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Not to Criticize Hank…

2025-08-26 · letter vlog · John · 3:58 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Personal life · mode: Comedy & performance

John playfully criticizes Hank's two-word birthday text by reviewing better birthday texts from friends, then finds he sent Hank the same text on May 5th and concludes that the real work is making people feel loved all year.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Hank's late, two-word 'Happy birthday!' text on John's birthday

  • ★★ John says that on Sunday, his birthday, Hank texted him at 10:12 p.m. with nothing but 'Happy birthday' and two exclamation points. (playful) — 00:00:00 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John says that as Hank's brother, oldest friend and closest collaborator he feels there is room for improvement in Hank's birthday-text game. (playful) — 00:00:20 · Hank Green

00:00:29 — Reviewing John's better birthday texts (a tuberculosis researcher, Mike Birbiglia, CGP Grey, Elise, Stuart), with an aside on fractured fame

  • ★ John says a friend who is a tuberculosis researcher (famous to him) took time out of a busy day of trying to cure tuberculosis to wish him a rewarding year, a great text because it offered an intention. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ John says that fame now works person by person: apart from stars like Taylor Swift or Rihanna, the fractured information landscape leaves no shared celebrities. — 00:00:47 · celebrity
  • ★★ John has noticed that great birthday texts often come from people you like more than you see: people you don't run into every week but love whenever you do. — 00:01:14
  • ★★ John got birthday texts with personal reflections and good wishes from comedian Mike Birbiglia, who was in The Fault in Our Stars, and from YouTuber CGP Grey. — 00:01:27 · The Fault in Our Stars (film)
  • ★ John says his friend Elise won the birthday text of the year with a message saying she loves him and his big beating heart, both loving and complimentary. — 00:01:47
  • ★ John says his friend Stuart, another person he likes more than he sees, sent a video of his children singing Happy Birthday. — 00:02:05
  • ★★ John reasons that people who send lots of birthday texts might be very likable, so John, who does not, could be someone one sees more than one likes. (playful, hedged) — 00:02:15

00:02:26 — Birthday spreadsheet, the lost birthday call and card, a ranking of birthday greetings and exclamation-point inflation

  • ★★ John ranks the joy of birthday greetings: card, then call, then text, then Hank's late two-exclamation-point text; the birthday call is a nearly lost craft. (playful) — 00:02:55 · Hank Green

00:03:24 — John finds he sent Hank the same text on May 5th; the real work is making people feel loved all year

  • ★★ Checking his own texts, John finds that on Hank's birthday, May 5th, he texted Hank only 'happy birthday' with two exclamation points, so he too has work to do. (playful) — 00:03:24 · Hank Green
  • ★★★ John says the real work is making someone feel loved and appreciated all year round, which Hank is brilliant at, and John is grateful to him. — 00:03:33 · Hank Green
  • ★★ John tells Hank to expect a long and florid birthday text message on May 5th. (playful) — 00:03:45 · Hank Green

Humor (significant)

  • John grades Hank's two-word birthday text on its merits. — 00:00:00

    “Now I suppose this was a good text insofar as it arrived on my birthday, barely, and also acknowledged my birthday.”

  • After calling his friend a famous tuberculosis researcher, John corrects himself. — 00:00:29

    “I realize belatedly that there are no famous tuberculosis researchers to the general public.”

  • John complains Hank's text lacked a third exclamation point. — 00:02:55

    “which everyone knows is how you really communicate enthusiasm in the year of our Lord 2025 with such extensive exclamation point related inflation.”

  • John discovers he sent Hank the same two-word text on Hank's birthday. — 00:03:24

    “I have thrown stones from within the confines of my glass house.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

celebrity · CGP Grey · Happy Birthday to You · Mike Birbiglia · Rihanna · Stuart Hyatt · Taylor Swift · The Fault in Our Stars (film)

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