August 3: The Retail Dance

2007-08-03 · letter vlog · Hank · 3:54 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Everyday life (also: Nerdfighteria) · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: punishment or challenge, community lore

Hank tells of three times in a week when he got something at a store without the usual exchange (free sand, store credit, a free cheeseburger) and says it felt like breaking the rules of the 'retail store dance'; he then sets John a preliminary punishment for his textual communication and raises the WorldSuck meter to orange.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting, possible hangover; three retail oddities in a week: a free ripped bag of sand, store credit at the Book Exchange, a free cheeseburger instead of a corn dog

• ★ Hank says it is possible he has a hangover. (playful, hedged) — 00:00:10
• ★★★ Three times in the last week something odd happened to Hank at a store; first, buying sand, he was told a ripped bag was his to take for free. — 00:00:10
• ★★ At the Book Exchange, a bookstore that trades books for credit ('like a library, except you get to keep the books'), Hank took out his wallet though he paid with credit. (playful) — 00:00:34
• ★★ With only 70 cents and no two-for-a-dollar corn dogs left, Hank was given a cheeseburger for free by the convenience store clerk. (playful) — 00:01:03

00:01:57 — All three felt like breaking a rule: the retail store dance, performed

• ★★★ Hank says all three times felt weird, like breaking a rule of the 'retail store dance' surrounding the exchange of goods. (playful) — 00:01:57

  “The retail store dance”

00:02:27 — What to say for a free cheeseburger; John's textual communication: preliminary punishment (call an ex-girlfriend), Nerdfighters asked to suggest what he must mention; well done on last night's video

• ★★ Hank says 'thank you' is what you say to someone you paid; for a free cheeseburger you would need something like 'I will never forget you', which he didn't want to say. (playful) — 00:02:27
• ★★★ Hank says Nerdfighters discovered John textually communicated with him ten days after the project started, so John must be punished. — 00:02:27 · Nerdfighteria, No textual communication, Punishment, Brotherhood 2.0
• ★★★ Hank adopts a viewer's suggestion: John must call an ex-girlfriend and talk for at least one minute, mentioning certain things. (playful) — 00:02:59 · Punishment
• ★★ Hank asks Nerdfighters to suggest the things John must mention during the call. — 00:02:59 · Nerdfighteria
• ★ Hank congratulates John on getting his video up last night, having heard John might not make it. — 00:02:59

00:03:28 — WorldSuck meter raised to suck-level orange (Minneapolis disaster, John's offence, a secret sister kicked out of her house); sign-off and nipple-hair bid

• ★★ Hank says the WorldSuck meter is raised to suck-level orange because of the Minneapolis disaster, John's punishable offence and a secret sister being kicked out of her house. (playful) — 00:03:28 · world suck, secret sibling
• ★ Having so recently dodged that bullet himself, Hank feels bad for the secret sister who lost her home and wishes her luck. — 00:03:28 · secret sibling

Humor (significant)

• The clerk offers Hank the cheeseburger he can't afford. — 00:01:31

  “I can has cheeseburger?”

• Hank performs the ritual sounds and moves of buying something. — 00:01:57

  “Ding, ding, ding, pass, pass, take, take, pass, take, take, shunk”

• Hank imagines the clerk's reaction if he thanked her too warmly for the free cheeseburger. — 00:02:27

  “Oh, I shouldn't have given that guy a free cheeseburger. Now he wants to do me.”

• After signing off, Hank bids in John's college game of 'I Will'. — 00:03:28

  “I will tweeze one nipple hair for $25.”

Threads in this video

• told · Hank gets things at stores without the usual payment three times in a week (2007) — Hank tells of three times in a week he got something at a store without the normal exchange: free ripped sand, store credit, a free cheeseburger. (00:00:10)
• first use · Hank's 'retail store dance' (2007) — Hank names and performs 'the retail store dance', the ritual sounds and moves of paying at a store, which his three free exchanges skipped. (00:01:57)
• set · John: eat a blenderized Happy Meal, wax a leg and lick a cat, for a textual communication (2007) — Hank sets John a preliminary punishment from a viewer's suggestion: call an ex-girlfriend and talk for at least a minute, mentioning things Nerdfighters will suggest. (00:02:59)
• asked · Hank asks Nerdfighters what John must mention in his ex-girlfriend punishment call (2007) — Hank asks Nerdfighters to suggest the things John must mention during his call to an ex-girlfriend. (00:02:59)
• milestone · Foundation to Decrease World Suck: the Brotherhood 2.0 fund (2007) — Hank raises the WorldSuck meter to suck-level orange over the Minneapolis disaster, John's offence and a secret sister losing her home. (00:03:28)
• callback · The brothers' 'secret siblings' (2007) — Hank mentions a 'secret sister' who was kicked out of her house. (00:03:28)
• retold · Hank's rented house goes up for sale (2007) — Hank says he so recently dodged the bullet of losing his home that he feels for someone kicked out of hers. (00:03:28)

Where the stories that moved here went next

• John: eat a blenderized Happy Meal, wax a leg and lick a cat, for a textual communication (2007) — performed
• Foundation to Decrease World Suck: the Brotherhood 2.0 fund (2007) — last documented in 2018 (looked back on in 2019)

Mentioned

Central: No textual communication · Punishment

Also: Book Exchange · Brotherhood 2.0 · I-35W Mississippi River bridge collapse · Lolcat · Minneapolis · secret sibling · world suck

Replies to

• answers · August 2nd: Airports and Box Fans — “Well done getting your video up last night.”

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