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Writing and Marriage Advice from Michelle Obama

2019-03-19 · collab / interview · John, Michelle Obama · 3:50 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Books & writing (also: Everyday life) · mode: Q&A & conversation · tags: guest or collab, on location

In Austin, John asks Michelle Obama for marriage and writing advice: she says she shared the hard parts of her marriage because young couples get no guidebook and marriage is never 50-50, and that the childhood stories we remember stick for a reason worth understanding; John calls Becoming extraordinary.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — From Austin and his basement, John explains why he wanted to ask Michelle Obama for marriage and writing advice

  • ★★ John says he is often asked for marriage and writing advice but feels unqualified; he loved how Michelle Obama wrote about marriage and memoir in Becoming, so he asked her. — 00:00:00 · Barack Obama

00:00:29 — Marriage: sudden change in life, no guidebook, marriage is never 50-50, honesty beyond #relationshipgoals

  • ★★ John tells Michelle Obama her writing on marriage resonated because his life changed very suddenly when The Fault in Our Stars was published, though not on a presidential level. — 00:00:29 · The Fault in Our Stars, Barack Obama
  • ★★ Michelle Obama says it was valuable that she and Barack were older when they married. — 00:00:58 · Barack Obama
  • ★★★ Michelle Obama says she shared so much about her marriage because young couples know little about marriage when they marry; nobody gives a guidebook for building a life with another person. — 00:00:58 · Barack Obama
  • ★★★ Michelle Obama says marriage is inherently unequal, and not just by gender: there is never a 50-50 split of 'you do half and I do half'; life isn't that clean. — 00:00:58 · Barack Obama
  • ★★★ Michelle Obama says people see her and Barack as relationship goals and only see the good stuff; not telling how hard it was would be dishonest about what it takes to build what they have. — 00:01:30 · Barack Obama, #goals

00:01:59 — Memoir: how Michelle Obama picks resonant childhood details

  • ★★ John says he loved Becoming's resonant childhood details, such as her needing an advocate in second grade in a class with a bad teacher, and asks how she picks them. — 00:01:59
  • ★★ Michelle Obama says there is a reason second grade stuck with her; she still remembers not getting a star the first time because she didn't know the word "white": a mundane story that tells a truth about her consistent since age four or five. — 00:01:59 · Barack Obama
  • ★★★ Michelle Obama says she doesn't worry about what she doesn't remember: we all remember maybe ten good childhood stories, each with meaning, and should value them enough to understand why they stuck. — 00:02:28 · Barack Obama

00:03:04 — Thanks, John's anxiety, his verdict on Becoming and sign-off

  • ★★ John says Mrs. Obama was lovely, generous with her time and good at making anxious people comfortable, which he appreciated because he was extremely anxious. — 00:03:04 · Barack Obama
  • ★★★ Having read many political memoirs, John calls Becoming extraordinary because it tells a very big story at a very human scale. — 00:03:33

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: Becoming · Marriage · Michelle Obama

Also: #goals · Austin, Texas · Barack Obama · memoir · The Fault in Our Stars · White House

Also centred on Marriage: Getting Personal about Getting Personal · A Very French Reunion

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