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How to Cook Eight Peas

2018-05-29 · letter vlog · John · 3:31 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Everyday life (also: Personal life) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: song or performance, on location

In a mock luxury cooking show, John harvests the nine peas of his first pea harvest, massages, educates and cooks them, finds they taste like grocery-store peas, and still says he cannot recommend gardening enough.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — First pea harvest in John's Indianapolis garden: the deer and his dad's fence, counting nine peas, bad weather, cost per pea

  • ★★ A deer ate a lot of John's food a couple of weeks ago, so his dad built a fence. — 00:00:05 · Mike Green
  • ★★★ After enjoying kale and collard greens this year (2018), John harvests his first peas: nine in all, his pea crop for the year; he tells one runaway pea it is 10% of the crop. (playful) — 00:00:11
  • ★★ It hasn't been good pea weather in Indianapolis, because it went from cold to hot almost immediately. — 00:00:49 · Indianapolis
  • ★★ Counting water, compost and seeds, John reckons his peas cost about 25 cents each, though another way to see it is that they are very valuable. (playful) — 00:00:56

00:01:09 — Mock luxury cooking show: massaging and educating the peas, 'the talk', boiling, the pea-ro song, art, eating

  • ★★ John announces he will teach Hank to make the most luxurious and delicious nine-pea snack in the history of the world. (playful) — 00:01:09
  • ★ While 'educating' the peas, John notes that the team playing in Milton Keynes was relegated out of the third tier, so AFC Wimbledon won't have to play them. (playful) — 00:01:37 · AFC Wimbledon
  • ★★ John says that, unlike asparagus or kale, peas are quite starchy and must be boiled a little longer; an undercooked pea is not good. (playful) — 00:02:09
  • ★ Of a picture he owns, John first thought it was about Hollywood coming for YouTube, then about YouTube coming for Hollywood, and now doesn't know what he thinks. (unsure) — 00:02:47 · YouTube
  • ★★ Eaten one at a time, the eight cooked peas taste a lot like grocery-store peas. (playful) — 00:03:17

00:03:25 — John recommends gardening; sign-off

  • ★★★ John says he cannot recommend gardening enough. — 00:03:25

Humor (dominant)

  • To massage the peas, John tries to fit as many as possible into a pea mustache. — 00:01:21

    “But my favorite way is to try to see how many peas I can fit in a pea mustache.”

  • John gently but firmly explains to the peas that he is about to eat them. — 00:01:51

    “My body is going to turn you into energy that I will then use to probably watch TV.”

  • John boils the eight peas in a tiny artisanal pot to save water. — 00:02:20

    “Because, you know, I've already wasted enough water growing the eight peas.”

  • Singing to the peas to help them cook, John bends a love-song line into a pun. — 00:02:38

    “Did you ever know that you're my pea-ro?”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

AFC Wimbledon · Hollywood · Indianapolis · kitchen garden · Mike Green · Milton Keynes Dons F.C. · Wind Beneath My Wings (“Did you ever know that you're my pea-ro?”) · YouTube

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