On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas)

2015-11-20 · letter vlog · John · 3:40 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Health (also: Nerdfighteria, Personal life) · mode: Personal essay · tags: heavy topic, calendar ritual, self promotion

John, disclosing his OCD and a recent bad stretch while changing medication, argues that chronic and mental illness do not fit the 'get well soon' story, that we invent blameworthy causes for illness, and that mental illness is treatable and there is hope.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Final day of Pizzamas 2015: recap, Cheese Doodles Guy, everything ends or changes; last day for Pizzamas merch at DFTBA.com; a Nerdfighter calls Pizzamas a state of being as much as a consumerist holiday

★ John marks the final day of Pizzamas 2015: they laughed, cried, suited up, learned some art history and met Cheese Doodles Guy. — 00:00:00 · Pizzamas
★ John muses that everything must end, or maybe that to be is just to change: the cheese doodles eventually became poop. (playful, hedged) — 00:00:20
★★ John says it is the last day to order Pizzamas merch, including his face in a nebula 'on your torso', available until midnight at DFTBA.com. — 00:00:29 · Pizzamas, DFTBA Records
★ John quotes a Nerdfighter's reply to one too broke to enjoy Pizzamas, that it is as much a state of being as a consumerist holiday; he adds that this is true of all holidays now. (playful) — 00:00:42 · Nerdfighteria, Pizzamas

00:00:56 — Following Hank's personal video, John says he has OCD; why he rarely talks about it; chronic illness doesn't fit 'get well soon'; his hope for Hank with ulcerative colitis; marginalisation

★★★ Following Hank's personal video, John says he has obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is often associated with anxiety and depression. — 00:00:57 · mental disorder

“I have a mental illness called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder”
★★★ John talks about his mental illness sometimes because nothing about it should be embarrassing, but rarely, because it is personal and chronic illness is hard to talk about. (hedged) — 00:01:06 · mental disorder
★★★ John argues the usual image of sickness as something to conquer and put behind us doesn't fit chronic illness: it often isn't a question of getting well soon. — 00:01:12
★★ John hopes ulcerative colitis is cured someday but doesn't expect Hank to 'get well soon'; he hopes Hank lives a rich and full life and isn't marginalised for his illness, which he calls a big problem. — 00:01:32 · Hank Green

00:01:42 — John's theory: we need lives to be narratives, so we invent causes for depression, diabetes and heart failure

★★★ John's theory: humans dislike imagining lives as random and need narratives, so when no cause is found we invent one (depression from weakness, diabetes from diet, heart failure from not exercising), which is inaccurate or oversimplified. (hedged) — 00:01:42

00:02:07 — John has been very sick for weeks while changing medication; what he has learned about living with it; his advantages most people lack

★★★ John has been very sick for the last several weeks while trying to figure out a new medication regimen; after years of fairly good health he was reminded how painful and crushing it can be. — 00:02:07
★★★ From years with his illness John has learned to celebrate small successes, encourage himself without cruelty, and that when he feels there is no hope his brain is lying to him. — 00:02:11
★★ John has advantages that make it easier (supportive family, total job flexibility, an excellent therapist and psychiatrist, money for medication); most people lack these, which worsens any illness. — 00:02:32 · mental disorder

00:02:46 — Three reasons: there is hope and mental illness is treatable (resources in the doobly-doo); videos and Instagram aren't the whole story

★★★ John tells people living with mental illness that there is hope, that it is almost always treatable, and that how they feel at their sickest is not how they will always feel. — 00:02:46 · mental disorder
★★ John points to resources in the description that he and people he knows have found helpful; the description lists suicide-prevention and mental-health helplines. — 00:02:57
★★★ John reminds viewers that what we see in videos or on Instagram isn't the whole story: he could not hide being unwell from friends and family, but can with jump cuts. — 00:03:01 · Instagram

00:03:14 — Thanks to viewers and to Hank for Pizzamas, which gave structure when he needed it; starting to feel better; sign-off slip

★★ John thanks viewers, and Hank for the gift of Pizzamas, which gave structure and achievable tasks when he desperately needed them; he is starting to feel better through medication and exercise. — 00:03:14 · Pizzamas

In the description and comments

★★ Beyond the helplines, John's resource list points to international helplines, Active Minds' general mental health resources, the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, Mental Health America's screening tools, a guide to exercise and mental health, and the charity Mind. — video description

Threads in this video

outcome · Pizzamas 2015 edition — On the final day of Pizzamas 2015 John looks back (laughing, crying, suiting up, art history, Cheese Doodles Guy) and later thanks Hank for Pizzamas, which gave structure to his life. (00:00:00)
callback · Cheez Doodles Guy, the screaming man of Pizzamas 2015 (2015) — John recalls that Pizzamas introduced Cheese Doodles Guy, who is shown screaming again. (00:00:09)
reminder · Hank and John ask viewers to buy Pizzamas 2015 shirts and products at DFTBA.com before the sale ends (2015) — John reminds viewers it is the last day to order Pizzamas merch, including his face in a nebula, until midnight at DFTBA.com. (00:00:29)
first on record · Is mental illness an illness like any other, to be treated without stigma? — John holds that nothing about mental illness should be embarrassing, that it is almost always treatable, and that there is hope. (00:01:06)
retold · Hank: living with ulcerative colitis (2007) — John says he hopes ulcerative colitis is cured someday but doesn't expect Hank to get well soon, hoping instead Hank lives a full life without being marginalised. (00:01:32)
restate · Do people get what they deserve, or do luck and privilege decide? — John argues people invent blameworthy causes for illness (weakness, diet, lack of exercise) because they need lives to be narratives; such explanations are inaccurate or oversimplified. (00:01:43)
told · John's weeks of severe illness while changing his medication regimen (2015) — John tells of being very sick for several weeks while trying a new medication regimen for his OCD, what years of illness have taught him, and that he is starting to feel better through medication and exercise. (00:02:07)
asked · John asks viewers who may need mental health care to talk to someone they trust or consult linked resources (2015) — John points to resources in the description that he and people he knows have found helpful; the description lists suicide-prevention and mental-health helplines. (00:02:57)

Where the stories that moved here went next

John asks viewers who may need mental health care to talk to someone they trust or consult linked resources (2015) — asked again in 5 years (2015–2020); last: reminder, 2020-03-24
John's weeks of severe illness while changing his medication regimen (2015) — told 2×; last: retold, 2022-01-25

Mentioned

Central: Chronic condition · mental disorder · narrative fallacy · obsessive-compulsive disorder

Also: People: Aleksander Gamme

Projects: DFTBA Records · Pizzamas

Organizations: Instagram

Concepts: anxiety disorder · depression · diabetes · Heart failure · jump cut · ulcerative colitis (concept)

Only in the description or credits: Active Minds · Anxiety and Depression Association of America · Mental Health America · Mental Health Foundation · Mind · National Suicide Prevention Lifeline · Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration · The Trevor Project

Also centred on Chronic condition: Your Illness is Not Your Fault

Also centred on narrative fallacy: YOU ARE WRONG! · Looking for Alaska Five Years After the Printz Award · Influence, Airports, and the Nerdfighter Book Club · Towering Mountains of Ignorance

Also centred on obsessive-compulsive disorder: What OCD Is Like (for Me) · The Rax Guy · This Video Is Actually Three Videos · Not Doing That Great · I've Been Pooping All Wrong

Replies to

continues · Is Success a Bad Idea? (Pizzamas Day 9 of 10) — “you talked about kind of personal stuff in your video yesterday, Hank.”

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