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The Ocho! Sports I Want on TV

2016-08-23 · list · John · 3:03 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Sports · mode: Curiosity & trivia

Replying to Hank's Olympic sports video, John argues that brilliant niche sports deserve a year-round TV or streaming home like Dodgeball's fictional ESPN8: The Ocho, because cult-following sports are loved deeply; he suspects it will end up as YouTube Sports.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Reply to Hank's Olympics video: the Olympics come only every four years; headis, Muggle Quidditch, jump rope and double mini trampoline go un-televised

  • ★★ John enjoyed Hank's video on sports for the Olympics, but objects that the Olympics come only every four years and he won't wait until 2020 to watch televised headis. (playful) — 00:00:04
  • ★★★ John says amazing sports such as headis, Muggle Quidditch, the Catan World Championships, human backflip racing and excavator-goalie demolition derby soccer go largely un-televised. — 00:00:17
  • ★★ John jokes that he can't watch three men jumping rope at once, one wriggling beneath the others, or live professional double mini trampolining despite the many sports networks in his area: 'a travesty'. (playful) — 00:00:32

00:00:53 — Dodgeball's fictional ESPN8: The Ocho; ESPN's eight networks; the Ocho subreddit

  • ★★ John says the 2004 film Dodgeball shows its championships on a fictional network, ESPN8: The Ocho; in reality they aren't televised and there's no ESPN8, though ESPN owns eight cable networks. — 00:00:53
  • ★★ John points to a subreddit called The Ocho with highlights of lesser-known sports, from remote-controlled truck racing to tug-of-oars, which he finds incredibly entertaining. — 00:01:10 · Reddit

00:01:20 — Proposal: the Ocho as a popular network/streaming home for niche sports, from log rolling to foot billiards

  • ★★★ John submits that the Ocho would be a wildly popular cable network or streaming service, home to niche sports from Olympic ones to competitive log rolling and foot billiards. — 00:01:20

00:01:37 — Three more sports: far leaping, cup stacking, Ultimate Frisbee (and an Air Bud sequel)

  • ★★ John recommends far leaping, very popular in the Dutch province of Friesland: essentially an exaggerated pole vault over a moat, terrifying and beautiful. — 00:01:41
  • ★★ John recommends cup stacking, an exciting, fast-paced sport whose stars he says should be discussed nightly on SportsCenter. — 00:01:55
  • ★★ John recommends Ultimate Frisbee as the best parts of football plus the best parts of basketball. — 00:02:05
  • ★★ John says he played Ultimate Frisbee in high school to get out of his physical education requirement. — 00:02:09

00:02:24 — Only four or five sports on US TV; cult followings and the internet; YouTube Sports; color commentator dream; sign-off

  • ★★★ John says that despite a superabundance of sports media, US television has room for only four or five sports, which bothers him because cult-following sports are loved deeply if not broadly. — 00:02:24 · United States
  • ★★★ John says the internet has built homes for cult communities, from primitive technology YouTube channels to Harry Potter bands, but for reasons he doesn't understand not yet for sports. — 00:02:38 · YouTube
  • ★★ John suspects that if a home for niche sports ever emerges online, it will be called not ESPN8: The Ocho but YouTube Sports. (hedged) — 00:02:48 · YouTube

Humor (significant)

  • Describing three men jumping rope at once, one wriggling beneath the other two, John wonders why he pays for TV. — 00:00:39

    “why do I even HAVE cable?”

  • After pitching far leaping, an exaggerated pole vault over a moat, John asks about its missing TV show. — 00:01:52

    “Why is there no television program called Far-Leaping Weekly?”

  • John admits he mostly wants Ultimate Frisbee on TV because dogs are good at it. — 00:02:18

    “Which makes it the sport most likely to inspire the new Air Bud sequel our dark and broken world so desperately needs.”

  • John closes by dreaming of a career in niche sports broadcasting. — 00:02:55

    “I'll find my true calling: as the color commentator in the Far-Leaping World Championships.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Cult following · ESPN8: The Ocho

Also: Works: Air Bud · Catan · Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story · SportsCenter

Organizations: ESPN · Reddit · YouTube

Concepts: Double mini trampoline · Fierljeppen · foot billiards · Headis · Logrolling (sport) · Quadball · Skipping rope · sport stacking · Ultimate (sport) · Wizard rock

Places: Friesland · United States

Events: Olympic Games

Only in the description or credits: Rosianna Halse Rojas

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