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Hank Reviews Everything

2017-11-02 · review / recommendation · Hank, John · 3:08 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Everyday life · mode: Comedy & performance · tags: self promotion, community lore

Borrowing John's idea of reviewing ideas of things, The Anthropocene Reviewed, Hank gives star ratings to Springfield, Oregon from the air, orange traffic cones, a half-drunk Fiji water, socks, the first 2017 Awesome Socks Club sock and a 1970s thermostat.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Greeting; borrowing John's Anthropocene Reviewed idea

00:00:17 — Reviews: Springfield, Oregon from the air, orange traffic cones, a half-drunk Fiji water

  • ★★ Hank gives Springfield, Oregon, seen from an airplane, three stars: no apparent intentionality, too many rivers clashing with a highway intersection, and hard to tell from Eugene. (playful) — 00:00:21
  • ★★★ Hank gives orange traffic cones five stars: built for durability, visibility, stability, stackability and low cost, they have converged on their best possible form. (playful) — 00:00:43
  • ★★ Hank says orange traffic cones can survive vehicle impacts above 65 miles per hour and still be usable, yet cost less than a gin and tonic in Manhattan. — 00:00:59
  • ★★ Hank gives a half-drunk Fiji water two stars: nobody wants to finish it, though the bottle design uses refraction well, and he feels guilty it was shipped from Fiji and probably won't be drunk. (playful, hedged) — 00:01:36

00:01:43 — Review of socks

  • ★★★ Hank gives socks five stars: designed for absorbency, warmth and less friction, the sock is one of humanity's most valuable creations, and taking one off is a five-star feeling too. — 00:01:43

00:02:05 — The first 2017 Awesome Socks Club sock; November-only sign-up

  • ★★★ Hank gives five stars to the first sock of the 2017 DFTBA Awesome Socks Club subscription, designed by Rachel Calderon Navarro: cushy, durable and warm. — 00:02:05 · Awesome Socks Club
  • ★★★ Sock club places are limited: members get a new pair of DFTBA socks every month, but can sign up only during November. — 00:02:24 · Awesome Socks Club

00:02:31 — Review of a 1970s thermostat, which Hank straightens; sign-off

  • ★★ Hank gives a 1970s thermostat 3.5 stars for its handcrafted design shaped by the injection molding of its time, then straightens it and raises the rating to 4.5. (playful) — 00:02:31

In the description and comments

  • ★★ The description says the Awesome Socks Club sends a new pair of socks every month for a year, at $12 a pair with free worldwide shipping. — video description · Awesome Socks Club

Humor (dominant)

  • After a scathing three-star review of Springfield, Oregon seen from a plane. — 00:00:38

    “I'm sure it's lovely close up, though.”

  • Praising the durability of orange traffic cones. — 00:00:59

    “and yet, they cost less than a gin and tonic in Manhattan.”

  • On why no one finishes a half-drunk bottle of Fiji water. — 00:01:21

    “Any one of us would no doubt take it down if there were no other options, but there are other options.”

  • Hank straightens the crooked thermostat, then fixes something else. — 00:02:55

    “That's better. 4.5 stars.”

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

Central: Sock · Traffic cone

Also: Awesome Socks Club · Eugene · Fiji · Fiji Water · Manhattan · Springfield, Oregon · The Anthropocene Reviewed (podcast) · Thermostat

Only in the description or credits: Rachel

Also centred on Sock: We Have Invented Something Marvelous

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