Skip to content

Sexual Abuse, Consent, and Culture

2014-03-14 · explainer · Hank · 3:58 · watch on YouTube

Topic: US politics & society · mode: Advocacy & fundraising · tags: heavy topic, timely hook, civic or action cta

Hank argues that a culture casting sex as predator and prey, and refusing to talk about it, enables ubiquitous sexual abuse; relationships need consent, and he announces a task force, a video series and partnerships against abuse.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting; disclaimer: not a doctor or counselor, hasn't experienced abuse

  • ★★ Hank prefaces that he is not a doctor or counselor and hasn't experienced sexual abuse; he is just a person with thoughts that hopefully could help someone. (hedged) — 00:00:01

00:00:15 — The taboo on talking about sex; predator/prey culture (cruise missile and kitten) enables abuse

  • ★★★ Hank says sex is complicated and a societal taboo against discussing it shrouds it in metaphor and innuendo, so cultural sexual norms are inferred rather than discussed, which he thinks is dumb. — 00:00:15
  • ★★ Hank says that taboo is part of why he helped Nick and Lindsey start Sexplanations. — 00:00:35 · Sexplanations

  • ★★★ Hank says our culture has a messed-up relationship with sex, casting sexual relationships as predator and prey: a 'cruise missile of desire' chasing a chaste kitten who runs away; a dumb system. (playful) — 00:00:38

    “the cruise missile of desire”

  • ★★ Hank thinks much of the joy of romance comes from excitedly discovering that both parties are into it, which the missile/kitten script does not encourage. (hedged) — 00:01:04

  • ★★ Hank stresses he is explaining the culture, not excusing the behavior. — 00:01:23
  • ★★★ Hank argues that assuming the pursued will run whether or not they want to enables abuse, and in his opinion is one big reason, though not the only one, why sexual abuse is so common. (hedged) — 00:01:27

00:01:43 — What sexual abuse is; ubiquitous; rid ourselves of the predator-prey conception

  • ★★★ Hank says legal definitions vary by state and country, but generally sexual abuse is one party being coerced into something sexual they don't want, through incapacitation, authority or danger. — 00:01:46

    “sexual abuse is when one party is being coerced into doing something sexual that they do not want to do”

  • ★★ Hank says the gender of the parties is irrelevant and it can be sex or kissing: if someone is coerced or pressured into what they don't want, that is abuse. — 00:02:12

  • ★★★ Hank says abuse is ubiquitous and must not be, as it holds the culture back; we must rid ourselves of the outdated, rotten predator-prey conception of sexual relationships. — 00:02:21

00:02:34 — Consent: not saying no is not saying yes; communicate and respect

  • ★★★ Hank says romantic relationships can be wonderful but require consent; not saying no is not saying yes; people must communicate, be sensitive and not pressure others. — 00:02:35

    “not saying no is not the same as saying yes”

00:02:54 — Plans: task force of Nerdfighters, a video series, partnering with sexual assault organizations; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank says this video is part of a long conversation that will continue, and he and John have ideas to keep it moving. — 00:02:54
  • ★★★ Hank says they have already started working with a group of Nerdfighters, including survivors of sexual abuse, who will work as a task force against abuse and assault. — 00:03:01 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★★ Hank says they want to produce and fund a video series on abuse, consent and sexual relationships, especially in the new digital world, such as where Skype fits in. — 00:03:09
  • ★★★ Hank says they are looking to partner with existing sexual assault organizations to bring their work and resources into the community, and hopefully other online communities. (hedged) — 00:03:20
  • ★★ Hank tells John they won't fix the whole world, but he's pleased to be in a position to start enabling some positive change. — 00:03:30

00:03:37 — If you may be in an abusive relationship: help resources in the description

  • ★★★ Hank tells viewers who are, or might be, in an abusive relationship that description links can help them assess it and reach help; escape can seem impossible but is not. — 00:03:38

In the description and comments

  • ★★★ In the description, Hank says troubling stories about manipulative, abusive relationships between online creators and fans spurred the video, though such a video was long overdue. — video description
  • ★ In the description, Hank thanks the task force for helping him edit the video so he wasn't too clumsy. — video description
  • ★★★ The task force's help resources: RAINN pages on resisting pressure, types of assault, local crisis centres, its online hotline and international help; loveisrespect.org on emotional and digital abuse; Break the Cycle on warning signs of an abusive relationship. — video description

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: rape culture · sexual abuse · sexual consent

Also: domestic violence · human sexuality · Nerdfighter task force against abuse and assault · Sexplanations · Skype

Only in the description or credits: Break the Cycle · Lindsey Doe · Love Is Respect · RAINN · stories of abusive relationships between online creators and their fans

Later videos replying to this one