · French the llama (“French, the puppy-sized llamaphant!”) · puppy sized elephant (“French, the puppy-sized llamaphant!”)

Places: United Kingdom

Events: LeakyCon

Characters: Albus Dumbledore · Galleon · Goblin · Hogwarts · House-elf · Ministry of Magic · Voldemort

Only in the description or credits: Four-minute rule · Harry and the Potters · Neil Cicierega

← Previous: To Be Anything At All: Thoughts from Places, Chicago and LeakyCon 2012 · Next → Is College Worth It?