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Everything Wrong with Turtles All the Way Down

2024-05-03 · review / recommendation · Hank · 3:48 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Books & writing · mode: Advice & reviews · tags: timely hook, self promotion

In a mock 'everything wrong with' list, Hank nitpicks the Turtles All the Way Down film (no turtles, a too-perfect stick, Dr Pepper, the gift tax, Cincinnati standing in for Indianapolis), then says it is beautiful and remarkable, that he is proud to be connected to it, and that it is now streaming on Max.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Mock 'everything wrong with' list: no turtles, Applebee's seating, the stick, Dr Pepper, volleyball coach, gift tax, Cincinnati as Indianapolis, a dad dying, making Hank cry

  • ★★ Hank says that although John and many others worked hard on the Turtles All the Way Down film, nothing is immune from critique, so he feels morally obliged to list everything wrong with it. (playful) — 00:00:00 · John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
  • ★ Hank complains that in the film Daisy and Aza sit by the window at Applebee's, not on the interior side as he imagined when reading the book. (joke) — 00:00:00 · Turtles All the Way Down
  • ★★ Hank says the US taxes any gift over $17,000 (in 2023, when the film is set), so Davis's money given to Aza and then to Daisy is two taxable events, double-taxing Daisy's money. (playful) — 00:01:13 · United States
    • a number in question (doubtful): "$17,000" — check against the recording
  • ★★ Hank says the film's city is not Indianapolis: Google Lens identifies a building as Queen City Square in Cincinnati, and he asks why they did not just film in Indianapolis. (playful) — 00:01:42 · Indianapolis
  • ★★ Hank says he no longer likes it when a dad's death is a plot point: a couple of years ago that would have been fine, but now he does not love it. — 00:02:12
  • ★★ Hank says one particular part of the film made him cry intensely just before he had to go to a business meeting, so John should have been more considerate. (playful) — 00:02:12 · John Green

00:02:39 — Hank says the film is beautiful and remarkable, he is proud to be connected to it, and it is on Max

  • ★★★ Hank tells John the film is beautiful, amazing and remarkable, with many beautiful, intense and touching moments. — 00:02:39
  • ★★ Hank says he watched the whole film without picking up his phone, which is not normal for him. — 00:02:39
  • ★★ Hank says he is proud to be even peripherally connected to the film. — 00:02:39
  • ★★★ Hank says the film is on Max; in the US Max can be had through the Play Store, the App Store, Amazon Prime or Max.com. — 00:02:39 · United States
  • ★★ Hank says that outside the US the film is probably on a Max-like service. (hedged) — 00:02:39 · United States

00:03:08 — Max catalog plug, thanks to fans online, TFIOS to Turtles, sign-off

  • ★★ Hank tells viewers to finish the film, then use the Max subscription to watch a long list of other shows, from The Sopranos to Deadwood. (playful) — 00:03:08
  • ★★ Hank thanks everyone online who has supported the film and says he has loved seeing what people create from it. — 00:03:08 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★★ Hank says that from The Fault in Our Stars film to this one it has been something to be part of both worlds in a weird way: he has not been part of it himself, but through John he has, and he is grateful. — 00:03:08 · The Fault in Our Stars (film), John Green
  • ★ Hank says seeing through John what it is like makes him not jealous: it seems hard. — 00:03:38 · John Green

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description lists where to stream the film by region and complains that the UK and Ireland get it 24 days after everyone else, for no known reason. — video description · United Kingdom

Humor (significant)

  • Hank's first complaint about the Turtles All the Way Down film — 00:00:00

    “There are some reptiles, zero turtles.”

  • Hank objects that the stick the characters play with in the woods is unrealistically good — 00:00:29

    “Nobody ever finds a stick that good.”

  • After explaining the gift tax, Hank says Davis as a high net worth individual should know about it — 00:01:42

    “And thus, in effect, Davis has turned Daisy and Aza into tax criminals.”

  • Google Lens reveals the city in the film is Cincinnati, not Indianapolis — 00:01:42

    “That's basically Indianapolis.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Turtles All the Way Down (film)

Also: Works: A Song of Ice and Fire · Barbie (film) · Conan O'Brien Must Go · Deadwood · Euphoria · Friends · Last Week Tonight with John Oliver · Property Brothers · Rick and Morty · The Boondocks · The Fault in Our Stars (film) · The Sopranos · Turtles All the Way Down

Organizations: Applebee's · Max

Concepts: gift tax

Places: Cincinnati · Indianapolis · Queen City Square · United States

Events: NBA playoffs

Characters: Aza Holmes · Daisy Ramirez · Davis Pickett

Products: Amazon Prime · App Store · Dr Pepper · Google Lens · Google Play

Only in the description or credits: Conan O'Brien · Ireland · United Kingdom

Also centred on Turtles All the Way Down (film): On the Movies · An Amazing Day · Hello! Meet Daisy! · A Casting Announcement · Hello! Meet Aza! · Director Hannah Marks Is Nervous To Meet You

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