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Terrible at Frenching: My Spicy Summer Camp Story

2012-11-06 · story · John, Sarah Urist Green · 3:16 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: US politics & society) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: timely hook, civic or action cta, guest or collab, on location, community lore

Objecting that Hank's 'spicy' camp story was about actual spices, John tells how he learned at summer camp that he was a terrible French kisser, interrupted by an election-day guide to voting, a trip to the polls with the Yeti, and a plea to vote.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting and date; Hank's 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' was false advertising; Susan the zit

  • ★★ John objects that Hank cannot title a video 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' and make it about actual spices, so he will tell an actual spicy one, with Frenching. (playful) — 00:00:02

00:00:11 — Preface: 'Frenching', and young John's belief that more tongue means more romance

  • ★★ As a kid John was told the tongue is what separates kissing a friend from romantic kissing, and concluded the more tongue, the more romantic. (playful) — 00:00:17

00:00:37 — Election Day interruption: a three-part guide to voting; the school board and banning Looking for Alaska

  • ★★ John's three-part guide to voting: wake at 6:22 a.m. anxious, research your polling place and all the races (link in the doobly-doo), then go vote. (playful) — 00:00:41 · doobly-doo, United States presidential election
  • ★★ John jokes the school board election is the most important because it decides whether Looking for Alaska is banned from classrooms; there he is a one-issue voter. (playful) — 00:00:55 · Looking for Alaska (novel)

00:01:18 — At the polling station with the Yeti (not pictured); John votes; please vote, from a former non-voter

  • ★★ John goes to his polling station with notes to help him remember his choices, accompanied by the Yeti (not pictured), and votes: 'I vote, I count'. — 00:01:18 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★ At the polls John teases the Yeti that ladies couldn't vote until quite recently because 'we didn't trust you with it'. (joke) — 00:01:25 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★ Sarah Urist Green: The Yeti says that is why she has never wanted to live at any time but now. (playful) — 00:01:29 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★★★ Speaking as a former non-voter, John asks viewers to vote, promising they will never regret it. — 00:01:35

00:01:41 — The story: a nerd all year but in the middle at camp; six girls French-kissed badly; told on the last night that he is a terrible kisser

  • ★★ Forty-nine weeks a year John was a massive nerd with cooties whom nobody wanted to French, but during three weeks of summer camp he was 'in the middle' and sometimes had girlfriends. (playful) — 00:01:41
  • ★★ Over eight years of summer camp John French-kissed six girls; maximising face-licking, he was really bad at it and did not enjoy it, but thought it was expected. (playful) — 00:02:05
  • ★★★ On the last night of camp, aged about 14 or older, at a square dance, a friend asked if his kissing was a joke; his girlfriend of three days confirmed he was terrible and showed him how. (hedged) — 00:02:33

00:03:09 — The moral is vote; sign-off

  • ★★ John says the moral of his spicy summer camp story is also: vote. (playful) — 00:03:09

Humor (significant)

  • John complains about Hank's 'Spicy Summer Camp Story' being about actual spices. — 00:00:04

    “That's just false advertising!”

  • John says the school board election decides the central issue of our time. — 00:00:59

    “should my novel, 'Looking for Alaska', be banned from high school classrooms?”

  • Not to brag: over eight years of camp John kissed six girls, all of them French. — 00:02:05

    “Not the girls, the kissing.”

  • Believing that saying "I like you" meant maximising face licking, John was really bad at kissing. — 00:02:22

    “I was like a cat trying to clean the face of my beloved.”

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: voter turnout

Also: book censorship · doobly-doo · French kiss · Looking for Alaska (novel) · Sarah Urist Green · United States presidential election

Also centred on voter turnout: You. Must. Vote. · Ten Terrible Reason to not Vote (and two good ones) · Our Massive Project: How to Vote in Every State · The Trouble with Wishful Thinking · If you don't go…

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