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What Matters

2020-10-12 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:58 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Philosophy & meaning · mode: Personal essay · tags: calendar ritual, song or performance

Starting from how he writes fiction, Hank argues people feel they matter through the overlap of traits they value and traits they think they have; cultures supply those values, but mattering is subjective, a story we find ourselves in, and since adaptability is the most human trait, what matters to us can and will change.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — From writing fiction: people matter to themselves through the overlap of valued and possessed traits

  • ★★ Hank finds writing fiction hard and weird, and has found it very important to identify what his characters think makes them matter: not star sign, personality type, values or identity alone. — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ It is the overlap between the attributes characters think are positive and those they think they have: what they think is valuable about them, the reasons they matter. — 00:00:31
  • ★★ Hank has found this a useful thing to understand about himself, the people important to him and the people important to his society. — 00:00:31
  • ★★★ Society offers a set of positive attributes to pick from; if you are lucky and a couple fit, like a nice new shirt, you can feel you matter. — 00:00:31

00:01:00 — When traits don't fit; three observations on self-worth, culture and valued traits

  • ★★★ When what people are told is valuable doesn't fit how they are or the opportunities they got, it sucks; they can still find how they matter, but must figure it out on their own. — 00:01:00
  • ★★ First, the traits you believe are valuable about yourself are really important to your self-worth. — 00:01:00
  • ★★ A threat to those traits can feel like an assault, causing tension when one person thinks a trait minor and another thinks it the only reason they matter. — 00:01:29
  • ★★ Second, every culture has strong opinions about which traits are valuable, and going with your culture's beliefs is much easier than defining them on your own. — 00:01:29
  • ★★ Third, there is good in all the traits people value, which is why they value them, though some are definitely worrying. — 00:01:29

00:01:58 — A list of valued traits; mattering is subjective, the stories we find ourselves in

  • ★★ Hank lists valued traits, from beauty, intelligence, ancestry, strength, kindness and wealth to grit, winning, conforming to social roles and belonging to groups. — 00:01:58
  • ★★★ Depending on upbringing, stories and cultural defaults, the attributes you come to believe in may not be ones you can embody, or only for one period of your life. — 00:02:27
  • ★★★ Humans need to believe they matter, so Hank hesitates to call these things subjective, but they are: for him there is no mattering outside our minds, only the story we find most compelling. — 00:02:27 · meaning of life
  • ★★ Such stories range from the reckless individualism of Thomas Edison to the thoughtful kindness of a teacher or parent; we believe in the stories we find ourselves in. — 00:02:27
  • ★★ Sometimes those stories make us miserable, we don't match them or outgrow them, or the world changes and they do more harm than good. — 00:02:27

00:03:17 — What matters can and will change; adaptability is most human; sign-off

  • ★★★ Hank's wisdom: these things are not fixed; they can and should change, which should make you feel human, not less worthwhile, since adaptability is the most human trait. — 00:03:17
  • ★★ What matters to you, the stories you find yourself in and how you imagine your value can all change, and all of them will. — 00:03:17

00:03:46 — Pizzamas fanny pack jingle

  • ★ Hank closes with a jingle for the Pizzamas fanny pack, with a zipper in the front and a zipper in the back. (playful) — 00:03:46 · Pizzamas

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description says Hank began this video thinking about Donald Trump: how a hollow perception of strength, bullying and gathering power could be so integral to someone's self-worth; it makes sense now but is no less sad. — video description · Donald Trump
  • ★ The description announces that Pizzamas week 2 begins. — video description · Pizzamas

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: self-esteem

Also: culture · gender role · individualism · meaning of life · political party · Thomas Edison

Only in the description or credits: Donald Trump · Pizzamas

Also centred on self-esteem: What Boys Look For in Girls · You're Not Good Enough · Some Rough Advice for the "Real World" · My Earthquake Story - (And Thoughts About Numbers) · Looking for Alaska Movie (BUT BETTER) and YouTuber Things · What Helped Through Depression

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