Skip to content

Let's Talk About Death

2023-12-22 · letter vlog · Hank · 4:18 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Philosophy & meaning (also: Pop culture) · mode: Personal essay · tags: heavy topic, self promotion

After eating Buddy the Elf's candy pasta, Hank tells John that getting sick shook his sense of what life is for; in a universe without evident objective meaning he still wanted to live, and concludes that striving and 'wanting to want' in community is the point, then plugs a Christmas Eve video and his cancer stand-up shows.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Hank cooks and eats Buddy the Elf's candy pasta; Chester the new cat

  • ★ Hank says he has wanted to make this video for ten years, and something that recently happened to him made him feel he shouldn't put off easy things. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Hank cooks and eats Buddy the Elf's special pasta, which he says has no pasta sauce in Buddy's version (unlike other YouTubers' attempts); it is basically candy with noodles, bad, and hurts his tummy. (playful) — 00:00:00
  • ★ Hank introduces Chester, his family's new cat. — 00:00:29

00:00:54 — Mortality after cancer: losing his grasp on life's meaning, forgotten selves, no objective meaning, wanting to live, and 'I want to want'

  • ★★★ Before getting sick Hank thought he had a good grasp on what life was for, but once close to the edge he was amazed how quickly he lost it. — 00:00:54 · meaning of life
  • ★★ Hank says secular mortality carries a strong 'how are we sure any of this matters at all' feeling. — 00:00:54
  • ★★ Hank wonders whether the selves who had experiences he has now forgotten, like those in online clips of him, are already dead. (playful, speculative) — 00:01:24
  • ★★ Hank says nothing can postpone forever the mortality of any experience, individual, species or system of living chemistry. — 00:01:24
  • ★★★ Hank says even endless postponement would not help him find meaning in a universe that, to his eye, has no objective meaning or will not share it. — 00:01:53 · meaning of life
  • ★★ Hank says he is dispositionally about as far from a nihilist as possible, but understands nihilism a bit more than he used to. — 00:01:53
  • ★★★ Hank says mortality is depressing and hard to struggle with, but throughout he very much wanted to stay alive as long as possible, because things are interesting. — 00:02:22
  • ★★★ Hank suggests much of the right thing to do may be doing what feels right: not hedonism, but living as an animal evolved to be in community with others. (hedged) — 00:02:22
  • ★★★ Hank says he should strive toward what he wants for himself and others even as one small piece, planting seeds he won't see sprout, because he is a living organism. — 00:02:51

  • ★★★ Hank says wanting is good, he wants to want, and much of consciousness's job is directing want toward the right wants. — 00:03:21

    “I want to want.”

  • ★★ Hank says he has been at the point of no longer wanting, which is the bad part. — 00:03:21

  • ★★ Hank says they will do things in the coming years and eventually all die, but they will be wanting together. — 00:03:21

00:03:57 — Bonus content: a weird Christmas Eve video and cancer stand-up shows in Southern California

  • ★★ Hank says he will upload a weird video to Vlogbrothers on Christmas Eve and is curious what everyone will think. — 00:03:57 · Vlogbrothers
  • ★★ Hank says he is doing his cancer stand-up in Southern California, with more shows to be booked and announced when they go live. — 00:03:57

In the description and comments

  • ★ The description lists a Brea Improv show and a San Diego late show, says everything else is sold out, and promises more dates soon. — video description
  • ★★ The description asks viewers to follow the newsletter so as not to miss the full stand-up tour dates. — video description
  • ★★ In a channel comment Hank says he is still working through these things and invites viewers' remaining questions as replies, to think about in another video. — creator comment

Humor (significant)

  • Hank notes Buddy's pasta is basically candy with noodles to cut the sweetness. — 00:00:29

    “Except they're not cutting the sweetness at all.”

  • Pondering mortality, Hank poses a 'real question' about his legacy. — 00:00:54

    “Real question here, when I'm dead, will anyone have eaten that elf pasta?”

  • Mid-reflection, Hank clarifies he is not recommending elf pasta. — 00:01:53

    “Or ever. In fact, never do this.”

  • Explaining that consciousness directs wanting, Hank says earlier today he wanted elf pasta and got it. — 00:03:21

    “and now I don't want it ever again”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: death anxiety · desire · meaning of life

Also: Buddy the Elf · Chester · Christmas Eve · nihilism · personal identity · Southern California · stand-up comedy

Only in the description or credits: Hank and John email newsletter · San Diego

Also centred on death anxiety: Oinkbarf Pandemic! An Intellectual Response to Swine Flu · Our Grandfather · You Will Be Forgotten ...And That's OK · The Necessity to Struggle / The Futility of Effort · It's About a YouTuber with Cancer

Also centred on desire: How to Change What you Want · Moon Joy

← Previous: End of a Rough Year · Next → John and Hank Hanging Out but they Keep Getting Younger and More Pixelated