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On Sexual Orientation, with Hannah, Ze, Tyler, and Meg

2013-04-19 · collab / interview · Hank, Hannah, Ze, Tyler, Meg · 3:54 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Everyday life · mode: Q&A & conversation · tags: guest or collab

Four guests (Hannah, Ze, Tyler and Meg, per the title) describe how they came to understand their sexual orientation, what it does and does not define, and the stigma they met, and tell struggling viewers it is getting better and they are not alone; Hank's description frames the video with his own childhood fear of being gay.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Opening with no speech in either transcript (intro/title)

00:00:16 — How the guests realised their orientation: a long process, the internet and a Disney movie, practice kissing, crushes at 11 and 12, meeting one girl, boyfriends without love

  • ★★ a guest: A guest says coming to understand one's orientation is a long process involving one's whole life, not a one-day realisation. — 00:00:16
  • ★★ a guest: A guest says they knew they were "for sure gay" from things they found on the internet; actually, a Disney movie. — 00:00:22
  • ★★ a guest: A guest recalls practising kissing with girl friends, who said it was practice for the boys, and being super into it. — 00:00:31
  • ★★ a guest: A guest says it was clear their sexual energy had one main driver: women. — 00:00:42
  • ★ a guest: A voice says women's bodies are great but there is no drive within them to explore them sexually. — 00:00:49
  • ★★ a guest: A guest says their coming-out story is simply meeting one girl. — 00:00:57
  • ★★ a guest: A guest remembers, at eleven and twelve, liking boys like their friends but also having crushes on girls. — 00:01:02
  • ★★ a guest: A guest has had boyfriends but never fallen in love with men; with girlfriends they are "like a puppy". — 00:01:11
  • ★★ a guest: A guest says that through high school they said they would never seriously date or marry a woman, but with age they have deeper connections with women. (hedged) — 00:01:21

00:01:41 — What being gay is about: love versus sex; orientation separate from personal identity; Lisa Frank stickers and an uncle who saw a threat

  • ★★★ a guest: A guest says being gay is about being in love, not about sex. — 00:01:41
  • ★★ a guest: A voice is not sure they agree, but could see themselves falling in love with a man more easily than having sex with one. (hedged) — 00:01:45
  • ★★ a guest: A guest says they have never felt an intense emotional love for a girl, nor longed for it, nor met a girl they could have it with. — 00:02:02

  • ★★★ a guest: A guest says being gay and their personal identity are totally different things: heels or combat boots, jazz, loving the internet have nothing to do with being gay. — 00:02:11

    “being gay and my personal identity are totally different things.”

  • ★★ a guest: A guest loved collecting Lisa Frank stickers and rainbows; an uncle saw this as a threat, but it never interfered with their inner reckoning about their sexuality. (hedged) — 00:02:25

00:02:49 — Not wanting to be gay; people saying bisexuality is not real

  • ★★ a guest: A guest definitely did not want to be gay, and part of them still does not, because it makes life a bit harder. — 00:02:49
  • ★★★ a guest: A guest says their hardest obstacle is people saying bisexuality is not real, that you must choose or are doing it for attention; it is not true, you can like both. (hedged) — 00:02:53

00:03:03 — Advice to viewers struggling with their sexuality: be comfortable with it, it is getting better, the Trevor Project, stories on YouTube, you are not alone

  • ★★★ a guest: A guest advises those struggling with their sexuality to be comfortable being the only person comfortable with it; others' acceptance will come. (hedged) — 00:03:03
  • ★★★ a guest: A guest says it is getting better, many people will be there for you, and there are resources such as the Trevor Project and people on YouTube telling their stories; you are not alone. — 00:03:13 · YouTube

In the description and comments

  • ★★★ Hank writes that growing up, the cultural stigma around homosexuality (not at home) was so severe that he feared he was gay over tiny signs like enjoying Village People music. — video description
  • ★★ Hank writes that the confusion terrified him because it was not talked about culturally, though his parents were super-supportive; because it was hard for him, he assumes it is hard for many others. (hedged) — video description
  • ★★ Hank writes that he wanted a frank, adult video about sexual orientation, but since he is pretty much totally straight he asked friends to share their experiences, and thanks Hannah Hart, Tyler Oakley, Ze Frank and Meg Turney of SourceFed for sticking their necks out. — video description
  • ★★ Hank points viewers to Hannah Hart's whole video series on coming out and sexual orientation. — video description
  • ★★ Hank lists crisis hotline numbers by country, from the U.K., Australia and Canada to dozens more. — video description

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: bisexuality · sexual orientation

Also: Lisa Frank · The Trevor Project · The Walt Disney Company · YouTube

Taking part: Hannah (guest, mentioned from 2013) · Meg (guest, mentioned from 2013) · Tyler · Ze

Only in the description or credits: coming out · Hannah Hart · homophobia · Meg Turney · SourceFed · Tyler Oakley · Village People · Ze Frank

Also centred on sexual orientation: Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More · Is Lady Gaga a Man? · Is My Boyfriend Gay? Is He Cheating? · Coming Out and Sperm Spikes · Human Sexuality is Complicated…

Later videos replying to this one

  • 2013-04-23 · DOCTOR GREEN (John) — answers — “Your video on Friday was really inspirational” (00:00:01)