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The 5 Meanest Things We've Named a Species

2026-10-07 · list · Hank · 8:26 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Science & nature (also: Personal life) · mode: Curiosity & trivia · tags: calendar ritual, self promotion, fundraising ask

Offering John a small gift after the death of his friend, Hank counts down the five meanest animal names (the bone-eating snot-flower worm, the insignificant harp ground beetle, the stinkpot, the ugly worm lizard and, meanest, the sloth), after debunking names that only sound mean, plugs the last days of Pizzamas and praises the Etyfish Project.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Condolences to John for his friend; people need little gifts, so this video is one

  • ★★ Hank tells John he was sorry to hear about his friend and offers him, and everyone else, this video as a small gift. — 00:00:00 · John Green
  • ★★ Hank says he often feels no good at helping people through hard times, though he has improved with age, and has found that people just need little gifts and recognitions. — 00:00:00
  • ★★ At the Monterey Bay Aquarium, one of his favourite places, a staff naturalist told Hank to look for sarcastic fringeheads; he found one, then a boring clam display, and wondered what the meanest animal name is. — 00:00:00

00:00:29 — Monterey Bay Aquarium: the sarcastic fringehead and the boring clam prompt the question of the meanest animal name

00:00:58 — Names that only sound mean: boring clam, sarcastic fringehead, miserable unloved money spider, useless goby, depressed river mussel, idiot fish, the Uncertain and other 'confused' species

  • ★★ Hank says the boring clam's name only sounds mean: it is called that because it bores deep into the sea floor. — 00:00:58
  • ★★ Hank says the sarcastic fringehead is probably a similar case: though its mouth displays look sarcastic, the name seems to come from the original meaning of sarcastic, ripping or tearing, often of flesh. (hedged) — 00:00:58
  • ★ Hank thinks sarcasm used to be meaner than we now take it to be. (hedged) — 00:01:27
  • ★★ Hank calls the miserable unloved money spider probably the meanest name he found, but leaves it out of his top five because he doubts anyone actually calls it that. (hedged) — 00:01:27
  • ★★ Hank says Canada seems to translate Latin names into English for its database of common names, which makes that the spider's official common name. (hedged) — 00:01:27 · Canada
  • ★★ Hank says the useless goby is named after Useless Inlet, where it was discovered, so the name is mean to the inlet, not the fish. — 00:01:56
  • ★★ Hank says the depressed river mussel is named for the shape of its shell, not its disposition. — 00:01:56
  • ★★ Hank says a 'grilled idiot fish' label is no mistranslation: idiot fish are named because fishermen thought they looked dumb; the official name, shortspine thornyhead, is also a little mean. — 00:02:26
  • ★★ Hank says the moth called the Uncertain, the exasperating platynota, the confused moth and the confused flour beetle are named for scientists' difficulty telling them from similar species. — 00:03:15

00:03:36 — Last three days of Pizzamas: break-even for Partners In Health, secret discounts, the lounge set

  • ★★★ Hank reminds viewers that only three days of Pizzamas are left to get something from this year's (2026) Pizzamas offerings. — 00:03:36 · Pizzamas
  • ★★★ Hank announces that Pizzamas has officially broken even, so every further purchase adds to what goes to Partners In Health. — 00:03:36 · Pizzamas, Partners In Health
  • ★★ Hank reveals secret Pizzamas discounts live all along: tiered discounts on multiple artist shirts, half off the sticker sheet, and bundle discounts on the digital TTRPG and the lounge set. — 00:03:36 · Pizzamas
  • ★ Hank won't show the Pizzamas jean jacket because it is almost sold out and no more can be made. — 00:03:36 · Pizzamas
  • ★★ Hank praises the Pizzamas lounge set, perhaps his top pick this year (2026): hood liner, pizza-embossed aglets, off-white colour, stitched text, very soft and intentional, 'actually fashion'. — 00:04:35 · Pizzamas

00:05:04 — Top five meanest names: bone-eating snot-flower worm, insignificant harp ground beetle, stinkpot, ugly worm lizard, sloth

  • ★★ Hank says his top five are not mistranslations, misunderstandings or uncommon names but the animals' actual names. — 00:05:04
  • ★★ Fifth: the bone-eating snot-flower worm, which Hank would rank higher if the name weren't simply accurate. (playful) — 00:05:04
  • ★★ Fourth: the insignificant harp ground beetle from Montana; Hank cannot figure out why this one was deemed not to matter and calls it messed up. (playful) — 00:05:04 · Montana
  • ★★ Third: the stinkpot, the musk turtle, which makes a terrible smell when stressed but smells fine if left alone. — 00:05:42
  • ★★ Second: the ugly worm lizard, its only common name, apparently for being the ugliest worm lizard; Hank says it looks like every other one and calls singling it out messed up. (playful) — 00:05:42
  • ★★ Hank says there are over 200 species of worm lizard. — 00:06:20
  • ★★★ First: sloths, the only entry whose whole group is named with one mean word, after one of the seven deadly sins. — 00:06:20
  • ★★ Hank says sloths are not slothful: they do their duty to their species and play integral roles in their ecosystems; they are just slow moving. — 00:07:04

00:07:29 — The 2005 Osedax paper title, the Etyfish Project, Pizzamas reminder and sign-off

  • ★ Hank says the paper identifying the bone-eating snot-flower worm was published in 2005 under the title 'Worldwide Whale Worms? A New Species of Osedax from the Shallow North Atlantic'. — 00:07:35
  • ★★ Hank recommends the Etyfish Project, Christopher Scharpf's fish-name etymology database with more than 40,000 etymologies and a weekly name-of-the-week blog running since 2013. — 00:07:35
  • ★★ Hank says it is great to know people are still doing cool, weird things on the World Wide Web. — 00:08:04

Humor (significant)

  • The boring clam bores into the sea floor, so it is not dull — 00:00:58

    “so they're not boring They're boring”

  • The shortspine thornyhead's official name is merely descriptive — 00:02:26

    “I would not want to be called that even if I did have a thorny head and short spine.”

  • Moths named 'confused' because scientists cannot tell them apart from similar species — 00:03:36

    “You are confused.”

  • The bone-eating snot-flower worm's name is just accurate, and it is a worm — 00:05:04

    “So probably it's like, yeah, thanks for naming me after a flower.”

  • Hank protests singling out one worm lizard among 200 equally ugly species — 00:06:20

    “There's no gorgeous worm lizards. That's messed up! You didn't have to do that!”

  • Hank shows a sloth to argue its name is unfair — 00:07:04

    “I dare you to be mean to his face and see how you feel about yourself afterward.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: common name · sloth (concept)

Also: People: Mikey T

Projects: Pizzamas

Works: The ETYFish Project · There Is No Antimemetics Division · World-wide whale worms? A new species of Osedax from the shallow north Atlantic

Organizations: Monterey Bay Aquarium · Partners In Health

Concepts: boring clam · confused flour beetle · confused moth · depressed river mussel · eastern musk turtle · exasperating platynota · insignificant harp ground beetle · miserable unloved money spider · Osedax mucofloris · sarcasm · sarcastic fringehead · seven deadly sins · shortspine thornyhead · The Uncertain · ugly worm lizard · useless goby · World Wide Web

Places: Canada · Montana · Useless Inlet

Only in the description or credits: Christopher Scharpf

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