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Not Doing That Great

2024-04-30 · letter vlog · John · 4:15 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life (also: Books & writing) · mode: Personal essay · tags: timely hook, self promotion, heavy topic

Back from the LA premiere of the Turtles All the Way Down film, John says he is overjoyed and grateful yet not doing that great: talking so much in public about his OCD and depression leaves him feeling exposed, he is not good at being properly famous, and a larger system that commodifies art dehumanizes both him and the reporters who interview him.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — The LA premiere of the Turtles All the Way Down film, with his kids

  • ★★ John got home last night from the amazing LA premiere of the Turtles All the Way Down film, celebrated with its makers, Kirsten Dunst, YouTube friends, Rosianna and the cast; his kids saw one of his movies for the first time and loved it. — 00:00:00 · Los Angeles, Rosianna Halse Rojas

00:00:29 — Fortunate but tired: why talking so much about his OCD and depression leaves him feeling exposed

  • ★ Flying to New York for press for the movie, which comes out Thursday, John says he is quite tired, physically and existentially, and a bit unwell. — 00:00:29 · New York City
  • ★★ John says he feels weird being anything but overjoyed with his absurdly fortunate life, and borrows a Taylor Swift line asking whether he is allowed to cry. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ John says being able to publish the book at all, have it become a film and love the movie means he has won a bunch of lotteries. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ John genuinely loves the movie and the people who made it, and thinks it will help people and is extremely funny. — 00:00:58
  • ★★★ John says it is really hard for him to talk so much about his mental health and living with OCD and depression. — 00:00:58 · mental disorder
  • ★★★ John wants to be clear that people living with serious mental illness can also have full, wonderful lives. — 00:00:58 · mental disorder
  • ★★ John thinks it is important for him to talk about it, because one way we destigmatize mental illness is by talking about it in public. — 00:00:58 · mental disorder
  • ★★★ John says he also feels quite exposed, as if all his nerve endings were on the outside of his body; he is extremely thin-skinned at the moment. — 00:01:27
  • ★ John says he is aware, or hopes he is, of the wild entitlement involved in complaining about this, and has avoided talking about it before. (hedged) — 00:01:27

00:01:56 — Not good at being properly famous; Nerdfighteria as the part he loves most

  • ★★★ Since The Fault in Our Stars movie came out ten years ago, John has learned again and again that he is just not very good at being properly famous. — 00:01:56 · The Fault in Our Stars (film), celebrity
  • ★★ John likes people engaging with his work and making awesome stuff with awesome people, but loves Nerdfighteria most: an audience and community without feeling wildly overexposed. — 00:01:56 · Nerdfighteria
  • ★ John dislikes magazines writing about the secret of his and Sarah's 18-year marriage; the secret, he says, is mutual respect. (playful) — 00:01:56 · Sarah Urist Green
  • ★★★ John says that although our whole social order worships fame, there is a reason so many people don't survive celebrity. — 00:02:26 · celebrity
  • ★★ John will be home in Indianapolis in 72 hours, back to being a middle-aged dad and nerdfighter; for now he does the press because he wants people beyond nerdfighters to see the movie. — 00:02:26 · Indianapolis, nerdfighter
  • ★★ John says the film is better if you are a nerdfighter, because it has so many little love songs to the community. — 00:02:26 · nerdfighter, Nerdfighteria

00:02:55 — Crying in an interview: neither he nor the reporter is the villain, a system that commodifies art is

  • ★★★ Talking to a reporter about living with intrusive thoughts while having to talk about them, John burst into tears when the reporter said it must be difficult and they were sorry. — 00:02:55
  • ★★ John realized neither the reporter nor he is a villain for asking or resenting the question: both are just trying to do their jobs. — 00:03:24
  • ★★★ John says if there is a villain it is a larger system that dehumanizes both of them to commodify art, though he willingly takes part in and greatly benefits from it. — 00:03:24

00:03:53 — Overjoyed and not doing great; the film is out Thursday, tell your friends; sign-off

  • ★★ John says the last couple of months have been a weird mix of being overjoyed and not doing that great. — 00:03:53
  • ★★ Life is pretty weird, and John hopes the Turtles All the Way Down film, out Thursday, captures some of that complexity. (hedged) — 00:03:53
  • ★★ John hopes viewers like the film enough to tell their friends, since word of mouth is ultimately the only marketing campaign that matters. — 00:03:53

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: celebrity · mental disorder · obsessive-compulsive disorder · Turtles All the Way Down (film)

Also: People: Kirsten Dunst · Rosianna Halse Rojas · Sarah Urist Green · Taylor Swift

Works: The Fault in Our Stars (film)

Terms: nerdfighter

Concepts: commodification · depression · social stigma

Places: Indianapolis · Los Angeles · New York City

Only in the description or credits: Max

Also centred on obsessive-compulsive disorder: On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas) · What OCD Is Like (for Me) · The Rax Guy · This Video Is Actually Three Videos · I've Been Pooping All Wrong

Also centred on Turtles All the Way Down (film): On the Movies · An Amazing Day · Hello! Meet Daisy! · A Casting Announcement · Hello! Meet Aza! · Director Hannah Marks Is Nervous To Meet You

Later videos replying to this one