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John Reviews Kids Movies

2015-04-07 · review / recommendation · John · 4:00 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Pop culture (also: Science & nature) · mode: Advice & reviews

John reviews four of his son's favourite children's movies from an adult's perspective and finds them interesting: corporate self-satire, human-Neanderthal romance, middle-aged love and the Anthropocene seen from a non-human view.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting; John watches the same children's movies over and over and reviews a few from an adult's perspective

  • ★★ John says he watches a lot of children's movies, the same ones over and over, and reviews a few from an adult's perspective. — 00:00:00

00:00:10 — The Lego Movie: an anti-big-business story made by big business and a commercial for Lego; very meta, but a fantastic theme song, so forgiven

  • ★★★ John says The Lego Movie is a story about overcoming the creativity-stifling power of big business, itself made by a big business and a movie-length commercial for another. — 00:00:10 · capitalism
  • ★★ John notes Emmet's team saves the world by building without instructions, though Legos are now all about instructions, and the Lego store sells instruction kits for the film's improvised builds. — 00:00:29
  • ★★ John says one could argue corporate America critiques itself only to look good and sell more, but the film has a fantastic theme song and is enjoyable, so he forgives it everything. (playful) — 00:00:49 · capitalism

00:01:01 — The Croods: Neanderthals learn innovation from a human; Neanderthal-human romance; most of us have Neanderthal DNA

  • ★★ John describes The Croods as Neanderthal cavemen learning innovation, risk-taking and cooking from a human, with a romance between a Neanderthal girl and a human boy. — 00:01:01
  • ★ John jokes that interspecies romance is disturbingly common in children's movies but rarely involves humans, and he is not used to them endorsing it. (playful) — 00:01:15
  • ★★ John says most people have some Neanderthal DNA, so humans and Neanderthals really did mate about 60,000 years ago; it is a historical reality. (playful) — 00:01:22

00:01:36 — Despicable Me 2: adult problems and romantic love; Henry wants to marry Mommy

  • ★★ John says Despicable Me 2, another favorite of his son's, is almost entirely about adult problems like fatherhood and middle-aged dating, and above all romantic love, which small kids don't get. — 00:01:36 · Henry Green
  • ★ John says his son loved Despicable Me 2 and afterwards said he wanted to marry Mommy, which John told him was illegal. (playful) — 00:02:04 · Henry Green, Sarah Urist Green

00:02:16 — Penguins of Madagascar: Werner Herzog voiceover; the penguins, Fort Knox and Cheezy Dibbles; Dave the octopus, resentful at not being cute, makes penguins ugly

  • ★★ John says Penguins of Madagascar won his heart immediately by opening with voiceover from the great documentarian Werner Herzog. — 00:02:16
  • ★★ John summarizes the plot: the penguins break into Fort Knox for Cheezy Dibbles, and Dave, an octopus mistreated by humans for not being cute, makes a serum to turn penguins ugly so humans stop protecting them. — 00:02:24

00:02:51 — The Anthropocene: humans reshape the planet and choose which animals to protect; Dave is right that we favour the cute; the film as the Anthropocene from a non-human view

  • ★★★ John says that for at least the last 60 years we have lived in a new geological period, the Anthropocene, in which humans radically reshape the planet's atmosphere, sea levels and biodiversity. — 00:02:51
  • ★★★ John says humans also choose which animals to value and protect, and Dave is right that we are very biased toward cute organisms. — 00:03:00
  • ★★ John says it seems to him Penguins of Madagascar is really about the Anthropocene seen from a non-human perspective, which he finds totally fascinating. (hedged) — 00:03:15

00:03:23 — But casting Dave as villain celebrates the cute rather than critiquing it; still a thumbs up

  • ★★ John regrets that casting Dave as the villain makes the film a celebration of the cute rather than a critique of our aesthetics of cute, but gives it a thumbs up. — 00:03:23

00:03:41 — Summary of what Hank is missing; the kids are alright; sign-off

  • ★★ John sums up: kids' movies offer human-Neanderthal romance, business mocking business, adult meditations on middle-aged love and a glimpse of the Anthropocene; the kids are alright. (playful) — 00:03:41

Humor (significant)

  • The Lego Movie attacks big business while being made by one. — 00:00:20

    “Not only that, but it's essentially a movie-length commercial for a different big business.”

  • John notes interspecies romance is disturbingly common in children's movies. — 00:01:15

    “it rarely involves, like - you know - humans.”

  • Most of us carry Neanderthal DNA, John explains. — 00:01:22

    “so there really was human-on-Neanderthal action like, 60 thousand years ago.”

  • His son says he wants to marry Mommy after Despicable Me 2; John lays down the law, recalling The Croods. — 00:02:10

    “Maybe you can date a Neanderthal, but you are not marrying Mommy, because that would be both bigamy and incest.”

Threads in this video

Mentioned

Central: Anthropocene · cuteness · Dave (character, “Penguins of Madagascar”) · Despicable Me 2 · Penguins of Madagascar · The Croods · The Lego Movie

Also: People: Henry Green · Sarah Urist Green

Concepts: capitalism · interbreeding between archaic and modern humans · Neanderthal · romantic love

Places: Fort Knox

Characters: Cheezy Dibbles · Emmet Brickowski

Products: Lego

Only in the description or credits: Werner Herzog

Also centred on Anthropocene: The Introducer, My Childhood Dream Job · The Anthropocene Reviewed, Animated · Nourished by Leaving · I Had a Hallucination This Week

Also centred on cuteness: How To Be a Baby Properly

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