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Your Illness is Not Your Fault

2016-07-08 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:56 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Health (also: Personal life) · mode: Personal essay · tags: heavy topic

Still sick, Hank says that years of unsolicited cures for his ulcerative colitis make even ordinary advice sound like 'your illness is your fault'; chronic illness is random chance, he has accepted it, and supporters should recognise sick people's self-blame.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Still sick after two weeks; people's cures for his ulcerative colitis

  • ★★ Hank says he is still sick after about two weeks, which is annoying, and has noticed that sick people get advice. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Hank says that for years many people have offered a cure for his ulcerative colitis: going gluten-free, grain-free, paleo or vegan, cutting short-chain carbohydrates, or fasting three days then eating an apple. — 00:00:08
  • ★ Hank says one person at a party took about half the party to explain his cure to Hank. (playful) — 00:00:24
  • ★★★ Hank says he tried many of those diets over the years and none worked; what worked was the medicine his doctor gave him. — 00:00:28

00:00:29 — Why ordinary advice sounds like 'I have the secret to your wellness' and 'your illness is your fault'

  • ★★ Hank says normal advice this past week (get rest, take it easy, sleep more) annoyed him surprisingly, not because it is bad advice but because it taps into his colitis experience. — 00:00:42
  • ★★★ Hank says that after years of being offered cures for an incurable illness, he hears 'I have the secret to your wellness, if only you had the courage to use it' — and beneath it, that his illness is his fault. — 00:00:58
  • ★★ Hank says his chronic illness is fairly insignificant compared with what many others face, but thinks this experience is probably common. (hedged) — 00:01:17
  • ★★ Hank says that when someone tells him, after more than a decade with ulcerative colitis, that they have the secret to his wellness, he can't help disliking them. — 00:01:27
  • ★ Hank allows that maybe one adviser will be the one who was right, and he may be missing a chance to get better. (hedged) — 00:01:35
  • ★★★ Hank says he has heard the line so often, with so many fads and anecdotes, that all he hears is 'your illness is your fault'. — 00:01:44
  • ★★★ Hank says we want illness to be something's fault because otherwise it is random chance — which chronic illness is: it happens to good and bad people, champion athletes and heavy drinkers. — 00:01:54 · just-world hypothesis

00:01:56 — Chronic illness as random chance; acceptance, science and needing support

  • ★★★ Hank says he has dealt with his illness by accepting it: his life and body are different now, and he lives in a body that sometimes hurts itself. — 00:02:08
  • ★★ Hank says science will keep advancing and maybe someday a medicine will control his disease without making him sick in other ways. (hedged) — 00:02:20
  • ★★ Hank says science shows his behaviour influences the expression of his disease, and so does his experience of it. — 00:02:29
  • ★★ Hank says he does need support to make the decisions his doctor recommends and that he has chosen for himself. — 00:02:36
  • ★★ Hank says he must accept the body he is in: among life's dice rolls, mostly in his favour, he rolled badly on autoimmune diseases. — 00:02:43

00:02:55 — Self-blame; he is fine; how to support someone who is sick; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank says his brain has repeatedly told him his illness is his fault and he has searched for ways he caused it; each 'simple fix' suggestion re-emphasises that feeling. — 00:02:55
  • ★★ Hank says he is doing fine, not angry at his friends or viewers, has a loving, supportive group of people, and tries to accept support for what it is. — 00:03:13
  • ★★★ Hank asks people supporting someone sick to recognise that the person may be struggling with a feeling that they caused or deserved their illness. — 00:03:33
  • ★★★ Hank says that even when sick people objectively know it is untrue, saying there is an easy way out when there isn't makes them feel their illness is their fault. — 00:03:44

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description says the script came out surprisingly intense; Hank realised the feeling had been stewing when he got annoyed at a friend for something thoughtful and kind. — video description
  • ★ The description says Hank feels better: his sinus headache persists but his cough is finally easing. — video description
  • ★★ The description says Hank separated some connective tissue from his left lower rib, which made coughing hurt badly, so the easing cough is welcome. — video description
  • ★★ The description says Hank's colitis is under control after an alarming symptom spike linked to DayQuil, and his medicine works very well for him even though it weakens his immune system. — video description
  • ★★ The description thanks viewers for supporting Hank, but more for supporting the people in their lives who need it more; he says he has more support than any one human deserves. — video description

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Chronic condition · just-world hypothesis · ulcerative colitis (concept) · victim blaming

Also: anecdotal evidence

Only in the description or credits: DayQuil · immune system

Also centred on Chronic condition: On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas)

Also centred on ulcerative colitis (concept): Health Care Reform: The Hank Factor · The 1200% Increase in my Prescription Drug Costs · How to Get a Colonoscopy · The Sudden Obliteration of Expectation

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