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On February 3rd, 2020, I Wrote a Video I Didn't Make. Here It Is.

2021-10-08 · letter vlog · John · 4:00 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Health (also: Philosophy & meaning) · mode: Personal essay · tags: calendar ritual, self promotion, self correction

John reads a script he wrote in early February 2020 but never filmed, 'A Feeling of Impending Doom', mocking its view that the coronavirus would likely prove an overreaction, and concludes that the past can never give certainty about the future, so living amid history demands humility.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Pizzamas greeting; the unmade February 2020 script and the two costumes

  • ★★ In early February 2020 John wrote a video script, 'A Feeling of Impending Doom', that was never made; he often writes unmade videos and is grateful this one wasn't made. — 00:00:05
  • ★★ John says rereading the script shows what he knew, what he didn't, and what he thought he knew but didn't. — 00:00:16
  • ★ As October 2021 John he wears a shirt available only during Pizzamas at pizzamas.com; as February 2020 John, a hoodie. (playful) — 00:00:22 · Pizzamas

00:00:29 — The 2020 script: impending doom, certainty as illusion, the 'very likely overreacted' prediction, H1N1 and SARS

  • ★★ In the 2020 script John notes that one listed symptom of a heart attack is a feeling of impending doom, a perfectly evocative phrase from a medical profession that often struggles with language. — 00:00:36
  • ★★ In the script John says that, with a serious mental health disorder, he often has a feeling of impending doom and cannot tell whether it is a heart attack, a panic attack or actual doom. — 00:00:50 · mental disorder
  • ★ John says his February 2020 feeling of impending doom was warranted. (playful) — 00:01:05
  • ★★★ In the script John calls certainty underrated, like trusting the floor to hold you, but almost always an illusion: the more we grasp for it, the less we find it. — 00:01:12
  • ★★★ The 2020 script predicted that in two months we would very likely think we had overreacted to the threat of coronavirus. (hedged) — 00:01:45 · COVID-19 pandemic
  • ★★ Current John says this part does not hold up: he is not sure it was ever very likely. (hedged) — 00:01:50 · COVID-19 pandemic
  • ★★ In the script John looked to the past: the 2009 H1N1 flu was very serious and killed over 150,000 people worldwide but not millions, and SARS was extremely dangerous but contained. — 00:01:58

00:02:16 — Current John's critique: the past can't give certainty; World War I; living amid history demands humility

  • ★★ John says by February 2020 there was much evidence COVID would differ from those diseases, but he tends to predict the future from the past, a method with big flaws. — 00:02:16 · COVID-19 pandemic
  • ★★ The script's worst case: in two months we might remember coronavirus as having been catastrophic. (hedged) — 00:02:35 · COVID-19 pandemic
  • ★★ Current John asks how his past self, who studies and is obsessed with infectious diseases, imagined a worst case only 60 days long. (playful) — 00:02:46
  • ★★★ John says we can use the past to understand the present and imagine the future, but it can never give certainty about the future or the present; one benefit of studying the past is reminding us of that. — 00:02:52
  • ★★ John says we can discuss the 17 causes of World War I, but nobody on January 1, 1914 had any idea what 1918 would look like. — 00:03:15
  • ★★★ John says living amid history demands a measure of humility, because we don't know. — 00:03:29
  • ★★ John has no idea what the world will look like 20 months from now, and rather than saying he can't wait, says he can wait. (unsure) — 00:03:33

00:03:44 — Pizzamas plug and sign-off

  • ★ John says pizzamas.com remains the number one source for pizza-related meme apparel. (playful) — 00:03:44 · Pizzamas

In the description and comments

  • ★★ In a comment John says the script was much longer, with much about the upcoming tour; Rosianna suggested just saying they would tour if safe, and he eventually agreed. — creator comment · Rosianna Halse Rojas
  • ★ In a comment John says he was trying not to scare everyone and to be measured, probably for himself as much as for viewers. — creator comment

Humor (significant)

  • Reading his 2020 line about trusting the floor to hold him, current John pities his past self — 00:01:16

    “Aww, buddy. If only.”

  • The 2020 script calls an overreaction to coronavirus very likely — 00:01:45

    “Very likely? No, I'm not sure it was ever very likely.”

  • Past John, obsessed with infectious diseases, imagined a catastrophic worst case lasting two months — 00:02:46

    “How did you imagine a worst-case scenario that was 60 days long?”

  • John has no idea what the world will look like in 20 months and starts to say he can't wait to find out — 00:03:40

    “But I feel like I can wait. I don't mind waiting.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: A Feeling of Impending Doom · COVID-19 pandemic · Uncertainty

Also: Projects: Pizzamas

Concepts: infectious disease · Intellectual humility · mental disorder · myocardial infarction · panic attack · severe acute respiratory syndrome

Events: 2009 swine flu pandemic · World War I

Only in the description or credits: Rosianna Halse Rojas

Also centred on Uncertainty: get your game on · you'll never know · How Actually Crazy is This Mess?

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