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Watermelon Internet Trolls

2013-07-23 · letter vlog · Maureen Johnson · 3:57 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Internet & YouTube (also: Nerdfighteria) · mode: Personal essay · tags: guest or collab

Guest host Maureen Johnson argues the internet is teaching us the language of mass discussion; when tempted by trolls, ask what you want to accomplish, since punching a troll rarely helps your cause, before comically reversing herself.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Maureen Johnson fills in for John after the birth of his child; nervous, with camera and watermelon

  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson says she is filling in for John Green because once again he has contributed to the birth of a human child. — 00:00:01 · Maureen Johnson, John Green, Alice Green
  • ★ Maureen Johnson: She says this is nerve-wracking: she is a writer like John but doesn't make videos all the time and doesn't think she's good at it. — 00:00:06 · John Green

00:00:17 — Today's topic the internet: people who dislike or dismiss it; mass political discussion; the level of discourse ('John has boobs', cats on a rainbow)

  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She says some people dislike the internet for various reasons, like her mom, who is confused by it and afraid she'll break it. (playful) — 00:00:21
  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson: To those who dismiss the internet as porn and animated GIFs, she replies that maybe so, but in their youth they also didn't join a political discussion with a thousand people. (playful) — 00:00:37
  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She admits the level of discourse isn't always high: when she filled in during John's first paternity leave, 90% of comments on her first video said John has boobs. (playful) — 00:00:55 · John Green

00:01:20 — Fraught weeks, split opinions and trolls; we have to talk about hard things; the internet teaches the language of mass discussion

  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She says the last few weeks have been fraught, with a lot in the media and the world that is hard to talk about, making us want to talk constantly yet not know how. — 00:01:20
  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She says with split opinions it is hard to talk to people of a different viewpoint without screaming or becoming a troll, and trolling is not productive. — 00:01:33
  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson: She says we can and indeed have to talk about difficult things where our opinions differ wildly. — 00:01:54

  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson: She thinks the internet is teaching us to talk to each other on a scale never seen before; we are just learning the language of mass discussion. (hedged) — 00:02:01

    “we are just learning the language of mass discussion”

00:02:16 — Don't read the comments; if you did, ask what you want to accomplish: further a cause or punch a troll

  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She says using the internet to talk is actually really difficult, which is why the one rule of the internet is don't read the comments. — 00:02:16 · Don't read the comments
  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson: If you have read the comments, she advises: pause, breathe, look at some cats, and ask yourself what you want to accomplish - further a good cause or punch a troll in the face. — 00:02:23 · Don't read the comments
  • ★★★ Maureen Johnson: She says you can probably accomplish only one; punching a troll probably doesn't improve your cause, make your side look good or further the discussion, so many comments can't become teachable moments. (hedged) — 00:02:42

00:03:10 — Mock reversal: Troll Patrol in this video's comments; no one knows how to internet, eat watermelon; follow her on Twitter

  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She then mock-reverses herself, urging viewers to answer all the trolls and start a 'Troll Patrol' in this video's comments. (satire) — 00:03:10
  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She says no one knows how to internet, and anyone who claims to should go eat some watermelon, the only thing that makes sense in this mixed-up world. (playful) — 00:03:28
  • ★★ Maureen Johnson: She tells viewers to follow her on Twitter, saying she is not great at videos but very, very good at Twitter. (playful) — 00:03:39 · Twitter

Humor (significant)

  • Admitting discourse isn't always high, she recalls the comments on her first fill-in video for John. — 00:01:00

    “oh my god, John has boobs.”

  • Describing how hard it is to talk to people who disagree, she acts out turning into an internet troll. — 00:01:47

    “Troll Troll Troll Troll, I just wanna watch the world burn!”

  • After advising restraint, she flips and tells viewers to start trolling in this video's comments. — 00:03:25

    “"UR DUMB" - "NO, UR Dumb". - "BOOBS!"”

  • No one knows how to internet; if anyone says they do: — 00:03:32

    “Just go tell them to go eat some watermelon,”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Internet · Maureen Johnson · online disinhibition effect

Also: Alice Green · Don't read the comments · GIF · pornography · Twitter

Only in the description or credits: secret sibling

Also centred on Internet: WE WON! Net Neutrality and Re-Thinking Cynicism · 19 Ways to Not Suck on the Internet · Is YouTube Good for Humanity? · Logging Off · History Is Happening · LEAVE IT IN 2017

Also centred on online disinhibition effect: May 21st: Comment Bashing, Anniversaries and EBO Ladies · Comment Haters and Christmas

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