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LLAMAS Are NOT What You Think

2025-07-15 · Q&A · John, Hank · 8:18 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Nerdfighteria (also: Science & nature) · mode: Q&A & conversation · tags: recurring series, guest or collab, community lore, self promotion

Reunited in John's unfinished future office, the brothers answer Question Tuesday questions about llamas and fish: Hank holds that all vertebrates, llamas included, are fish, they argue whether fish have butts (Hank: all butts are legs), Hank explains llama wool and baldness, John calls it a problem that baldness drugs pay better than TB drugs, and Hank reveals Dave Green is a man-sized largemouth bass.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Reunion in John's future office; are llamas fish; do they write the Dear Hank and John questions; titling the video

  • ★ The brothers are together in John's future office, not yet finished; John hopes Hank likes it, as viewers may see more of it. — 00:00:00 · Hank Green
  • ★★ Hank: Asked whether llamas are fish, Hank says yes: all vertebrates are fish because they carry the water around with them; humans are just really weird, hairy fish. (playful) — 00:00:00
  • ★★ Asked whether they write their own Dear Hank and John questions, John says they pick a certain kind of question, which encourages that kind to be asked. — 00:00:29 · Dear Hank and John
  • ★ John tells new viewers about the podcast Dear Hank and John, which brings the week's news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon while answering questions. — 00:00:29 · Dear Hank and John, Mars, AFC Wimbledon
  • ★★ both: Brainstorming a clickbait title, the brothers riff 'Elon Musk isn't who you think he is' into the video's title about llamas. (joke) — 00:00:29

00:01:06 — Llamas and tuberculosis; fish that resemble their names; seahorses; riding llamas and becoming a centaur

  • ★★ Asked how llamas and tuberculosis are related, John says llamas can get tuberculosis, and so can fish. — 00:01:06 · tuberculosis
  • ★★ Hank: Asked which fish most resembles its name, Hank names the boxfish: it looks like a box. (playful) — 00:01:06
  • ★★ John suggests the barracuda, which he says looks like the sound of its name. (playful) — 00:01:06
  • ★★ Hank: Asked whether a seahorse is a fish, Hank says yes, in the sense that we all are. (playful) — 00:01:45
  • ★★ Hank would ride a llama if someone told him it was safe, though he would not jump out of a plane or bungee jump, which don't sound fun. (playful) — 00:01:45
  • ★★ John says riding a llama sounds terrible because they spit. (playful) — 00:02:06

00:02:34 — Dragons as insects; do fish have butts: the butt-is-legs argument; fighting llama-sized fish or fish-sized llamas

  • ★★ Hank corrects John: the fish bones that look like legs are not vestigial, though in the coelacanth they may as well be. — 00:03:05
  • ★★ John argues that since lobe-finned fishes have leg bones, they must have butts. (playful) — 00:03:05
  • ★★ Hank holds that not all legs end in butts but all butts are legs, while John insists the butt belongs to the pelvis, not the leg. (playful) — 00:03:34
  • ★★ both: Fighting 10 llama-sized fish or 100 fish-sized llamas depends on the fish: guppy-sized llamas would be a party, a whale shark a real problem. (playful) — 00:04:51

00:05:35 — The largest fish; how llamas make wool; how baldness happens; baldness drugs versus TB drugs

  • ★★ Hank: If all vertebrates are fish, the largest fish on Earth is by far the blue whale, not the elephant first suggested. (playful) — 00:05:35
  • ★★ Hank explains llama wool: keratinocytes fill with keratin, a cytoskeletal protein, die and stick together into hair that is pushed slowly outward, just like human hair. — 00:05:35
  • ★★ Hank says baldness happens when the chemical signals telling the body to make hair stop being received, because they are not made or the receptors break down. (hedged) — 00:06:22
  • ★★★ John asks whether it is a problem that developing treatments for male pattern baldness is far more lucrative for pharmaceutical companies than developing treatments for tuberculosis. — 00:06:22 · tuberculosis
  • ★★ Hank agrees that this is a problem. — 00:06:22

00:06:55 — Llama guy or fish guy; Hank's fish shirt for sale; Dave Green is a fish who manages a Wendy's; reunion sign-off

  • ★ both: Asked whether they are llama or fish guys, both brothers say they are more fish guys; Hank is 'double fishing' in a fish t-shirt over a fish shirt. (playful) — 00:06:55
  • ★★ Hank says the fish t-shirt he is wearing is for sale right now at DFTBA.com. — 00:06:55 · DFTBA Records
  • ★★ John says their brother Dave Green doesn't think about such things: he is a practical man interested in running a Wendy's, caring for his family and paying the mortgage. (playful) — 00:07:16 · Dave Green
  • ★★ Hank reveals that Dave is actually a fish: a man-sized largemouth bass with consciousness who manages a Wendy's and now stays in a tank as manager. (joke) — 00:07:16 · Dave Green

In the description and comments

Humor (dominant)

  • Asked whether llamas are fish, Hank extends fishhood to all vertebrates. — 00:00:00

    “We're just really weird, hairy fish.”

  • Asked how to title the video so people click, the brothers try a clickbait formula. — 00:00:29

    “Elon Musk isn't who you think he is.”

  • Asked why he won't ride horses, John fears merging with the animal like a male anglerfish. — 00:02:06

    “I worry that I might become a centaur.”

  • Asked whether centaurs have six limbs or four, the brothers decide. — 00:02:06

    “Yeah, they're insects.”

  • Corrected by Hank about vestigial fish bones, John apologizes and protests that he is no scientist. — 00:03:05

    “I'm a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt in a shed in Indianapolis.”

  • John says Hank is threading a needle with his claim that all butts are legs. — 00:03:34

    “let's keep needles away from butts”

  • Hank reveals that their brother Dave is actually a fish and describes him. — 00:07:16

    “he's a man-sized largemouth bass with consciousness yeah who manages a wendy's”

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: fish · llama

Also: People: Elon Musk

Projects: Dear Hank and John · DFTBA Records

Organizations: AFC Wimbledon · Bluesky · Wendy's

Rituals: Question Tuesday · Reunion video

Concepts: anglerfish · Barracuda · Bass (fish) · Blue whale · Boxfish · Coelacanth · elephant · horse · keratin · Keratinocyte · Needlefish · pattern hair loss · pharmaceutical industry · Pike (fish) · Sarcopterygii · Seahorse · tuberculosis · vestigiality · whale shark

Places: Indianapolis · Mars

Characters: Dave Green

Myths: Centaur · dragon

Also centred on fish: Whales are Fish (and Everything Else is Beetles) with Lindsay Nikole

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