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Should I Have a Baby?

2017-05-19 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:57 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life · mode: Personal essay · tags: self promotion

Answering the DadCast's most common question, how to decide to have a child, Hank says you can't know in advance; six months into fatherhood he lists what is hardest and what is unexpectedly best, endorsing doing hard things rather than having kids, and says parenthood really is great.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — The DadCast for P4A and its most common question: how do you decide?

  • ★★ Hank recalls that for last year's (2016) Project for Awesome he and Travis McElroy made a one-off podcast, the DadCast, in which two brand-new dads answered questions. — 00:00:00 · Project for Awesome

00:00:22 — You don't know: the 378 jars of olives metaphor

  • ★★★ Answering the DadCast's most common question, how to decide to have a child, Hank says you don't know: it is like buying 378 bottles of olives without ever tasting one. (playful) — 00:00:22

00:00:45 — Six months in, Hank's cons list was wrong: the real hard parts

  • ★★ Hank says he was never really opposed to or enthusiastic about having a kid. — 00:00:45
  • ★★★ Hank says that after six months of parenthood his pros and cons list turned out to be wrong. — 00:00:50 · Orin Green
  • ★★★ Hank says puking, pooping, waking at night and never sleeping normally again are not the worst parts but surprisingly easy; he sometimes even likes being excessively needed. — 00:00:58 · Orin Green
  • ★★★ Hank's first real hardship: the stress that his child could fall seriously ill or something terrible might happen; risk can be minimized but not eliminated. — 00:01:10
  • ★★ Hank's second hardship is feeling like he is doing it wrong. — 00:01:21
  • ★★★ Third, feeling he can't do it at all: with someone depending on you for everything it feels like tremendous failure, even fleetingly and untrue; he thinks everyone feels this and it gets better. (hedged) — 00:01:24
  • ★★★ Hank's fourth hardship, bound up with the others, is caring so much that it hurts. — 00:01:41

00:01:46 — The bigger, unexpected reasons Hank likes having a kid

  • ★★ Hank says he was also wrong about why he would like having a kid: he expected to like a little Katherine–Hank hybrid, which is nice, but the bigger reasons were unexpected. — 00:01:46 · Katherine Green
  • ★★★ Hank's first unexpected joy is embarking on a big, new, interesting project with his wife, his favourite person. — 00:01:57 · Katherine Green
  • ★ Second, he gets to sing wherever he wants: with the baby along, people think it's cute rather than weird. (playful) — 00:02:03 · Orin Green
  • ★★★ Third, Hank thinks he understands his parents' relationship with him much better, which may be hard without experiencing parenthood. (hedged) — 00:02:08
  • ★★ Fourth, he better understands, and is very impressed by, both his own and Katherine's capabilities. — 00:02:16 · Katherine Green
  • ★★★ Fifth, Hank likes doing something super normal that is also magnificently important; every piece of him knows being a dad is vitally important. — 00:02:21
  • ★★ Sixth, unexpectedly, Hank loves to look at his son, so much that he shows him to people, sorry they can't stare at him all the time. — 00:02:36 · Orin Green
  • ★★ Hank's seventh and final joy repeats his fourth hardship: caring so much it hurts. — 00:02:46

00:02:51 — No answers; hard things are worth doing; parenthood really is great

  • ★★★ Hank says the video has no answers, just one parent's view; parenthood is hard, but hard things are most worth doing, an endorsement of doing hard things, not of having kids. — 00:02:51
  • ★★★ Hank says each person is the only one who can decide whether they are ready to create a human. — 00:03:06
  • ★★★ Hank says that if, like him, you assumed people praising parenthood were making it up to feel better about a terrible decision, they are not: it is actually really great. — 00:03:09

00:03:21 — End screen: last days of Kedicizdim merch and a laptop decal; PodCon in Seattle

  • ★★ In the end screen Hank says the Kedicizdim shirts and other items are available for only another couple of days. — 00:03:23
  • ★★★ Hank announces that he and John will be in Seattle on December 9 and 10 for PodCon, a podcast convention run with Night Vale Presents and the McElroys of My Brother, My Brother and Me. — 00:03:33 · John Green
  • ★★ Hank says PodCon is running a crowdfunding campaign to raise more money for more cool guests. — 00:03:45
  • ★★ Hank says they just announced that Criminal will be at PodCon. — 00:03:50

In the description and comments

  • ★ In the description Hank says it is weird that most people get to choose whether to create another human, and he is happy that we mostly do. — video description

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: parenting

Also: People: Katherine Green · Kedicizdim · Orin Green · Travis McElroy

Projects: PodCon · Project for Awesome

Works: Criminal (podcast) · DadCast

Concepts: crowdfunding

Places: Seattle

Only in the description or credits: McElroy brothers · My Brother, My Brother and Me · Night Vale Presents

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